Daycare providers possibly homosexual?

[Miss_Felicity]

Excellent childcare is often difficult to find. I would not make things awkward by asking questions about your care providers sexual orientation or relationship status. These two could very well be good friends or relatives. They provide a safe and caring atmosphere for kids, unless and until there is something specific to be worried about I wouldn’t let it cross my mind.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Excellent childcare is often difficult to find. I would not make things awkward by asking questions about your care providers sexual orientation or relationship status. These two could very well be good friends or relatives. They provide a safe and caring atmosphere for kids, unless and until there is something specific to be worried about I wouldn’t let it cross my mind.

You must write an advice column for a living.

 

[EasterJoy]

Perhaps you have missed the OP’s posts so far. She is concerned about teachers’ possible PDA in front of her daughter. Go back and read it all before posting, it helps.

A sexual PDA would have to be very overt before a small child interpreted it as even “weird”, which is what they’d think it was. (I mean they would not think “sex”, because they don’t know what sex is!) It would have to be practically criminal before the child interpreted a PDA as having some genital connotation. The only issue I can think of is if the story books go out of their way to normalize unacceptably broad definitions of marriage–Heather Has Two Mommies, that kind of thing. If it is not that direct, I doubt a small child would pick up on it.

 

[BettyBoop416]

Let me see if I understand this. Your DD is in a facility where she is happy, safe, well cared for, and part of a program of which you approve. Her care providers are so discreet and circumspect that you, an adult, cannot ascertain their sexual orientation. But you believe that IF they are lesbians that your two-year-old MIGHT witness an innocent display of affection and that, by being exposed to two adults exchanging this affection, she would be harmed in some way.

I don’t know what your work history is, but in the forty-some years I worked I never saw two married professionals hold hands, kiss, or show any physical affection for each other. Extrapolating what you and your DH do at home in your non-working hours to how two professionals act toward each other in their business environment is illogical to me.

On the infinitesimal chance that your DD did see a brief kiss, I doubt that she would even notice it. We often kiss our friends, male and female, in greeting, and I do not remember ever giving it a thought as a child nor did my DD even seem to notice. As for holding hands, when would two people who are taking care of a room full of little ones ever have their hands free long enough to do that?

She is your DD and you are, of course, free to raise her as you wish, but in our changing world it is almost inevitable that she will see same-sex couples acting affectionately toward each other. I would doubt, however, that two people whose livelihood depends on having people feel comfortable with the environment in which their children spend a good part of their waking hours would be likely to do anything to destroy that comfort.

And please do not ask about their sexual orientation, no matter how subtle you think you are being. If they are lesbian, it will be all to apparent what you are doing and it is beyond rude. Their conduct may be your business, but their sexuality certainly isn’t.

This. Every word of this.

 

[travissbeloved]

Ok, well I guess I retract everything I said then. I shouldn’t at all be worried if my child is in the home of practicing homosexuals for 7 hours a day. 5 days a week? That seems a bit naïve to me.

 

[Book_Worm]

Ok, well I guess I retract everything I said then. I shouldn’t at all be worried if my child is in the home of practicing homosexuals for 7 hours a day. 5 days a week? That seems a bit naïve to me.

Perhaps if you told us exactly what it is that you think that is harmful to your TWO-YEAR-OLD we would be able to understand your concern.

 

[Bill_Martin]

Ok, well I guess I retract everything I said then. I shouldn’t at all be worried if my child is in the home of practicing homosexuals for 7 hours a day. 5 days a week? That seems a bit naïve to me.

I don’t see how it is more harmful than her being in the home of anyone else. It’s what they do in front of the children that could be a problem, not who they are. And if you have never seen anything and aren’t even sure yourself if they are lesbians, chances are they either aren’t or don’t display it publicly. In either case, your daughter won’t see anything.

Besides, I am an ex-kid myself, and at that age I was so busy bouncing off the walls or throwing food at people that there’s no way any daycare worker would have the spare time to display affection to her spouse. Now imagine a room full of kids like that.

 

[KP3243]

Now, of course, I would not want any overtly sexual PDA’s ("French-kissing, groping, etc) to happen in front of my child by any adult- gay or not, but holding hands, a hug or a peck on the lips between 2 woman DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE LESBIANS!!!​

Do most women over the age of 8 hold hands? Call me the 22 year old prude but two women giving each other a peck on the lips has at least equated that they are bi sexual.

 

[EasterJoy]

Ok, well I guess I retract everything I said then. I shouldn’t at all be worried if my child is in the home of practicing homosexuals for 7 hours a day. 5 days a week? That seems a bit naïve to me.

It is highly unlikely that they’ll be “practicing” in any way that a small child will pick up on and you won’t, because a small child can’t tell the difference between sexual partners and close friends. So yes, the naivety of your child is on your side when it comes to adult-adult relationships.

Again, in the very few cases when women have sexually abused children or been complicit in their molestation, it is more likely than not to be a heterosexual couple. You have to have two people there, or that makes the odds go up even more. If you’re not talking about pedophilia (and you have said you are not), then again, I think that only the social training such as *Heather Has Two Mommies *is the only real issue. Or they might fly to Washington State and come home calling each other their “wife”. Even that, with a 2 year old, is not going to be a big deal. My children thought the pastor and a retired priest who visits our church were married! They didn’t even live in the same house; the kids just saw them at Mass every Sunday. Confusions that arise at a young age can be cleared up.

