Daughter's friend's instagram

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faithsmind

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I was wanting to get opinions on whether I should let the mother know that her fifteen-year-old daughter is posing in her underwear… I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her mom. We are not close, but do talk occasionally about our daughters and school. My daughter was the one who let me know. She was upset about it.
 
faithsmind said:
I was wanting to get opinions on whether I should let the mother know that her fifteen-year-old daughter is posing in her underwear… I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her mom. We are not close, but do talk occasionally about our daughters and school. My daughter was the one who let me know. She was upset about it.
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I would say it, plainly. “My daughter was really upset when she saw some of your daughter’s recent posts on Instagram where she didn’t have many clothes on.”

Stick to the facts. Don’t make comments about whether or not mom is or should be monitoring.

Mom may react with lots of embarrassment, and it might cool your relationship with her, but it’s the kind of thing most parents would want to know about, even if they don’t react in a “golly, gee thanks” kind of way when they find out the news.

It’s great that you have such a close relationship with your daughter that she would freely disclose that kind of thing to you. 👍
 
faithsmind said:
I was wanting to get opinions on whether I should let the mother know that her fifteen-year-old daughter is posing in her underwear… I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her mom. We are not close, but do talk occasionally about our daughters and school. My daughter was the one who let me know. She was upset about it.
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YES!!! Oh my goodness tell her as soon as you can. Call her on the phone and tell her that your daughter informed you that her daughter posted some questionable pictures online. Kids can get hit with child pornography charges for doing c**p like that.
 
Thanks for encouragement. I know Id want to know, but it’s not fun breaking it. Just got courage to text her. I put “This is just between you and me.” And “My daughter is very concerned.” I immediately heard back and she reacted well. I really don’t know what I would do if I found this out about my daughter, but my daughter told me that many of the girls are doing it. Just devastating…
 
First of all, if that girl doesn’t have her account on private, she should.

I was about to say that your daughter should advise her friend first, because if my mom found out via a friend that I was doing something with no warning…i would be mad. Teenagers also seem to value friends over parents. But then I saw your post and apparently it’s okay now so that’s good!!

Young teenagers are doing that now. It wasn’t as bad when I was that age around 4 years ago, but social media seems different now. Teenagers are beginning to dress like a Kardashian and they thrive on the number of likes they receive…and they have found out that being sexy gets the validation from the girls and attention from the boys. :confused:
 
faithsmind said:
I was wanting to get opinions on whether I should let the mother know that her fifteen-year-old daughter is posing in her underwear… I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her mom. We are not close, but do talk occasionally about our daughters and school. My daughter was the one who let me know. She was upset about it.
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I know you have already spoken to her, but one thing I used to do is not involve my child. What I mean is, I would just say, “hey, Mary, I think you should take a look at Sally’s Instagram if you can.” I wouldn’t say “Susie told me that Sally is posting inappropriate pics on Instagram.” I would take the blame.
 
faithsmind said:
Thanks for encouragement. I know Id want to know, but it’s not fun breaking it. Just got courage to text her. I put “This is just between you and me.” And “My daughter is very concerned.” I immediately heard back and she reacted well. I really don’t know what I would do if I found this out about my daughter, but my daughter told me that many of the girls are doing it. Just devastating…
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My fourteen year old granddaughter showed me an Instagram account belonging toone of her classmates.Apparantly it is a " shadow account" one that her mother and father aren’t aware of.She too was posting pictures in very provocative underwear.
 
:eek: That’s it! My kids are not getting phones. We’re not having internet in this house! They can communicate with their friends by smoke signal.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I know you have already spoken to her, but one thing I used to do is not involve my child. What I mean is, I would just say, “hey, Mary, I think you should take a look at Sally’s Instagram if you can.” I wouldn’t say “Susie told me that Sally is posting inappropriate pics on Instagram.” I would take the blame.
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Yeah.
 
Please find a way to say something. Kids think that stuff is all cool, but there are predators out there who pose as teenagers and get off on that stuff. I’d hate for your daughter’s friend to get hurt or harassed. My friend is a teacher at a Catholic school and the school recently needed to address this because a lot of the girls were discovered to be doing the same type of thing.
 
Oh my. I should be on my knees because DS wants nothing to do with social media.
 
My daughter had a similar scenario come up with a good friend some years ago.
She and another friend were appalled and told the girl that if she didn’t take down the topless photos, they were going straight to her mom and dad.
They were down in 5 mins. They also told her they didn’t want to hear about her being missing on an amber alert. 😦

Another time, kids at the Catholic school I taught at found out that a girl in one of the classes (6th grade!) had posted pics of herself nude on the toilet.

Someone printed the picture out and mailed it to her mother.
:eek:

I would tell the lady. If she asks how do you know, just say you were going through your daughter’s phone and found the links.
I agree with Irish: don’t involve your daughter if you can avoid it.
 
Allegra said:
:eek: That’s it! My kids are not getting phones. We’re not having internet in this house! They can communicate with their friends by smoke signal.
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Little harsh. Just block some stuff.
 
thephilosopher6 said:
Little harsh. Just block some stuff.
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Okay, switching to realistic mode here. You can’t block everything, unless you simply block the internet and texting. You can block enough that it will be harder for your kid to see something accidentally, but no matter how smart you think you are, your kid or your kid’s buddy knows how to get past you. The best you can really do is raise your kids to do the right thing (which it sounds like the OP is doing.) and deal with whatever ends up getting past your firewall as it happens. (which it also sounds like the OP is doing.) Or try the smoke signal thing. That works too.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I know you have already spoken to her, but one thing I used to do is not involve my child. What I mean is, I would just say, “hey, Mary, I think you should take a look at Sally’s Instagram if you can.” I wouldn’t say “Susie told me that Sally is posting inappropriate pics on Instagram.” I would take the blame.
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I’d be careful with this approach – you are an adult implying that you saw pictures of a minor in her undergarments. :eek:

You’re not “protecting” your child by pretending they weren’t involved. The parent is either going to know that it was your child who reported to you. Or they’re going to call the police on you for viewing photos of their child.

Seriously. Just state the facts simply and move on.
 
Well by that logic my child would now be in trouble too for having come across them and viewed them.
If people thought that way, then no one would tell other parents anything if they need to worry they will be reported to the police.
 
faithsmind said:
I was wanting to get opinions on whether I should let the mother know that her fifteen-year-old daughter is posing in her underwear… I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her mom. We are not close, but do talk occasionally about our daughters and school. My daughter was the one who let me know. She was upset about it.
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A couple of years ago, my step-granddaughter was caught doing worse than that on Instagram. 😦 Any good parent would want to know. Good for your daughter for caring enough about her friend to let an adult know what’s going on. 👍
 
Catholic1954 said:
A couple of years ago, my step-granddaughter was caught doing worse than that on Instagram. 😦 Any good parent would want to know. Good for your daughter for caring enough about her friend to let an adult know what’s going on. 👍
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I’m very sorry to hear that. May God be with her.
Thanks everyone for the insight. There has been plenty of teenage female drama to last several months (please God?) in this house tonight. Dear Mother Mary please pray for all these daughters, sons…
 
We had the same situation. An on-again-off-again friend of my daughter had texted underwear pictures to a few people, and rumors were flying.

My wife talked to the girl’s mother about it. The girl’s mother was very concerned and thanked my wife.

Unfortunately, the girl later texted (unsolicited) nude pictures of herself to a few boys. That’s a whole lot worse, obviously.

My wife didn’t get involved anymore. The girl’s parents themselves reported it to children & youth services, out of fear that it might come back at them and then they’d really be in trouble.
 
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