Daughter dating boy with "two dads"

[joandarc2008]

Ken- Just to follow up on what ThyKingdomCome just posted - would the dinner make you any less uncomfortable if it was “two moms” and not “two dads?” I don’t want to judge you but sometimes it is good to look at what is making our hearts do most of the pitter-patter.

 

[KenTreece]

In response to the question, “Would I be more comfortable if it were two moms instead of two dads,” my answer is “No.”

Someone else raised the point how could I let my daughter date this boy if his family situation makes me uncomfortable. I think that’s an excellent question…and one I’m not certain I have a good answer for. I suppose I’ve been very “hands off” when it comes to her social life and have trusted her to make the right decisions. Maybe I’ve been too lenient in this regard. But, she’s a very good student, has a weekend job, and attends Mass weekly without complaint. I have no reason to believe that she uses alcohol or drugs or that she is not still a virgin. Overall, she’s a pretty good kid…by no means perfect, but a pretty good kid. Again, I’m not certain that’s an answer, but that’s all I’ve got.

One last thing, there was another suggestion that I shouldn’t bring any young children to this dinner. I’m flummoxed by that suggestion. If I believed our hosts were going to engage in any inappropriate behavior during dinner, I wouldn’t go…period. But, if all this is is dinner, I don’t see how young children will be adversely influenced simply by being there. There is no way they would know what the relationship is between our hosts.

Once again, thank you for all of the thoughtful responses.

 

[kage_ar]

Let’s say you are letting your daughter date and she picks a boy with parents

In an invalid marriage - both have been divorced and remarried 3X’s

Who are Baptist preachers at a Church that hosts “Catholic Church is the Whore of Babylon” lectures

Pagans

Satanists

Do you go have dinner and take all the sibs to meet them?

 

[KenTreece]

Let’s say you are letting your daughter date and she picks a boy with parents

In an invalid marriage - both have been divorced and remarried 3X’s

Who are Baptist preachers at a Church that hosts “Catholic Church is the Whore of Babylon” lectures

Pagans

Satanists

Do you go have dinner and take all the sibs to meet them?

With the exception of the first hypothetical, the rest are over the top, and I don’t feel the need to respond to them.

As for the invalidly married couple…again, how would young children know that to be influenced by it? I’m missing how eating dinner by itself is going to influence a young child’s views of homosexuality…a topic they don’t understand in the first place.

I think I’ve said all I can in this regard.

 

[m_crane]

Well I sure am glad you aren’t the Pope. Any sin… Let’s see…if this boy tells a lie…I guess he should be thrown to the wolves.
A simple lie and the open practice of homosexuality are sins of a very different gravity.Would Jesus go if invited?

Jesus never went along with everything he was invited to do by others. He used his own discernment.
Jesus sat down to eat with many sinners but only when they were repentant

 

[kage_ar]

With the exception of the first hypothetical, the rest are over the top, and I don’t feel the need to respond to them.

.

Over the top?

Those churches exist in every town in the USA.

I know Pagans, they are very very common.

Satanists as well, there are Satanists in your town, likely in your kid’s school.

 

[KenTreece]

Jesus never went along with everything he was invited to do by others. He used his own discernment.
Jesus sat down to eat with many sinners but only when they were repentant

I don’t see how this explains Jesus eating Passover with Judas. And, even if repentant, those sinners all sinned again, I’m pretty sure.

Moreover, I’m not certain you can make that blanket statement without some support from Mother Church. If I am wrong, I am ready to stand corrected.

 

[KenTreece]

Over the top?

Those churches exist in every town in the USA.

I know Pagans, they are very very common.

Satanists as well, there are Satanists in your town, likely in your kid’s school.

Well, I don’t know any paganists or Satanists, at least of which I am aware. My point being you’re hypotheticals are radically different from my current situation.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

One last thing, there was another suggestion that I shouldn’t bring any young children to this dinner. I’m flummoxed by that suggestion. If I believed our hosts were going to engage in any inappropriate behavior during dinner, I wouldn’t go…period. But, if all this is is dinner, I don’t see how young children will be adversely influenced simply by being there. There is no way they would know what the relationship is between our hosts.

