dating books

[novaslasher]

I read the Josh Harris books. They advocate non-physical courtship (no kissing at all, no long hugs, having chaperons when together). It also suggested asking parent’s permission to court their daughter, and saving one-on-one dating for after marriage. The book seems more oriented toward high school/early college age young adults (especially the part about asking permission to court). I also think it would be extremely hard to follow this pattern of courtship in typical western culture.

I actually did see this pattern of courtship followed by one of my evangelical friends in college. He was a post college grad, and courted a long time friend (she was in her late 20’s/early 30’s) he had known for many years in the non-denom college bible study. They courted for about 3 months before getting married and had their roommates present during “dates”. They shared their very first kiss at the wedding ceremony. I can’t imagine this happening often in Catholic circles (I have been in many Catholic YA groups and have not seen this done), but within a tight knit community of evangelicals it seems slightly more common.

 

[Joe_5859]

I read the Josh Harris books. They advocate non-physical courtship (no kissing at all, no long hugs, having chaperons when together). It also suggested asking parent’s permission to court their daughter, and saving one-on-one dating for after marriage. The book seems more oriented toward high school/early college age young adults (especially the part about asking permission to court). I also think it would be extremely hard to follow this pattern of courtship in typical western culture.

I actually did see this pattern of courtship followed by one of my evangelical friends in college. He was a post college grad, and courted a long time friend (she was in her late 20’s/early 30’s) he had known for many years in the non-denom college bible study. They courted for about 3 months before getting married and had their roommates present during “dates”. They shared their very first kiss at the wedding ceremony. I can’t imagine this happening often in Catholic circles (I have been in many Catholic YA groups and have not seen this done), but within a tight knit community of evangelicals it seems slightly more common.

I can think of at least one Catholic couple I know who shared their first kiss on their wedding day.

I can’t imagine never having any alone time with a girlfriend. I can understand the desire to remove the occassion of sin, but how are you supposed to have those important personal conversations with a prospective spouse when your roommate is right there?

I was interested in Harris’ philosophy back when the book first came out as several friends really bought into it and thought it was great. Then I found out that he wasn’t that much older than I am and was only 22 or so when he wrote the book. I lost interest after that.

 

[dawnmorning]

I read When Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris, and it fundamentally shaped the way I think of dating now. I probably won’t court the way the couples in his stories do, and I don’t think saving the first kiss and one-on-one dates for marriage is for everyone, but the underlying principles of doing everything to serve God and love the other person stand, whether I call it dating or courting.

 

[chevalier]

The kiss has some basis, but the no-one-on-one is only sensible in cultures with a high sex drive or where males can’t be trusted (unless the female is stronger ). It reduced the possibility of anyone confessing to anything or talking about really private subjects and it makes dating conditional on a chaperone being available and may mean the end of a date when the chaperone has to go. And it wastes the chaperone’s time basically (unless we’re talking about a case where guarding the purity of the couple really is needed, then obviously time spent doing that is not wasted; time being an ornament on a 1890.-ies concept is). I don’t wish to criticise people for acting on their feelings if they really have such feelings to begin with, but it does seem excessive. I would only agree to that if the “third person” stayed within sight but not withing an ear’s distance.