Dating outside the Catholic faith

[ThatOneDudeAlex]

Hi all! I have a question that I feel a bit silly asking, but feel the need to put out there.

I was born, and have been raised, in a very Catholic household. I’m sixteen years old. I’m an usher and a Eucharistic Minister in my parish. I go to church every weekend, go on multiple retreats every year, etc…

Back in April, I met a girl I really liked, and we started dating. She is a Baptist. Also active in her church, she goes weekly, and helps with a youth group. Both of us take religion very seriously. We’ve talked about God, and everything, and have no problem with one another’s faith. At my age, it seems that most Catholics are only Catholic by title. I know few teenagers that actually go to, or even care about church.

My parents really like this girl as well, but have mentioned to me that they wish she were Catholic. Her mother is Catholic, while the rest of her family is Baptist, so I don’t think her family cares either way.

The point I’m getting to is this. Is it wrong for me to date a non-Catholic, even though she’s a religious person? Let me reiterate that I’m only sixteen. It’s not like I’m thinking about marriage or anything; I don’t think it’s a big deal. Thanks for any assistance in answering!

 

[ExLibris]

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

Catechism 845 in addition to Pope Innocent III

Oustide the Church there is no Salvation

That being said, I’m sure she’s a wonderful person. However, you must be very cautious as to not be swayed and deceived into heresy.

 

[SouthpawLink]

There are several different aspects to your question. Allow me to address them one by one:

1. You said you have no problem with her faith but the truth is that you should be concerned about her soul, for there is no salvation outside the Catholic Church. All non-Catholics should seriously consider the claims of the Catholic Church as being the one and only Church of Christ.
2. It is not inherently wrong to date a non-Catholic, but the Church has long opposed it (given the principle that courtship, or dating, is aimed towards marriage); please read this papal encyclical on mixed marriages:

papalencyclicals.net/Greg16/g16summo.htm

1. You may not be thinking of marriage, but you should be weary of committing sins of impurity while in her company, whether in thought (lust) or in deed (i.e. all four bases).

God bless.

 

[ESMDHokie77]

God Bless ya, I’ll be praying for you and I hope you’ll do the same for me, I’m in a slightly similar situation.

Eventually, you’ll need to start talking about how you would raise kids if you were to get married. It’s a big talk. Hopefully, you want your kids to be Catholic, if not, you need to question why not. Please don’t separate yourself from the Eucharist. Hopefully she isn’t asking you to prove your beliefs or trying to sway you.

Since you have said you’re not thinking about marriage yet, then I suggest that dating is just fine, but be strong in your faith.

 

[Monica4316]

How open is she to your faith?

 

[Redratfish]

How open is she to your faith?

He said that her mother is Catholic. To me that sounds open.

I am also sixteen and in the same situation as you. The people here have valid points, but they may try to sway you away.

My parents came from mixed religion, and gave me the following guide rules:

1. She has to respect your beliefs (her mother is Catholic so I doubt there will be a problem for you)
2. You must attend Mass on Sunday as always, you may attend her church, but not be active in ministry.
3. If there are attacks on your faith, I am to let them know.

I see those as good guidelines.

 

[xcbaz]

I think that dating is reserved for discerning a marriage partner.

That said, it’s so important to have serious Christian friends and for Christians to share the many things they do have in common, so I could perceive a great friendship with this young woman, provided you feel very firm in your beliefs and the two of you are circumspect with each other (interacting more in groups).

I used to think that dating Christians of other denominations was acceptable because a fervent Protestant would be preferable to a “liberal” Catholic or non-religious, but I think there really are more differences than would allow a marriage and raising a devout Catholic family. Especially in this day and age, I think it is increasingly important that the parents provide an exceptional Catholic foundation.

Just my thoughts…

 

[Monica4316]

He said that her mother is Catholic. To me that sounds open.

hmm well I asked because there are some people whose families are Catholic, but they converted to Protestantism and actually disagree with Catholicism quite a bit, or not even consider their family to be Christian. It depends on the person

 

[Redratfish]

hmm well I asked because there are some people whose families are Catholic, but they converted to Protestantism and actually disagree with Catholicism quite a bit, or not even consider their family to be Christian. It depends on the person

True, I guess we need more information about the girl’s mother first.

