Dealing with a gay co-worker

[YipYupYep]

Ohhhh. Right. So you need permission now to be gay. I see. Well, if I wake up one day, and decide to be homosexual, I’ll make sure to give you a ring first.
QUOTE]

Not permission to be gay. Permission to continue talking about homosexual dates. The OP is the victim of sexual harassment.

 

[Fox]

You could be blunt and say “Please don’t talk to me about your dates, Your lifestyle isn’t compatible with my beliefs and makes me uncomfortable. Thank you.” or something along these lines. This should be the end of it. If he persists take to HR for them to end it.

 

[Fran65]

I would demonstrate my faith through action and would ‘casually’ drop my faith into conversation. Most people know Catholicism’s teachings on homosexuality. He will either challenge you, in which case you can state the Church teachings on homosexuality without making it personal; or he will decide not to share any more personal information of that nature with you.

I would not challenge him directly because it would be regarded as creating a hostile environment as stated earlier. Those are the rules in the workplace in our society and we have to respect them unless it means that we will jeopardise our own souls as a result.

I know people will disagree.

 

[Thinks4Himself]

You could be blunt and say “Please don’t talk to me about your dates, Your lifestyle isn’t compatible with my beliefs and makes me uncomfortable. Thank you.” or something along these lines. This should be the end of it. If he persists take to HR for them to end it.

Yo way will also get him fired because again - you seem to want to make your distaste for his lifestyle known to him. WHY?

All that is needed is a smple - I really dont wanna hear about anybodys personal life at work - and leave it at that.

If he says why cuz I am gay? then reply with “gay or straight” I dont wanna hear it. CAE SOLVED. Keep your opinions to yourself.

 

[RyanML]

I’d just tell him that thanks, you’d rather not discuss his personal life while you’re at work. If he persists, he’s given you permission to tell him why not, methinks.

I completely agree. I have worked with people who have no problem with me being gay and then i’ve worked with people who have a BIG problem with me being gay. But i’ve always been treated with respect and I never talk about my personal life unless i’m asked. Some of my best friends at work were the ones who disagreed with me, but we would have a civil discussion about it, agree to disagree, and get on with business. If your co-worker wants to talk to you about his personal life, then just tell him, in all charity, how you feel about the issue and that you respect him but that it is best if you guys don’t discuss your personal lives. God bless!

 

[Fox]

Not I, I tell people if they bother me. I don’t bottle up anything, its not healthy. You’ve said your peace, no need to explain any furthur to him, it is quite clear that it bothers you. Like I said if he persists, go to HR.

 

[StAnastasia]

Treat him as you would anyone else. He, like everyone of us is more than our sexual preferences. Just ignore what turns you off and focus on what you two have in common.

Not everyone has a sexual preference.

 

[erigby27]

Hello,

How should one go about dealing with a gay co-worker? It’s not that he goes about giving all the gory details, nor really parades it about, nor does anything else that might be deemed necessary for management to deal with. It just the little things ‘I have this date with a young guy this weekend’ and the like.

I am asking more from the point of view as what do I as a Catholic have as a moral obligation in the path of not remaining silent about immorality?

I haven’t read every post, but the general idea I’m getting (and I agree), is that it’s not exactly prudent to respond to “I have this date with a young guy this weekend” by saying “Get behind me, Satan!” or the like.

However, I think that you can really take this opportunity to fill your life with Christ and church activities and lead by example.

So when he says “I have a date with a cute guy this weekend”, you can say “Yeah I’m really excited for the weekend as well; I’m going on a retreat with my church”, or “I’m really looking forward to working at my church’s soup kitchen with my girl friend this weekend”.

When someone tells you what they are doing with their weekend, it is normal to respond with your weekend plans at well. By responding in this particular way, you not only tell him where you stand morally, but you very subtly rebuke his sin, as your activity is much more morally commendable (and deep in his heart, he knows this) than his is.

Also, display your religion! Not in a boastful way, but in a piously proud way. A cross around your neck, a prayer card or other religious iconography around your cubicle, a scriptural quote as a screen saver…these are all things that not only send out a message that will encourage him to guard his speech (and maybe lead him to grace), but will also give you opportunities to contemplate God when at work.

God Bless You

Pax!

 

[goofyjim]

I wouldn’t get so lfustered over it. We shouldn’t be giving the details of our home life anymore than him so if he is not going into details, leave it be.

 

[erigby27]

Oh and P.S.

