DayCare vs Split SHifts vs Stay at Home

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psutj

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Hi everyone. I am fairly new here, and I want to ask you your opinions/feelings on this topic.

My Wife and I have three awesome Kids and we currently work split shifts, that is, I work during the day and then she leaves for work very shortly after I get home. THe reason we do this is because we do not like daycare and do not wish to put our children in that service.

SO what do you think? What is best for children? I am actually interested to hear what other parents do who do not put their children in daycare- while making financial ends meet.
 
I think split shifts are a great compromise for parents today. I’m a nurse, and a lot of nurses I work with are able to minimize daycare this way.
 
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psutj:
Hi everyone. I am fairly new here, and I want to ask you your opinions/feelings on this topic.

My Wife and I have three awesome Kids and we currently work split shifts, that is, I work during the day and then she leaves for work very shortly after I get home. THe reason we do this is because we do not like daycare and do not wish to put our children in that service.

SO what do you think? What is best for children? I am actually interested to hear what other parents do who do not put their children in daycare- while making financial ends meet.
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Dear Friend:

I think, personally, that it is most BEST for the father, to work, earn the living, and for Mom to be home 24/7 with the kids. Period. I feel, personally, this is how God means for it to be, although I know some circumstances make it just not possible, a single parent, a parent on diaability, etc., but I also think, if you pray about it, if you are willing to make the appropriate sacrifices, it CAN work, provided you are a 2 parent household. Yes, it just might require alot of sacrifice from both of you, i.e., selling a home to rent, giving up credit cards, a car payment, but nonetheless, in this country we all have too much as it is, and the pressure to "keep up with the Jones’ is tremendous. I feel, personally, once again, for it is only my humble opinion, that we living in America have way too much “stuff”, that too many women are career women today, and we need to take a deep hard look at our families, our credit, our “stuff” and make do with much less, therefore enabling the wife and mom to just this, be a stay at home mom and wife.
 
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sparkle:
Dear Friend:

I think, personally, that it is most BEST for the father, to work, earn the living, and for Mom to be home 24/7 with the kids. Period. I feel, personally, this is how God means for it to be, although I know some circumstances make it just not possible, a single parent, a parent on diaability, etc., but I also think, if you pray about it, if you are willing to make the appropriate sacrifices, it CAN work, provided you are a 2 parent household. Yes, it just might require alot of sacrifice from both of you, i.e., selling a home to rent, giving up credit cards, a car payment, but nonetheless, in this country we all have too much as it is, and the pressure to "keep up with the Jones’ is tremendous. I feel, personally, once again, for it is only my humble opinion, that we living in America have way too much “stuff”, that too many women are career women today, and we need to take a deep hard look at our families, our credit, our “stuff” and make do with much less, therefore enabling the wife and mom to just this, be a stay at home mom and wife.
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I agree with you 100 percent. We are in the process of eliminating all unneccesary expenses. (We even got rid of our TV, although not entirely for financial reasons) I work in the social service field along with my wife, so actually both our Full-Time salaries equals about 1 "real"salary. I am looking for a job which would pay what we need to live with my wife staying at home, but so far- no luck.
 
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psutj:
I agree with you 100 percent. We are in the process of eliminating all unneccesary expenses. (We even got rid of our TV, although not entirely for financial reasons) I work in the social service field along with my wife, so actually both our Full-Time salaries equals about 1 "real"salary. I am looking for a job which would pay what we need to live with my wife staying at home, but so far- no luck.
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Friend:
Good luck to you, and God’s Speed. God knows your heart and that it certainly is in the right place, I think. That you are seeking to be a real man in today’s world. I just KNOW when you have this heart, God will bless you and your family. Have patience. And Trust. Tell your precious wife how thankful and grateful you are for her, and how you have raised 4 kids, how you want her to stay at home and attend to their needs, and how you are willing to do anything it takes for it to happen. Then do such. Tell her to give notice at her job today, to quit, that you will take on all the financial responsibility. You will not believe the difference this will make in your marriage. The world needs more men like you. If you are not disabled in any way, now go to it!

