Dating in a secular world tips or advice

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Sierrah

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Since so many of seem to be dating I thought I’d start a thread where people can post their advice or thoughts on trying to date in the current world.

My advice would be:

Stay firm to your beliefs no matter what.

Ladies:

Let the guys pursue…you’re the prize.
Make yourselves available but not to the point where your putting in all the effort.
Thank the guys when they hold out a chair or open a door or do something you appreciate.

Guys:

Pursue us with kindness…flowers are nice, cards or little things even if it’s just fixing the vcr or helping us move something we can’t handle on our own.
Be consistent don’t just drop out of the sky then come back again.
Show respect and don’t eye other women or answer the cell phone when out on a date.

Ok what else people. I was just getting started. :confused:😃
 
Men and Women-
  1. Be happy. No one likes hanging around someone who is mopey all the time
  2. Be polite. Simple manners go a long way in a society where no one seems to have them
  3. Realize that people break up all the time. It’s not the end of the world for a three month relationship to end.
  4. The most annoying hating in the world is someone who constantly says, “Do you like me?” “Are you having a good time?” Insecurity is so frustrating. If your that insecure, sort out your personal drama before you start dating.
Women-
  1. Men aren’t your girlfriends. Don’t expect us to act like them
  2. If I don’t call/text every hour, it doesn’t mean I’m not interested. It means I have a life.
  3. Commitment talk on the first date is stalker-ish. Please stop.
Men-
  1. No means no. It doesn’t mean maybe, later, or possible. It means no. Go away, and don’t bother them again.
  2. If a man overdoes the “romance” thing (flowers on a first date, walks on the beach, plays a violin to tell you how much he loves you) it reeks of creepiness.
  3. Be a gentlemen. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t appreciate it.
 
Unfortunately, dating in our society is not much different than trying on socks to see which one fits best. I think that approach has led to so many unmarried teen pregnancies, as well as divorces later.

“Dating” should be done only by those of marriageable age and should be rightly considered courting. It should have God at the center, first and foremost, which will result in chastity being the rule of engagement. 🙂 If either party doesn’t want God involved in the equation, or to act within the rules of chastity, then that’s a clear sign that it’s time to look elsewhere.
 
Neither party should pursue marraige unless they are fully ready for the consequences of marraige; including but not limited to; an opennes to children; financial independance and maturity.
 
Rascalking said:
Men and Women-
  1. Be happy. No one likes hanging around someone who is mopey all the time
  2. Be polite. Simple manners go a long way in a society where no one seems to have them
  3. Realize that people break up all the time. It’s not the end of the world for a three month relationship to end.
  4. The most annoying hating in the world is someone who constantly says, “Do you like me?” “Are you having a good time?” Insecurity is so frustrating. If your that insecure, sort out your personal drama before you start dating. VERY TRUE
Women-
  1. Men aren’t your girlfriends. Don’t expect us to act like them ….LOL
  2. If I don’t call/text every hour, it doesn’t mean I’m not interested. It means I have a life. **LOL **
  3. Commitment talk on the first date is stalker-ish. Please stop.
Men-
  1. No means no. It doesn’t mean maybe, later, or possible. It means no. Go away, and don’t bother them again.
  2. If a man overdoes the “romance” thing (flowers on a first date, walks on the beach, plays a violin to tell you how much he loves you) it reeks of creepiness…or it’s a really big flag that he’s a player or a commitment phobic who will disappear as soon as he has won you.
  3. Be a gentlemen. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t appreciate it.
Click to expand...
 
JohnDamian said:
Neither party should pursue marraige unless they are fully ready for the consequences of marraige; including but not limited to; an opennes to children; financial independance and maturity.
Click to expand...
Sadly many people are just out for what another person can give them and not really able to be in a relationship. 🤷
 
Scoobyshme said:
Unfortunately, dating in our society is not much different than trying on socks to see which one fits best. I think that approach has led to so many unmarried teen pregnancies, as well as divorces later.

“Dating” should be done only by those of marriageable age and should be rightly considered courting. It should have God at the center, first and foremost, which will result in chastity being the rule of engagement. 🙂 If either party doesn’t want God involved in the equation, or to act within the rules of chastity, then that’s a clear sign that it’s time to look elsewhere.
Click to expand...
I’ve never mentioned the word courtship to a guy but I have a feeling if I brought it up that would be the last I would see of him…it’s sort of like mentioning marriage or weddings on the first date or even in the first few months of dating. You only talk about that stuff early on if you want to see someone run. 🤷:eek::rolleyes:
 
Sierrah said:
Since so many of us seem to be dating I thought I’d start a thread where people can post their advice or thoughts on trying to date in the current world.

My advice would be:

Stay firm to your beliefs no matter what.

Ladies:

Let the guys pursue…you’re the prize.
Make yourselves available but not to the point where your putting in all the effort.
Thank the guys when they hold out a chair or open a door or do something you appreciate.

