Daycare and Raising Catholic Children

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Again your worries are common. They are the worries we all have when faced with going back to work and leaving what matters most to us in the care of someone else.

You visit the daycares before you select one. The discipline guidelines are usually outlined in the paperwork you recieve and you can ask about it when you visit. It is designed to be developmentally appropriote non-spanking as these are other people’s children. Usually a talking to and a time out for an appropriote amount of time.

Your child will be talked to, read stories and loved by the daycare workers if it is the right kind of place. Go visit during early morning dropoff and observe how they behave at dropoff. Watching them comfort sad babies and sad mommas while they feed everyone breakfast will show you the heart of the staff.

The ratios of adults to babies are smaller than in the other age groups. They will be held and loved beyond just their basic needs. It would be similar to the amount attention they would get if you personally had more children.

Bottom line, do some visits of daycare centers. Your gut will tell you which is right for you.
 
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Agent94 said:
At the same time, my husband doesn’t make a whole lot. So, I’m kind of forced to work.
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I don’t make a whole lot either, but we still make it work. Obviously you and your husband need to do what you need to do, though.

I understand the anxiety. As DisorientingSneeze pointed out, I think the bottom line is that you should visit some daycare centers. Knowledge eases anxiety. You probably won’t get to a place where you feel comfortable with the idea just running it through your mind over and over at home. I think going and visiting some of these places will help bring clarity.
 
It’s complicated. I really had no plans to even marry or have children. I was applying for the state police in my senior year of college. Then suddenly i met my future husband when I was on an outing with my friends. We immediately felt drawn to each other. After a few months we became engaged and then six months later we married. Not having any training in NFP and not knowing much about it, I conceived our daughter a few weeks after getting married. Everything happened so fast. My husband and I didn’t talk about daycare and how we would handle children while I worked. My plans came crashing down after I gave birth. Now I don’t t know if I really want to pursue a career. Children change everything. My husband is being very pushy about me getting into law enforcement (I had told him my career plans while we were dating). Now I’m thinking that I want to stay home. I’m also not sure if I should be a police officer. It’s a dangerous career. I’m also worried about becoming pregnant while working and possibly endangering my unborn child. We do plan on more kids.
 
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I can’t throw everything out. I need certain things. The wicker basket of for my baby’s laundry. I received it as a present for my baby shower. Yes, chemicals and any meds are out of reach. I also don’t believe in putting children in play pens, if that’s what you’re implying when you said if there’s a place I can’t put the toddler. I think that’s cruel. Children shouldn’t be caged.
 
Peeps said:
“Intolerable abuse” sounds pretty harsh. The whole paragraph sounds pretty harsh. I’m guessing 1800s? Or maybe very early 20th Century?
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Note what “intolerable abuse” describes, though. It’s not an “intolerable abuse” that women choose to work outside the home. It’s an “intolerable abuse” that women be “forced” to work outside the home due to low wages. It’s a commentary on the social structure of low wages more than an indictment of women who choose to work outside the home.

I still think that holds true. Wages should be fair enough that both parents aren’t “forced” to work outside the home. But that doesn’t mean it is somehow immoral for a family to do this.
 
Yes, I was raised with 12 siblings. My mother homeschooled us, and still is for some. She was a SAHM and my father only made $18-$20 an hour depending. We all made it. We always had food on the table, we had a six bedroom home with two baths. We had clothes, toys, and pets. Ok, so we didn’t buy brand new clothes but we did get decent clothes at our local thrift store, and people never knew the difference.
 
Agent94 said:
I can’t throw everything out. I need certain things. The wicker basket of for my baby’s laundry. I received it as a present for my baby shower. Yes, chemicals and any meds are out of reach. I also don’t believe in putting children in play pens, if that’s what you’re implying when you said if there’s a place I can’t put the toddler. I think that’s cruel. Children shouldn’t be caged.
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You sound oddly resistant to childproofing your home. I had friends like that…until their baby became mobile. Then their “teach the toddler to respect our breakables” theory flew right out the window

A playpen is a safety tool not a cruel cage. It gives you somewhere safe from other kids or environmental danger to put the child temporarily while you tend to some very pressing need such as using the restroom.
 
