Dealing with a gay co-worker

[JMJ_coder]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

 

[kage_ar]

As the CCC tells us, people who struggle with homosexual tendancies are to be treated with dignity.

When he mentions a date, just say “huuummm. So, how is your TPS report coming along”.

Be an example of Christian Charity.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

Treat him as you would anyone else. He, like everyone of us is more than our sexual preferences. Just ignore what turns you off and focus on what you two have in common.

 

[JMJ_coder]

Perhaps you’re not understanding me. It’s not that I have anything against the guy personally. It’s not that I want to give him the cold shoulder.

I am wondering if I have a moral obligation to speak out against the sin of homosexuality.

As the CCC tells us, people who struggle with homosexual tendancies are to be treated with dignity.

P.S. - off-topic, but ‘struggle’ implies putting up some resistance; not wholeheartedly embracing something.

 

[Nickkname]

As the CCC tells us, people who struggle with homosexual tendancies are to be treated with dignity.

When he mentions a date, just say “huuummm. So, how is your TPS report coming along”.

Be an example of Christian Charity.

QFT

If you feel like the guy is annoying you, tell him. If he dosen’t understand, explain. If he dosen’t care, ignore him, or tell your boss if you have to. Just be charitable in how you do all this.

 

[onmywayagain]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

You do have a moral obligation to teach the views of God. Just like the issue of abortion. God said himself that homosexuality is wrong and not natural to His plan. You may be faced with some questions but as long as you can give the views of God and the Church, you are not the one who is passing judgement on this guy. Don’t get to emotional with it. If you do, it will turn to be your point of view and that is when it becomes a personal attack against this guy.

This is what the wife of our Deacon told me. Never make it personal. Remember to do it with charity.

 

[Sam_Maloney]

Tell him how wrong it is, then clean out your desk: in most companies, you’ve just crossed the line of creating a hostile work environment and are now not just unemployed, but unemployable.

 

[teachccd]

Tell him how wrong it is, then clean out your desk: in most companies, you’ve just crossed the line of creating a hostile work environment and are now not just unemployed, but unemployable.

 

[teachccd]

Perhaps you’re not understanding me. It’s not that I have anything against the guy personally. It’s not that I want to give him the cold shoulder.

I am wondering if I have a moral obligation to speak out against the sin of homosexuality.

Do you also speak to those who favor abortion? Or to those who cohabitate? Do you speak to those who drink all night and/or cheat on their spouses?

We tend to, as a society, put homosexuality in a separate category of sinfulness when anyone who commits adultery or fornication is equally at fault.

So then, ask yourself how you would comment if someone were to mention to you that they were cheating on their spouse or living with their boyfriend/girlfreind. These seem to get much less attention than someone who admits to their homosexual lifestyle.

Your job is a place where you spend much of your time. Your Catholic faith is who you are but not who everyone else is and so tension may arise. Live your faith by example and if something is directed immediately to you then a short comment should suffice. People around you should know that you oppose this lifestyle as well as all of the other sins mentioned. That speaks more than a lecture and commands a ton more respect.

We should never water down our faith but in the three: faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love, (cf. 1 Cor. 13:13)…God Bless…teachccd

 

[YipYupYep]

I have started to write this post a few times. This is what I see. The gay man is having conversation about a deeply disordered life style as though it is legitimate and ordinary. It is not. It seems to me that by listening to conversation about a homosexual date or certain details about the lifestyle, you are, by your silence, getting in agreement with him. Giving permission. Im sorry. Its a tough one.

I would not be surprised if the homosexual does not take comfort from your passivity. I know that I have not answered your question, but of this I am sure. You are definitely a victim in this and the gay man is positively, absolutely out of line. Taking advantage of you in the work place like this is complete @#$&…

If I headed up your department, I would want to know what’s going on. After I found out, I guarantee that I would be on the phone to human resources for back up, to make sure my meeting with him was done right. That may be a clue. I dont think its your fight.

 

[puzzleannie]

if we observed actual business etiquette we would not be having personal conversations on company time in any case, so it would not arise, but we have turned the workplace into a mini family table so everything is aired for popular consumption except the work at hand we are paid to do.

 

[teachccd]

if we observed actual business etiquette we would not be having personal conversations on company time in any case, so it would not arise, but we have turned the workplace into a mini family table so everything is aired for popular consumption except the work at hand we are paid to do.