Guys:

Pursue us with kindness…flowers are nice, cards or little things even if it’s just fixing the vcr or helping us move something we can’t handle on our own.
Be consistent don’t just drop out of the sky then come back again.
Show respect and don’t eye other women or answer the cell phone when out on a date.

Ok what else people. I was just getting started. :confused:😃
Click to expand...
 
With all this stuff about courtship and everything, let’s not forget that dating/courtship/whatever should be, and is FUN. You can smile, flirt, kiss, hold hands, laugh at things, go to baseball games, hike, smoke cigars-there are 10,000 things to do that are, simply put, fun. Don’t wear sack cloth and ashes. That is, for me, a huge turn off. I hate that stuff.
 
Its been awhile since I dated, but this is some of the advice I’ll be giving my daughter:

Don’t have a “grocery list” that the other person has to meet right from the start. Yes, its good to have standards, but if you focus too much on someone else meeting an itemized list, you’re going to miss out on some very interesting people in this world.

Have your own identity before you begin dating, don’t look for the relationship or the other person to define who you are.

Take notice if the person has integrity, do they give actions to their words? Or are they a person of much talk and very little action? Also, how does the person treat the significant members of the opposite gender in their lives, from their mother/father to the casual friend of the opposite sex. Do they treat them with respect, are they courteous? Are do they have a tendency to talk bad behind their backs and treat them differently to their face?
 
Sierrah said:
Since so many of seem to be dating I thought I’d start a thread where people can post their advice or thoughts on trying to date in the current world.

My advice would be:

Stay firm to your beliefs no matter what.

Ladies:

Let the guys pursue…you’re the prize.
Make yourselves available but not to the point where your putting in all the effort.
Thank the guys when they hold out a chair or open a door or do something you appreciate.

Guys:

Pursue us with kindness…flowers are nice, cards or little things even if it’s just fixing the vcr or helping us move something we can’t handle on our own.
Be consistent don’t just drop out of the sky then come back again.
Show respect and don’t eye other women or answer the cell phone when out on a date.

Ok what else people. I was just getting started. :confused:😃
Click to expand...
How about be yourself? Discretion is wise, but let nothing about you be false.

Be openly Catholic, as that is what you are.
Be as extroverted or as introverted as you actually are.
Be as open or as coy as you naturally are.
Work on being more thoughtful, more patient, more kind, but first and foremost in those ways you would like to be thoughtful, patient, and kind for a lifetime.
Keep your own counsel, but do not lie about yourself, either directly or by omission, in order to seem more attractive than you are.
Work on the virtues and maturity that will actually make you a good spouse, not the ones that make you merely seem good.
Learn to listen, learn to communicate, learn how to compromise on your opinions without compromising your integrity.

Do not disclose everything about yourself to everyone, but be direct. Do not expect anyone to be a mind-reader. Rather, if you want someone to know something, let them know. It doesn’t mean you have to say it, but it does mean you shouldn’t set up a lot of invisible flaming hoops and then be surprised when someone acts like they don’t know they’re there.

You don’t know this person you’re spending time with will marry you, but you know they’ll probably marry someone. Treat everyone you date with the respect you would want someone to treat your spouse before they meet you. Hold yourself in the respect that your spouse will have hoped you did, with the people you dated before meeting him or her. Actually, treat yourself and those you date with the respect that is due to someone who has a vocation as a priest or a religious, too, because that might be how things turn out. Think ahead, and don’t bring shame on yourself, but act as a child of God in all things.

How’s that?
 
EasterJoy said:
How about be yourself? Discretion is wise, but let nothing about you be false.

Be openly Catholic, as that is what you are.
Be as extroverted or as introverted as you actually are.
Be as open or as coy as you naturally are.
Work on being more thoughtful, more patient, more kind, but first and foremost in those ways you would like to be thoughtful, patient, and kind for a lifetime.
Keep your own counsel, but do not lie about yourself, either directly or by omission, in order to seem more attractive than you are.
Work on the virtues and maturity that will actually make you a good spouse, not the ones that make you merely seem good.
Learn to listen, learn to communicate, learn how to compromise on your opinions without compromising your integrity.

Do not disclose everything about yourself to everyone, but be direct. Do not expect anyone to be a mind-reader. Rather, if you want someone to know something, let them know. It doesn’t mean you have to say it, but it does mean you shouldn’t set up a lot of invisible flaming hoops and then be surprised when someone acts like they don’t know they’re there.

You don’t know this person you’re spending time with will marry you, but you know they’ll probably marry someone. Treat everyone you date with the respect you would want someone to treat your spouse before they meet you. Hold yourself in the respect that your spouse will have hoped you did, with the people you dated before meeting him or her. Actually, treat yourself and those you date with the respect that is due to someone who has a vocation as a priest or a religious, too, because that might be how things turn out. Think ahead, and don’t bring shame on yourself, but act as a child of God in all things.

How’s that?
Click to expand...
I speak from many years of experience that the bolded part does not work if you’re pretty introverted and you actually want to date someone.
 
