Dating an Atheist

[AmberCM]

My boyfriend is atheist (well, agnostic, really) but my entire family is Catholic and Christian. I don’t want to start a fight, especially over something this touchy, but I feel like I ought to say/do something. Thoughts?

 

[JerryZ]

My boyfriend is atheist (well, agnostic, really) but my entire family is Catholic and Christian. I don’t want to start a fight, especially over something this touchy, but I feel like I ought to say/do something. Thoughts?

How he feels about your relation with God? Is he open to your beliefs?
Later on once you are married will be too late to find out he did not agree on fundamental issues. If you planning to spend the rest of your life with him that is.

 

[AmberCM]

Well, I was having this pretty drastic faith crisis yesterday (long story, but I’m ok now) and he was really sweet about it. He said something like, “Even though I don’t agree with you, religion is a huge part of who you are. Don’t let this shake you so much!” It was really sort of funny, getting a religious pep talk from my atheist/agnostic boyfriend.

Yeah, I do hope to spend the rest of my life with him.

 

[Crescentinus]

Is he trying to convert you?
If he can at least respect your views, then it’s a plus.

 

[1ke]

Close your eyes and envision your future family-- you are a wife and mother. Is God the center of your household? Is the Catholic Faith the center of your life? Do you pray at meals? Family rosary? Baptize your children and rear them Catholic? Reject contraception in your marriage? Celebrate Catholic holy days, customs, and traditions in your home?

Now. How does your atheist spouse fit in to this Catholic world? What does your atheist spouse think about baptizing and raising children Catholic? Praying at meals? Attending Mass weekly? Celebrating Christmas in a religious way? Adhering to the moral teachings of the Church?

 

[dshix]

Close your eyes and envision your future family-- you are a wife and mother. Is God the center of your household? Is the Catholic Faith the center of your life? Do you pray at meals? Family rosary? Baptize your children and rear them Catholic? Reject contraception in your marriage? Celebrate Catholic holy days, customs, and traditions in your home?

Now. How does your atheist spouse fit in to this Catholic world? What does your atheist spouse think about baptizing and raising children Catholic? Praying at meals? Attending Mass weekly? Celebrating Christmas in a religious way? Adhering to the moral teachings of the Church?

^^^^^
That’s the ticket right there.

 

[RoseMary131]

A very important part of family life is religion or no religion.

When you teach your child about praying to God and your children know that Dad does not believe in God or does not care if God exist, how do you stress upon your children that God is real?

When you tell your child that Jesus is present Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity in the Blessed Sacrament, your child knows Dad thinks Jesus was a nice man - not Divine - and obviously this nice man’s body is not the “bread” and “wine”. How do you help them understand it is Truth? How do you feel when they believe Daddy?

God may be leading this man away from being atheist/agnostic.

You should spend a lot of time explaining your beliefs to him. When you communicate together, discuss each of your feelings on teaching the beliefs of the Church to your children.

On each belief, how do you feel when he share his thoughts on the subject with the children? How does he feel when you teach the children that these are Truths, not subject to our own minds for them to be Truth, but unchanging Absolute Truths.

Your children may take Dad’s understanding as their own? How do you feel?

Will Dad be praying with the family? Blessing food with the family?

How about when… You teach God created everything and the kids say “what do you think Dad?” When Grandma dies and you comfort your children with the glory of Heaven, and they say Dad says there might not be a Heaven? When your kids are scared and you pray with them and they say “maybe there is no God”?

Discuss these with each other. Discuss the feelings you each have when the children question your disunity of ideas and when the children takes the other parent’s position.

If Mom is right on religion, is Dad ever right? Should we ever listen to Dad? Mom doesn’t believe Dad and Dad doesn’t believe Mom?

…and the two shall become one.

:angel1:

 

[gxensen]

Totally agree with what 1ke wrote!

Close your eyes and envision your future family-- you are a wife and mother. Is God the center of your household? Is the Catholic Faith the center of your life? Do you pray at meals? Family rosary? Baptize your children and rear them Catholic? Reject contraception in your marriage? Celebrate Catholic holy days, customs, and traditions in your home?

