Daycare and Raising Catholic Children

  • Thread starter Thread starter Agent94
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I am the breadwinner in my family. I have always worked and always will. My kids still know and love Mom. We still have a special bond.

But they also have special bonds with their caregivers. When my 3 oldest were little, they were cared for by a combination of women who are still spiritual mothers to them, even if they don’t see them every day. The nanny we have now talks about my children as if they were her grandchildren - with love and pride. Is it the same as me? No. But it certainly doesn’t hurt to have more people to love your child.
 
Agent94 said:
I’m also worried that my infant will lose that special bond that we have.
Click to expand...
Nope, never gonna happen. You’re playing all the worst-case scenarios in your head as if they’re inevitable.

I had to go back to work when my son was just two months old. In the first two years of his life, we had three different caregivers. Each time, I visited a LOT of places, within 10 miles of work or home. I visited licensed home daycares, and “institution” daycares. I saw the good, the bad, and the ugly, let me tell ya.

Our first caregiver was a single mom with three kids of her own – two in school, one pre-K. She just incorporated my son into her daily schedule, and she and her kids loved and cared for my son! He thrived, and he always squealed with delight when he saw me after work. He never got confused about who his mama was.

Make those calls and get visiting. You’ll be surprised at the love and care you’ll see from most people. And if you do find one of those places where children seem ignored and workers seem indifferent to the children – and I saw a couple of those – just say a quick prayer for those children and move on.
TheLittleLady said:
Working moms have patrons. Bl Zelie Martin is not only a working mom who is on the path to Sainthood, she raised one child who is a Saint and a second is beginning that path!
Click to expand...
Zelie Martin is a Saint. She and her husband Louis were canonized in 2015.

Sts. Louis and Zelie, pray for us!

Also, when her daughter (the future St Therese) was an infant, Zelie couldn’t breastfeed, so Therese was sent to another town to be fed and raised by a wet nurse – for 18 months! Talk about daycare! And both mother and daughter are Saints.

@Agent94 , be at peace. God loves your child more than you ever could. Pray and let Him lead you.
 
Yep, Bl is a habit from many years of using them as exampleS!!
 
I can only tell you that from my personal experience, attending daycare does not necessarily mean the bond you share with your baby will lessen. I have a 20-year old daughter who was in daycare while I worked full-time. She and I are very close. I didn’t want to work full-time, but circumstances necessitated it. Simply put my husbands income at the time (he was self-employed) wouldn’t have supported us.

The key IMHO, is to find a daycare facility that meets your requirements, whatever they may be. Most children do well in daycare. My child suffered no major injuries while in daycare. She was in an in-home situation for the first 2 years, and then an actual daycare center until Kindergarten. I spent 6 months touring/interviewing various centers until I decided. I had no regrets.

As far as other people raising your children, uhm, no! My husband and I raised our child, with the help of her day care providers, as well as her teachers when she started school, her aunts, uncles and grandparents. Any adult in your child’s life in a meaningful way has a role in raising your child.

Additionally, children in daycare learn that other people can love and provide for them. I loved walking into DC and seeing my daughter run up to her teacher and hug her good morning. It meant she was comfortable there!
 
Agent94 said:
I have been asked by a friend to watch her 1 1/2 year old (this is kind of like my little job from which I get paid). I bring up my worries about daycares especially because the other day this little girl I’m babysitting almost stabbed my baby’s eye with a little twig from a wicker basket. She kept finding these little pieces of twigs that I at first didn’t know where she was getting them. I kept taking them away and throwing the pierces out. I took my eyes off them for probably five seconds to put my mug in the sink. I turn around to find the little girl attempting to stab my child’s eye and my child screaming. Thank God nothing tragic happened but I got the scare of my life. I thought my baby was blinded for life! Now I only have two little ones to watch, I can’t image one woman having to watching ten or even five little ones without something happening.

Now I never take my eyes off. When I go to put something in the sink I walk backwards, or I put my baby in her crib if something requires me to take my eyes off them for more than ten seconds
Click to expand...
If you are watching another child who is a toddler, and this is in your home, it sounds like you need to do some childproofing. Any items like this easily broken wicker basket can be harmful to both kids. The toddler is going to get into a lot more than the basket, so your home should be safe for both kids. You have a crib for your baby; is there a safe place you can put the toddler? Are things like knives and chemicals out of reach or locked up?
 
If memory serves, the OP does want to be a SAHM, at least until she finishes a PhD and goes into forensic psychology (I think). However, her husband, who works long hours and is here without documentation, would like her to get a job to up the household income.
 
heidi_storage said:
If memory serves, the OP does want to be a SAHM, at least until she finishes a PhD and goes into forensic psychology (I think). However, her husband, who works long hours and is here without documentation, would like her to get a job to up the household income.
Click to expand...
I thought I remembered this, but couldn’t find the thread. If this is the same person, I don’t think daycare is the most concerning issue their family faces.
 
My mother had 11 kids and somehow we survived. I’m sure we gave her a lot of gray hairs in the process, but she also survived. You will too. Prayers for you.
 