 

[ThatOneDudeAlex]

1. You may not be thinking of marriage, but you should be weary of committing sins of impurity while in her company, whether in thought (lust) or in deed (i.e. all four bases).

We have discussed this, and both have the same views on how “physical” we’re willing to get before marriage. The simple answer is, we’re rather conservative,

Since you have said you’re not thinking about marriage yet, then I suggest that dating is just fine, but be strong in your faith.

This is precisely what I told my parents. My faith will not sway in the slightest.

1. She has to respect your beliefs (her mother is Catholic so I doubt there will be a problem for you) She went to a Catholic grade school, and attends a Catholic high school. She’s actually gone to church with me twice so far. She hasn’t a single problem with it.
2. You must attend Mass on Sunday as always, you may attend her church, but not be active in ministry. If and when I do, I’ve already decided that it will not count as my “once weekly”

Replies bolded.

True, I guess we need more information about the girl’s mother first.

Her mother suffers of a physical condition that restricts her of getting out and going to church every week. She does, however, go when she can, and watches mass on the air/receives communion from a minister when she’s unable… assuming that settles things about her faith?

Thank you all for your replies. I’d love to hear more opinions, and I’m glad for the most part, I’m receiving support from everyone

 

[ExLibris]

If you search the Ask an Apologist section, this question has been asked and answered a couple of times.

Here’s the answer they typically link to:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=312275

Before plunging into the world of dating, I think you need to take a step back and consider the purpose of dating. The purpose of dating is to discern whether or not you are called to marriage, and, if so, to whom you should be married. But what is marriage? Marriage, like the religious life, is a vocation that forms the couple in sanctity and gives each partner someone to help him on the road to heaven. Should the marriage be blessed by children, the parents work together to form their children in sanctity and lead them to heaven.

When we consider the purpose of marriage, we begin to see why it is a very bad idea for Catholics to date non-Catholics, particularly when an individual Catholic is not well-formed in his faith and is vulnerable to leaving the Church out of a desire to please someone to whom he is romantically attracted.

I’ve said this a number of times before, but it is worth repeating: Marriage is not an official stamp on a romance. You should not be seeking a GFF (GirlFriend Forever) but an attractive (on all levels, not just the physical), orthodox Catholic woman with whom you can live as husband and wife for the rest of your lives. That means turning down temptations to develop platonic friendships with non-Catholic women into anything deeper than that. A non-Catholic woman may indeed be a fantastic, lovely woman who will make a lucky man a wonderful wife and mother to his children. But if you truly care about her, you will free her to find someone who shares her religious beliefs and can help her to raise her children with her religious beliefs. As a Catholic, you cannot join her church or consent to allow your children to be raised as non-Catholics. Period. It is not a matter of “dismissing” or “disrespecting” her beliefs but of staying true and faithful to your own.

If you click the link there’s more information available at the bottom of the response post.

 

[TemplarJPN]

I knew my wife throughout junior high and high school. we lost contact and met up again on Facebook. She told me she wasnt’ religious but didn’t mind the fact that I’m Catholic. We started dating and I started talking to her about the Catholic Church. She decided to go to church with me one time and it happened to be on the Feast of Corpus Christi and my church has a EF High Mass on that feast and she totally fell in love with it. Tears were in her eyes the entire time when we got back in my truck she said “I have NEVER felt God like that in my life, not in any church or anywhere have I felt God like that” She then decided to become Catholic. I began to teach her about the faith and she enrolled in the RCIA course we got married October 31st 2010 and she became Catholic this year on Easter. It can and does work with people of other faiths or people that aren’t religious. God works in mysterious ways like that. Best of luck to you.

Pax Christi,

TemplarJPN :knight2:

 

[SouthpawLink]

ThatOneDudeAlex,
Please understand that if you attend a non-Catholic worship service, it should be for a grave reason and that you must refrain from active participation: singing, praying, responding to psalms, etc. Even if there’s nothing heretical about the prayers, you would be sending the message that you agree with that faith (or that there’s nothing wrong with it); joining with them in prayer would give scandal and you would appear to be confirming them in their errors (these are all reasons given by the Holy Office, a Roman congregation of great authority, on why Catholics cannot participate in worship with non-Catholics). Please carefully read paragraphs 5-7 of this important article on the matter:

latinmassmagazine.com/articles/articles_2006_AC_Allan.html

God bless!

