Dealing with a gay co-worker

[debraran]

I don’t think you should ever insult anyone or confront them at work unless they are breaking a company rule. Racist jokes abound at many workplaces, sexist jokes, etc. without boundries, stories of hooking up, adultery, it goes on and on. I would never speak to someone else about his/her lifestyle unless he/he was bothering me with jokes/ineuendo I didn’t want to hear or interfering in my work. It’s against the law to target people because they are gay, minorities, etc. and if the person isn’t Catholic, your references would be just as unwanted as a Jehohvah Witness trying to recruit me. I’m lucky to work with a diverse but respectful group that know the rules and like each other dispite differences. Actually the gay co-workers are the most respectful of the bunch.
Don’t let your over dislike of one thing make you a target. I try to get along with all my co-workers, straight, gay, relgious, atheists, etc. They know me well enough that they curb certain talk around me, and I respect that. But I don’t think a gay man talking innocently about going out with another guy (no gory details) is wrong…that’s his life, same as me going out with my girlfriends. He has a right to tell about a movie, play,etc. they did together. I tell single girls I don’t want to hear sex-talk and that would carry over with guys, but I find they do it much less than females!

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Perhaps you’re not understanding me. It’s not that I have anything against the guy personally. It’s not that I want to give him the cold shoulder.

I am wondering if I have a moral obligation to speak out against the sin of homosexuality.

P.S. - off-topic, but ‘struggle’ implies putting up some resistance; not wholeheartedly embracing something.

It would only make things at work worse, not better. It is best to say nothing than to talk down to him at work.

 

[pnewton]

Talking to someone about homosexual sin is getting the cart before the horse. Our witness first begins with our life and whether we live different from the world. We present ourselves as children of God and let our light shine before men. Convicting people of sin is the work of the Holy Spirit. It the subject ever came up in a way your opinion would be appropriate, of course hold out the teaching of the Church. Otherwise, just attract others to Christ first, then allow His grace to work.

 

[eucharisteo]

If he’s a cooworker. Cold cock him and then tell him to keep his …kidding in a mean way. Tell him you’re not interested in his personal dating life. If he persists. Tell him you’re a Christian and you don’t approve of thing even if it’s the opposite sex. Be consistent. We are all called to be chaste. Not just people with same sex attractions. Then procede to tell him [could precede the above statements] that the work place is not an appropriate place to discuss personal lifes. But then own up to it by keeping your mouth shut. I’m very inconsistent and am not afraid to set firm boundaries. My happiness depends on it. But I also listen to religious beliefs without the judgemental approach. I simply tell him well in my faith we believe or do x and y. I appraoch religion like a academic to avoid emotional conflicts. I’d rather listen to someone’s gay stuff than the New Age mess next to me. Even though that’s not totally correct it does convey a message. I had to deal with high ranking NCOs in the military harrassing young soldiers with constant sexual harrassment…to sick to describe here. It made me nautious and regret serving my country because of those idiots that were supposed to be a moral compass to us. I confronted the NCO telling him that that behavior is NOT conduct becoming a soldier and much worst in Not becoming of an NCO, especially at his level. Nothing was done…he “locked me us” [parade rest] and told me Sergeant “my last name” that IS CONDUCT BECOMING OF AND NCO! I shut my mouth and made sure that when we were placed on alert I did not get deployed with him or the group of officers that allowed this to go on. Remembre Abu Ghraib? I was active duty prior to this and dealt with unprofessional soldiers. It’s a nightmare. So the next time you hear someone’s story of how they got a dishonorable discharge…don’t be so judgemental. It almost happened to me simply for telling the truth about what a young office did. Rank in the world means everything…POWER. So now I’m experience in both the public and private sector and have chosen my particular line of work in the public sector to protect the public from jerks that don’t care about enviornment, laws, safety, etc. My biggest issue is ethics.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be a man of “good character”. In the end it may be the only thing you have left in tact. Tell the guy to fly a kite or jump in a lake and that you don’t want to here his dating stories.

