Dating an Atheist

[EasterJoy]

I would submit that you cannot know what is right for another person. She has free will, and is able to make her own choices. She is clearly aware of the issues.

RealJuliane did not collar her on the subway to offer an opinon. It was solicited. The OP is not asking for anyone to make her decision for her, but to help her form her conscience correctly. There is a world of difference between that and taking the “they know what is best for them” stance that minding your own business when no one asked you sometimes requires.

 

[jen_fla]

I only saw a few of the comments but will toss this out.

1. A person should be perfectly happy to marry if for some reason theres no sex at all, what if a week after the ceremony something awful happened? The sex would have nothing to do with it to me, thats for sure. How could it, I don’t understand all these ideas.
2. When you get married the spouse and the children belong to themselves and the relation is in their care and trust…nobody belongs to anyone unless it is freely offered, not taken…it is a giving property not an assuming , thats the beauty of it.

**3) An embrace should have the power of cracking your brains apart. **

1. Sex is the expression of whats going on mentally, there needs to be a reason for, not a reason IN.the horsing around.
2. Don’t worry about stuff so much.
3. If someone is not following these very normal ideas…dump them right away.

7)Being in the presence of the opposite sex where there is a potential for becoming one shouldn’t be focused on self requirement…the whole idea is in loosing yourself into the new comprehension of this interesting togetherness.

1. If you feel like theres a problem and someone is not reciprocating, your probably right and time to give someone else a chance, that someone could be waiting…
2. There is fear in everything we do because we are human with ego’s which is important. If you do not respect your ego properly and use it, try to enhance it, or suggest to self a worthiness by changing someone over time? All you changed is yourself in lower esteem, not letting someone grow at their own rate, which may belong to someone else. No ones in error, we all draw out different things in others. A non-match does not mean someone is no good.
3. Never try to make it work, just express how you feel honestly. That way…guess what?
   Your not left with someone who you may not of wanted in the first place “but” got entangled with your ego trying to change someone. In short whats called a competitive relationship…There are many relationships which are competitive in many many ways. They are all disasters. Never, never, compete for idea’s , anything…Find someone who translates life similar in the key fundamentals…for example…if one believes…hey abortion is ok and the other does not…forget it…Contrasting moral viewpoint is the doorway to competing…

please explain what you mean for bolded part. thanks.

 

[faithfully]

But the worse part of this problem is what he said. He said that in a relationship, he believes in The Triangular Theory of Love, which states that a solid romantic relationship must have intimacy, passion, and commitment. He believes that passion includes having sex. I told him that I understand his belief in this, but I don’t understand why he needs this to be fulfilled before marriage. He said that before marriage, he wanted to be sure that the marriage would work (he would be able to tell through this solid triangle).

Nevermind the atheist part. This man doesn’t deserve the time of day from any woman.

Is it safe to assume he has shown you his level of commitment with a ring on your finger?

 

[jen_fla]

Hello!

I came across this website while looking for help regarding interfaith dating.

I am a Catholic who has been brought up in a strict Catholic family. I would consider myself very devout also, due to the fact that I have attended Catholic schools all my life and go to Church every Sunday. But I just started college this year and fell in love with an atheist man. At first, it was supposed to be a casual dating situation, but it turned into something much more; I’m in love!

As I’ve mentioned, he’s an atheist, so we RARELY agree on religious issues. He COMPLETELY respects my religious views, and has never insulted me on my faith (except for when he’s just teasing me - we like to tease each other on our faith differences). Also, I like discussing with him the difference of our beliefs because it has made me more confident about myself and my background. So these things aren’t really a problem.

I have a two-part problem:

We had pre-marital sexual relations (which I know is a sin). As an atheist, he has no problem with pre-marital sex, and as things got more serious, I suddenly found myself not a virgin anymore. I don’t regret that I had sex with him because I do love him, but I do feel bad that I have sinned (that I regret). I feel confused, especially since he always asks how sex could be a sin if we both love each other and aren’t hurting anyone. What’s worse is that though I know that it’s a sin, I still feel tempted to do it again. I want to do it again, but I don’t want to sin. This has caused many sleepless nights and worry.

