DayCare vs Split SHifts vs Stay at Home

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I may sound hipicritical here but here it goes anyway. My wife and I think our kids do not belong in home daycare. Our 1st born was in home daycare his first two years. When we moved here my wife quit her job to be at home with him and the soon to be baby. Now we have 4 kids and she is still a stay at home mom. Now for the hipicrate in me. She stays at home doing Home Daycare. We feel that if she is at home we can supliment my income (Military Enlisted) with her daycare. She provides second to none service to the children. She and I both believe her calling in life is to be with all children. We have had great things come out of it. All the kids pray befre meals and go to Mass with us if they are there during School Mass or on Sun. For many of the kids, the only Church they know is the Catholic Church. They all do the sign of the cross and practice our faith since thier parents don’t activly participate in Church. Not all daycare is bad! God has called my wife to provide this to these “lost” children
 
Ever since last year, my husband quit his job working 80 hours a week. After paying for day care, his take home was only 200 per week. Now he stays at home with the kids and works on Fri and Sat night. There is no way I’d ever put my kids in day care again. His is the most awesomeist dad I’ve ever seen.
 
I just want to say everyone’s situation is different and thankfully I didn’t have to leave my children with any kind of sitter other than my mother.

But, not everyone is as lucky and sometimes we do what we have to do…so please don’t insult anyone for using daycare or babysitting options. As far as the “poverty” comment…you know better!😉
 
Boy, that is a loaded question! I do believe that having a parent at home is best for the children in most cases. But really, I think each situation has to be evaluated independently.

I am a SAHM who works from home after the children are asleep. One night a week (maybe two every once in a while), I go in at night, from 6:00 - 10:00. It is rough because I don’t get the sleep that I need, but I love my job, and I am a better person when I am working. When I was a SAHM without a job, I was miserable, and it affected my mothering abilities. Now that I am working, I am a better mom and a happier (and sleepier) person.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
In my opinion it’s a very bad idea for a mother/wife to leave the work force for an extended period of time. The reasons are obvious, #1 being if you dropped dead,psutj, what would your wife do?
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Life insurance. My mom raised me with that world-view. I resented it. I gave up a career, a car (although, now I have a nice car), but I still live in a small house with 5 kids. My husband feels it is his honor as a man to support his family. It is my honor to respect the money he makes by clipping coupons and not charging any expenses. Keeping his home and kids clean, food in the refrigerator and hot on the table when he comes home. I know it made me closer to my husband knowing he is in charge, my protector, my provider, my love. Sound old fasion? Absolutely. My personal wish is that it will no longer be an old fashion world-view, but our future.

I must say again, life insurance. In case that phrase got lost while I was on my soap box. It is irresponsible to have children and not have life insurance and a will protecting your family in case of “unfortunate events”.

Blessings.
 
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Benedictus:
I firmly believe that puting children in day care without a serious reason (e.g., severe poverty) is a grave sin.
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Sin is not something that is grave, venial or no sin at all based on opinion. That is why we use the term “objective grave sin.” For sin to be grave at all, it must have grave matter. Day care does not qualify. If know of someplace that defines daycare as grave, I am open to correction.

My wife and I work very opposite shifts. Upon looking at how much daycare is required, it turned out be about 12 hours a week average. I allow my wife to continue to work and support her in her decision with every diaper change.
 
We never tried day care. I do not like the idea of daycare.

We tried split shifts. I worked nights and my wife worked days. This did not last long because I was too tired on my day shift even though we had babies at the time and they took naps which allowed me to take naps.

Then my sister was out of work so we hired her as full time nanny. I worked more overtime to absorb the cost. That worked well except for the fact that my sister was having a large portion of the joys of parenting and not us.

Then my wife switched to part time three days a week monday wensday friday which allowed me to refuel on sleep every other day. This also allowed for them to do many outings. That was good.

Then my company closed down and I was out of work. I became full time Mr. Mom. My wife jokes to her friends, “Steve is great at cleaning, cooking, laundry and spending time with the kids. He really does not want to loose this job.” She is right. It is great vocation! We are loving it!

Peace in Christ,
Steven Merten
www.ILOVEYOUGOD.com
 
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pnewton:
Sin is not something that is grave, venial or no sin at all based on opinion. That is why we use the term “objective grave sin.”
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Moral theologians often argue about whether something is a grave sin, a venial sin, or no sin at all.

Edit: Consider GIFT (Gamete Intra-Fallopian Transfer): some theologians consider it morally licit. Some, such as Christopher West, do not consider it morally licit.
 
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Benedictus:
Moral theologians often argue about whether something is a grave sin, a venial sin, or no sin at all.
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Yes, but only to arrive at what objective truth is, not to establish the norms.

The example of bioethics give an example of where science has out-stripped moral theology. For this reason there is a Catholic Bioethic Center to look into cutting edge changes. You have a good analogy in that society, too, has changed at a rapid pace the last couple of generations and these issues often require a continous look.

The only thing I would not like is for someone to mistakenly think that the Church considers daycare a grave sin. That is why we have the Catechism as a sure guide. A copy should be in every home and that ought to be the first place Catholics go to for answers.
 
Find what works for your family, for us – I work full time and my DH is a Stay-at-home-dad! In the leaner years, we both worked – we did the split shift thing sometimes, and did have our son in pre-school some (gasp)! Dad being at home works out for us.
 
PSUTJ,

When my husband and I had our first child, we put him in daycare, so I could finish college.

Once I graduated, I then worked evening shifts, and on weekends to avoid daycare.

As time went by I began to slowly cut my work hours as we had more children. Eventually, I was able to finally stay home full time with our four children.