God Bless~~
 
In my opinion it’s a very bad idea for a mother/wife to leave the work force for an extended period of time. The reasons are obvious, #1 being if you dropped dead,psutj, what would your wife do?
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
The reasons are obvious, #1 being if you dropped dead,psutj, what would your wife do?
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I presume she’d find a job. Hopefully he has short & long term disability insurance and has life insurance.

The well-being of the family and the proper raising of children far outweighs the slight risk that he’ll drop dead.

I firmly believe that puting children in day care without a serious reason (e.g., severe poverty) is a grave sin.
 
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Benedictus:
I firmly believe that puting children in day care without a serious reason (e.g., severe poverty) is a grave sin.
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I’m not an expert on daycare, but I don’t think you’ll really find many children there that are in severe poverty.
 
Here is my two cents worth.

My husband and I also did not wish to have our children in daycare. It’s very fortunate when you can stay home today and raise your kids. But not all of us are that fortunate. I took an evening shift from 6-11:30. So I was home all day with the children and worked a few evenings for the second income. But I was also very fortunate that my parents lived with us, we had amother/daughter home so if he was running late they had the grandparents until he got there.
Now that the kids are older, I was able to go back to days and work while they are in school.

I wan to say this also made my husabnd a better father. He gave baths, read bedtime stories, things many men don’t do because mom is there…

My children were very lucky. But many people don’t have that option so daycare is their best soultion. My advice is get to know your daycare provider like family, then it will ease your pain…the kids will be fine 🙂
 
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wabrams:
I’m not an expert on daycare, but I don’t think you’ll really find many children there that are in severe poverty.
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True.

What’s popular isn’t necessarily right.
 

I presume she’d find a job.​

.doing what that would support her family if she has been out of the work force for an extended period of time? You think a job at McDonalds would support three children?​

The well-being of the family and the proper raising of children far outweighs the slight risk that he’ll drop dead.​

SLIGHT risk? I hate to inform you a spouse leaving this world is not a “slight” risk, and it happens OFTEN. Therefore, It makes sense that a mother keep her skills updated and stay in the work force, as for life insurance and disability insurance those are not cheap either, especially on one income.
 
I was just thinking about this:

I remember some friends I had in college, while growing up, both parents worked. Now, they had a very good upbringing and a close family, etc. When they went off to school, they were forced to take out student loans to pay for their college. When they graduated, mom and dad stroked them a check for the full amount of tuition for the 4 or 5 years it took to finish their degree; all they paid was the acrued interests. How did they pull off this feet? Both parents working. Not too bad, huh?
 
Lilyofthevalley said:
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SLIGHT risk? I hate to inform you a spouse leaving this world is not a “slight” risk, and it happens OFTEN. Therefore, It makes sense that a mother keep her skills updated and stay in the work force, as for life insurance and disability insurance those are not cheap either, especially on one income.
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But Lily, with this thinking then, wouldn’t it be the same for every father/man then to be prepared for if his dear wife should “drop dead” by taking cooking classes, cleaning classes, homemaking, counseling and child-rearing classes, child development, etc., etc.? Why doesn’t this happen? Yes, anything could happen in this uncertain world, but I am still one who thinks we should not be training girls to “have a career” to BE somebody necessarily, rather teaching them that being a wife and a mom IS a career, and one they can aspire to. That they don’t have to compete with men, rather it’s perfectly OK for them to want a career being married and having children. For this IS a career in itself, and a vocation isn’t it? Just my 2 cents:o
 
Alot of people act like staying home with the kids and not working is some age old tradition; it’s not. Woman up until a couple of hundred years ago or less worked when farming was the mainstay. Farming disappeared and women still stayed home, yet did not work. Now the women are wanting to work, just not at home. Society changes. I think it’s awesome some families can afford or want to have one spouse at home, but that doesn’t neccesarily mean it’s good for every household.
 