 

[laszlo]

I my opinion, even if you are just 16, you are developing a habit for your life.

With great probability you will be married, and your dating today determines the habit, how will you chose your wife. So responsibly you must ask the question: what if this relationship last until it is time to marry?

It does not mean necessary that you cannot date a Baptist, but the possibility of long term life together even in your age is a serious consideration.

 

[ThatOneDudeAlex]

it is a very bad idea for Catholics to date non-Catholics, particularly when an individual Catholic is not well-formed in his faith and is vulnerable to leaving the Church out of a desire to please someone to whom he is romantically attracted

This is also something I’ve greatly considered. I feel certain that I’m solid enough in my faith so I cannot me shaken. If I start to feel I’m being drawn away from the Church, I assure you I’ll speak with my family, priest, (or the lovely members of CAF )

ThatOneDudeAlex,
Please understand that if you attend a non-Catholic worship service, it should be for a grave reason and that you must refrain from active participation: singing, praying, responding to psalms, etc. Even if there’s nothing heretical about the prayers, you would be sending the message that you agree with that faith (or that there’s nothing wrong with it); joining with them in prayer would give scandal and you would appear to be confirming them in their errors (these are all reasons given by the Holy Office, a Roman congregation of great authority, on why Catholics cannot participate in worship with non-Catholics). Please carefully read paragraphs 5-7 of this important article on the matter:

latinmassmagazine.com/articles/articles_2006_AC_Allan.html

God bless!

If it were a non-Christian service, I’d understand, but given the circumstances, I don’t. Yes, there are obviously differences, but aren’t the basics the same? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’d ever consider anything but Catholicism, but I don’t see the harm in attending a different Christian service occasionally if you keep faithful to the Church.

 

[thistle]

Hi all! I have a question that I feel a bit silly asking, but feel the need to put out there.

I was born, and have been raised, in a very Catholic household. I’m sixteen years old. I’m an usher and a Eucharistic Minister in my parish. I go to church every weekend, go on multiple retreats every year, etc…

Back in April, I met a girl I really liked, and we started dating. She is a Baptist. Also active in her church, she goes weekly, and helps with a youth group. Both of us take religion very seriously. We’ve talked about God, and everything, and have no problem with one another’s faith. At my age, it seems that most Catholics are only Catholic by title. I know few teenagers that actually go to, or even care about church.

My parents really like this girl as well, but have mentioned to me that they wish she were Catholic. Her mother is Catholic, while the rest of her family is Baptist, so I don’t think her family cares either way.

The point I’m getting to is this. Is it wrong for me to date a non-Catholic, even though she’s a religious person? Let me reiterate that I’m only sixteen. It’s not like I’m thinking about marriage or anything; I don’t think it’s a big deal. Thanks for any assistance in answering!

I was a Methodist when my Catholic wife and I got married. She spent 10 years praying daily for my conversion and it worked so in our case a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic Christian was to the benefit of the non-Catholic (me).

Sorry to digress but you are not a Eucharistic Minister. The priest is the Eucharistic Minister. A lay person cannot be that. You are an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion (EMHC).

 

[ronin67]

Unequally yoked? Does she follow and accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior? If she does, this verse does not apply (she is not unequally yoked). Now if she was a Buddhist, then they would be unequally yoked. However, even in this case, how are we to know that the one who follows Christ won’t guide him or her who follows Buddhism to the truth of Christ? In many cases God may have a plan for the person who is in a situation we Christians identify as being “Unequally Yoked”.

 Please that whole "You can't be saved outside the Catholic Church" is not the biblical case written in scripture (The Catholic Church didn't even exist as it is recognized today when this phrase was first stated by the Apostle Paul).  If you haven't noticed, Baptist read and know more about scripture then the average Catholic (from my experience, although I have met quite a few Catholics who are the exception), so what is the worst that could happen in this relationship?  She encourages him to read the Holy Bible more?  How is that bad?  Where does Catholic Tradition and other Catholic Doctrine outside the Holy Bible contradict what the Holy Bible says?  If it does contradict, then who or what side is wrong?   I do recall that one of the recent Popes did state that there is salvation outside the Catholic Church.  If this was in fact stated, then why do Catholics overstep there boundries by questioning this successor of Saint Peter (The Rock)?

