Dating someone older

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lifeandhope said:
James, I’m so sorry your wife has Alzheimer’s dementia. May God bless you for taking care of her–I pray He undergirds you and supports you as you care for her. Your love for her is obvious.

As a female, I think I could have dated within a year or two younger, but I am an old soul. My husband is almost eight years older and I tease him about being in the Navy when I was in elementary school, but other than that it doesn’t really matter. My best friend is in a divorce process; her husband was 22 years older, which was a complete generation, and it really was not workable for them. Once you’re over 25ish I think a reasonable age difference is doable. Best wishes, either way!
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That is amazing James! I’m so glad that there are still caring people out there like you.

My husband was in the Army when I was in elementary school. So I can relate to that.

It really wasn’t a surprise to anyone that really knew me well when I married a man 10 years older then me. I was never a party person, and can’t stand the smell of alcohol. Most guys in their early 20’s go through that party phase in their life where they are free and in college. So I hung out with older guys, guys that had grown up and matured. They were over the party phase in their lives and ready to settle down. We have been married for 14 years now and are expecting child #6 in a few months.

The only age related issue I worry about is the fact that I will still be fertile while he is in his fifties. It’s something that I have posted about in other threads. I am open to life and wouldn’t mind having a few more kids, but I wonder if he will be too old to be a good father. Other than that, our age difference is no big deal.
 
MrsFlapjack said:
That is amazing James! I’m so glad that there are still caring people out there like you.
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Thank you

Snip
The only age related issue I worry about is the fact that I will still be fertile while he is in his fifties. It’s something that I have posted about in other threads. I am open to life and wouldn’t mind having a few more kids, but I wonder if he will be too old to be a good father. Other than that, our age difference is no big deal.
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If he is a good father now - there is no reason he won’t be a good father then…

Peace
James
 
I think the older you get the less age matters. A few years should be no big deal. JMO
 
My boyfriend is 7 years older than I am, and we started dating when I was 18 (just shy of 19). I know this is an opposite scenario of the writer, who is asking about an older woman, but in some ways I think the experience is universal.

The thing he did that made me feel most safe in the beginning is read an article that was a few months old at the time on my Facebook, that was titled something like “why i deeply dislike your older boyfriend”, which was all about the power imbalances of an age discrepant relationship, and then dedicate a lot of time to making sure he avoided the potential pitfalls with us. He discussed all the potential problems with me and the ways he thought we could make sure it wasn’t an issue with us. It really showed that he took the age difference seriously, and wouldn’t take advantage of me through it.

About 14 months after this, we’re still together, and are in fact planning our engagement. I think age differences in relationships can work, even ones where the people involved are pretty young, if both people take precautions to avoid problems like power imbalances early on. It really is just a matter of both people being respectful and responsible to the other party, and having good communication skills.
 
My only real love (I mean this love between men and women, not love like love God) I ever had and still have is a girl that’s 4,7 years older than me.
Crescentinus said:
I’m 22. It IS that big of a deal to me.
The problem for me is would she understand my views, hobbies and interests if she older OR younger than me?
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I am 22 too and she is very very similar to me.
 
annspazz said:
I think the older you get the less age matters. A few years should be no big deal. JMO
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I disagree. My experience had taught me that dating younger or older women had proven to be disastrous.
 
Not to be snide, but what dating experience of yours HASN’T been disastrous, from the tone of your comments?
 
Crescentinus said:
Let us look at this from my interests and hobbies. The odd thing is, older women are not very fond of anime, video games nor cosplay. Younger women tend to go for more famous anime that are mediocre (there are famous anime that aren’t mediocre), go for really boring games or view cosplay as a ladder to fame (all thanks to the likes of Alodia Gosengfiao no less).
Sad thing is, there are few actual female gamers here in Manila.
I had become stricter in my age range partly due to the lessons learned from previous romantic failures and partly due to interests. Hence, my current standard is that she must be up to 9 months older than me or 9 months younger than me.
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You are going to think I am really old because I really have no idea what ‘anime’ and ‘cosplay’ are. Not to mention the statement ‘cosply as a ladder to fame’ is a statement that has me totally baffled.

