Dating during annulment process?

[CuriousInIL]

She wasn’t being accused of adultery, just FYI.

It is a separate mortal sin to date others as if single while still married.

Someone who also had sex on a date while still married would have two sins to confess in the Confessional; not just one - both the dating while still considered married, and the sex.

What is the name of this other mortal sin? And what commandment does it violate?

Not arguing that it isn’t a sin–just wanting to know the specifics.

 

[Gertabelle]

I will, as part of my own therapy, set aside some time to pray for you who are struggling with these very difficult problems on this thread. I am sure I can have others here join me in asking that God will grant you the gift of wisdom and prudence.

Thanks for the prayers. My son and I pray for families who are suffering or in need every night. I always include in that those who are in situations of divorce, annulment, dating, etc. The need for prayer is everywhere. Perhaps that’s why we’re admonished to pray constantly

Gertie

 

[Bible_Reader]

We as Catholics don’t believe in divorce - not in the sense that we think divorce is a bad idea, but rather, in the sense that we do not believe that divorce can exist. “What God has joined together let no man (human being) put asunder” is not just a line of pretty words; it is the literal truth. No human being, whether judge, or cheated-on spouse, nor any human being on earth, has the power to dissolve a marriage. “Till death us do part” is intended to be taken literally.

Actually, Catholics allow divorce among non-Christians if one party enters the Church and the other party “departs” – this is called the Privilegium Paulinum (1 Corinthians 7:15). See Canon 1143 for details.

 

[jmcrae]

What is the name of this other mortal sin? And what commandment does it violate?

It’s exactly the same sin that it would be if the civil contract of the marriage were still intact. Married people are not supposed to be seeking out other spouses.

 

[rpp]

Actually, Catholics allow divorce among non-Christians if one party enters the Church and the other party “departs” – this is called the Privilegium Paulinum (1 Corinthians 7:15). See Canon 1143 for details.

The Pope can dissolve a marriage when one of the spouses converts to the Catholic Church and the other spouse does not. This is known as the Petrine Privilege.

Does anyone know what is the difference between the Pauline and Petrine Privileges is?

 

[whatevergirl]

NO!

There’s a concise answer…

 

[Bible_Reader]

The Pope can dissolve a marriage when one of the spouses converts to the Catholic Church and the other spouse does not. This is known as the Petrine Privilege.

Does anyone know what is the difference between the Pauline and Petrine Privileges is?

The Pauline Privilege applies when both of the parties were non-Christian at the time they were married.

The Petrine Privilege applies when one of the parties was non-Christian at the time they were married.

 

[Gertabelle]

From the CCC:

**2346 **
Charity is the form of all the virtues. Under its influence, chastity appears as a school of the gift of the person. Self-mastery is ordered to the gift of self. Chastity leads him who practices it to become a witness to his neighbor of God’s fidelity and loving kindness.

One who practices chastity, as we are all called to do (CCC 2348), is a witness of God’s fidelity and loving kindness. Is God’s fidelity so fickle that we should represent it by dating someone while potentially still being married to another? What sort of witness is that? And how loving is it to date someone, to create the feelings of closeness and desire that come from romantic kissing, and then have to break things off when the first marriage is found to be valid?

The OP asked for documents. The CCC doesn’t address this specifically, but a brief reading of what it does say about chastity makes a pretty strong case for waiting to date. If we’re seriously going to take on being a witness of God’s very nature to this messed up world, then it seems to me the CCC is telling us to wait until the annulment is in hand.

And really, waiting is not that big of a deal. Expand the circle of friends, create social events (like potluck dinners or DVD nights or play dates for the kids), and maybe look into getting a college degree Nobody ever died from waiting to date, and rushing to fill in that void of loneliness isn’t going to replace a broken relationship. I get the loneliness – I was awash with tears this morning as today would have been my sixth wedding anniversary. But fidelity to the teachings of the Church build up strength and are worth the effort it takes.

I’m no apologist, so that is just my two cents.
Gertie

 

[CuriousInIL]

It’s exactly the same sin that it would be if the civil contract of the marriage were still intact. Married people are not supposed to be seeking out other spouses.

Ok And it is called what? It’s not adultery, what is it?

 

[jmcrae]

Ok And it is called what? It’s not adultery, what is it?

It probably falls under the commandment against adultery in the same way that anger falls under the commandment against murder.

It’s not the same thing, but it’s in the same category.

 

[puzzleannie]

Where in Canon Law does it state that one can not date after civil divorce and before a declaration of nullity? As far as I know, Canon Law only covers that you may not enter into a new marriage without first receiving a declaration of nullity.

canon law does not suspend common sense, and common sense dictates you cannot date if you are already married

“I might get an annulment” does not constitute “I am unmarried and thus free to get romantically involved.”