But the worse part of this problem is what he said. He said that in a relationship, he believes in The Triangular Theory of Love, which states that a solid romantic relationship must have intimacy, passion, and commitment. He believes that passion includes having sex. I told him that I understand his belief in this, but I don’t understand why he needs this to be fulfilled before marriage. He said that before marriage, he wanted to be sure that the marriage would work (he would be able to tell through this solid triangle). And when I told him that I might not be able to have sex with him again, I asked if he would stay with me. He said that he could guarantee a whole year, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to stay with me after that. He said that he wasn’t sure if he could go out with me any longer without fulfilling that third point in the triangle. But he said that he’ll try because he loves me. I appreciate and love that he’s being completely honest with me, but I felt discouraged at that.

I love this man so much, and I really don’t want our relationship to end. I’ve been up at nights and crying because I worry over it. Every time I talk to him, he is able to comfort me, but he said that he’s getting frustrated because it seems that I want sex, but I quickly change my mind. These two opposing wants (the want of sex, the want of not sinning) are killing me! I don’t know what to do. And I don’t want to stop dating him!

I would appreciate anyone’s advice because I am at a loss. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared. Please, if you can’t give advice, pray for me, because I need it!

Thank you, and sorry for the long post!

~ datinganatheist

i truly feel for what you are going through. please take to heart that true love shouldn’t leave you feeling so conflicted. your college years (and beyond) are going to be rough, because in today’s world it does seem as though everyone is having sex. even if this person seems respectful, you are going to encounter atheists that will openly mock your beliefs. in my personal experiences most agnostics tend to be respectful, but the majority of atheists are not. they might not say it to you face, but they believe you are delusional/brain-washed/can’t think critically and that your belief in God is no different than believing in a purple unicorn or flying spaghetti monster. they see all religion as pretty much the same in that they are man-made and exist solely to control.

have you ever read, Mere Christianity, by cs lewis? i think you’ll find it helpful to your life in general. maybe you can pass on to your boyfriend, because eventually you are going to progress beyond playful teasing to the point where you will feel the need to explain that you are not delusional or lacking in intelligence.

in the long run, we hope to end up with a best friend that shares our values. sex releases powerful chemicals that can make you feel in love or strongly bonded to someone… even people that aren’t right for you. God doesn’t ask that you wait for marriage just to torture us, there is a logic behind it that is beneficial. it is difficult, so keep praying for help and guidance.

i wish you all the best!

peace,
jen

 

[datinganatheist]

Hello Everyone!

First of all, I would like to thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut, opinions, prayers, and support! I’m happy to know that there are either people in a similar situation or people who have a similar background. I appreciate EVERY post, and I have read through all of them.

Second, I’d like to mention that though I said that I’m devout because I went to Catholic schools and go to church every Sunday, I know this does not make me a “truly devout” Catholic. What I believe makes me a truly devout Catholic is that I believe Jesus is the Savior and that God has an overwhelming presence and influence in my life. So I just wanted to mention that to clarify what I meant. Also, I believe I should give a bit more background on myself: I went to a Catholic elementary school (from Kindergarten to 8th grade) and attended an all-girls high school (which I LOVED. The only set back I had with going to an all-girls high school is the fact that I feel I lost the opportunity to socialize with boys, leaving me to be almost afraid of them the first month of college).

Thirdly, I see that some users asked for both my age and my boyfriend’s age. He and I are 19 year-old Freshmen (now sophomores). I had used the word “man” so that everyone would take me seriously and know that I am sincerely asking for their advice. Sorry if I confused anyone!

Fourth, I want to mention that it seems like there is a lot of negativity and hostility towards atheists on this thread, which saddens me. I don’t mean to preach, but as God’s children, I believe we are all equal in His eyes, even if all of us may not accept that he exists or that Christ is our Savior. I look at it like, “Okay, you have your opinion, and I have mine.” I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Which, is part of the reason as to why I am humbly asking for advice on this thread. Honestly, I wish there was an “Atheist Answers” forum so that I could get other people’s opinions (though I did notice some atheists did reply to this thread, and to them I say thank you for stating your view on this issue!). With all of this being said, I wanted to mention that the stereotypes that many people have of atheists aren’t correct, as are the stereotypes of many Catholics. Likewise, my boyfriend is not “God-hating,” “Catholic-hating,” or “condescending” as the opinion of atheists seem to come across in these posts. I’m not blaming anyone, but I just wanted to state what I felt after I read the replies (once again, everyone is entitled to their own opinion!).

Fifth, I don’t believe I was pressured into having sex. First of all, whenever I said no, he would immediately back off. Also, whenever he talked to me about the sex issue, I was the person who brought it up and asked him. I have talked to a counselor at my school and she made an interesting point, similar to the one a user said. She said that it was his right to state what he wanted in a relationship (which is sex) and it is my right to decide whether or not I want to take the risk of being in a relationship with him. I see her point, but I just got nervous because in high school all the girls were taught, “If he wants sex before marriage, and you disagree and he still wants it, dump him.”