But, at the risk of sounding really dump, I will say this appears to be some video games and I will also take a guess you young kids play on the internet nowadays. And that has got to be the MOST shallow criteria for picking a mate. Catholics date to eventually get married and over looking someone who doesn’t like the #1 video game of 2012 when in 5 years, technology will have changed so much unless you have a backwards compatible equipement you will not be able to play it is shallow at best.

Marriage is based on consideration, compromise, faith in God, trust and other such things. Or maybe, that is why people didn’t get divorced in the past, there were no video games to argue about :rolleyes:

As for the + or - 9 month rule…loosen up, life is too short to be that calculating

CM
 
JRKH said:
The age difference has become an issue, but only in the sense that she is now terminally ill with Alzheimer’s dementia - generally a disease of the aged, and I am, at age 57, her primary caregiver.
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James you sound like a good man. And yes, it is a blessing. My best friend spent last year in bed (he was 94). When he was in the hospital down the street, I visited him every day. When he moved to a nursing home across town, I visted every week. He died last July, and it was the BEST year of my life. The odd thing is, without the commitment of visiting him, I am a lot more exhausted and find little time to clean my appartment and I can not remember being so burned when I was taking care of him. Enjoy this time, it is a gift !

CM
 
cmscms said:
You are going to think I am really old because I really have no idea what ‘anime’ and ‘cosplay’ are. Not to mention the statement ‘cosply as a ladder to fame’ is a statement that has me totally baffled.

But, at the risk of sounding really dump, I will say this appears to be some video games and I will also take a guess you young kids play on the internet nowadays. And that has got to be the MOST shallow criteria for picking a mate. Catholics date to eventually get married and over looking someone who doesn’t like the #1 video game of 2012 when in 5 years, technology will have changed so much unless you have a backwards compatible equipement you will not be able to play it is shallow at best.

Marriage is based on consideration, compromise, faith in God, trust and other such things. Or maybe, that is why people didn’t get divorced in the past, there were no video games to argue about :rolleyes:

As for the + or - 9 month rule…loosen up, life is too short to be that calculating

CM
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Where I live, people who are older than I am generally have little idea on why people of my generation like video games, anime and cosplay.
The whole “cosplay as a ladder to fame” thing is a little tricky, but I’ll explain. Ever since Alodia Gosengfiao’s fame in cosplay became mainstream thanks to the media, a lot of cosplayers have this notion that if they want to be famous, they have to act like Alodia. Problem is, cosplay is not for fame but a hobby.

I know that. Hence, I do not want a woman who would not love me because I am playing video games or online games that are not famous. Sadly, there are many young women in Manila who think that if one plays famous games, watches famous anime or watches famous Korean dramas, that person is perfect boyfriend material. Here’s the weird part. They are younger than I am. Here’s the annoying part. A lot of them have this notion that they must break up with their boyfriends so that they can date celebrities. :mad:

What are you suggesting? Should I replace the rule or do away with it?
 
cmscms said:
You are going to think I am really old because I really have no idea what ‘anime’ and ‘cosplay’ are. Not to mention the statement ‘cosply as a ladder to fame’ is a statement that has me totally baffled.

But, at the risk of sounding really dump, I will say this appears to be some video games and I will also take a guess you young kids play on the internet nowadays. And that has got to be the MOST shallow criteria for picking a mate. Catholics date to eventually get married and over looking someone who doesn’t like the #1 video game of 2012 when in 5 years, technology will have changed so much unless you have a backwards compatible equipement you will not be able to play it is shallow at best.

