Daughter is getting married

[kage_ar]

a and b have been, in order for her to complete C. she would then have to recognize the authority of the church, however she does not recognize that authority whatsoever.

Then how about doing it out of love and respect for her parents.

 

[estesbob]

The Church does not condone attending weddings that produce an invalid marriage.

Can you give us a link to where the Church teaches this"

One should counsult with a respected orthodox Priest to make sure that there is no sin of scandal by attending such a false ceremony:

What is an orthodox Priest?

 

[kage_ar]

Can you give us a link to where the Church teaches this"

She does discourage scandal I posted the CCC, she discourages us to participate in another’s sin. She requires parents to teach children the faith.

She says that for those who lead a child to sin it is better that a milstone be thrown about their neck and they be thrown into the sea. That one you know from Scripture.

What is an orthodox Priest?

A Priest who is:

Orthodox \Or"tho*dox, a. [L. orthodoxus, Gr. 'orqodoxos; 'orqos right, true + do`xa opinion, dokei^n to think, seem; cf. F. orthodoxe. See http://www.dictionary.net/searchbox.php?st=2&query=Ortho-&PHPSESSID=7986b57c477ec9b7f7bfde7d2a5c4a9f”]Ortho-, Dogma.]

1. Sound in opinion or doctrine, especially in religious doctrine; hence, holding the Christian faith; believing the doctrines taught in the Scriptures; – opposed to heretical and heterodox; as, an orthodox Christian. [1913 Webster]
2. According or congruous with the doctrines of Scripture, the creed of a church, the decree of a council, or the like; as, an orthodox opinion, book, etc. [1913 Webster]
3. Adhering to generally approved doctrine or practices; conventional. Opposed to unorthodox. [1913 Webster +PJC]

 

[BillP]

I
What about the daughter having respect for her dad’s religious beliefs?

Having respect for his beliefs doesn’t require her to let them dictate how she lives her life.

Do you advocate cutting all Protestants out of ones life? How about other Catholics we feel are sinning?

Is it okay to talk to a neighbor who habitually works on Sunday?

Can I sit next to a co-worker who eats meat on Friday during Lent?

What if my boss puts a pro-choice sticker on his car? Can I still work for her? What if she offers me a ride to lunch in that car?

It is her right not to be Catholic, or to remain Catholic and not practice. God repects her free will so should we.

 

[kage_ar]

Having respect for his beliefs doesn’t require her to let them dictate how she lives her life.

Do not see how asking her to write a letter to the Bishop so they can be free from scandal is dictatorial…

Do you advocate cutting all Protestants out of ones life? How about other Catholics we feel are sinning?

She is not a Protestant. She is a Catholic, non practicing yes, but Catholic. Where did I say to cut her out of the life? Nowhere. Not celebrating her sin is a far cry from cutting her out of the life.

Is it okay to talk to a neighbor who habitually works on Sunday?

Apples and snowshoes. No one advocated that the father cease talking to the daughter. He should be talking and talking often.

Can I sit next to a co-worker who eats meat on Friday during Lent?

If you want to. What you should NOT do is buy them a steak dinner.

What if my boss puts a pro-choice sticker on his car? Can I still work for her? What if she offers me a ride to lunch in that car?

Jesus ate with sinners. Did I say this dad should not eat with the girl? Not ride in her car? Car rides and lunches are not mock sacraments.

It is her right not to be Catholic, or to remain Catholic and not practice. God repects her free will so should we.

***God respects my free will enough to let me go to hell if I so choose. That does not give my family and friends any less of an obligation to try to guide me away from hell. ***

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If my Catholic friend decides to have an affair, that is his free will. It does not mean I should contribute to the sin by letting them shack up in my spare room.

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[SpaceNeedle]

Dear John (OP),

Froom my heart, I must share wiith you that my own mother married a protestant, in a protestant church…my grandparents went ahead and attended, grandpa gave her away, etc.

Well, in a few years comes a little baby (that would be me) and the grandparents saw fit to pack me along to mass here and there, as they could.

As an adult, I went through RCIA and confirmed. I don’t think I would have found the Church if it weren’t for the relationship with my grandparents. Though they passed away and my last childhood attendance at mass was age 8 or 9, those powerful memories stayed with me.

Folks are free to lambaste my opinion that he go to the wedding. But I would ask they bear in mind the spiritual needs of those tiny little granddaughters. Grandma and Grandpa can help where mom and dad won’t.

 

[estesbob]

Dear John (OP),

Froom my heart, I must share wiith you that my own mother married a protestant, in a protestant church…my grandparents went ahead and attended, grandpa gave her away, etc.

Well, in a few years comes a little baby (that would be me) and the grandparents saw fit to pack me along to mass here and there, as they could.