As for the idea that you should respond, “I don’t want to hear about your personal life” because personal lives shouldn’t be being discussed at work, I disagree. Some degree of socialization will of course occur at work, whether it’s at the water cooler, in the elevator, at the copy machine, or over lunch. I doubt you would tell a straight co-worker to keep his personal life to himself, as this would be a little bit uncharitable.

Always respond with love and with Christ. If he chooses to engage you in conversation over Church teaching in this matter, be loving but clear: Homosexuality is not a sin, but any sexual act outside of the marriage of a man and woman is a sin; furthermore, all sexual acts MUST be ordered toward procreation. This explanation makes it impersonal and takes the heat off him (and makes the Church seem more reasonable than everyone else thinks she is).

Pax!

 

[AndyF]

JMJ_coder:

You don’t need to deal with him at all. Civil law says he needs to leave everyone at peace.

Only if his intent is to change and you know him well enough, then only once suggest pastoral counselling, period. That IS the best advice he could get.

From then on intitiate nothing and keep your distance.

These are desperate souls torn between the God of this world, and the God of Law. For the rest of their life all energy is spent on persuassion.

Andy

 

[AngelAshley]

Just remember, he is probably not a Catholic and will probably not appreciate you trying to force your views down his throat.

There is, after all, nothing wrong with homosexuality outside of the Catholic (and obviously some other) faiths. For this reason, you should be accepting of him and realise that it is only your view that it is wrong. You are entitled to your views, but please don’t try to inflict them on others.

This article should give you some insight onto why the Catholic Church is wrong to try to force its doctrine onto those that are not a partof the Catholic faith:

geocities.com/gaymarriage@ymail.com/

It is mostly on the subject of gay marriage but it raises the point that the Catholic Church really struggles to find anything wrong with homosexuality outside the teachings of the bible.

Just remember that if you want your Catholic faith to be respected, you have to respect that others might not be of the Catholic faith.

 

[YipYupYep]

Ohhhh. Right. So you need permission now to be gay.

By permission I mean permission to continue the dialog AND yes, your permission. Your agreement that the dialog, hence the life style is ligament. Oh sure. No problem. Just a date. I don’t think so. It a hellish union. Just imagine. No. don’t.

There is no problem with gay or straight men liking each other. The problem is homosexual sex. Sodomy.

Lord have mercy - Christ have mercy. I cant imagine a heavier cross. A living nightmare. God bless these poor soles.

Even though. Keep it out of the work place. Ill tell you another thing. Such talk amongst younger males could lead to a serious misunderstanding. Then, everyone is in trouble.

 

[YipYupYep]

Just remember, he is probably not a Catholic and will probably not appreciate you trying to force your views down his throat.

The OP is the victim not the perp. You got it upside down

There is, after all, nothing wrong with homosexuality outside of the Catholic (and obviously some other) faiths. For this reason, you should be accepting of him and realise that it is only your view that it is wrong. You are entitled to your views, but please don’t try to inflict them on others.

Huh?

This article should give you some insight onto why the Catholic Church is wrong to try to force its doctrine onto those that are not a partof the Catholic faith:

geocities.com/gaymarriage@ymail.com/

What a crock !!!

 

[AngelAshley]

YipYupYep:

The OP is the victim not the perp. You got it upside down

The OP is a victim of what, exactly? Having someone try to be friendly with him by starting up innocent casual conversation?
It’s really the replies on this thread which will tern him into the perp if he follows their advice - and the gay guy will be the victim of forced religious doctrine. He’s done nothing wrong, leave him be.

YipYupYep:

Huh?

Challenge: Without using Catholic or other religious teachings, explain how two people engageing in a homosexual relationship causes direct harm to themselves or other people.

YipYupYep:

What a crock !!!

“Crock”?
Sorry it just -really- bugs me when people misuse science to promote their twisted agendas, and that CA article on gay marriage is such a good example.

 

[erigby27]

The OP is a victim of what, exactly? Having someone try to be friendly with him by starting up innocent casual conversation?
It’s really the replies on this thread which will tern him into the perp if he follows their advice - and the gay guy will be the victim of forced religious doctrine. He’s done nothing wrong, leave him be.

Challenge: Without using Catholic or other religious teachings, explain how two people engageing in a homosexual relationship causes direct harm to themselves or other people.

“Crock”?
Sorry it just -really- bugs me when people misuse science to promote their twisted agendas, and that CA article on gay marriage is such a good example.

AngelAshley, what exactly are you doing here? You obviously are not a Catholic. So why are you trolling in the Moral Theology Section? This is where people come to get sound CATHOLIC advice on how to deal with moral/ethical situations. You are in no position to provide sound Catholic advice. I would suggest heading over to the Non-Catholic section, where you can team up with other Non-Catholics in attacking Catholicism.