But Lily, with this thinking then, wouldn’t it be the same for every father/man then to be prepared for if his dear wife should “drop dead” by taking cooking classes, cleaning classes, homemaking, counseling and child-rearing classes, child development, etc., etc.?
Why doesn’t this happen? Sparkle, I hope every mother and father teaches their sons as well as daughters how to cook, clean, and do laundry. These are basic things every child should know upon leaving home.
Yes, anything could happen in this uncertain world, but I am still one who thinks we should not be training girls to “have a career” to BE somebody necessarily, rather teaching them that being a wife and a mom IS a career, and one they can aspire to. That they don’t have to compete with men, rather it’s perfectly OK for them to want a career being married and having children. For this IS a career in itself, and a vocation isn’t it? Just my 2 cents​

Being a stay at home mom is a noble vocation. However, a woman needs to be prepared for the unexpected. She should keep her skills updated and not have an extended stay out of th workforce. Yes, I agree mothers who are at home work but not for pay, that’s the whole issue. Another good idea is a home business
Had I not experienced my husband having 3 heart attacks while my daughter was 5 months old and my son 3 1/2 years old I would say this stuff is “slight” and never happens. Fact is it does. Unpleasent things happen such as death of a spouse.
 
To the OP - I think it’s great that you aren’t putting your kids in daycare, but boy, do I ever feel sorry for your wife! She works all day and night and presumably does not sleep? Whereas you get home from work, have dinner, put the kids to bed and go to bed yourself. She’s certainly a better woman than I am!
As far as making ends meet goes - I doubt many people want to follow our example. My husband worked part-time as a social worker (though he was out of work for the last 9 months, he just found a new job) and gets social security disablilty - I stay home with the 3 kids. We rent a 2 bdrm house, have no cable, no car, no credit cards, never go out, recieve food stamps, get our clothes at the thrift store and our furniture off the curb. But I must say, it is very much worth it to be able to be here for the kids.
 
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psutj:
Hi everyone. I am fairly new here, and I want to ask you your opinions/feelings on this topic.

My Wife and I have three awesome Kids and we currently work split shifts, that is, I work during the day and then she leaves for work very shortly after I get home. THe reason we do this is because we do not like daycare and do not wish to put our children in that service.

SO what do you think? What is best for children? I am actually interested to hear what other parents do who do not put their children in daycare- while making financial ends meet.
Click to expand...
My wife and I run a home business which supplements our income enough for my wife to stay home. By this time next year, it will replace my job income as well and we will bothe be stay at home parents.
 
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psutj:
.

SO what do you think? What is best for children? I am actually interested to hear what other parents do who do not put their children in daycare- while making financial ends meet.
Click to expand...
tried all 3 ways, mom home with kids all day was a disaster, day care was great, they loved it also because it was a university setting got all kinds of free services like vision checks, educational testing, even speech therapy that was beyond our means. Their personal favorite was dad being home during the day when they were small. Ended up most of the time especially during school years with split shifts, because dad travelled a lot however the system broke down. There is no easy way. do what works best for you and ignor MIL and well-meaning advice givers.
 
Hi. I always thought I’d be a fulltime stay at home mom. We ran into some severe financial problems and then hubby lost his job. I’m so glad my dad made me go to college. Since we’ve had kids, I’ve been able to work around my hubby’s school or work schedule. I have a wonderful career in the health care field where I schedule my own patients and see them in their homes in line with the times I’m available----that is when hubby is home with the kids. We run like a well-oiled machine. If I’m working, my husband picks up the ball with extra curricular activities, meals, etc. I absolutely have to work to make ends meet. I’m so blessed to be able to have a job that allows me to be home with my children as much as possible and flexible enough so that I can work when hubby is home.

God Bless
Giannawannabe
 
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