I would recommend that your wife find ways to reduce her work hours. Not only is staying home with the children important, spending time together as a whole family is too.

It’s easier on the marriage, which in turn is better for everyone.

God Bless,

Jennie
 

Life insurance. My mom raised me with that world-view. I resented it. I gave up a career, a car (although, now I have a nice car), but I still live in a small house with 5 kids​

Your mother was teaching you the right thing. As for resenting her for giving a common sense teaching that’s between you and her.
Life insurance can be expensive, especially if a spouse has a pre-existing condition or one is on a limited income.
 
I believe the mother should stay at home with the kids. I feel that it is unnatural to have strangers (daycare) raising your kids for you while both parents go off to work for material things. I know that cannot be true in every case. So, single parents should first look for help from their family.
In my case, my day work an evening shift because it paid more. We are a big Catholic family of five kids and were so poor that my dad would have to come home from working and cut down the trees in our yard so we would have firewood to keep us warm thru the night. However, his attitude was different on this shift. His temper was short and he had less time to spend with us because of the way the weekend fell. My dad sacrificed to work graveyard because he had to, my mom never worked until we were all in or out of high school.
In your case, you are the one in the situation. Do you spend quality time with your kids? Is your temper different? Are you happy? These are the questions you should ask. If you do spend quality time with them and have the same personality and are happy, then roll with it. If not, you might need to switch.
 
It sounds like a great alternative to daycare. Although I’m sure it strains your marriage.

I don’t know your situation. However, you might consider what all the costs are of 2 parents working. 2nd car, work clothes, meals, commuting, fuel etc. and see if it’s not possible to tighten some belts and allow one parent to stay at home.
Cutting out a second car and other work expenses can make the difference and allow the family to be together more often.

God Bless
 
psutj,

I have lived the shift life for many years. We think it’s the best for our kids. We always manage to sit down for dinner every night. Then we are off our seperate ways, which includes the kids.
Communiation is the key in a life like this.

Our 4 kids are great. They are growing up this way so they understand how things work. They also know that we are a solid couple, which is very important for kids to see.

Pray and talk with your spouse and decide as a couple what is best for you both. Everyone is different. You must do what is best for you.

Peace,
Jen
 
Psutj,

You will need to do what works best for your family. My wife and I do split shifts. The ideal situation for us is to have her be a stay at home mom. Were not there yet but, were working towards it. Day care has never been a consideration for us and weve been fortunate enough not to be in a situation where we had to consider it. In our current situation this works best for us.
 
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puzzleannie:
tried all 3 ways, mom home with kids all day was a disaster, day care was great, they loved it also because it was a university setting got all kinds of free services like vision checks, educational testing, even speech therapy that was beyond our means. Their personal favorite was dad being home during the day when they were small. Ended up most of the time especially during school years with split shifts, because dad travelled a lot however the system broke down. There is no easy way. do what works best for you and ignor MIL and well-meaning advice givers.
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Your “free services” were not free, our taxes paid for them.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:

Life insurance. My mom raised me with that world-view. I resented it. I gave up a career, a car (although, now I have a nice car), but I still live in a small house with 5 kids​

Your mother was teaching you the right thing. As for resenting her for giving a common sense teaching that’s between you and her.
Life insurance can be expensive, especially if a spouse has a pre-existing condition or one is on a limited income.
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You’re right, life insurance is expensive. My husband does have pre existing health problems…which is one of the reasons we got the insurance. On the same day I came home with baby number 3 he was in the ER hooked up to heart machines…I was very scared, but my comfort was that my children would be provided for while we had time to recover the loss. If I had been working, instead of insurance, if something, God Forbid, did happen to my hubby, I would be forced to continue to work rather than stay home with my children and allow a true grieving period to run it’s course rather than deal with work and trying to greave and trying to care for my grieving children. We don’t buy extra anything, so we can pay for it. We don’t eat out, go to movies, buy beer or wine unless entertaining, which is very little. We don’t use credit cards, either. All of these things that we give up help pay for our insurance. My kids often don’t get the things their friends have because we can’t afford it, but if something happens to daddy, I have resources to keep them together. And that, is the best gift we can give them. Also, it is good to note, that if I went to work, it would cost us more money than staying home. I would have to purchase suits, pay for dry cleaning, pay for private schools, car insurance and gas would go up and I would have to pay for daycare for (now) one of the kids. Bought out lunches for everybody. Split shifts wouldn’t work for us because my “career” had been in the 9 to 5 job description.

Speaking of kids, off to the doctors with my boy I go. Which I can do without taking off from work. No stress of left behind work, loss of pay, or job security strain. Nope, for me, I can see my child is sick and stay by his side while he sleeps then take him to the doctor. Material sacrafices in life are worth that.

I hope and pray that whatever decisions parents make, they think of their kids first.
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
Had I not experienced my husband having 3 heart attacks while my daughter was 5 months old and my son 3 1/2 years old I would say this stuff is “slight” and never happens. Fact is it does. Unpleasent things happen such as death of a spouse.
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Dear Lily:

I am so sorry. Did your hubby die? I am so sorry, just his heart attacks–wow–what you have been through. I can see where you are coming from. We just never know in this life do we?, so I can see yes, it does make sense to at least think about something one could do in a case like this. Are you a nurse? Forgive me, can’t remember exactly if you’re the nurse here. Well I can certainly see your point, how women need to be prepared, but still, we must not ever forget, that even among tragedy, God will always make a way. He will never let us down or abandon us in any circumstance.

God Bless Lily: I’m glad you’re here!!!

Your Friend–
 
He’s still with us Sparkle, but I never imagined he would have had a heart attack at 40! Currently, I am in the process of attempting to get into home health. I had my certified nurses assistant license.
 
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