Daughter engaged- why am I devastated?

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At this point, I will be praying for your daughter and her husband-to-be. No matter what their financial situation when they enter holy matrimony, that they will place their trust in God and His plans. Whether the marriage occurs sooner or later that their spiritual house will be in order even before the financial. That through your daughter, he will be brought to Christ and the fullness of the Church. That is more important than how much money in is the savings account!

Additionally, I will pray for you (and your husband) to know the importance of supporting your daughter in one of the most important events of her life. That the both of you will trust God in the plans He has for them. That your bond with her and her husband-to-be will build stronger bonds and therefore, building a stronger family.

Blessings…
 
julescat said:
the 6 months would be the difference between graduating (and getting a job) and still being in school.

work on your reading comprehension.
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Wow. (I graduated with honors so I’m not sure that’s a problem. But in the midst of Great Lent, it’s good to work on improvement. Thank you for the suggestion.)
 
Lovemyfaith said:
I will show him this thread. I don’t think I said anything I hope he wouldn’t say to my future granddaughter.

Their plan is to get married while she is in school. I would like the wedding to be when she is done school
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You know, there might an advantage to marrying during school - first, they may scale back the expenses (and the preparations, going for simpler) because of the single-income situations; second, because the wedding will be well behind them when she graduates, she’ll be able to give 100% to the job hunt. That might work out better than trying to juggle a wedding and job hunt, in the long run. Just a thought.
 
KnitNut said:
You know, there might an advantage to marrying during school - **first, they may scale back the expenses (and the preparations, going for simpler) because of the single-income situations; **second, because the wedding will be well behind them when she graduates, she’ll be able to give 100% to the job hunt. That might work out better than trying to juggle a wedding and job hunt, in the long run. Just a thought.
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That was our situation. I still had 2 years to go when we got married. We were both working full-time but because we didn’t want to put anything on credit- we went simple yet classy. We had family who helped in the logistics: brother-in-law had side gig doing wedding pictures so his gift to us was our pictures. My aunt who is a chef- rounded up some friends and between them, we had a delicious meal. My mother-in-law’s friend made wedding cakes and did ours cheaply. I purchased my wedding dress from a bridal boutique that was closing. It was a beautiful wedding on a budget. 😃
 
so instead of studying for final exams and whatever else it takes to graduate, you think she should be planning a wedding? Not to mention all of the drama such as who is or isn’t invited, who sits where and the bridesmaids can’t agree on a dress.

you can’t be serious!
 
julescat said:
so instead of studying for final exams and whatever else it takes to graduate, you think she should be planning a wedding? Not to mention all of the drama such as who is or isn’t invited, who sits where and the bridesmaids can’t agree on a dress.

you can’t be serious!
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Um, I’m hoping this bride-to-be is as mature and determined as she sounds…and therefore will not opt-in for the Bridezilla drama scene. The couple seem quite mature and responsible, according to what has been presented (and I see no reason to doubt LoveMyFaith on this). Planning a wedding ought not consume any family. If it does, I would wonder if the approach to a solemn sacrament was…fitting. Many brides have juggled this situation and more, and done just fine. If I were a betting gal, I’d place money on this bride. 😉
 
julescat said:
so instead of studying for final exams and whatever else it takes to graduate, you think she should be planning a wedding? Not to mention all of the drama such as who is or isn’t invited, who sits where and the bridesmaids can’t agree on a dress.

you can’t be serious!
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It can DEFINITELY be done. Especially if they plan to marry next year. Anyway, I thought weddings are about the marriage? If that indeed is the case, then the bride can put the smackdown and eliminate drama from the get-go. If it’s a simple and classy wedding- you don’t have to invite the world. In fact, the smaller the wedding, the more affordable it will be.

I don’t know, but I got married in love. If that’s what marriage is about, then there shouldn’t be obstacles- money, school, future in-laws.😉 , and whatever other excuses people give. If the man and woman in the relationship are ready, then it should be soon.

Peace…
 
instead of bragging and pontificating your opinion all over this thread you should try spending time with those kids and husband you post about. where are they now while you’re ignoring them for a message board.

maybe they can’t stand your judgemental self either?
 