May God bless all who repent of there sins and accept Jesus Christ as there Lord and Savior.

Ed

 

[Mamanurse]

I know you are only 16, but the sole purpose of dating is to eventually find a suitable spouse. Therefore, I would have to caution you against dating a non-catholic. I am married to a non-catholic, and I can tell you its no easy path. You cannot express your faith to someone who doesn’t believe in it. Why not just be friends? It sure will make your life a lot easier if you keep the romance out of it.

 

[ThatOneDudeAlex]

Sorry to digress but you are not a Eucharistic Minister. The priest is the Eucharistic Minister. A lay person cannot be that. You are an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion (EMHC).

That’s what I meant, actually Couldn’t think of the correct terminology, but thanks~

Unequally yoked? Does she follow and accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior? If she does, this verse does not apply (she is not unequally yoked). Now if she was a Buddhist, then they would be unequally yoked. However, even in this case, how are we to know that the one who follows Christ won’t guide him or her who follows Buddhism to the truth of Christ? In many cases God may have a plan for the person who is in a situation we Christians identify as being “Unequally Yoked”.

 Please that whole "You can't be saved outside the Catholic Church" is not the biblical case written in scripture (The Catholic Church didn't even exist as it is recognized today when this phrase was first stated by the Apostle Paul).  If you haven't noticed, Baptist read and know more about scripture then the average Catholic (from my experience, although I have met quite a few Catholics who are the exception), so what is the worst that could happen in this relationship?  She encourages him to read the Holy Bible more?  How is that bad?  Where does Catholic Tradition and other Catholic Doctrine outside the Holy Bible contradict what the Holy Bible says?  If it does contradict, then who or what side is wrong?   I do recall that one of the recent Popes did state that there is salvation outside the Catholic Church.  If this was in fact stated, then why do Catholics overstep there boundries by questioning this successor of Saint Peter (The Rock)?

May God bless all who repent of there sins and accept Jesus Christ as there Lord and Savior.

Ed

Ed, I thank you. This pretty much explains what I’ve thought throughout this whole thing. A Christian, is a Christian.

I know you are only 16, but the sole purpose of dating is to eventually find a suitable spouse. Why not just be friends? It sure will make your life a lot easier if you keep the romance out of it.

Is, “We don’t wanna’ be just friends.” a suitable answer? No disrespect or anything, I’m only kidding, but you have to see it from my point of view.

As an adult, (I’m assuming, since you’re married ) you’re able to think in that way, but imagine when you were my age. I don’t know of any teenager who didn’t want to date. I’ve found someone who’s a very nice, strong Christian, and I’m comfortable dating her. And to address your first point, I agree to a degree. Dating “for fun” can end up with selfish decisions, and bad choices. I, however, date to see the different types of people. For example, my last girlfriend was rather “clingy” and jealous. Ultimately, we broke up, but in the long run, I learned that when I am ready to get married, the person will have to be okay with me hanging out with other females.

Even though I’m not considering marriage right now, dating still helps me to find my future wife.

…I hope someone followed that

 

[Redratfish]

Ed, I thank you. This pretty much explains what I’ve thought throughout this whole thing. A Christian, is a Christian.** True, but they are also very different. They have common ground, but infant baptism, communion, holy orders, confession, and other sacraments are different. While your potential girlfriend sounds accepting, make sure that you know that while both are Christian, they are not the same.**

Is, “We don’t wanna’ be just friends.” a suitable answer? No disrespect or anything, I’m only kidding, but you have to see it from my point of view.

As an adult, (I’m assuming, since you’re married ) you’re able to think in that way, but imagine when you were my age. I don’t know of any teenager who didn’t want to date. I’ve found someone who’s a very nice, strong Christian, and I’m comfortable dating her. And to address your first point, I agree to a degree. Dating “for fun” can end up with selfish decisions, and bad choices. I, however, date to see the different types of people. For example, my last girlfriend was rather “clingy” and jealous. Ultimately, we broke up, but in the long run, I learned that when I am ready to get married, the person will have to be okay with me hanging out with other females.

Even though I’m not considering marriage right now, dating still helps me to find my future wife.

…I hope someone followed that
I did, but be warned that you are going to be told that dating is for discerning marriage only, and that dating for fun is wrong, and a curse of modern day.

responses in bold