 

[coleraine]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

I think i would just leave him alone. I mean, if he started up a conversation about why its perfectly ok, there is no reason not object. but if he is just minding his own business, i would keep quiet. i mean if he felt like it, he could file a discrimination report if you started talking to him about why its wrong

 

[eucharisteo]

I think i would just leave him alone. I mean, if he started up a conversation about why its perfectly ok, there is no reason not object. but if he is just minding his own business, i would keep quiet. i mean if he felt like it, he could file a discrimination report if you started talking to him about why its wrong

Where’s your committment to truth? Stand up. Evangelicals do it everyday. Catholics are so so lame when it comes to standing up for simple things. But when it comes to elections they’ll rake you across the coals…especially Catholics - even if the Catholic they’re preaching to votes pro-life anyway… I guess it makes them feel powerful, even though they don’t have the guts to stand up for themselves in the secular world. And we wonder wny the world is getting worse.

Tell the guy to keep his dating to himself. Be strong. Stand up for truth. More importantly stand up for your rights in the work place. He is absolutely in no way right about talking about his dating to begin with. He also owes you respect for your beliefs.

 

[graceandglory]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

I am a woman, and I might use the phrase, “I’m going out with my girl friend tonight.”

I am straight.

I don’t think he is in the wrong for saying he’s going out with someone of the same gender.

I would count my blessings if he were discrete about it in the office.

 

[graceandglory]

QFT

If you feel like the guy is annoying you, tell him. If he dosen’t understand, explain. If he dosen’t care, ignore him, or tell your boss if you have to. Just be charitable in how you do all this.

If you ask him to not tell you about his dates, and he continues, then he is being offensive. I think you have a right to address it.

Bottom line, he’s not your Christian brother. He’s your “neighbor.”

You know in your heart, that you aren’t going to change his bahavior. But you can be a light in the darkness. Be Christian. Be charitable. Love him. Be kind. Be Jesus to him. Pray for him. You are not his priest. He’s not confessing his sins to you.

Offer it up.

 

[graceandglory]

He is absolutely in no way right about talking about his dating to begin with. He also owes you respect for your beliefs.

And we should not be parading our heterosexual dating life in front of him either. Respect needs to go both directions. He does need to respect the beliefs of a Christian.

 

[eucharisteo]

And we should not be parading our heterosexual dating life in front of him either. Respect needs to go both directions. He does need to respect the beliefs of a Christian.

My current newly promoted Director described to 2 other Mangers in front of me at a professional meeting oral sex with a woman at work. I bit my tonge ans tisked it. He should have been fired for it. But the power is not in my hand when I’m the pro-lifer with children and a wife at home and they do not have the same. All of these engineers are divorced and living sinful lives. In fact. At least half of those I work with are either Catholic or married to a Catholic and half are divorced, not practicing Catholicism, etc. It’s disgusting. I reverted after I worked with these people for 3 years. It’s been 5 years now. But I put religious stuff all over my office to make clear that if someone tries to go into a well know immoral world around me, they will be stopped as I point to a crucifix, my family, etc.

I tisked. I showed my discomfort. I did all that I could do short of tuning them in to HR. I work for government.

 

[debraran]

I agree, if the majority of the office engages in telling tales of their marriage/dates/sexual encounters, telling someone who is gay not too, reeks of dicrimination.
Not everyone thinks being gay is “disordered” so giving your opinion is just that. To tell him he should think like a true Catholic is wrong, he should be what is in his heart and with grace, we hope people would think like us. But they don’t have too…someone’s words about a date don’t hurt me like hearing words of hatred used toward gays/blacks/spanish etc. Many times hatred is what spurs people to want to change someone, I wish love was used more, but it isn’t.

 

[coleraine]

Where’s your committment to truth? Stand up. Evangelicals do it everyday. Catholics are so so lame when it comes to standing up for simple things. But when it comes to elections they’ll rake you across the coals…especially Catholics - even if the Catholic they’re preaching to votes pro-life anyway… I guess it makes them feel powerful, even though they don’t have the guts to stand up for themselves in the secular world. And we wonder wny the world is getting worse.

Tell the guy to keep his dating to himself. Be strong. Stand up for truth. More importantly stand up for your rights in the work place. He is absolutely in no way right about talking about his dating to begin with. He also owes you respect for your beliefs.

see but thats just it, its a workplace. and unless challenged it is not good to make a hostile environment. we are not attack dogs like evangelicals, we answer to those who challenge us, but dont go looking for fights.

