Daycare providers possibly homosexual?

[KP3243]

Please, don’t. No, just because they are living together does not mean they are lesbian, although it is hardly rash judgment to merely wonder if they might be. She has accused them of nothing. If a daycare provider offends a parent’s intuition in any way, it is not rash judgment for her to act on that. Since she has never said they are anything or have done anything, it is highly unlikely that she’s going to spread any gossip about them.

Again: If they are good caregivers, they won’t have trouble finding clients. In most parts of the US, this would even be true if they openly told the parents on the first day, “We are lesbians and we’re getting married and putting our wedding pictures all over this house on the first day our state legalizes gay marriage, so take that under advisement.” There is no reason at all that they’d have to, because it is their own business, but it they did even that they would be unlikely to find their clients all leaving in a stream.

I don’t think the OP has ever suggested these women are bad people her concern is that her child might be privy to something that is against our faith; she has a two year old not a 16 year old who you can have a serious discussion about sexuality with. We love the sinners not the sins. Frankly, if I was the OP, I wouldn’t want to answer to God if her maternal intuition is right and her child does observe behavior contrary to our faith and out of fear of offending people she ends up offending God. No thanks! I would rather take up my cross and have people hate me because they think I am a bigot or whatever else they want to call me then to offend God. We have all been forewarned this life isn’t the cushy one. I feel very bad for the OP and keep her in my prayers because this isn’t a situation any mother would want to be in.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t think the OP has ever suggested these women are bad people her concern is that her child might be privy to something that is against our faith; she has a two year old not a 16 year old who you can have a serious discussion about sexuality with. We love the sinners not the sins. Frankly, if I was the OP, I wouldn’t want to answer to God if her maternal intuition is right and her child does observe behavior contrary to our faith and out of fear of offending people she ends up offending God. No thanks! I would rather take up my cross and have people hate me because they think I am a bigot or whatever else they want to call me then to offend God. We have all been forewarned this life isn’t the cushy one. I feel very bad for the OP and keep her in my prayers because this isn’t a situation any mother would want to be in.

Answer to God? Let us not go too far out on a limb, here. The OP has not described a situation where it would be objectively offensive to God to allow these caregivers to take care of her child. We can’t tell mothers that they’ve sinned before Heaven every time they have a bad feeling about something and make a decision that overrides a fear, and then something goes wrong. They don’t deserve that, either.

IOW, provided that she exercises due diligence in selecting caretakers from among those available to her, she ought to feel no guilt over her choice. Parenting is a long road as it is; there is no reason to add burdens that are not required.

God put her and her husband in charge of their own family. She has not described anything that automatically precludes these caretakers, nor anything that compels her to use them. She is entirely free to use these caretakers or not, as she believes best at the time. If something goes wrong later, God is not going to condemn her over it. All the usual prohibitions against respecting their reputation and controlling her own tongue are still in effect, of course, but she’s given no indication that she is even tempted to wrong them in that way.

 

[maryjk]

The reason I commented on not spreading gossip is because travissbeloved went from this:

The problem is that I think they might be lesbians.

To this:

Ok, well I guess I retract everything I said then. I shouldn’t at all be worried if my child is in the home of practicing homosexuals for 7 hours a day. 5 days a week? That seems a bit naïve to me.

And this:

Thank you. If I don’t want my children to see two women kiss and act like “wives” then I believe that my choice.

Now, I am sure that those last two statements were said in frustration. But they don’t go a long way in convincing me that the OP will be level headed when talking to other parents about these two women.

 

[choose_to_love]

@travis: 1) you are, I think, correct to be concerned, or even better, aware of a possible issue, but 2) in this particular situation, it seems that the emphasis here is that all your observations of the providers are that they are professional. “Professional” means no PDAs between the caregivers (beyond what would be innocuous anyway); I think, based upon your description, that you are looking for problems where there aren’t any, if you want my two cents. I do think you are right to be aware of situations like that.

@maryjk: the last two posts you highlighted by travis are, I think, hypotheticals she is posing, not her knowledge or belief about the actual caregivers. She is saying that, in her view, she would be within her rights to be concerned about “practicing homosexuals” and/or two women “acting like wives” in front of her two year old, and I think she is right about that; she is not saying that is what her providers are doing. She is saying that she does not know what goes on when she is not there, and if that sort of thing were occurring, she would not want her child exposed to it. She is extrapolating the views of some of those who responded to her, if I may be so bold as to interpret what travisis has written.