Yes, that is an ideal situation. But in reality, one finds that he or she spends more time at the workplace than they do at home and things are aired out. I’ve yet to speak with someone who doesn’t know some personal information about their coworkers.You must be in management and anticipate a robotic workforce… God Bless…teachccd

P.S. I work in constuction and we are like a bunch of little old ladies (sorry all of you little old ladies out there) when it comes to gossip and family issues. Yes, we work hard and buildings get built but our lips still cease to shut…

 

[teachccd]

I have started to write this post a few times. This is what I see. The gay man is having conversation about a deeply disordered life style as though it is legitimate and ordinary. It is not. It seems to me that by listening to conversation about a homosexual date or certain details about the lifestyle, you are, by your silence, getting in agreement with him. Giving permission. Im sorry. Its a tough one.

Silence does not equal adherence. And if one were to infer such silence as an acceptance then one would be quite the wishful thinker and land in the pond of false assumption. Many times silence speaks louder than words…Saint Francis (whose feast day is today) said to preach the Gospel always and when necessary use words…teachccd

 

[YipYupYep]

Many times silence speaks louder than words

Okay, all true. By silence, I did not mean, stone silence. By silence, I mean listening as though it is normal every day conversation. Not going to management, which it is a management issue.

Now, stone silence will send a message. Your right.

 

[Newbie2]

I’d just tell him that thanks, you’d rather not discuss his personal life while you’re at work. If he persists, he’s given you permission to tell him why not, methinks.

 

[yellowbird]

I don’t think it’s good to get too involved in the lives of co-workers. They aren’t family - they aren’t really friends… you’re together only because you’re being paid to do a job. I would be friendly with him, as I would the rest of of my co-workers… but I agree with the other poster… you shouldn’t be chit-chatting anyhow - aren’t you being paid to work?

I do NOT think you have an obligation to inform him of his sin. How obnoxious that would be, and none of your business. If he told me he were Catholic, I may ask him about his struggles privately over lunch, and offer to pray for him - but assuming he doesn’t share my faith - I’d keep my mouth shut.

 

[otjm]

Perhaps you’re not understanding me. It’s not that I have anything against the guy personally. It’s not that I want to give him the cold shoulder.

I am wondering if I have a moral obligation to speak out against the sin of homosexuality.

P.S. - off-topic, but ‘struggle’ implies putting up some resistance; not wholeheartedly embracing something.

My guess is that you may be fairly young (I am fairly old, so don’t take that as a personal insult). I have learned over time, sometimes because I had not learned, that just about the only time that someone will listen to what I have to say is when they ask me what I think - and then there are absolutely no guarantees they will listen.

We are called to live Christ; to live the truth; to not hide the truth under the proverbial bushel basket. Too many people take that to mean that we are called to witness verbally to sinners about their sin.

Meanwhile, the Gospels also tell us to remove the beam from our own eye before we go about trying to remove the splinter from the other guy’s eye; but that pretty much gets forgotten as we see ourselves called to witness to the sinner we are focused on.

I would lay odds 10,000 to 1 (and I am not a betting man on an even bet) that your co-worker already knows what the Gospels say about homosexuality. Gays may be “out”, but that doesn’t mean they are dense or deaf, blind and dumb. My bet is he has already heard it.

I don’t know where you work, but if you want to tell this guy about the sin he is committing, I would suggest that you get your resume out and polished up, because you must might find that you are going to be nose to nose with someone else on a charge of sexual harrassment, like the HR department or the boss, or maybe an attorney. It is a good way to get yourself fired; and if not fired, with a mark on your work record about it, and that has nothing to do with the truth of the matter.

But even if that does not deter you, practical experience would indicate that unless and until he indicates that he has any interest at all in your take on the moral code, he is not going to listen to you at the minimum.

You are called to live the truth; but that does not mean that to each an every person you meet you need to acquaint them verbally with the 10 Commandments. I believe it was St Francis who told his followers “Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words.” Don’t presume that it is necessary to use words; actions speak louder.

 

[Sam_Maloney]

Is it really that hard to understand?

A co-worker says he has a date, and you tell him that he’s a sinner, and unless he changes he’s going to hell.

That is definetly creating a hostile work environment.

Not only is it judgemental in a way not acceptible in the modern workplace, it could be considered prosylitizing on the job as well.

 

[TLM08]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

I wouldn’t dignify his perversion with a response. As soon as he mentioned his “date” I would simply turn and walk away. He’ll get the message. If management gets a complaint about you for doing this, your response should be: “His personal life is none of my business and I don’t want to hear it”.

 

[yellowbird]

“His personal life is none of my business and I don’t want to hear it”.

Yep - good advice. Surely you couldn’t get in trouble for this - and it sends a message.

Although I don’t know that it accomplishes anything, other than to let the guy know that what he’s doing, you find disgusting. If that is your goal - this works. If your goal is to possibly try to influence him so that he might change (which is perhaps too much of an undertaking for a co-worker?) this is not the way I’d go about it.