Still, if you are concerned that you want a caretaker from now until your daughter starts school and don’t want to have to separate her from her favorite daycare providers because they have their lesbian wedding pictures on their desk some day, then I suppose it is worth thinking about. Ask about their Christmas plans; they are likely to let on whether they are just good friends or if they operate as romantic partners during major holidays. Unless you don’t want her to get too attached, I don’t think there is any immediate issue, as there might be if she was older and could be influenced into accepting the current lie that there is no difference between homosexual partners and heterosexual ones.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

The practical advise I will offer is to show up unannounced at random times, not because they could be lesbian but because this is what I think parents should do if they use any day care no matter what sexual preference you suspect that the day care providers might have. Don’t ask if they are lesbian.

Agreed. I worked at an accredited day care center and the one thing that bugged me was how differently the staff would behave when the parents were there to pick up their kids especially the last kids to leave. The staff were always attentive but when parents arrived (at an expected time) the affection and playfulness would be amped up and seemed fake to me. I think you get a better idea of the dynamics if you drop in at lunch or free play.

 

[KP3243]

You are her mother, you have every right to do what you feel is in her best interest and your intuition is what you should follow. I would seriously ask God to enlighten you on what the best decision is in this situation, He is father to both of you and you both belong to Him but in this life He made you custodian of your daughter’s welfare. I would trust that God will help you discern the best thing to do for your daughter He is far better suited to give you an answer than any of us are.

 

[agnes_therese]

Ok, well I guess I retract everything I said then. I shouldn’t at all be worried if my child is in the home of practicing homosexuals for 7 hours a day. 5 days a week? That seems a bit naïve to me.

So now all of a sudden you KNOW they are “practicing homosexuals”? That’s not what you said at the beginning.

You should just take your children out of there, since you’re so suspicious of two females working and living together. With, as you pointed out in the beginning, absolutely no evidence against them.

 

[EasterJoy]

You are her mother, you have every right to do what you feel is in her best interest and your intuition is what you should follow. I would seriously ask God to enlighten you on what the best decision is in this situation, He is father to both of you and you both belong to Him but in this life He made you custodian of your daughter’s welfare. I would trust that God will help you discern the best thing to do for your daughter He is far better suited to give you an answer than any of us are.

This is very true. In addition, part of what makes good daycare “good” is that the parents can do the work they need to do without the constant distraction of wondering if their child is OK. If there is so much as something about these caretakers that bothers the OP that she can’t put her finger on, or if there is something that bothers her husband, she should not feel qualms about looking for a more suitable situation.

 

[Book_Worm]

I cannot help but think how sad it would be if these two women have done nothing wrong and their business is destroyed because the OP and others like her have unfounded suspicions and remove their children from their care.

 

[EasterJoy]

I cannot help but think how sad it would be if these two women have done nothing wrong and their business is destroyed because the OP and others like her have unfounded suspicions and remove their children from their care.

No one here is telling the OP that she would be immoral if she were to decide in favor of this childcare situation. If these two are good childcare providers, they will have clients knocking down their doors. The OP did not say she was going to spread rumors about them, either, so it is hard to imagine how looking for another situation could “destroy” their reputation or their business. She was trying decide if she is comfortable having them do childcare for her. She does not have to justify her choice to anybody. She is free to choose someone who feels right to her, and there isn’t anything sad about that.

 

[travissbeloved]

No one here is telling the OP that she would be immoral if she were to decide in favor of this childcare situation. If these two are good childcare providers, they will have clients knocking down their doors. The OP did not say she was going to spread rumors about them, either, so it is hard to imagine how looking for another situation could “destroy” their reputation or their business. She was trying decide if she is comfortable having them do childcare for her. She does not have to justify her choice to anybody. She is free to choose someone who feels right to her, and there isn’t anything sad about that.

Thank you. If I don’t want my children to see two women kiss and act like “wives” then I believe that my choice.

 

[maryjk]

Thank you. If I don’t want my children to see two women kiss and act like “wives” then I believe that my choice.

Yes it is.

But it sounds like you have no idea that these two woman are anything but wonderful caregivers.

Oh, and they seem to live in the same house.

I suggest if you pull your daughter out of their daycare, you keep your reasons to yourself. You wouldn’t want to spread gossip.

 

[travissbeloved]

Yes it is.

But it sounds like you have no idea that these two woman are anything but wonderful caregivers.

Oh, and they seem to live in the same house.

I suggest if you pull your daughter out of their daycare, you keep your reasons to yourself. You wouldn’t want to spread gossip.

I never once said I was going to spread rumors about them. I don’t even know any of the other parents that bring their children there well enough to talk in depth with them. I don’t plan on pulling her out right now it’s just a concern that I have in my heart. Thank you everyone for your responses.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you. If I don’t want my children to see two women kiss and act like “wives” then I believe that my choice.

Of course not! I only meant that you are free not to use them if you decide for some reason you can’t even articulate that you don’t want to use them. That would not be “destroying” their business, for crying out loud. Daycare is a situation of monumental trust, no one has a right to expect your business, and frankly few people can afford to seek out only those daycare providers that every single client has always swooned over.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes it is.

But it sounds like you have no idea that these two woman are anything but wonderful caregivers.

Oh, and they seem to live in the same house.

I suggest if you pull your daughter out of their daycare, you keep your reasons to yourself. You wouldn’t want to spread gossip.

Please, don’t. No, just because they are living together does not mean they are lesbian, although it is hardly rash judgment to merely wonder if they might be. She has accused them of nothing. If a daycare provider offends a parent’s intuition in any way, it is not rash judgment for her to act on that. Since she has never said they are anything or have done anything, it is highly unlikely that she’s going to spread any gossip about them.

Again: If they are good caregivers, they won’t have trouble finding clients. In most parts of the US, this would even be true if they openly told the parents on the first day, “We are lesbians and we’re getting married and putting our wedding pictures all over this house on the first day our state legalizes gay marriage, so take that under advisement.” There is no reason at all that they’d have to, because it is their own business, but it they did even that they would be unlikely to find their clients all leaving in a stream.