 

[KP3243]

Answer to God? Let us not go too far out on a limb, here. The OP has not described a situation where it would be objectively offensive to God to allow these caregivers to take care of her child. We can’t tell mothers that they’ve sinned before Heaven every time they have a bad feeling about something and make a decision that overrides a fear, and then something goes wrong. They don’t deserve that, either.

IOW, provided that she exercises due diligence in selecting caretakers from among those available to her, she ought to feel no guilt over her choice. Parenting is a long road as it is; there is no reason to add burdens that are not required.

God put her and her husband in charge of their own family. She has not described anything that automatically precludes these caretakers, nor anything that compels her to use them. She is entirely free to use these caretakers or not, as she believes best at the time. If something goes wrong later, God is not going to condemn her over it. All the usual prohibitions against respecting their reputation and controlling her own tongue are still in effect, of course, but she’s given no indication that she is even tempted to wrong them in that way.

I am agreeing with you. The OP is obviously concerned about this and is trying discern right now if she is misreading the situation or if the individuals who are spending most of the day with her child are engaged in a behavior contradictory to our faith. You and I cannot possibly know what God is telling the OP is the right or wrong thing to do but I have seen comments on here that people are telling the OP she is over reacting which I don’t think she is. If her maternal intuition is concerned about this then that is a big sign. I know I and everyone else in my class were under the assumption that our fashion professor in college was gay and I didn’t have a problem with him or his class and or what he did outside of class I actually loved him, still do, but everyone was just SHOCKED when his wife who was a knock out stopped by our class one time. When we broke for lunch the basic consensus was we would have NEVER EVER put the two of them together so I can see both sides of this.

 

[travissbeloved]

The reason I commented on not spreading gossip is because travissbeloved went from this:

To this:

And this:

Now, I am sure that those last two statements were said in frustration. But they don’t go a long way in convincing me that the OP will be level headed when talking to other parents about these two women.

The first two comments you quoted from me were hypothetical statements. Not what I think is for sure going on.

Lastly, I do not think it is any of your business to decide whether or not I am going to be level headed when talking to other parents. As I have said before, I am not even friends with any of the other parents who bring their children to the daycare and I would never go around spreading something around that I do not know to be true or false. I am a Christian and that entails that I should be concerned if my daughter is witnessing behavior that is contrary to our faith and it ALSO entails that I not gossip and ruin the reputation of these kind childcare providers. I’m sorry I haven’t “convinced” you of this but I can assure you that the reason I am slightly upset is because of people on here accusing me of being judgmental, etc. Not because my daughter’s childcare providers may or may not be lesbians.

 

[travissbeloved]

@travis: 1) you are, I think, correct to be concerned, or even better, aware of a possible issue, but 2) in this particular situation, it seems that the emphasis here is that all your observations of the providers are that they are professional. “Professional” means no PDAs between the caregivers (beyond what would be innocuous anyway); I think, based upon your description, that you are looking for problems where there aren’t any, if you want my two cents. I do think you are right to be aware of situations like that.

@maryjk: the last two posts you highlighted by travis are, I think, hypotheticals she is posing, not her knowledge or belief about the actual caregivers. She is saying that, in her view, she would be within her rights to be concerned about “practicing homosexuals” and/or two women “acting like wives” in front of her two year old, and I think she is right about that; she is not saying that is what her providers are doing. She is saying that she does not know what goes on when she is not there, and if that sort of thing were occurring, she would not want her child exposed to it. She is extrapolating the views of some of those who responded to her, if I may be so bold as to interpret what travisis has written.

This. exactly. Thank you for your opinion, it is very helpful and I actually have decided that at this time besides trying to make more of an effort to get to know them deeper I am not going to take my daughter out of care.

 

[John_Lazarus]

So now all of a sudden you KNOW they are “practicing homosexuals”? That’s not what you said at the beginning.

You should just take your children out of there, since you’re so suspicious of two females working and living together. With, as you pointed out in the beginning, absolutely no evidence against them.

She said “if”.

 

[maryjk]

The first two comments you quoted from me were hypothetical statements. Not what I think is for sure going on.

Lastly, I do not think it is any of your business to decide whether or not I am going to be level headed when talking to other parents. As I have said before, I am not even friends with any of the other parents who bring their children to the daycare and I would never go around spreading something around that I do not know to be true or false. I am a Christian and that entails that I should be concerned if my daughter is witnessing behavior that is contrary to our faith and it ALSO entails that I not gossip and ruin the reputation of these kind childcare providers. I’m sorry I haven’t “convinced” you of this but I can assure you that the reason I am slightly upset is because of people on here accusing me of being judgmental, etc. Not because my daughter’s childcare providers may or may not be lesbians.

You posted here because you wanted our opinion.