That was me. This is something we’ve thought of, because until last year, we lived across the street from a male gay couple, and they’ve invited our family to their house a couple of times. The problem is that there is more revelation of people’s lives inside their house than out. For example, might their be pictures around the house that depict the couple embracing, or show them in a way that makes it obvious that they are a couple? Because you’re in their house, will they feel more comfortable being affectionate with each other in front of you, or being more open in their conversation about their lifestyle? Will they take you on a tour of the house, and will the kids notice that they both stay in the same bedroom, in only one bed? Or maybe they won’t take you on a tour, but what if the bathroom is next to the bedroom, and it gets noticed. It’s those little incidentals that we don’t see from outside of the house, that keep some of the details of their life unknown. Once you go in the house, you might find yourself finding out a lot more about them, just by being there. Which is fine for people who already understand the issues and have a firm foundation in Catholic morality. But for young children, it could be too much information too soon. In our case, we were always “busy” for these events (there weren’t too many, so it wasn’t a huge deal). We want our kids to be a little older before they even know what “gay” means. And once they know, the less it surrounds them, the less “normal” they’ll think it is, the less likely they’ll be to think of it as just another lifestyle that is discriminated against unfairly.

 

[KenTreece]

Because you’re in their house, will they feel more comfortable being affectionate with each other in front of you, or being more open in their conversation about their lifestyle?

I appreciate your concerns. Were those listed above to happen, we’d be excusing ourselves rather quickly. Given that this couple knows our background and hasn’t prevented our daughter from taking her boyfriend to Mass, I’m not anticipating any such shenanigans. I could be in for a surprise, but, if so, that’ll be the last time they’ll surprise me.

 

[m_crane]

I don’t see how this explains Jesus eating Passover with Judas. And, even if repentant, those sinners all sinned again, I’m pretty sure.

Moreover, I’m not certain you can make that blanket statement without some support from Mother Church. If I am wrong, I am ready to stand corrected.

Jesus invited Judas to that meal on His terms. Judas had not yet completed his sin of betrayal, a grave matter. So I don’t think this is a good example of Jesus breaking bread with a person in serious sin.
For my example, I’ll give you the story of the woman at the well. She was a sinner for sure
and Jesus asked her for water to drink.
I think Jesus discussed her sin with her *before drinking the water *
He educated her about the seriousness of her sin. And I think by what she said after they spoke, she repented.

I am not trying to condemn someone for eating with a sinner(and by that I mean someone living in moral sin, unrepentant, that is common knowledge-not just gossip) not the common sinner, which, let’s face it we all are. Certainly, no one would ever eat with me if that were the case!
But there is something about eating with someone, especially when you are invited to their table, that seems to say ,in a non-verbal way,you are in accord with the other person and the way they live.
-just my opinion, I would like to hear more of yours.

 

[KenTreece]

Jesus invited Judas to that meal on His terms. Judas had not yet completed his sin of betrayal, a grave matter. So I don’t think this is a good example of Jesus breaking bread with a person in serious sin.

Say what you will, but Judas had already decided Jesus wasn’t the type of Messiah he had in mind and everyone would be better off if Jesus were dead. Judas had already accepted 30 pieces of silver to lead the Pharisees to Jesus so they could have Him executed. Of course, Jesus knew this, and He also knew that Judas would carry out his part of the plot when they sat at table together for Passover.

As for my attendance at this meal as some sign of approval of the host’s lifestyle, I suppose that’s what the Pharisees thought when Jesus ate with publicans and sinners, too. I can’t control how others view my actions. But, I’ll know what’s in my heart.

 

[Catholic90]

Over the top?

Those churches exist in every town in the USA.

I know Pagans, they are very very common.

Satanists as well, there are Satanists in your town, likely in your kid’s school.

Mmmm, that would be incorrect. In the town where the church I attended growing up, there were 3 Lutheran churches, LCMS, Wisconsin Synod, and LCA (that was before several synods merged to become ELCA). The next town north had 1 Catholic church and 1 Lutheran church. The town south had a Lutheran church. The town to the west had a Catholic church.

No Baptist, Presbyterian, Church of God, etc. Just good old German Lutrans and Catlics who all knew each other, everyone got along, and everyone knew when someone was sick, because they weren’t in church on Sunday, and the phone calls started until you reached someone who knew what the scoop was. It is still that way today. So, no, not every town has Catholic bashing churches or pagans or satan worshipping groups.

Perhaps you should move…your town sounds pretty scary.

 

[m_crane]

As for my attendance at this meal as some sign of approval of the host’s lifestyle, I suppose that’s what the Pharisees thought when Jesus ate with publicans and sinners, too. I can’t control how others view my actions. But, I’ll know what’s in my heart.

Your daughter is not a pharisee, she’s an innocent.