Fifth, I forgot to mention that he did say once that he might be able to wait until marriage to have sex again (if I marry him), but he was unsure of that, too.

Sixth, a little background on him: He was raised a Baptist (not very devout because he only went to Christmas and Easter masses until he was 15), and became an atheist about 2 - 3 years ago.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that he had only one girlfriend before me and he was also a virgin before me. I HIGHLY doubt he is having sex with anyone else behind my back because it is DEFINITELY NOT in his character to do so.

If there are anymore questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Once again, thanks for the comments!

~ datinganatheist

 

[1ke]

Whether or not he is a nice person is irrelevant really. My grandmother is an atheist, she’s a nice person and I love her. I have friends who are atheists. My boss is an atheist. We get along fine.

But my goal is not to form a Catholic family with my friends or my boss. They are all nice people I can have lunch with, I can witness to by my actions and my opinions when asked. BUT, I would not date or marry any person and bring them into the most intimate place in my life-- my home, my family-- knowing they do not believe in God. I could not raise children with a clear conscience in a household that had an atheist father. God entrusts those little souls to you, it is your job to make sure they have THE BEST Catholic upbringing possible. It is my opinion that cannot be done BEST in a divided household.

Moreover, to be in a marriage with a person with whom you do not share the core of yourself or core beliefs is both very sad and very dificult. It is, overall, a REALLY bad idea.

It is not just about sex, although he already has you questioning Catholic teaching on this matter and likely contraception as well. This is a bad influence. So what if he waits to have sexual relations again until you are married? that STILL does not mean you are compatible for marriage and the raising up of children for the Lord.

Really, you need to take the blinders off and think long and hard about who you are and what it means to be Catholic. It is not just something you do, it is who you are. How can you be one flesh with a nonbeliever in marriage?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am sorry that you feel you have to defend this young man, but I understand that because we have had critical responses, and you are in love with him, you come to his defense. I’m glad you came back to respond, I was afraid that you wouldn’t.

1ke got it right. Going forward, you will not be able to share your faith with this young man. Oh, sure, you said he respects your faith and you “tease” each other about your beliefs. What about when you are going through a difficult time and need prayer from others? He cannot do that for you or with you. What about if you experience a sudden unexpected blessing in your life, like a minor miracle almost? You tell him about it and he rolls his eyes and says you are being ridiculous, it was only a coincidence. A few of these types of incidents, and you close off that part of your life to him. If you spend more time with him, over time, your faith life will likely suffer. You will gradually stop doing things that you can’t share with him, because it’s painful to have such a large part of yourself that you can’t share.

I’ve done this for 20 years. At first, I went forward thinking that my husband was coming along with me, returning to the Church we both grew up in. Gradually I realized he wasn’t, and wasn’t interested in sharing that part of my life. It made him uncomfortable and he would criticize the Church at every chance, especially after Mass. I came to understand that he really didn’t want my faith to be on display in any concrete way, and that he was NOT going to participate in raising our sons as Catholics. He did come to church with us, pray before meals, and allow them to go to Catholic school. So he didn’t interfere in those ways. Many mixed marriages don’t even have those minimum blessings. But no one is helping me pray for our sons. No one prays for ME!

It is difficult enough for a family to just exist in this world we’ve created, let alone for the two people not to be able to work as a team in THE MAIN ASPECT of our lives! “Unequally yoked” is a very good expression that is in the Bible. I cannot tell you how important it is to know that your future spouse is in agreement with you about the ESSENTIALS. In my case, we were in agreement before I got pregnant with our first son. We were both agnostics. I had been seeking God in other religions and studies. He really left God behind in his teens, but we didn’t worry about all that stuff. Then we became unequally yoked, and it’s been a source of deep, deep pain for me ever since. I can’t even share my JOY in knowing Jesus in my daily life with him!!! When I go to adoration and Jesus talks to me and I talk to Jesus, can I share that with my husband? No! My gratitude for our sacraments - sometimes I am so overwhelmed with gratitude at Mass, for the Eucharist, for the priest in persona Christi! Can I share that with my dear husband? No!

The person on earth that you should be able to share all this with is your husband… You may think that if your boyfriend merely respects your faith, that is enough. It is not enough. It is not nearly enough. My husband says that he feels there is a “wall” between us. I think he is sensing all the areas of my life that I just can’t share with him. It’s not that I don’t want to, but that there’s no point in doing it because he cannot and does not want to be a part of my faith life. We don’t see events in our lives in the same way.