You don’t have to like what everyone has said, but you made it our business when you posted here.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am agreeing with you. The OP is obviously concerned about this and is trying discern right now if she is misreading the situation or if the individuals who are spending most of the day with her child are engaged in a behavior contradictory to our faith. You and I cannot possibly know what God is telling the OP is the right or wrong thing to do but I have seen comments on here that people are telling the OP she is over reacting which I don’t think she is. If her maternal intuition is concerned about this then that is a big sign. I know I and everyone else in my class were under the assumption that our fashion professor in college was gay and I didn’t have a problem with him or his class and or what he did outside of class I actually loved him, still do, but everyone was just SHOCKED when his wife who was a knock out stopped by our class one time. When we broke for lunch the basic consensus was we would have NEVER EVER put the two of them together so I can see both sides of this.

My concern is that she not decide to punish herself if she does her best to make a good decision and then it doesn’t turn out as well as she would like. She should do nothing to harm anyone’s reputation, but I have no reason to believe that was her intention. What she ought to have is permission to do what she thinks is right without having any more than her intuition to go on. She does have to be able to go to work and feel comfortable with the caretakers her child is with. That is one reason why her intuition is important: that is, because her serenity is important. It is hard enough to be away from your child for work, after all. No one needs to be beating themselves up over whether they made the right decision or not or feeling as if they have to defend their decision to someone else. None of us are ever going to be all-knowing or infallible as parents. If her husband is satisfied with her decision, that is good enough. You do your best and keep your eyes open, and after that you deal with the results you get.

 

[travissbeloved]

You posted here because you wanted our opinion.

You don’t have to like what everyone has said, but you made it our business when you posted here.

I posted here wanting advice on how to approach these women. I didn’t want to get belittled by having people accuse me of gossiping and spreading rumors about them. You are actually the one spreading rumors by making it seem as if this was my intention. I didn’t ask your opinion on whether I’m going to keep my mouth shut or not to other parents.

 

[tjones80]

I have a bit of a dilemma with my daughter’s daycare providers. She goes to a home day care that is run by two women and it is a GREAT daycare program. She is always happy to go there and is always happy when I pick her up. Her two “teachers” always have them do a lot of crafts and even bought each child a gift for Christmas. They are wonderful ladies who really care about the children and run the business very professionally. The problem is that I think they might be lesbians. Now I don’t have a problem with a daycare provider being a lesbian but I am more worried about if they are showing affection when I am not there. Let me just say that I do not even know for sure if they are lesbian or in a relationship together but they are two women who live together and run a business together and I’ve seen them out in public together as well. But I have NEVER seen them show any behavior such as holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc. So any suggestions on what I should do?

Personally I would remove my child from such a daycare.

 

[KP3243]

My concern is that she not decide to punish herself if she does her best to make a good decision and then it doesn’t turn out as well as she would like. She should do nothing to harm anyone’s reputation, but I have no reason to believe that was her intention. What she ought to have is permission to do what she thinks is right without having any more than her intuition to go on. She does have to be able to go to work and feel comfortable with the caretakers her child is with. That is one reason why her intuition is important: that is, because her serenity is important. It is hard enough to be away from your child for work, after all. No one needs to be beating themselves up over whether they made the right decision or not or feeling as if they have to defend their decision to someone else. None of us are ever going to be all-knowing or infallible as parents. If her husband is satisfied with her decision, that is good enough. You do your best and keep your eyes open, and after that you deal with the results you get.

None of us are ever going to be perfect parents and God knows the intention of the OP’s heart and I trust in His mercy in a situation like this, and I trust He will guide her through this. I wouldn’t wish this on any mom, I feel so bad for the OP. If you put yourself in her shoes it must be so difficult to work, moms have it hard enough leaving their kids and a lot of them feel guilty about that then you add this into the equation it is just heartbreaking for this poor woman.

 

[Cristiano]

I posted here wanting advice on how to approach these women. I didn’t want to get belittled by having people accuse me of gossiping and spreading rumors about them. You are actually the one spreading rumors by making it seem as if this was my intention. I didn’t ask your opinion on whether I’m going to keep my mouth shut or not to other parents.

It looks like you are getting really upset because someone is treating you like you are treating those two women. If the poster is spreading rumors and gossips then you are doing exactly the same thing. It is your prerogative to pull your kids out of the day care but trying to get approval and rationalize your decision that is not based on facts is just silly.

 

[EasterJoy]

It looks like you are getting really upset because someone is treating you like you are treating those two women. If the poster is spreading rumors and gossips then you are doing exactly the same thing. It is your prerogative to pull your kids out of the day care but trying to get approval and rationalize your decision that is not based on facts is just silly.