I can only tell you what happened to my teenage niece when her Grandmother(who raises her) decided it would be a good idea to allow her to sleepovers at her Aunt’s boyfriend’s house where Aunt cohabitates with boyfriend and his children and her own children. I begged Grandmom not to allow it.
I I asked her to speak to a priest. She went ahead with the sleepovers.

Though, I can’t say one thing led to the other but very shortly after, my niece went from serving as an altar girl and regular mass attendence to calling her grandmother crazy and a hippocrite and refusing to practice her faith. (2 years later she no practises her faith) Did it have something to do with the company she was allowed to keep? Your guess is as good as mine.

Would I keep your daughter away from the boy? No. Would I keep her away from a homosexual household environment? Yes

 

[Julianna]

Jesus never went along with everything he was invited to do by others. He used his own discernment.
Jesus sat down to eat with many sinners but only when they were repentant

Ah…I see…you were there, huh?

 

[Julianna]

Say what you will, but Judas had already decided Jesus wasn’t the type of Messiah he had in mind and everyone would be better off if Jesus were dead. Judas had already accepted 30 pieces of silver to lead the Pharisees to Jesus so they could have Him executed. Of course, Jesus knew this, and He also knew that Judas would carry out his part of the plot when they sat at table together for Passover.

As for my attendance at this meal as some sign of approval of the host’s lifestyle, I suppose that’s what the Pharisees thought when Jesus ate with publicans and sinners, too. I can’t control how others view my actions. But, I’ll know what’s in my heart.

This is true…this is in the Bible.

 

[Julianna]

That was me. This is something we’ve thought of, because until last year, we lived across the street from a male gay couple, and they’ve invited our family to their house a couple of times. The problem is that there is more revelation of people’s lives inside their house than out. For example, might their be pictures around the house that depict the couple embracing, or show them in a way that makes it obvious that they are a couple? Because you’re in their house, will they feel more comfortable being affectionate with each other in front of you, or being more open in their conversation about their lifestyle? Will they take you on a tour of the house, and will the kids notice that they both stay in the same bedroom, in only one bed? Or maybe they won’t take you on a tour, but what if the bathroom is next to the bedroom, and it gets noticed. It’s those little incidentals that we don’t see from outside of the house, that keep some of the details of their life unknown. Once you go in the house, you might find yourself finding out a lot more about them, just by being there. Which is fine for people who already understand the issues and have a firm foundation in Catholic morality. But for young children, it could be too much information too soon. In our case, we were always “busy” for these events (there weren’t too many, so it wasn’t a huge deal). We want our kids to be a little older before they even know what “gay” means. And once they know, the less it surrounds them, the less “normal” they’ll think it is, the less likely they’ll be to think of it as just another lifestyle that is discriminated against unfairly.

Seems odd. If I invited you to dinner…having not known you…why in the world would I show you my bedroom? You would use the hall bath…not the master bath.

In my neighborhood there are 4 sets of gay men. When my daugher was selling Girl Scout cookies she and I were invited to come in. My daughter was about 10 at the time. She knew (Tom and Rick) (not their real names) were our neighbors…that is it. They bought cookies from her. She is now 24 and knows all about Tom and Rick.

They pay their taxes, keep up their home and the floors in their house sparkle. The hetero couple down the street looks like something out of the Adams Family. Weeds everywhere…cats all around house. The police have been visiting. It seems they don’t know what a lawnmower is used for. Our neighbor asked them why don’t they spay the cats…her answer “Because it goes against God’s law”. And yes, they are Catholic…go figure.

 

[m_crane]

Ah…I see…you were there, huh?

No- just an opinion from reading the Gospels. I think(opinion) He chose to eat with sinners when He knew they were open to His word. Do you think he ate with hardened sinners? Did he eat with the Pharisees?

 

[KenTreece]

Did he eat with the Pharisees?

I don’t know and neither do you. The Gospels aren’t a play-by-play account of Jesus’ earthly ministry. For example, after His resurrection, John’s Gospel makes clear in Ch. 20 v. 30-31:

30
Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of (his) disciples that are not written in this book.
31
But these are written that you may (come to) believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through this belief you may have life in his name.

 

[Julianna]

**I don’t know and neither do you. **The Gospels aren’t a play-by-play account of Jesus’ earthly ministry. For example, after His resurrection, John’s Gospel makes clear in Ch. 20 v. 30-31:

30
Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of (his) disciples that are not written in this book.
31
But these are written that you may (come to) believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through this belief you may have life in his name.

You took the letters right off my key board!!! :clapping: