Daycare and Raising Catholic Children

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I have one child so far that is 3 months old. I don’t know what I’m going to do with her once I begin work. I would prefer that a family member watches her but they all live so far away. I worry about putting her in daycare and that she will not get the love and individual attention she needs and deserves. I feel like I’m not going to be a good mother if I put her in one of these places. Basically, someone else will be raising my child 8 hours each day while i will spend only 4 hours with her each day. I don’t know what she will be taught and how she’ll be influenced. Isn’t the parents primary responsibility to raise their own children and teach them the Faith? A quote from the CCC stresses the importance of educating their own children in the Faith:
2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God.154 "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility."155
How can we say that our children are properly being raised in the Faith if someone else is basically raising them.

I’m also very worried that my child will possibly suffer from emotional neglect and possibly be bullied by other children. I have heard of some of the horror stories of parents going to pick up this children from daycare only to find them dead, close to death, drugged, or emotionally or physically abused. I know these things don’t happen all the time, but parents are taking that chance that something bad could happen. My mother told me a story in which a toddler was picked up from daycare with bite marks all over her face. I don’t want this to happen to my child.

So are we neglecting our duties as Catholic parents? Everything seems to come down to money and finances, not the child’s Catholic Faith. I feel like women are pressured into going back to work. They are basically looked down upon as being lazy or not really “working”. This is so far from the truth: SAHMs do work, they work 24/7. SAHMs should not be shamed for wanting to stay home to raise thier own children.

Also, I’m not putting working mothers down. I don’t know, maybe I’ll find someone very trustworthy, like a close friend to watch my child while I’m away working and then I’ll be a working mother.

I just want some insight.
 
I would suggest talking to your priest and fellow Catholics in your parish.

Some Catholic Parishes have preschools and day cares.

Also, there are a countless devout women around the country who are nannies/babysitters. Again, in my Parish I know of one woman who was the mother of 6-8 children (who are all grown & devout Catholic millennials) and she nannies/babysits and a few of her daughters used to as well.

You never know what you might find if you ask around.

God Bless
 
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Another thing to add:

I have been asked by a friend to watch her 1 1/2 year old (this is kind of like my little job from which I get paid). I bring up my worries about daycares especially because the other day this little girl I’m babysitting almost stabbed my baby’s eye with a little twig from a wicker basket. She kept finding these little pieces of twigs that I at first didn’t know where she was getting them. I kept taking them away and throwing the pierces out. I took my eyes off them for probably five seconds to put my mug in the sink. I turn around to find the little girl attempting to stab my child’s eye and my child screaming. Thank God nothing tragic happened but I got the scare of my life. I thought my baby was blinded for life! Now I only have two little ones to watch, I can’t image one woman having to watching ten or even five little ones without something happening.

Now I never take my eyes off. When I go to put something in the sink I walk backwards, or I put my baby in her crib if something requires me to take my eyes off them for more than ten seconds
 
phil19034 said:
I would suggest talking to your priest and fellow Catholics in your parish.

Some Catholic Parishes have preschools and day cares.

Also, there are a countless devout women around the country who are nannies/babysitters. Again, in my Parish I know of one woman who was the mother of 6-8 children (who are all grown & devout Catholic millennials) and she nannies/babysits and a few of her daughters used to as well.

You never know what you might find if you ask around.

God Bless
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That’s a good idea. I will ask around in my parish.
Do you know if that woman with the 6-8 kids had put her own children in daycare while she went out to work?
 
Agent94 said:
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phil19034:
I would suggest talking to your priest and fellow Catholics in your parish.

Some Catholic Parishes have preschools and day cares.

Also, there are a countless devout women around the country who are nannies/babysitters. Again, in my Parish I know of one woman who was the mother of 6-8 children (who are all grown & devout Catholic millennials) and she nannies/babysits and a few of her daughters used to as well.

You never know what you might find if you ask around.

God Bless
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That’s a good idea. I will ask around in my parish.
Do you know if that woman with the 6-8 kids had put her own children in daycare while she went out to work?
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I don’t know for sure what she did. Her husband has a pretty good job. However, I THINK she took care of a few additional kids when she could logistical handle a few extra kid.
 
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IMHO, you’re overthinking it and freaking out over the .000001% of daycares and have some out-there misconceptions.

All 3 of our children went through daycare…there’s some days where our youngest doesn’t want to come home in the afternoon because he’s having so much fun.

You don’t blindly drop your kid off at daycare, get out and start interviewing some of the places you have in mind meet the care providers, get to know them and see where fits best with your needs.
Agent94 said:
I can’t image one woman having to watching ten or even five little ones without something happening.
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Most daycares (I won’t speak for all) will have areas much like pre-schools where all the kids are kept fairly together in safe “playroom” type areas. I’m not sure where you’re at, but laws also dictate the adult to child ratio. Where I’m at 10:1 is a max ratio. To get a ratio that high, there will need to be some school age kids in there as well (and only a max of 2 under 1 yr old).
 
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Did you and your husband discuss your plans for childcare before you married?

