Daughter and The fancy dress shop

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I think that requires a certain amount of knowing what her friends are wearing, especially if the parent isn’t in tune with modern formal attire styles for teenage girls.
 
Who said anything about looking weird? She’s a 14 year old girl, I promise she knows what her friends are wearing…hence the desire for a bridal store. She doesn’t need her family over her shoulder emphasizing the importance of fitting in and looking like everyone else, she already gets enough of that. Her family should be a safe place to come home to no matter how well she fits in at school, and they should teach her how to build authentic confidence, because those dreaded faux pas happen to us all.

Of course to be confident, you have to know you look good. Mom should teach her how to find, pick out, and wear formal dresses that flatter her hair and skin/hair tone (I can’t wear yellow) and are appropriate for the event. This is an important life skill! But, part of that is learning to work with a budget, and to shop for a look instead of a brand. If she’s in a beautiful dress that’s appropriate for an 8th grade formal, I promise her 14 year old friends won’t know or care if it’s a de la Renta or a no name from a local boutique.

Likewise, as an adult, unless she’s truly in the uppermost eschelons of law or business, any tailored, style-appropriate, conservative suit will be fine. It doesn’t have to be purchased from a specific store or even from one of a few select stores.

Wear things that are in style, good repair, and appropriate for the occasion with attention to detail - matching accessories, hair, makeup, nails, no visible bra straps or pantylines, dress shoes (preferably with heels) and you’ll always look great regardless of budget or label. Admittedly though, the lower the budget, the more time it takes.
 
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BlueEyedLadies said:
Who said anything about looking weird?
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Well, that’s the other worst case scenario that we’re trying to avoid here.

Think of it as Scylla and Charybdis: one the one hand, mindless conformity, vanity and spending for the sake of spending, and one the other hand, being cheap for no good reason, out of step for the sake of being out of step from some mistaken sense of principle and/or laziness, and sending her to the dance looking and feeling awkward.

I don’t think the OP is in danger of either extreme, but that’s how I would conceptualize the problem.

(My personal position is a dress budget with the option of the daughter chipping in, and flexibility with regard to where she gets the dress, but with a first stop at the mom’s preferred store.)
 
True story–I forget if it was the 7th or 8th grade dance, but one year my daughter’s grade had a black-and-white themed dance, and somebody came in a panda suit.
 
Interesting. Was it like a full on mascot deal or like a panda hoodie? If it’s the former, that’s a lot of bank the parents were willing to put up just to be obnoxious.
 
Big Girl says full body panda suit. I always assumed that he just happened to have it, but who knows?

The kid must have been SO hot dancing in that.

(These are not super formal dances.)
 
It seems that I’ve been misunderstood by some posters.
From the care with which she wants to take in picking out her dress, she seems to be saying that this is her first public fashion statement. A modern ‘coming out’ party. No, she won’t be the hostess, the one that must dress well. But, she seems to have gotten the idea that this is her first public, formal appearance, the one where her clothes and demeanor will set the stage for other such events. It may be the first non family function, the first time that she will be responsible for the statements she makes. And, puberty is a difficult time for all young people.
I’m not over emphasizing this event. And not giving her a ‘free pass’ to lord it over other kids who may not have the means or the savvy to really make a statement.
Hopefully, the OP and her husband have already stressed the fact that clothes don’t make the person. And, she’s been warned about the dangers of ‘false friends’ and other shallow people.
It’s just that this dance, for whatever reason, is of great importance to her. Hopefully, she has been instructed in the importance of being kind, and has had instruction in proper etiquette. And the idea that it’s best to stay within her family’s budget.
So, is it really too much to get her a dress that she can wear with confidence and assurance at this dance? She seems to think it is important. So, staying within your budget, I don’t think its too much to ask. She’s at a vulnerable stage of life. I just hope that she can walk into that hall, and just dance, and have fun. She’s entering a new phase of life…from puberty to adolescence!
So, do the best, within your power, to see that she enters this phase with confidence. And is able to have a good time!
 
F_Marturana said:
I’m a little shocked though. She’s really not a dress girl. I never would have guessed she’d want the fancy store experience.
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She is only in eighth grade. Maybe she is growing into being a dress girl. I wouldn’t label her with regards to this. It will make it akward for her. Enjoy that she is comfortable dressing up or down, or is at least headed in that direction.
 
I know. I wouldn’t tell her these things. I give a bit of leeway with clothing choices, as long as they are modest and not too strange.
 
I am always of two minds about peer pressure. On one hand, teens can do some stupid things under pressure from their friends. On the other hand learning how to fit in really is an important adult skill. (I note that peer pressure in college also often enforced things like not substituting axe body spray for regular bathing.)
 
Set a reasonable price for a beautiful dress. Ask her to pay the difference.

You need to be fair and do this too all of the kids for similar situations.

You have to budget; she might as well learn budgeting too.

Her tastes may change when she realizes she’s paying too much for something flimsy, stains easily, or out of fashion too soon.

Or her taste in friends may mature when she notices how she had to sacrifice and work for something that they take for granted – including friendship.
 
We purchased a very nice dress!

We went to a nice department store, there was a sale. It’s a pretty dress with cap sleeves, and lace overlay. It fits perfectly.

We did contemplate her wearing a dress I had before I was married. It’s in excellent condition, and the style is a classic “little black dress”. It needed a little bit of altering.

I got a dress as well for her graduation. I spent on two dresses less than 100 dollars!
 
That was very fortunate for you…and your daughter. Hope she has a wonderful time at the dance!
 
My first reaction was that it’s not necessary to do this. She’s pretty easy to fit. She’s also not a dress girl. She wears jeans, t shirt and hoodie all the time. Sometimes a nice sweater and slacks. Dresses on occasions (Confirmation, her brother’s first communion, grand parents anniversary party)

So it just seems odd to me she wants the dress shop dress.
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She could be gingerly moving out of the tomboy phase and doesn’t quite know how to broach the subject with you. If it’s in your budget, I would go along with it and chat with her to see where her mind is on this.
 
Or just realizing that you don’t have to be one or the other.

I have dresses and skirts and blouses in my wardrobe. I also have men’s graphic tees and basketball shorts.
 
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