No, she is not doing any such thing, let alone “exactly the same thing.” She is not here to get approval*–we are complete strangers, for crying out loud!–*but trying to get another point of view from other parents with children. She came here precisely so that she would not have any effect on those who actually know these women, so she could find help in making a decision without doing any harm to their reputation at all. She was very clear that they “might” be lesbians and that even if they were, that would not be the problem. Her concern is that they might be sexual partners for each other (rather than having partners who did not work there) and therefore might treat each other in a romantic way and normalize that way of thinking to her child. That’s all. She accused them of nothing, she is not trying to get anyone else to withdraw their child from this establishment, she is simply trying to figure out how to handle this concern.

Considering the reaction of children at a parochial school in Washington State when a vice principal was let go for violating his contract by entering into a gay marriage, I don’t think her concern is out of bounds:
blogs.seattletimes.com/today/2013/12/gay-vice-principal-loses-job-at-catholic-school-after-marrying/

Those are Catholic students at a Catholic school who think the school is wrong for opposing gay marriage within the context of a school trying to teach the Church’s position on homosexuality, which this administrator quite openly opposes.

This what one student told a reporter at one rally: *“Just because I’m Catholic doesn’t mean I need to believe every rule the Church has,” freshman Sophia Cerino said. “We think the rule over gay marriage is totally unfair. Everyone seems to think the same thing – that we should all be treated equal.” *That is what society is doing to Catholics and Catholic education. It is what society is doing to homosexuals: that is, teaching them that homosexuality is the same as heterosexuality and marriage is about sex alone, not about procreation, and that sex, gender complementarity, procreation, and the family do not have any necessary connection. It is a huge pack of lies, and the students at our Catholic school have apparently swallowed it hook, line, and sinker.

 

[travissbeloved]

It looks like you are getting really upset because someone is treating you like you are treating those two women. If the poster is spreading rumors and gossips then you are doing exactly the same thing. It is your prerogative to pull your kids out of the day care but trying to get approval and rationalize your decision that is not based on facts is just silly.

How am I treating them badly? By maybe thinking they are lesbians because there are some things I have seen that seem to indicate that? I’m not saying it is a bad thing to have same sex attractions or judging them. It would be extremely naïve of me to just assume they are just friends and it would be extremely naïve of me to assume they are not abstaining from kissing, holding hands, etc in front of the kids when in today’s society there are not a lot of people who have the same views that we as Catholics do on homosexual relationships. This is MY CHILD we are talking about here. If there is any way that my child is seeing anything even slightly against our faith in the home I have a duty to make sure to protect her from that. I’ve said it a million times but I’ll say it again. I do not have a problem with these women. If they are lesbians and show no affection in front of the children then that is completely fine. But if there is even a peck on the lips here or there as they are preparing lunch then that is not ok with me and I really have no way of knowing that is going on and so yah. The whole situation is just frustrating because I do not want to start my daughter in a new childcare facility when she enjoys this one and has already adjusted. Would I care if a woman childcare provider pecked her husband on the lips when he came home? No, because that is a display of marital love between a man and a woman and it’s healthy for children to see that sort of thing.

 

[kozlosap]

I taught high school for 33 years and the best teacher I ever encountered was a gay man who taught severely developmentally delayed teenagers. I don’t think sexual orientation has anything to do with the quality of teaching. In our district we have had far more problems with adult women certificated staff having inappropriate relationships with their young male students than with same sex offenses.

 

[travissbeloved]

I taught high school for 33 years and the best teacher I ever encountered was a gay man who taught severely developmentally delayed teenagers. I don’t think sexual orientation has anything to do with the quality of teaching. In our district we have had far more problems with adult women certificated staff having inappropriate relationships with their young male students than with same sex offenses.

You can read back and see that I have actually praised them for being fantastic childcare providers, that is not what I am worried about at all.

 

[ExGratia]

You can read back and see that I have actually praised them for being fantastic childcare providers, that is not what I am worried about at all.

I’ve been following this thread, and I can’t help but think of the play The Children’s Hour, which was made into a movie with Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacClain. Google a synopsis if you are interested. Keep in mind the play was written in the 30s or 40s!

 

[travissbeloved]

I’ve been following this thread, and I can’t help but think of the play The Children’s Hour, which was made into a movie with Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacClain. Google a synopsis if you are interested. Keep in mind the play was written in the 30s or 40s!

I just read the synopsis…that sounds like a very sad movie. It is somewhat similar I guess but I would never going around ruining their reputation. If I were to pull my daughter out I would do so quietly.