 

[eucharisteo]

see but thats just it, its a workplace. and unless challenged it is not good to make a hostile environment. we are not attack dogs like evangelicals, we answer to those who challenge us, but dont go looking for fights.

All baptized Christians are called to evangelized…that’s a quote from Fr. Mitch…and other sources as well. He was just the most recent I heard.

But my approach is from having to defend my Catholic faith from Protestants while on active duty and living in anti-Catholic areas. WE are supposed to stand up for what is right within our ability. That is just another lame excuse for not doing the right thing and leads people away from Christ. But then, I just came out of a fundamental evangelistic church with my entire family. I think many of the converts will save us from our own stupidity. I’ve heard Scott Hahn and others say things about this issue. I’m not saying be rude to the guy. I’m saying stand your ground.

 

[Genesis12345]

quote=JMJ_coder;42525
With regards to you co-worker as a homosexual, no matter what you say to him, he is going to do what he wants to do. So, I wouldn’t say anything to him and besides religion should not be discussed in the workplace.

I do not know his religion, but if he is not Catholic, than you do not have a right preaching to him. He is of reason and he knows what is right and what is wrong, so I would just drop it and let him do his own thinig although as Catholics, we know that homosexual tendencies are NOT SINFUL, it is the ACTIONS that are.

 

[SimonArizona]

What do you mean dealing?

There is a good chance that your gay co-worker, if he/she believes in God at all probably thinks that Jesus doesn’t love him/her.

Instead of dealing with, place love before you in all your actions, and by your sacrifice and actions it is up to you Christian to show your gay co-worker that Jesus is Gods love manifest for them. Jesus lives in your love.

Your sincere charity for your co-worker will speak louder than 1,000 sermons.

 

[jheii]

I would follow the old advice, “Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words.” I spend most of my time around non-Catholics, most of whom casually commit sins that are offensive to our Catholic sensibilities. What I do is try to live my faith first, and when there is a good opportunity, I mention to whoever will listen that I’m a Catholic. That invariably leads to a question. In this case, you’re co-worker might make a comment about the Church’s “stance” on homosexuality. You can tell him that while the Church views sodomy as a serious sin, we do not–like many protestant denominations–view homosexuality (or same sex attraction) as something voluntary or scary in the same sense that other Christians might. In short, the Catholic church accepts homosexuals for who they are, but stands firm in her belief that there is only one proper context for sexual relations: the marital union of man and woman. While you may not get him to convert or to stop what he’s doing, you might make him respect the Church more than he does and perhaps be a bit more subtle about his personal life knowing how you feel about it.

 

[teachccd]

Is it really that hard to understand?

A co-worker says he has a date, and you tell him that he’s a sinner, and unless he changes he’s going to hell.

That is definetly creating a hostile work environment.

Not only is it judgemental in a way not acceptible in the modern workplace, it could be considered prosylitizing on the job as well.

Well if that’s how you’d handle it, then I stand corrected…

 

[Roamin_Catholic_1]

As the CCC tells us, people who struggle with homosexual tendancies are to be treated with dignity.

Struggle? You think they don’t want to be gay?

you are, by your silence, getting in agreement with him. Giving permission.

Ohhhh. Right. So you need permission now to be gay. I see. Well, if I wake up one day, and decide to be homosexual, I’ll make sure to give you a ring first.

Seriously though, if you do tell him that he’s going to hell for liking other men, pack your bags! It’s an extremely offensive thing to do, and you would be waaaay out of line by doing that. Just tell him that you don’t want to hear what he did last night. If he continues, you have the right to report him to HR. Hey, maybe you two can grab a beer sometime, and become best buddies! Gay people aren’t aliens who are going to bite your head off!

 

[Genesis12345]

Struggle? You think they don’t want to be gay?

You have no right in judging a person; furthermore, if that person is not Catholic, why should he listen to you. If what he is doing he thinks is right, just let it go.

How would you like to be judged?

Have you heard of the virture of CHARITY?

If you have never experienced being gay, than, you have NO right in making judgments. Let God be the judge.

 

[Thinks4Himself]

Tell him how wrong it is, then clean out your desk: in most companies, you’ve just crossed the line of creating a hostile work environment and are now not just unemployed, but unemployable.

Yep. People need to stop thinking they have a right to tell others about morals in the workplace. If he isnt giving out details, then mind your own business and enjoy having a job in this economy.