Yes you can raise Catholic children who go to daycare. Nothing we can say will soothe the heartache of dropping a baby off the first few times, but I think you said you won’t be ready until the baby is a little older right? We can say that many of us have been there, done that and the kids were fine.

I had good experiences sending my oldest to Kindercare when the grandmas both said they were done.

As another poster said, your house just needs a bit more toddler proofing. Your baby isn’t old enough to really get into things yet so you haven’t needed to yet. The daycare will be full of child safety considerations and children are mostly kept separate by age.

The daycare workers DO love your children. They watch them grow up and those that don’t love it don’t stick around because the pay isn’t very good.
 
When it comes to concern about only seeing them four hours a day, you just make the most of the time you have by becoming more efficient. Simplify meal prep by making freeze ahead crockpot meals or very simple dinners. If you can afford a cleaning lady to come every two weeks or so you don’t spend all your time trying to catch up on cleaning when you are home with your kid.

Most of these things are worth thinking about but not worrying yet. Other working moms will be happy to teach you their tricks when the time comes.
 
DisorientingSneeze said:
As another poster said, your house just needs a bit more toddler proofing. Your baby isn’t old enough to really get into things yet so you haven’t needed to yet.
Click to expand...
YES and also

When our OP is going to have a toddler/young child around, don’t leave your baby in a basket with pokey twigs!!. Those things are pretty for photographs, but, are not practical!
 
Last edited:
I think it is really hard to leave an infant in daycare. I agree that it isn’t ideal. I wish that women in this country had reasonable maternity leave policies. I was fortunate to get six weeks paid leave and I took an extra four. It wasn’t enough time. We were able to find nannies and and in-home care givers for our kids when they were little. Most of them were great, but one of them was awful and almost killed one of our kids. Bad things can happen no matter who has your kids. The good news is, the person who watches your children for you when they are 3 months old is not going to have a significant impact on their faith. You need to find someone who is willing and able to devote sufficient attention to your infant and keep him in a safe place. Your parish is a good place to look. Your husband’s coworkers might have young wives in a similar situation who might be able to childcare share with you. You could watch the children while they work and they could watch them while you work. And I have good news, there are actually 24 hours in a day, especially with a baby!
 
I had my first two kiddos 18 months apart, and honestly 18 month olds just do this type of stuff. Both of my kiddos stayed home with me, and I did my best but sometimes a toy gets thrown at the baby’s head. A daycare might be safer. XD Mommy needs to use the bathroom sometimes. And the kids are never unaccompanied at a daycare (I think…)

Also, many daycares have different rooms separating age groups, especially very young babies. Just do your research, and everything will be fine. Both of my parents worked when I was young, and we had a nanny to take care of my two younger sisters and I. Obviously, a nanny is a little different than a daycare, but my point is that even caretakers can never take the place of parents. You do what you need to do. It doesn’t make you a lesser parent to work. Many women put this pressure on themselves but not on their husbands, which I don’t think is right.
 
The Church does teach that mothers of young children should work primarily in the home or its immediate vicinity, because it is better for children to be nurtured by their biological mother than by paid stand-ins. Of course, if you have to work outside the home because of economic necessity, then this is not imputable to you. OTOH, if you don’t have to, it would be better to be a SAHM.

“Mothers, concentrating on household duties, should work primarily in the home or in its immediate vicinity. It is an intolerable abuse, and to be abolished at all cost, for mothers on account of the father’s low wage to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children.” - Quadragesimo Anno #71
 
How old is this quote?

“Intolerable abuse” sounds pretty harsh. The whole paragraph sounds pretty harsh. I’m guessing 1800s? Or maybe very early 20th Century?

And it sounds like the only reason any woman should work outside the home is because of “father’s low wage.” In other words, a woman should never work because she is called to work in a profession. Again, this doesn’t sound like current Church teaching to me.

Just to clarify–I think it’s ideal for at least one parent to stay home to raise the children at least until they are old enough to enter a school (kindergarten or maybe preschool). Since a daddy can’t breastfeed, mom seems to be the better choice in most cases to be the stay-at-home parent.

But I also recognize that children will not be irreparably harmed if both parents are working outside the home, especially if both parents truly enjoy their jobs and gain energy (and a good wage) from those jobs. I’ve seen families who are living off one very small income, and they are doing OK, but the child doesn’t have the opportunity to participate in any activities–definitely not the end of the world, of course–kids who simply stay home and play turn out just fine!

But still…it’s nice when your child can take music lessons, or be involved in some kind of sport or other physical activity, or enroll in local museum workshops, or join a kids’ club, or go to camp, or even have a hobby–my husband had (and still has) so many hobbies when he was growing up (lapidary, electronics, computers, fossils, ham radio, etc.). Or even have a pet–if a family is financially strapped, having a pet seems like a luxury unless the pet is being raised to be sold to a butcher or something!

I realize it’s up to each parent to determine the best way to raise their child, but I feel bad when they only have one choice.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top