Gosh, this all sounds so familiar…

I am engaged to a beautiful and wonderful Catholic woman in her mid-twenties. She is currently finishing up her graduate degree. However, her parents have been completely unsupportive of our engagement, because, the best we can figure out, they want her to be a young professional, and marriage at her age does not fit into their plan for her life. I cannot tell you what pain and hurt that their actions and lack of support have caused her. She will never have the same close relationship with her family she once had because of her parent’s lack of respect for her and the choices that she has made. Prayers are appreciated, because all I want is for them to be part of our wedding day and as part of our life as we start our family.

I urge you to please respect your daughter’s decision. You stated your issue with the engagement, she heard your objection, now let it go. You only risk permanently harming or even destroying your relationship with your daughter if you continue.

Marriage is a wonderful sacrament. It needs to be promoted especially now since it is being attacked on all sides by our culture.
 
Indiana Rocky said:

“I cannot tell you what pain and hurt that their actions and lack of support have caused her.”

Yes. A lot of family relationships are permanently harmed by how the parents treated the relationship early on. I know a couple that has been married for some time where the prospective MIL asked twice if the fiancee were pregnant and if that was why they were getting married. So insulting! You better believe that the person who was on the receiving end of that sort of thing will remember it forever, no matter how much the MIL would like to take it back.

I would definitely suggest that the OP work on filtering her thoughts a little better when talking to her daughter and the daughter’s intended. Just because a thought has crossed your mind does not mean that now is the right time to share it. Sometimes (like with being shown the ring for the first time), “It’s so beautiful!” is all you need to say.
 
When I was little, my mom used to admonish me (in the words of Thumper Rabbit’s mother from Bambi), “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” (I needed to be told this a lot:).)

It’s possible to take that rule way too far, but it’s worth keeping in mind, particularly when dealing with people as sensitive as brides, expectant mothers, and mothers of small children often are.
 
Why do you assume debt for a wedding? My wife and I had a JP ceremony and limited the reception to immediate family and a couple uncles and aunts for an affordable amount with no debt. We figured that we could have a big ten year reception, thinking we’d be in a better place financially and that any two fools can get married, but it is the long term sticking together that is worth celebrating.

Does the Church really charge that much for the Sacrement?
 
mek42 said:
Why do you assume debt for a wedding? My wife and I had a JP ceremony and limited the reception to immediate family and a couple uncles and aunts for an affordable amount with no debt. We figured that we could have a big ten year reception, thinking we’d be in a better place financially and that any two fools can get married, but it is the long term sticking together that is worth celebrating.

Does the Church really charge that much for the Sacrement?
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Some parishes charge a small fee for the use of their facilities, but they will generally waive it if the couple has financial troubles or if they just want a small, quick ceremony with few witnesses. Most likely, the OP is assuming that the couples wants a large reception.
 
julescat said:
so instead of studying for final exams and whatever else it takes to graduate, you think she should be planning a wedding? Not to mention all of the drama such as who is or isn’t invited, who sits where and the bridesmaids can’t agree on a dress.

you can’t be serious!
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I don’t know anyone who has had the luxury of putting their life on hold while they planned their wedding. Most women have jobs to work, rent to pay, school to attend, babies to raise, or any number of things they have to do at the same time they are planning their wedding. If this is a problem for them, either the wedding is too big or they aren’t made of very strong stuff. (And it doesn’t sound like the OPs daughter is a wimp.)
 
at one time in this country, it was common for a young man to seek parent’s permission for their daughter’s hand in marriage. The young man would have to be prepared to defend his proposal to the parents. Sort of like honoring thy father and thy mother.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
got any more good news?

Wow didn’t know we went through Armageddon when my husband lost his job. I thought it was a reality in this economy.

By the way, when future son in law showed up to talk to us about getting engaged, we asked why he wanted to get married right now, as opposed to waiting a few years and his response was he has a good job. If that was his #1 reason, he should be able to handle the scary question of what you would do should that reason cease to exist
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Perhaps you are just a vague writer, but your responses seem quite sarcastic to me. If others disagree with me, please say so. Perhaps I’m reading more into this than there really is.

If you are using sarcasm with your daughter and with her husband, God help you. It’s the best way to drive them away.
 
julescat said:

“at one time in this country, it was common for a young man to seek parent’s permission for their daughter’s hand in marriage.”

And it was also not unheard of for young people to elope, particularly if that permission was not forthcoming.
 
Cat said:
Perhaps you are just a vague writer, but your responses seem quite sarcastic to me. If others disagree with me, please say so. Perhaps I’m reading more into this than there really is.
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perhaps you’re just that stupid. I bet you never considered that.
 
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