Working moms have patrons. Bl Zelie Martin is not only a working mom who is on the path to Sainthood, she raised one child who is a Saint and a second is beginning that path!

St Gianna Beretta Molla is another wonderful example of a working mom.

The Proverbs 31 “Ideal woman” is a working mother!

Being a SAHM is also a beautiful choice.

We do what we need to do.

There are good daycares and bad daycares, good babysitters and bad babysitters, good nannies and bad nannies, just because you chose one thing today (work and daycare) does not mean you are signing a lifelong binding contract. You can change when your needs or situation changes.
 
Other than being exposed to germs (which improves their immune systems as they get older), daycare could actually be safer in some cases. For example, daycare providers are required to take training and comply with state regulations on SIDS, shaken baby syndrome, nutrition, etc. Sometimes family members can be pretty ignorant of new health and safety recommendations which may have changed since they had kids.
 
Good point! A licensed daycare will be more childproof than most homes.
 
LittleWay16 said:
daycare could actually be safer in some cases. For example, daycare providers are required to take training and comply with state regulations on SIDS, shaken baby syndrome, nutrition, etc.
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Yep, good point that I came back to make. The state regulated training is verified yearly at re-licensing (at least here)
 
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Maybe children might be safer, but what about the individual attention they need? A caregiver can’t love a child the way a mother does. Im also worried that my infant will lose that special bond that we have. My whole day is basically revolving around caring for her needs, whether it be breastfeeding her or just holding her in my arms where she can feel loved and safe.
 
The number one task of baby development is learning to trust. They develop this from having basic needs met. Diapering, feeding, etc. Daycare providers can meet these needs and even more by playing with them. They also get social interaction (attention) from other kids.

I’m not saying daycare is the better solution or that it works for everyone. However, it is certainly not something to feel guilty about. You provide for your child by working, and the daycare helps out. It takes a village to raise a child. It’s really not much different than your baby attending school someday (unless you decide to homeschool).
 
You sound like you really want to be a stay at home mom. Is there some reason you can’t be? My wife felt much as you did regarding daycares, and so she stays home and has never worked for pay while we have been married. It has been a great blessing since she homeschools one child and our other child has special needs.

But if you do need to go to work and utilize childcare, do your research. Not every place is a death trap. Or perhaps your job could be to continue as you are providing in home childcare to other people’s children. We have a friend who does that.

Whatever you do, as long as you plan it out and do it intentionally, you can still instill the Catholic faith. You and your husband still are and will always be the primary educators for your children.
 
I feel your pain. My son is starting daycare on Monday at 3 months old. I wish I could cuddle him all day but that’s not practical for us and I know that he will be safe and make friends. You can get through this. Babies remember who their moms are. I went to daycare and my mom and I are incredibly close.
 
Agent94 said:
Maybe children might be safer, but what about the individual attention they need?
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What expectations do you have? The infants are almost always being held/cared for when they’re awake. When they nap…they nap. By 9-12mos old…they want to be off playing with their friends.
 
My two kids have been in daycare (and still are). They get lots of personal attention, although not one on one. We looked at several places, decided on one mostly for convenience and because it seemed okay. It became clear quickly, though, that the folks there were doing the minimum. We changed places immediately. Shop around, go observe various spots.

My kids have benefited greatly from daycare (they’re in a Spanish immersion program now). They have great immune systems, interact well with others, and have learned a lot. They love where they go, too. We haven’t lost our bond with our kids, either. We make sure to love on them and spend good time with them when we get home.

You should have the same concerns about family as you do with a third party provider. Your family very well may love your kids, but not like you do. Also, your family may have different ideas about how to care for your child. You can’t fire your caregiver without causing family problems. Don’t overlook that.
 
No, it is not at all neglectful or bad parenting to put your child in daycare. Some daycares are wonderful, others are ok, and others are bad. Choose one you feel comfortable with, or choose an in-home daycare or a nanny.

Money and finances are important, and making sure your child is cared for financially is not putting money before faith. I’m not sure what one has to do with the other. We have a responsibility to care for our families, and if that means that both parents need to work, that’s how it is. (I do agree that it is unfortunate that so many families don’t have a choice, because one parent’s wage often is not enough these days.) College debt can also be a big factor.

It’s a very individual decision, and what works for one family might not for another. It doesn’t really matter what anyone here thinks- it matters most what your husband thinks. If the two of you decide that you can afford for you to stay home (which is what it sounds like you want), there’s nothing wrong with that. Or there are part time and work from home jobs that can allow you to stay home and work. But if you can’t afford it, there’s no reason to feel badly letting someone else care for your child while you provide for her.
 
We had a struggle finding day care for our oldest daughter. Happily, through a network of friends from our parish we were able to find an in-home provider. Her children were roughly the same age as ours and the two families grew up together. Our kids received great care and we always felt comfortable with the arrangement.

This spring, we were blessed to attend the first Mass celebrated by one of our day care provider’s children. They all grew up very quickly.
 
Sts Zelie and Louis Martin were canonized together in 2015 by Pope Francis. 😊
 
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