I love my husband and I respect him more than anyone else I know. I fear that if he dies suddenly, he won’t go to Heaven or even Purgatory. I pray for him all the time, not for my own purposes, but so that he might go to Heaven in spite of his non-belief. That burden is not a pleasant one either! Fearing that your spouse is going to burn in Hell is yet another difficult thing to bear, and choosing it is not something I would recommend. Someone earlier told the story of the woman who asked God to send her enough pain to get her husband into Heaven. I can relate! I am almost to that point with my husband! I pray that I would have that much courage and grace! I care about my husband’s soul and eternal future, but he cannot care for mine.

I am here on this forum because of the gulf that exists between us. I am being honest about what I have experienced. Think about this very carefully, and consider what you are doing. Your bond with this man is one of husband and wife, because you have already shared the most intense marital bond, that of sexual intercourse. You gave into temptation, you gave your gift to a man who cannot cherish your soul in the same way that Christ loves the Church. You know that this was not wise, but it can be fixed. You need support to do what is right. It’s not about him and who he is. He could be the nicest person in the world. My husband is a GOOD MAN. He’s ethical, he’s moral, he’s honest to a fault. But he CANNOT help me get to heaven, nor can he help our sons be the best Catholics and God-loving men they can be. No matter how good he is, that key part of our lives is missing.

 

[1ke]

So here are my other 2 cents:

Your boyfriend is an atheist and you say he is a good person, a nice person. I believe you, he likely is.

But atheism is not good. It is a cancer of the soul. It is poison and it is dangerous.

If one is Catholic, one must look at atheism for what it is: a complete denial of objective reality. It is wrong about everything-- God, the universe, who we are, what we are made for, and our eternal destiny. It is a system of belief completely incompatible with those who believe in God and Christ our Savior. It is the very definition of insanity (and atheists, please do not reply with a comparitive analysis of Catholicism from the atheist’s POV, I get that…)

So, you really want to let that cancer of atheist belief into your home, your children, your most intimate relationship?

There are a number of women on this forum with non-believing husbands. A lot of them were either non-believers (or just non-practicing Catholics) themselves when they married and then converted/reverted but their spouse did not. Or in other cases they were both practicing Catholics or Christians and their husbands lost their faith or became unbelievers or simply non-practicing. These women have a difficult task-- to be the light of Christ for their unbelieving spouse, to raise their children in the faith, to witness to their entire family. They honor and uphold their marriage vows, they struggle mightily in many cases but God gives them strength and grace. It is not easy and there are many posts on here about struggles, trouble, and even divorce.

But you, you are choosing to bring this into you life. Scripture warns against it several times-- do not be unequally yoked to unbelievers. I hope you will really think about the serious nature of what you are choosing to do. As the saying goes, fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

 

[GEddie]

I should have mentioned this before, and you won’t thank me, but…

S. Paul tells us not to become “yoked” (in marriage) with nonbelievers, because light cannot fellowship with darkness.

So unless he converts, whatever else happens in the relationship, you will one day be faced with either a painful good bye or going against the Word of God.

You are in my prayers. God Bless. ICXC NIKA

 

[TheAtheist]

Thirdly, I see that some users asked for both my age and my boyfriend’s age. He and I are 19 year-old Freshmen (now sophomores).

19…pff, your waay to young for weighty matters like this.

My advice

1.) Find a counselor - Secular, Religious - whatever it makes no difference - but i mean someone in real life professionally trained to handle issues like these. Your university should have someone on staff in their health center and your local church should be able to direct you to one too.

Heck - DO BOTH.

2.) No one on CAF is going to have a correct interpretation of this guy.

Having read through this whole thread (expecting something more light hearted) - it doesn’t take a genius to see “battle lines” forming on the basis of belief system.

The fact of the matter is - no one here knows the character of the person in question. We get snippets of information from you but that doesn’t really flesh out the person.

So instead people are inserting assumptions based on their views of the situation.

3.) Your Own Views of him are Inherently Biased

By the mere fact that your in love - i have to distrust some of the things you are saying.

You could be accurately reporting aspects of his character - but I can’t be certain. None of us can be.

Sweetie - if you came to CAF asking about what your Church believes about say an Interfaith Marriage or some such - that would be understandable.