^^^^^
That’s the ticket right there.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

My husband was agnostic when I met/married him.

He always knew my Catholic faith was very important to me. Never had any issues w/ it.

Today he believes in GOD. Never asked him to convert, will never. Just prayed he’d open his heart to God - it worked and he/**

1. 
   *]HE
   
   ** worked!
   
   He sometimes attends Mass w/ me and always helps w/ fundraisers and any type of repair work, as he’s a carpenter.

 

[AmberCM]

God may be leading this man away from being atheist/agnostic.

You should spend a lot of time explaining your beliefs to him. When you communicate together, discuss each of your feelings on teaching the beliefs of the Church to your children.
:angel1:

I actually do talk to him about religion a lot, but it’s mostly telling him stories from the Bible, etc. He listens, but it seems like he thinks he’s listening to fairy tales sometimes…

Close your eyes and envision your future family-- you are a wife and mother. Is God the center of your household? Is the Catholic Faith the center of your life? Do you pray at meals? Family rosary? Baptize your children and rear them Catholic? Reject contraception in your marriage? Celebrate Catholic holy days, customs, and traditions in your home?

Now. How does your atheist spouse fit in to this Catholic world? What does your atheist spouse think about baptizing and raising children Catholic? Praying at meals? Attending Mass weekly? Celebrating Christmas in a religious way? Adhering to the moral teachings of the Church?

I don’t know if he’d come with me to Mass or pray at meals, but I don’t think he’d object to the teachings or Christmas or even baptism. I think he’d probably (barring his own conversion) let the kids decide for themselves which parent to “side with”.

Is he trying to convert you?
If he can at least respect your views, then it’s a plus.

No, he’s not trying to convert me; as a matter of fact, when I had a faith crisis he was right there, talking me through it. He said that even though he doesn’t agree with me, he knows that my religious views are a huge part of who I am and he doesn’t want that to change.

Blessings on your day!

"Say or do something to whom? Say something to your boyfriend about changing his heart or announcing to your family that he is an athiest?

Your approach to both very much depends on how old you are and how long you have been dating. Are you 18 years old and been in this relationship for two months? Or are you 28 years old in this relationship for almost a year? Each situation calls for a different approach in my opinion.

I’m a senior in high school and we’ve been together for two months (bizarrely good guess, by the way ). How does your advice change for that?

Thanks to everybody for the kind words and encouragement! God bless you all!

 

[maryjk]

Close your eyes and envision your future family-- you are a wife and mother. Is God the center of your household? Is the Catholic Faith the center of your life? Do you pray at meals? Family rosary? Baptize your children and rear them Catholic? Reject contraception in your marriage? Celebrate Catholic holy days, customs, and traditions in your home?

Yes, yes and yes. In fact, except for the family rosary, every one of those questions has a yes as a response.

I was raised with a Catholic mother and father, and we didn’t pray the rosary as a family.

Now. How does your atheist spouse fit in to this Catholic world? What does your atheist spouse think about baptizing and raising children Catholic? Praying at meals? Attending Mass weekly? Celebrating Christmas in a religious way? Adhering to the moral teachings of the Church?

Again, not a problem. No my husband doesn’t regularly attend Mass, but he isn’t Catholic. But he does attend at Christmas and Easter. In fact, he attends Easter Vigil. Not many Catholics do that.

Yes, it can be hard to be married to a Catholic, when you are not. And if you are a Catholic, there can be problems. Will it work for you? I can’t tell you.

 

[DAML72]

^^^^^
That’s the ticket right there.

I agree.

You are still very young, and the relationship is new, so perhaps it is still too soon to speak of marriage, but on the other hand, I met my ex-husband when I was 20 and he was 19, so I think I would be remiss if I didn’t offer some advice.