OP did not ask about casual socializing and going out for coffee.

 

[SarahR]

Unsure if anyone else has already said it, but aren’t we supposed to practice chastity according to our state of life? If you are married (presumed married), is it chaste to hold hands, cuddle, kiss someone who is not the person you are married to?

 

[dulcissima]

canon law does not suspend common sense, and common sense dictates you cannot date if you are already married

“I might get an annulment” does not constitute “I am unmarried and thus free to get romantically involved.”

OP did not ask about casual socializing and going out for coffee.

It defies common sense to claim that I should live exactly as a married person lives. If that were the case, it would be a sin for me to deny my “husband” marital relations. Believe me, he has played that card, how I am sinning that I left him.

One thing I really appreciate about being Catholic is that Catholicism is very rational. The Church teaches that I am not free to marry, but I am allowed some freedom from having to live exactly the way that a married woman lives.

 

[whatevergirl]

Then one would be in for heartache. Lack of prudence often results in pain. But then, so does dating prudently.

One more thing, I tend to focus too much on the nuts and bolts, the logic of Catholicism, and overlook the people. I will, as part of my own therapy, set aside some time to pray for you who are struggling with these very difficult problems on this thread. I am sure I can have others here join me in asking that God will grant you the gift of wisdom and prudence.

Although I’m the OP, I’m not struggling with this issue–just wanted to add that. I actually spun this thread off from one in the family section, where that thread was going off topic. I think it’s been very insightful for me though. I’m not sure I knew all of these answers, regarding dating/annulments.

 

[rpp]

The Pauline Privilege applies when both of the parties were non-Christian at the time they were married.

The Petrine Privilege applies when one of the parties was non-Christian at the time they were married.

Thank you!

 

[GratefulDad]

Although I’m the OP, I’m not struggling with this issue–just wanted to add that. I actually spun this thread off from one in the family section, where that thread was going off topic. I think it’s been very insightful for me.

WG, glad you pointed this out, I was getting worried about ya. Haha.

 

[Just_Lurking]

It defies common sense to claim that I should live exactly as a married person lives.

Gaudium et Spes says the following about marriage:

Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love “are no longer two, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day. As a mutual gift of two persons, this intimate union and the good of the children impose total fidelity on the spouses and argue for an unbreakable oneness between them.(2)

Now in the case of civil divorce, or spousal abandonment, it is clear that there is no longer any real marriage in the above sense expressed in Vatican II. There is no rendering of mutual help, no growing in oneness, nothing at all. The only thing that remains is the juridical bond that prevents remarriage to another person. To pretend that someone in this situation is identical to someone in a real, ongoing marriage having the above characteristics is just plain silly. And I don’t think the Catholic Church is silly.

 

[whatevergirl]

WG, glad you pointed this out, I was getting worried about ya. Haha.

LOL–All is well with my dh and me…but, I thought I’d better post that just in case.

 

[Just_Lurking]

Actually, Catholics allow divorce among non-Christians if one party enters the Church and the other party “departs” – this is called the Privilegium Paulinum (1 Corinthians 7:15). See Canon 1143 for details.

Interestingly enough, the Pauline Privilege bears on the question at hand. For a person to be granted the Pauline Privilege, there are several questions that must be investigated by the diocesan tribunal. Some of these questions relate to the failed marriage, for example, was the person at fault in the breakup, and whether the ex-spouse would be willing to resume the marriage. Other questions relate to whether the new desired marriage is somehow in favor of the faith. One way this could happen if the fiance/fiancee is a Catholic in good standing.

In any event, it is a requirement of the process to apply for the Pauline Privilege that the person be engaged to another. And it is hard to see how this could ever happen if the person did not date.

 

[rpp]

Gaudium et Spes says the following about marriage:

Thus a man and a woman, who by their compact of conjugal love “are no longer two, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:ff), render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions. Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day. As a mutual gift of two persons, this intimate union and the good of the children impose total fidelity on the spouses and argue for an unbreakable oneness between them.(2)

Now in the case of civil divorce, or spousal abandonment, it is clear that there is no longer any real marriage in the above sense expressed in Vatican II. There is no rendering of mutual help, no growing in oneness, nothing at all. The only thing that remains is the juridical bond that prevents remarriage to another person. To pretend that someone in this situation is identical to someone in a real, ongoing marriage having the above characteristics is just plain silly. And I don’t think the Catholic Church is silly.

This makes sense except that Christ Himself did not grant that people could choose to exit a marriage.

So I must tell you that the words the of the Second Person of the Trinity do not support your perspective.