As an adult, I went through RCIA and confirmed. I don’t think I would have found the Church if it weren’t for the relationship with my grandparents. Though they passed away and my last childhood attendance at mass was age 8 or 9, those powerful memories stayed with me.

Folks are free to lambaste my opinion that he go to the wedding. But I would ask they bear in mind the spiritual needs of those tiny little granddaughters. Grandma and Grandpa can help where mom and dad won’t.

 

[KCT]

Having respect for his beliefs doesn’t require her to let them dictate how she lives her life.

Exactly. So why would a child insist that dad attend her wedding or give her away? It works both ways. If both truly respect each other’s position, a parent could choose not to attend and the child could be OK with that.

Hopefully the OP will find peace in his decision.

 

[rayne89]

Exactly. So why would a child insist that dad attend her wedding or give her away? It works both ways. If both truly respect each other’s position, a parent could choose not to attend and the child could be OK with that.

Hopefully the OP will find peace in his decision.

If she’s left the church because she truly does not believe, she has that right -God doesn’t force us to believe.

Just because she doesn’t belong to the church does not mean she doesn’t love her parents and want them to share in her special day. We raise our children the best we can and then allow them to make their own decisions. This her mom and dad, its hard to understand why she would want them there? Why she would want her dad, whom she loves, to walk her down the aisle?

 

[mommamia]

I hope you go and share this special day with your daughter. I think it would be best if you gave her away, but think I could be more understanding of you saying “I will come to your wedding, and be happy you are happy, but I don’t want to give you away in a ceremony that isn’t of my faith”.

I think that if you make it clear its the (non-Catholic) ceremony you disapprove of, and not the marriage itself, she should understand.

As for those of you who are so adamant about him not going, it makes me really sad. Obviously you don’t understand unconditional love and free will. Its attitude like these that make me reject the Church.

 

[Norseman82]

Life is messy. If we are absolute hardliners to our closest family members not to mention all others we come in contact with we are going to alienate everyone and give a bad example of Christian Love. If I remember correctly Jesus ate with sinners and lived by example and converted them. We are called to do the same. I am living a very similar situation to the OP right now. My family history (sisters & parents) is bad. Both of my parents died with just about all of us alienated in one form or another. It has been many years and my sisters still have deep issues that manifest themselves in some horrible ways. I will not allow that to happen in my family. I am firm in my faith and my kids know that. I am not happy with the situtation like the OP but I have to do my best with the aid of the Holy Spirit in living my faith while not pushing my daughter further away to who the heck knows where. It is a hard thing spending all those years trying to do the right thing and your kids spit in your face. Alas, but for the Grace of God. Remember grandchildren are the gift from God for not killing your teenagers.

I believe that it was Fr. Corapi who said that love does not confirm someone in their sins.

I agree that life is messy. And one of the messiest parts of life is the part where we have to make a choice between either alienating those close to us or alienating God. How many early Christians alienated family members by refusing to offer incense to the emperor?

I’m not advocating being a hard-liner for the sake of being a hard-liner; however, sometimes situations are thrust on us and we have our “gut check” moment where we have to decide where we stand. Granted, we may be able to diffuse tensions through tactfulness, but at the end of the day, if we have to choose between pleasing God or men, whom are we going to choose? Whom did the apostles choose?

And while you may state that “hardline” attitudes may alienate and give a bad example of Christian love, that may be true for some, but there are others that may respect the Chuch for standing up for what it believes in.

Just another side of the coin to look at.

 

[Norseman82]

The Church has no prohibition against him attending this wedding. Givng a daughter away consists of walking her down the aisle-nothing more. it would be a tragedy for him to shut down all lines of communications with his daughter, his grandchildren and damage his relationship with his wife by refusing to attend this wedding.

My little bother got married by a JP while his non-catholic wife was 5 months pregnant. we all atended the wedding-he later got married in the church and his wife converted to catholocism. his 4 children were raised catholic. i am glad that our Pastor not only told us it was ok to attend but encourgaed us to do so.

Actually, in the “olden days”, there was a prohibition against attending such weddings. I recall reading about it years ago; it may have been in a Baltimore Catechism, but I cannot say for certain, as I am trying to find it online to post. This may be why the OP doesn’t want to walk her down the aisle.

 

[KCT]

Just because she doesn’t belong to the church does not mean she doesn’t love her parents and want them to share in her special day. We raise our children the best we can and then allow them to make their own decisions. This her mom and dad, its hard to understand why she would want them there? Why she would want her dad, whom she loves, to walk her down the aisle?

I know, but the OP was worried that if he didn’t walk her down the isle or attend, she might retaliate by not allowing him to see the grandchildren.

That’s more than just, “I want my mom and dad at my wedding.” It’s wanting what she wants and possibly using her kids as a means to get it. That’s hardly respecting her father’s faith.

Hopefully it won’t come to that and the OP has worked it out!