Sierrah said:
I’ve never mentioned the word courtship to a guy but I have a feeling if I brought it up that would be the last I would see of him…it’s sort of like mentioning marriage or weddings on the first date or even in the first few months of dating. You only talk about that stuff early on if you want to see someone run. 🤷:eek::rolleyes:
Click to expand...
If a guy runs at the mention of courtship, then that’s the guy you want to make run! He’s not interested in a serious relationship that may end up in marriage. He’s interested in what he can get for himself. Seriously. Dating IS courtship, or at least should be.
 
Scoobyshme said:
If a guy runs at the mention of courtship, then that’s the guy you want to make run! He’s not interested in a serious relationship that may end up in marriage. He’s interested in what he can get for himself. Seriously. Dating IS courtship, or at least should be.
Click to expand...
Dating is just hard these days I would advise against it for those who don’t have their house or issues in order. In other words you must be complete person in yourself and not expect someone else to pick you up or complete you.
 
@Sierrah: I sign both my hands under the “prize” part and good things come from when a woman understands what she’s giving and what the value of it is. But some wrong things may come from telling oneself, “you’re the prize, you’re the prize.” It’s like with parents telling their children they’re the smartest… until they believe it. But once you get a lady that 1) knows it, 2) is still modest, then you can probably see me within melee range readying to join the fray. 😉 Any guy who thinks like I do and it works on him as well.

@Rascalking, good list up there. I particularly like the sober-headed points. There’s something where I’d disagree, but kinda in keeping with some other point you make. That is, I believe in flowers on the first date. Heck, I’ll bring flowers to a non-date too. Just don’t get red roses, though, heck, I’ve done even that and I stand by what I did, which was some 9 Susan roses in the deep pink colour of those on wild bushes (and it wasn’t misunderstood for what it wasn’t; it was received generously… things didn’t work out for other reasons down the path).

Sierrah shall please explain how this makes me a player or a commitment phobic (per the other post)! 😉 😛
Rascalking said:
With all this stuff about courtship and everything, let’s not forget that dating/courtship/whatever should be, and is FUN. You can smile, flirt, kiss, hold hands, laugh at things, go to baseball games, hike, smoke cigars-there are 10,000 things to do that are, simply put, fun. Don’t wear sack cloth and ashes. That is, for me, a huge turn off. I hate that stuff.
Click to expand...
Yeah… I’d just throw in my usual protestation against happy kissing, serial kissing or whatever kinda kissing in “non-exclusive dating”, which makes it look like two commitments going or two non-committed relationships (and who knows what’s worse of the two).
EasterJoy said:
How’s that?
Click to expand...
Wonderful!
Bataar said:
I speak from many years of experience that the bolded part does not work if you’re pretty introverted and you actually want to date someone.
Click to expand...
Well, in that case one probably needs to meet a person 1) similarly introverted himself (for the understanding) - or refreshingly different and ready to exploit the difference (for the complementing). I tend to collect some flak in this regard myself.
 
chevalier said:
Well, in that case one probably needs to meet a person 1) similarly introverted himself (for the understanding) - or refreshingly different and ready to exploit the difference (for the complementing). I tend to collect some flak in this regard myself.
Click to expand...
The problem is that the seriously introverted person won’t meet that person.
 
Rascalking said:
With all this stuff about courtship and everything, let’s not forget that dating/courtship/whatever should be, and is FUN. You can smile, flirt, kiss, hold hands, laugh at things, go to baseball games, hike, smoke cigars-there are 10,000 things to do that are, simply put, fun. Don’t wear sack cloth and ashes. That is, for me, a huge turn off. I hate that stuff.
Click to expand...
Sorry, as a Catholic you should know that FUN has no place in dating. It’s all about a grimly serious process called “discernment”.

However, if you find that - despite your sincere efferts - you are in fact having FUN on a date, don’t despair. Just be sure to confess it at the earliest opportunity - and avoid all bus routes on the way, lest some inattentive transit worker send you on a one-way trip to the lake of fire 🙂
 
Bataar said:
The problem is that the seriously introverted person won’t meet that person.
Click to expand...
Strong introverts aren’t invincibly shy. They still meet people and make some contact. 🙂
TedDC said:
Sorry, as a Catholic you should know that FUN has no place in dating. It’s all about a grimly serious process called “discernment”.

However, if you find that - despite your sincere efferts - you are in fact having FUN on a date, don’t despair. Just be sure to confess it at the earliest opportunity - and avoid all bus routes on the way, lest some inattentive transit worker send you on a one-way trip to the lake of fire 🙂
Click to expand...
You get it wrong, sir. Fun can’t be the primary purpose but it definitely can be there. The matter is not to reduce another person to a source of fun that comes from interacting with him. The value of the fun must not precede the value of the person himself. Hence I sometimes throw a punch or two at the “dating for fun” arguments. It can’t be as careless as playing spin the bottle at age 30 or so but there’s no obligation to be dull and grim. I do the latter as an extra. 😛
 
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