The fact of the matter is, two women are not sexually complementary, and two men are not sexually complementary:

[Forgive the graphic details, everyone]
Two men can engage in anal sex, but the anus is NOT a sex organ. It is part of the excretory system. It is in fact against natural law to use this part of the body for sexual satisfaction.

Two women can stimulate each others sex organs, but this is nothing more than mutual masturbation (which is neither unitive nor procreative). The argument that two women are better equipped to please each other sexually than a man and a woman is evidence that such a union is purely pleasure seeking, and not about two people giving themselves entirely to one another.

You can pick apart arguments all day long, but, scientifically, a vagina is designed to receive a penis (not fingers), and an anus is not designed to receive anything.

AngelAshley, I understand your complaints against the Church, as I used to share them, but if you are not able to offer sound Catholic advice, please remain silent. This is Catholic Answers Forum, after all.

God Bless You
Pax

 

[Scottgun]

We tend to, as a society, put homosexuality in a separate category of sinfulness when anyone who commits adultery or fornication is equally at fault.

Respectfully, this is not so. There are no Adulterer’s Pride Parades. It’s not us putting homosexuality into a special category, but the onslaught to bully society into moral approval of homosex that is.

 

[AngelAshley]

AngelAshley, what exactly are you doing here? You obviously are not a Catholic. So why are you trolling in the Moral Theology Section?

I wasn’t going to say anything but I felt it was my duty to speak out when I saw people giving such bad advice. Catholic or not, nobody should be inciting someone else to force religious doctrone on someone else. What happened to “Freedom of Religion” that Catholics harp on about all the time?

The fact of the matter is, two women are not sexually complementary, and two men are not sexually complementary:

My girlfriend and I would disagree with you!! First hand experience here
Yes, I know the functions of the penis, the vagina and the anus - but if one is using their anatomy for pleasure then who really cares how one goes about doing it? Just because we homosexuals do it differently (I say different, many hetrosexual couples also engage in oral sex, anal sex and mutal masturbation!), that does not make it wrong. Just because we cannot bear children like that, does not make it wrong. Infertile couples cannot have children. Is that wrong?

Your oppinion that sex has to be geared towards procreation to be allowable is based on religious teachings and has no meaning to a non-believer. I am speaking out against people forcing these religious views onto others.

 

[Tradycja]

You have no obligation to say anything to him. You are not at work to discuss religion or to do anything else other than work.

Being silent would not even amount to MATERIAL COOPERATION in evil, which under some cases is allowed.

If the subject comes up, change the subject. The best thing you can do is be an example of a good worker. That’s it.

If you did have any obligation to preach to him, I believe that obligation would be mitigated due to the fact that we are in an economic crisis and you have need of a job for your sustenance and that of your family.

 

[JDaniel]

The OP is a victim of what, exactly? Having someone try to be friendly with him by starting up innocent casual conversation?

We can’t surmise everything, but, we can surmise that the conversational lead-in was unwanted, from the tone of the author of the opening statement/question. My daughter works in a retail store that has a homosexual manager. The manner of his constant conversation, the manner of his continual sexual quips, the manner of his constant, carefully constructed innuendo, the more than occasional shared, partially camouflaged graphics, has made everyone that works there very uncomfortable. They all, including my daughter, want to quit - but, in these times, they need their jobs.

Although I’d pursue it cautiously (because you never know really who you may confide your opening statement to), I would take it up the line, as Sexual Harassment. But, only after specifically asking the perp to cease and desist. You might say, “That’s nice. Gosh, where’s the time gone to? I’ve got so much to do.” If he continues, or becomes descriptive of what’s going to take place during or after the date, then, write it down as completely as possible as historical reference.

If you don’t write it down completely, you will lose the entire perspective and jumble your arguments if ever called before a judge, or into a probative hearing of any sort.

It’s really the replies on this thread which will tern him into the perp if he follows their advice - and the gay guy will be the victim of forced religious doctrine. He’s done nothing wrong, leave him be.

Based upon the surmise that the conversation lead-in was unwanted, simply not true.

Challenge: Without using Catholic or other religious teachings, explain how two people engageing in a homosexual relationship causes direct harm to themselves or other people.

Simple: (the) homosexual acts are antithetical to survival. Nothing could be more clear. Put 100 homosexuals on and island, supply them with all of their nutritional, recreational, study, etc., requirements, and come back in 100 years.

jd