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Yes, but sleeping hours don’t count. I also breastfeed, so I get up three times a night to nurse.I also have a slight problem with insomnia, so im extremely tired almost all the time. I don’t know how I’m going to work and not fall asleep.
 
The response I’d typed was no longer apropos. Don’t assume the worst, sometimes a phrase is just a phrase
 
Are there any daycares operated by a Catholic you know? I would look into this. If I had to put a child in daycare if I had one, I’d look first for a Catholic ran daycare, then if that wasn’t available, at least one with someone I knew I could trust with my kids.
 
My sister has children, and she does not believe that there is anything wrong with putting a baby in a play pen for safety reasons, leaving them there and never holding them feeding them attending to their needs is cruel. Seeing to their safety is not.
 
Agent94 said:
Is a childcare provider going to interact with her during her waking hours?
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Yes
Agent94 said:
Is she going to read to her and play with her and simply just talk to her?
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Yes, all the time.
Agent94 said:
These people just take care of a child’s basic needs.
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Maybe some places do, I’ve yet to come across said places so in my experience I’d have to disagree
Agent94 said:
I’m extremely afraid that my baby, who needs to be held a lot and loves human contact, will be left in a bouncer or crib most of the time.
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They aren’t. Some daycare’s even have people that volunteer just to come in and hold babies.
Agent94 said:
What if the provider becomes to busy with the other children and babies and can’t get to my baby in time to comfort her?
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I’ve yet to see or ever experience that as an issue.

Honestly, I don’t know where you’re getting your information on daycare’s but it is quite…for lack of a better way of saying it…“out there”. Like a few of us in this thread have said, get out there and interview places, sit in with them, volunteer for a few hours with them and see which one fits you the best. You are THEIR employer, not the other way around.

TBH, it’s kind of starting to sound like you’re after a confirmation on the evils of daycare that you’re probably not going to get.
 
dochawk said:
Personally, we found that we would lose money by her going back to work when our first was born.
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Not to pry, but if you don’t mind me asking…how much is child care where you live?? For us, having one child in full time daycare is about $650 - $700 a month.
 
It is an intolerable abuse, and to be abolished at all cost, for mothers on account of the father’s low wage to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children." - Quadragesimo Anno #71
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I definitely agree with husbands not forcing their wives to go find outside work.

One of my sisters, who is getting married this year, is engaged to a young man whose parents had told him that if his wife, my sister, wishes to quit her job and stay home to care for their children, then he should find a very well paying job to make sure that happens. They were babaically saying that it’s the man’s job to make sure that the family is financially secure before they even start a family. You see, men don’t get pregnant and take time off of work because of it. Men should make sure that they are financially set so that the wife can take time off of work to give birth and heal her body and care for the baby for a time anyway.
 
That is his personal belief. It is not doctrine.

Was none of this covered in your pre-marriage counseling at the parish?

You are in your own marriage, not your sister’s marriage.
 
How are devout Catholics who follow all the rules (no ABC), supposed to afford to raise a family, especially if the mom doesn’t work? I think most mothers would prefer not to work when the children are very young, or at least to work very limited hours.

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NFP should be given more credit. You’re talking about very big families I guess and even then, a mother shouldn’t t be forced to work. My own parents are an example of a very large family and a SAHM.
 
Ebastill said:
I’m just not sure that it’s productive to bring up all of these documents that say it’s better for the mother to stay home. I honestly think most women feel this way instinctually, which is why this topic comes up. And also why so many women feel guilty about it. Yes, a society that requires two incomes to live on is flawed. Should women feel bad about working outside the home? Absolutely not.
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The reverse should also be true; women shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to be SAHMs.
 
I appreciate your answer. Since you bring up your parents, may I ask – was your father a high-earner? Was this in the era when most mothers were SAHMs?
 
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