I was raised in a Reformed church, and marriage was never really discussed, but divorce was rare in my family. When I got married, I didn’t think the bible said much about marriage at all. In fact, there are numerous warnings in the bible advising Christians not to marry non-believers. With regard to those who openly reject Christ, at least one of the epistles (John or Peter) advises to keep your distance from such a person. My experience is that this is good advice.

My husband was a non-believer, but I always thought that, once he was exposed to life within a loving, Christian family, he would be converted. I met women who had been able to convert their spouses, and I had hope. I even thought that it was God’s will for me to demonstrate the truth of his love to my husband in order to bring him to the faith. That never happened.

Now, I’m not going to presume that, just because your boyfriend is an atheist, he is the same as my ex, or will do the same thing, but my husband left a week before my youngest child’s first birthday. That was 7 years ago. I don’t recall what he told the minister who married us, or the ones who baptized our children, but he always claimed he would support my faith. But supporting your faith is very, very different from being an active participant with you in your faith - and it does not generally involve sitting next to you in the pew on Sunday. You have many, many years of spiritual growth ahead of you. Someday, religion could become a huge stumbling block to your relationship or, at the very least, he could try to use it against you. Currently, I am battling trying to enter the Catholic church and finally do the right thing and expose my children (now 8 and 11) to a love of God. They tell me their father doesn’t understand why I am dragging them along on “my experiment.” Trust me - you do not want to end up where I am in 20 years.

Take time to make these decisions. Pray. And, if your faith means anything to you, don’t marry a non-believer. Some day you might find yourself in spiritual desolation, and not be able to share your feelings with your spouse because he would have no way to understand.

 

[robwar]

My boyfriend is atheist (well, agnostic, really) but my entire family is Catholic and Christian. I don’t want to start a fight, especially over something this touchy, but I feel like I ought to say/do something. Thoughts?

Maybe he is a nice guy but you should not be dating someone who does not share your religious beliefs. Dating is the stepping stones to marriage and the Bible warns us not be unequally yoked in marriage. It is easier to end it now than continue dating, get emotionally involved and then engaged etc etc. I am not sure what would be attractive about someone who does not share your beliefs. If the fight you are worried about is your parents, then they would be upset as I would if they found out he doesn’t believe in God.

 

[coachkfan1]

Practicing Catholics marrying outside of their faith is never ideal and generally not advisable.

 

[RoseMary131]

I actually do talk to him about religion a lot, but it’s mostly telling him stories from the Bible, etc. He listens, but it seems like he thinks he’s listening to fairy tales sometimes…

Thanks to everybody for the kind words and encouragement! God bless you all!

I praise you for taking the time to share stories from the Bible. Conversions happen when the love of a friend introduces someone to God.

Ask him what he thinks about the Bible? Remember not all “stories” of the Bible are meant to be literal. Strengthen yourself in faith while sharing with him. Some of the stories are “tales” to teach us something, not to be read as a history lesson. Other stories that sound like fairy tales are Truth.

You say, “seems like he thinks he’s listening to fairy tales sometimes”. This is where it is important to “know” what he is thinking. Sometimes we think someone thinks something and they really think something else.

Pray that what you share with this young man, or any one, is guided by the Holy Spirit.

May God bless you in your sharing of His Word.

 

[robwar]

I agree.

You are still very young, and the relationship is new, so perhaps it is still too soon to speak of marriage, but on the other hand, I met my ex-husband when I was 20 and he was 19, so I think I would be remiss if I didn’t offer some advice.

I was raised in a Reformed church, and marriage was never really discussed, but divorce was rare in my family. When I got married, I didn’t think the bible said much about marriage at all. In fact, there are numerous warnings in the bible advising Christians not to marry non-believers. With regard to those who openly reject Christ, at least one of the epistles (John or Peter) advises to keep your distance from such a person. My experience is that this is good advice.

My husband was a non-believer, but I always thought that, once he was exposed to life within a loving, Christian family, he would be converted. I met women who had been able to convert their spouses, and I had hope. I even thought that it was God’s will for me to demonstrate the truth of his love to my husband in order to bring him to the faith. That never happened.