But I can’t help but feel you may in a little bit of danger - and the Circus on the Internet is not the best place to go, because your situation simply becomes a talking point in a long long list of examples and talking points.

Get off CAF - talk to your Priest, your Parents, your best friends, the folks out there in Real Life who know you best and know your situation.

Because otherwise your just going to get variations of:

“He’s not Catholic, you deserve better.”

“He’s just stating his needs like any adult has a right to.”

And attempting to derive a situation from First Principles is hardly empirical - nor will it be of any help in your situation.

On a personal note: Frankly - i’m surprised no one here thought it could be both.

ie: He is stating a personal limit AND trying to manipulate the relationship.

But again - 6 or 7 sentences from a lovestruck teenager is hardly unbiased evidence for either.

 

[jjtc]

Many good responses here, so I’ll hopefully just provide some additional areas for you to consider. Throughout the Bible we are told the importance of teaching our children the faith; many times when the Jews fell it was because they failed to follow this important tenet. There are obviously many reasons, but it can be argued that a main reason for the secularization of our societies today is we are falling into the same trap.

My point? Think about your future and especially the future of your children. A study in Switzerland found that

"In short if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers."

trushare.com/83APR02/AP02LOW.htm

The purpose of a true Catholic marriage is to get your spouse and your children to Heaven, stacking the odds against yourself is not wise.

God Bless.

 

[Sing4Him]

datinganatheist, I can understand your confusion and struggles that you are having with this issue. When I was in my mid-20s I dated a man who was a self-described agnostic. At the time I was not attending Mass regularly but still believed in/followed the teachings of the church to the best of my ability. After dating him for a year, I made the decision to give myself to him (I was a virgin). At the time I rationalized this decision (I may never have this opportunity again with a man, I may never find my future spouse, I love him enough to give this precious gift to him, etc.). I later confessed it, and to this day I regret what I did, but I know I am forgiven because I was truly sorry and was granted absolution by the priest.

The reason I bring this up is because the day after my boyfriend and I had sex, we had a discussion about children and I reminded him that I did not accept abortion as an option for me. I said to him, “If we use every type of birth control known to man, and I still get pregnant, then I believe that God meant for me to have that child.” He responded, “Well then we are not going to have sex anymore because I can’t have a child of mine in the world without my consent.” It was like being lifted out of a thick fog. I could have looked at this exchange and said to myself, “He loves me enough to give up sex,” but in truth, what he was saying to me was “We are completely incompatible, we will never see eye-to-eye on this matter, and that’s my final answer.” Looking back on that painful time, I can see how what I thought was “love” was really something else altogether, and that any sex for me had to be within a sacramental marriage. I’m now in my mid-40s, still haven’t found a spouse, but my life isn’t empty. As many other posters have said, you need to decide what is important to you and stick with it. Good luck.

 

[EasterJoy]

…But atheism is not good. It is a cancer of the soul. It is poison and it is dangerous…

It is not only that atheism is a profound form of blindness. For that, we can have compassion, for the Church recognizes that sincere seekers can be invincibly ignorant for reasons we are not given to know.

The danger of atheism is that it can be a contagious form of blindness. If you spend enough time with those who not only do not see but who are convinced there is nothing to see, then before long you can easily convince yourself not that you see and that they are blind, but that they see truly and you have been hallucinating. This is how the gift of faith can be lost, and what a devastating loss that is!

 

[child_of_God85]

Don’t jam all atheists together in one pot. Thats rube and unchristian. I as a catholic actually have quite a few atheist friends. They actually have moral codes! And not one of them believes in using abortion as birth control.

Loving someone is willing the good of them above yourself. How is it loving to accept and promote his lifestyle which involves you both fornicating?

How much do you love your faith? You acknowledge fornication is a sin but you don’t regret it? Have you confessed it? You understand that when you confess a sin you have every intention of re-committing, that that’s a very grave sin in of itself?

And how far have you thought this through? Say you get married, contracepting? I’m guessing you’re doing that now. What if you get pregnant? He’s an atheist. They tend to be pro-abortion, with no moral code that answers to God why bother with caring for that child? Could you go through that? [not saying all atheists are pro-abortion by the vaste majority tend to be].

And if you do have kids? Hows that going to work? Kids ask you if there’s an afterlife, why do we have to go to Mass when daddy doesn’t? They’re going to get one big contradicted life. And as a Catholci you are oblidged to try and raise those babies catholic. Sure, that’s a long way off, but if you truly love this guy, then thats usually where love takes you. If you can’t see yourself marrying him, why are you with him? Why did you shag him?

