Daycare as grave matter

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When I read comments about how someone doesn’t want to waste their education by staying home it seems like being a SAHM is considered a less valuable role than others.
 
AdamP88 said:
Fair enough, but I really believe that the lack of stimulation in daycare affects children negatively. I would never put my child in there.
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I loved daycare, I went to a Catholic kindergarten with nuns who played guitars. It was literally the best thing ever. Children benefit being around other children. It helps them learn social cues, become socialised and be around their peers.

I’d stick my future kids into a Montessori / Catholic kindergarten any day! 🌷
 
casslean said:
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Katie777:
In this society though, people place more value on the material and thier status of this world then family. I see this everyday, and I personally believe that this is what the op is addressing.
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What I see is people assuming there is only one right way to raise a family. There is not.
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I’m thinking of the old song now, Cats in the Cradle, lol.
 
Our son goes to daycare because my wife and I both have to work. We’re hoping that’s not the case in the future, but for now, it’s what we have to do. We tried doing the SAHM thing for a while, but sadly we just can’t afford it.
 
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What if you both had to work to put food on the table and maintain mortgage etc ? And life circumstances can change at any time so one day you may need to do that.
 
AdamP88 said:
Maybe it’s different in the US. But Irish daycare doesn’t have a good name. And the government are constantly trying to force parents into the workplace. It’s nothing personal…I just have a thing about it.
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Little children’s needs vary a lot according to age.

I don’t see that daycare could possibly be beneficial to a small infant (unless the mom had severe postpartum depression or something like that) because an infant primarily needs one-on-one adult attention, but the bigger kids are, the more an organized program has to offer them in terms of social contact and activities. For example, I’m a SAHM, and my youngest was in 10 hours of parents’ day out a week when she was 4–but she could easily have done a lot more. She was in pre-kindergarten three full days a week last year (at 4.5-5.5), and she used to complain about how she didn’t get to go to the five day program. We couldn’t afford the tuition, though.

I used to think that kids that loved preschool, daycare or school were mythological, until I had Baby Girl.

Baby Girl used to go very happily to parents’ day out, starting from just before 2. (There was one classroom that she refused to go into, but we bailed on that program three weeks in–it was just a bad teacher.) On the other hand, her older sister would complain about going to preschool/pre-k EVERY morning…even though she did enjoy it once she was there.

Illness is another factor. It is common for daycare kids to get sick a lot more (which can be very serious for small children), but experiences vary.

tldr; different kids are going to have different experiences.
 
MikeInVA said:
When I read comments about how someone doesn’t want to waste their education by staying home it seems like being a SAHM is considered a less valuable role than others.
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I don’t consider being a SAHM a less valuable role than any other. I didn’t even say it would be a waste of my education. I said that I feel that I have a gift when it comes to my profession, and I don’t believe motherhood requires me to discard that gift.
 
I would say as long as you doing the best thing for the child it can never be a grave sin. For example for some there are is family support and one salary isn’t enough. In the uk you either have to be very well off or living on some sort of benefits to be able to be a stay at home mum
 
My perspective is going to be different from everyone here.

Myself and all my siblings were sexually abused by adults who we were placed in the care of while our mother worked. Teachers, babysitters, etc.

I never, ever, ever wanted to put my child in the care of anyone but myself, my husband or my closest family (whom I know I can trust). However, now that I’m pregnant reality is proving difficult.

We cannot financially afford to live off my husband’s income. I can stay home for a year thanks to maternal benefits but after that year I will have to return to work and I will have to place my child in the hands of strangers. This is terrifying to me and not what I want but I recognize I have to help provide food and shelter for this child and I have to put my own fears aside to do that.

I don’t think most mothers send their child to daycare for selfish reasons…

I would argue that even if the mother is sending the child to daycare because she mentally needs a break that is a ‘valid’ reason. Children are hard work. They can be mentally, emotionally and physically destroying. I have watched countless mothers reduced to piles of tears and agony because they were made to believe they had to ‘do it all’ and that any sign of needing a break was ‘weakness’ on their part as a mother.

If a mom needs a few hours a day to herself to recharge and to get herself in order, that doesn’t make her a bad mom or a sinner. It just makes her human.
 
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I really hope we don’t have more than one as all my salary would go on childcare I may as well not work, and then other half couldn’t afford to support us all. NFP and roll on the menopause I would think . Cost of living astronomical here no matter how carefully u budget
 
Totally agree. You can’t pour from an empty vessel moms need to look after themselves
 
The key principle is to put our duties to our children as our first concern. The primary mission of a mother is the care and education of her children. Parental love and affection is part of this.

As Pope John Paul II taught, a mother “abandon[ing] these tasks in order to take up paid work outside the home is wrong from the point of view of the good of society and of the family when it contradicts or hinders these primary goals of the mission of a mother.”

If a mother having to work outside the home or have another care for and educate her children is ultimately a better fulfillment of her duties to them–as I imagine it is a lot of the time these days–then there is no guilt there.
 
Yes, I know. Like, what?

But you as a future parent can discern which kindergarten your child goes to.

My parents chose one with nuns who played guitars, and ran a half day program until 1pm.
 
I’m not trying to change your mind.

I am just saying, that if you were to choose a kindergarten you would…choose one. It is up to you and your wife then what attributes are important to you.

Another interesting aspect would be to create a community thingy (they have a name but it escapes me) where you and your wife, and other like minded people get together and create their own kindergarten in their homes.
 
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Institution??

Your daycares must be a lot different than what I’m used to. The one we picked out isn’t much different than going to grandma’s or an aunt’s house with same aged cousins.
 
As a side note, when I was a pediatric nurse, most of the injuries/ accidents I saw occurred with grandparents or family watching the kids. Not daycare. Family members don’t have required safety training and first aid/cpr. I personally feel my son is safer in daycare than he is with his grandmother.
 
In that very same talk he said it’s sinful for a wife to say no to sex when she has a headache and said what kind of man refuses his wife and also said that men should work three jobs instead of their wife working at all
 
… wow!!! I need to listen to the talk but also feel like it would just infuriate me.
 
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