Now, I’m not going to presume that, just because your boyfriend is an atheist, he is the same as my ex, or will do the same thing, but my husband left a week before my youngest child’s first birthday. That was 7 years ago. I don’t recall what he told the minister who married us, or the ones who baptized our children, but he always claimed he would support my faith. But supporting your faith is very, very different from being an active participant with you in your faith - and it does not generally involve sitting next to you in the pew on Sunday. You have many, many years of spiritual growth ahead of you. Someday, religion could become a huge stumbling block to your relationship or, at the very least, he could try to use it against you. Currently, I am battling trying to enter the Catholic church and finally do the right thing and expose my children (now 8 and 11) to a love of God. They tell me their father doesn’t understand why I am dragging them along on “my experiment.” Trust me - you do not want to end up where I am in 20 years.

Take time to make these decisions. Pray. And, if your faith means anything to you, don’t marry a non-believer. Some day you might find yourself in spiritual desolation, and not be able to share your feelings with your spouse because he would have no way to understand.

thanks for sharing your story. There was a thread a while back from a mother who was married to an atheist and was upset because the 10 year old wanted to be an atheist like his dad and not go church any more. These types of real life stories are what the OP need to look at.

 

[maryjk]

thanks for sharing your story. There was a thread a while back from a mother who was married to an atheist and was upset because the 10 year old wanted to be an atheist like his dad and not go church any more. These types of real life stories are what the OP need to look at.

I am guessing my real life story isn’t one that should be told?

Yes, I am married to an atheist. We have been married 20 years. (Very soon to be 21) We have one child, he is a teen.

We home school our son. And until high school used a Catholic curriculum. Our son was an Altar server and is now moving on to be an usher. Although he still serves when needed or for special Masses. He is up to date on all of his Sacraments.

Our house is full of religious articles. We have numerous pictures, holy water fonts and statues. There is a crucifix in every room. We pray before meals, with our son leading the prayer. Our son and I attend Mass every Sunday and every Holy day. Earlier this month my husband and son were out of town, but both attended Mass for the Holy Day.

I work at our local parish. We invite our priests for lunch and dinner, when they have time, they take us up on the invite.

My husband and I practice NFP, due to my health problems. I use an NFP only GYN and she is fully on board with our use of NFP.

So yes, it can work. It can be hard on the atheist. But it can work.

 

[Bezant]

I’m a senior in high school and we’ve been together for two months (bizarrely good guess, by the way ). How does your advice change for that?

Thanks to everybody for the kind words and encouragement! God bless you all!

My honest and well-intentioned advice, since you’re young: have fun, be free and date, but don’t take romantic relationships too seriously. You’ll soon begin to discern a career, attend university, travel, etc., and in the course of these experiences you, your friends, and even your boyfriend will probably drift away in separate paths. There are a few people with whom you’ll keep in touch through your golden years, and some people you’ll never see again and only think about once in a blue moon (if at all). That’s life, but as long as you chase your plans and dreams you’ll enjoy every moment of it and still have plenty of time to consider the stickier issues of a interfaith relationship.

 

[sedonaman]

My boyfriend is atheist (well, agnostic, really) but my entire family is Catholic and Christian. I don’t want to start a fight, especially over something this touchy, but I feel like I ought to say/do something. Thoughts?

Because you marry whom you date and not someone you didn’t, why did you continue to date after you found out?

 

[Delaine75]

Close your eyes and envision your future family-- you are a wife and mother. Is God the center of your household? Is the Catholic Faith the center of your life? Do you pray at meals? Family rosary? Baptize your children and rear them Catholic? Reject contraception in your marriage? Celebrate Catholic holy days, customs, and traditions in your home?

Now. How does your atheist spouse fit in to this Catholic world? What does your atheist spouse think about baptizing and raising children Catholic? Praying at meals? Attending Mass weekly? Celebrating Christmas in a religious way? Adhering to the moral teachings of the Church?

Bingo! Could not have posted a better reply than this!