Sure, my words may not be charitable, but I think you need to hear them.

You say he respects your religious beleifs, but now he’s wanting sex, which is a very serious sin outside of marriage for a Catholic.

You need time out. You probably need to let this relationship go and chalk it up to youthful desires. Get to confession. that’s the most important thing. Resolve to live a pure life.

But I think you need to evaluate just how much your faith means to you, and what it actually means to be Catholic. There are plenty of atheist girls for him to be with sexually, why risk your soul for this?

 

[catharina]

It is not only that atheism is a profound form of blindness. For that, we can have compassion, for the Church recognizes that sincere seekers can be invincibly ignorant for reasons we are not given to know.

The danger of atheism is that it can be a contagious form of blindness. If you spend enough time with those who not only do not see but who are convinced there is nothing to see, then before long you can easily convince yourself not that you see and that they are blind, but that they see truly and you have been hallucinating. This is how the gift of faith can be lost, and what a devastating loss that is!

Wonderful post.

In addition, the young man with whom the OP involves herself
is NOT simply an atheist, he is a fallen-away BAPTIST. As
such he was raised to be a strong and faithful believer. How on
earth can OP justify involving herself with some one who has made
such a drastic break from Christianity before he reached adulthood?

If she wants BIG problems in her life, she should stick with this guy.
If NOT, she should confess, renew her life in Chrsit, and drop the guy!

 

[Estevao]

But I just started college this year … I’m in love!

…

We had pre-marital sexual relations (which I know is a sin).

…

He said that in a relationship, he believes in The Triangular Theory of Love, which states that a solid romantic relationship must have intimacy, passion, and commitment. He believes that passion includes having sex.

…

But he said that he’ll try because he loves me. I appreciate and love that he’s being completely honest with me…

I heard a joke that went like this once. (You’ll excuse me if I don’t take seriously the yearnings of a college freshman girl, even if it has been a good occasion for real definitions of love from the good catholic posters here [btw, religion is the only place where you find a concrete definition of love])

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’

The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’

The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.’

The priest thought long and hard and then said, ‘Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.’

The young woman asked, ‘Will this cleanse me of my sins?’

The priest said, ‘No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.’

But hey, maybe this isn’t a troll and your bf is legit. You should really think hard about if you want to keep having feelings for someone who believes in the joke of a belief system called “atheism”. I mean, agnosticism or another religion I can understand, but atheism - lol.

Do you want to be married to someone in this milieu?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I would remove that graphic because it’s obscene. Thanks.

 

[Sapphiregirl]

I heard a joke that went like this once. (You’ll excuse me if I don’t take seriously the yearnings of a college freshman girl, even if it has been a good occasion for real definitions of love from the good catholic posters here [btw, religion is the only place where you find a concrete definition of love])
*

Mary was 14(or somewhere around there, if I remember my sunday school correctly), and she seems to get plenty of respect around here. I think it is quite crude to dismiss experience based on age.

Btw, my worldview is not a joke. If I were to call Catholicism a joke, that would be crude and inappropriate of me; I expect the same respect of you. Or maybe me and my atheist ways just have too high of an opinion of humans and common decency.

 

[epan]

No, she is not clearly aware of the issues. She’s in her first year of college and she’s just lost her virginity to an atheist! I think from her OP, he sounds as though he’s older than she is.

You read her post incorrectly. He said he would try not to have sex with HER for a year, but he is also asking her why not, if it feels good, and if she wants it, why is she conflicted? If he really believes that sex is necessary for a relationship and he sees that she is in conflict (she says he has comforted her about her distress), then why not just leave her alone?

You think I don’t know the real world?

I stand by my suggestion that she clarify in her own mind where her priorities are. If her faith is important, which I think it is, then they should find a way to respect that together. Otherwise, there is no hope.

A love relationship should affirm both partners, and not put one of them into personal conflict or crisis.

 

[RHannosh619]

Bottom line is, if he is not willing to wait for her until marriage, then he does not truly love her. By saying I will give you one year, means he is ONLY willing to wait 1 year. Although he said “He will try because he loves her” this is good, then there is a chance he might really love her if he actually does not violate her beliefs after the year.

I have a good friend who is agnostic who married a Catholic. They were sexually active prior to marriage, however, he is a very respectful guy, and allows the wife to raise the kids catholic.

Although he is a great guy, pre-marital sex is one of the worst sins anyone can commit with there potential spouse and it’s unfortunate that Catholic women are lowering there standards