Marriage is based on consideration, compromise, faith in God, trust and other such things. Or maybe, that is why people didn’t get divorced in the past, there were no video games to argue about :rolleyes:

As for the + or - 9 month rule…loosen up, life is too short to be that calculating

CM
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I second this…👍
 
cmscms said:
James you sound like a good man. And yes, it is a blessing. My best friend spent last year in bed (he was 94). When he was in the hospital down the street, I visited him every day. When he moved to a nursing home across town, I visted every week. He died last July, and it was the BEST year of my life. The odd thing is, without the commitment of visiting him, I am a lot more exhausted and find little time to clean my apartment and I can not remember being so burned when I was taking care of him. Enjoy this time, it is a gift !

CM
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Thank you for your kind words.
You are truly blessed that you were given this opportunity and that you took it. Many who could do not…I even wonder if I would have chosen to do what you did.

While I’m not sure that “enjoy” this time - I do agree that it is a gift - every day - every smile - is a gift…

Peace
James
 
AllSeasons said:
If you’re a guy, have you dated someone older than you, say by 1 or 2 years? If so, how was it? Did the age difference ever become an issue? Thank you in advance.
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My dad is 15 years older than my mom! (I feel so proud when I say that, lol)
They were so in love and they still love each other. The age gap has never been an issue. 😃
 
Crescentinus said:
Let us look at this from my interests and hobbies. The odd thing is, older women are not very fond of anime, video games nor cosplay. Younger women tend to go for more famous anime that are mediocre (there are famous anime that aren’t mediocre), go for really boring games or view cosplay as a ladder to fame (all thanks to the likes of Alodia Gosengfiao no less).
Sad thing is, there are few actual female gamers here in Manila.
I had become stricter in my age range partly due to the lessons learned from previous romantic failures and partly due to interests. Hence, my current standard is that she must be up to 9 months older than me or 9 months younger than me.
Click to expand...
But you better be open about what God wants for you. We never know. He knows better who is the right one just for you. 🙂
 
Crescentinus said:
Where I live, people who are older than I am generally have little idea on why people of my generation like video games, anime and cosplay.
The whole “cosplay as a ladder to fame” thing is a little tricky, but I’ll explain. Ever since Alodia Gosengfiao’s fame in cosplay became mainstream thanks to the media, a lot of cosplayers have this notion that if they want to be famous, they have to act like Alodia. Problem is, cosplay is not for fame but a hobby.

I know that. Hence, I do not want a woman who would not love me because I am playing video games or online games that are not famous. Sadly, there are many young women in Manila who think that if one plays famous games, watches famous anime or watches famous Korean dramas, that person is perfect boyfriend material. Here’s the weird part. They are younger than I am. Here’s the annoying part. A lot of them have this notion that they must break up with their boyfriends so that they can date celebrities. :mad:

What are you suggesting? Should I replace the rule or do away with it?
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It seems like your issue is not necessarily one of age but rather an extremely specific set of interests. Does a woman have to be into anime, video games and cosplay to qualify as relationship material for you, or is there some other common ground that you can find?

I realize that it may be easier if she shares your interests - after all, relationships require that people are present to each other to work, and gaming/anime/cosplay can be very time-consuming and thus not a draw for people who are not interested in them. How much would you be willing to give on your hobbies for a woman who might not be as into them as you are but who otherwise is a great person, is interested in you, and (last but definitely not least) shares your faith?
 
Crescentinus said:
What are you suggesting? Should I replace the rule or do away with it?
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I am suggesting that there is a lot more to relationships than playing video games together and should replace the mentality of of what you look for in a girlfriend
 
E_7 said:
Maybe because, when you are dating, you are not pursuing marriage ? Is this your case? 🙂
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Yes, it is one of the reasons why. Back then, I never really considered marriage. One the reasons was because I was very young (around 17).
 
E_7 said:
But you better be open about what God wants for you. We never know. He knows better who is the right one just for you. 🙂
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And how exactly do I do that? I am confused about this. :o
 
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