Dealing with a passive aggressive person

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CRATUS

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My roommate and I finally had that bad falling out. Ever since then I noticed she slams the door whenever she leaves 6-7am in the morning so I wake up. My bedroom is right by the front door. Some of my friends think she is just heavy handed and it is a coincidence. She never slams the door when her friends are over. If my light is off, she does not think I am home she will not slam the door. Not just in the morning she will slam the door anytime she thinks I am home. She will turn off the air conditioner as well. She turns off the lights when I enter the kitchen. I am at the point I want to get back at her.
 
Since she has bought most of the kitchen stuff she believes everything is hers. She has claimed my spatula, pot, and the few spices I have bought as hers. I am afraid to use them I do not want an argument. I do not put my fish in the freezer because she will think it is hers since most of the meat and fish are hers.
 
Move out. Really, the one thing you shouldn’t do is respond in kind which will simply be perceived as escalation. But guess what? Even if you act angelic you will likely do something inadvertently that will taken as provocation. If you can’t sit down for honest reconciliation, leave.
 
Scottgun said:
Move out. Really, the one thing you shouldn’t do is respond in kind which will simply be perceived as escalation. But guess what? Even if you act angelic you will likely do something inadvertently that will taken as provocation. If you can’t sit down for honest reconciliation, leave.
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I am moving out. I feel like she is determined to make my few weeks here hell.
 
CRATUS said:
I am moving out. I feel like she is determined to make my few weeks here hell.
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Good to hear. In that case I would minimize my time there as much as reasonably possible. My bet is that you will be baited into lashing out. Don’t fall for it. God bless.
 
Scottgun said:
Good to hear. In that case I would minimize my time there as much as reasonably possible. My bet is that you will be baited into lashing out. Don’t fall for it. God bless.
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I definitely should. Since I am afraid to use the kitchen I have been eating out which has not been too good on my wallet. I am very tempted to seek revenge. It makes me think of Tupac “Hail Mary” : “I am not killer but please don’t push me.” If I do get revenge she will play the victim as usual and act like she did not know she was slamming doors.
 
CRATUS said:
I definitely should. Since I am afraid to use the kitchen I have been eating out which has not been too good on my wallet. I am very tempted to seek revenge. It makes me think of Tupac “Hail Mary” : “I am not killer but please don’t push me.” If I do get revenge she will play the victim as usual and act like she did not know she was slamming doors.
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Don’t do that. Be the bigger person, limit the time you spend with her and move out as soon as possible.

Lou
 
Lou2U said:
Don’t do that. Be the bigger person, limit the time you spend with her and move out as soon as possible.

Lou
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I know myself. I would not get revenge. Besides I would not be smart enough to do something passive aggressive that I could easily deny like slamming doors, conveniently turning off the air conditioner or lights when she is home. There is no point in confronting her she will pretend like she has no idea. This is what annoys me.
 
Try to rise above it, Cratus, don’t stoop to her level. Do you have a friend you could stay with any time? Maybe stay out as much as you can, or when you know she will be around. I would use this time to move my stuff out even if I had to put it in my car, or leave it at a friends house. As far as meals, keep your non perishable food in your room, and eat meals that only need heating up, not that need refrigeration.

Just get through it, and move on. And learn from the experience.

May God bless you and give you peace in your next home.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Try to rise above it, Cratus, don’t stoop to her level. Do you have a friend you could stay with any time? Maybe stay out as much as you can, or when you know she will be around. I would use this time to move my stuff out even if I had to put it in my car, or leave it at a friends house. As far as meals, keep your non perishable food in your room, and eat meals that only need heating up, not that need refrigeration.

Just get through it, and move on. And learn from the experience.

May God bless you and give you peace in your next home.
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I do not have a microwave. It sucks that she is dictating how I live my life.
 
CRATUS said:
I know myself. I would not get revenge. Besides I would not be smart enough to do something passive aggressive that I could easily deny like slamming doors, conveniently turning off the air conditioner or lights when she is home. There is no point in confronting her she will pretend like she has no idea. This is what annoys me.
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Just ignore her. There’s no point in having more drama.

IrishMom2’s suggestion of staying with a friend is a good one. Would it be possible?

Lou
 
Hmm, that is bad. You will have to get creative, and eat a lot of sandwiches! Soup. Cereal. Protein bars. Eat a big lunch out and snack at home for dinner, or something light.

And don’t let her know she is getting to you or she will ramp it up.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Hmm, that is bad. You will have to get creative, and eat a lot of sandwiches! Soup. Cereal. Protein bars. Eat a big lunch out and snack at home for dinner, or something light.

And don’t let her know she is getting to you or she will ramp it up.
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I only have three more weeks then it is over with. I have been going out. I guess I feel more isolated. All my girl friends have graduated and left town. I used to spend time at a close friends house. I do not feel comfortable hanging out with male friends house. I guess this is time for some reading at Starbucks alone time.
 
CRATUS said:
I only have three more weeks then it is over with. I have been going out. I guess I feel more isolated. All my girl friends have graduated and left town. I used to spend time at a close friends house. I do not feel comfortable hanging out with male friends house. I guess this is time for some reading at Starbucks alone time.
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Walk! It’s good for your body and mind to get exercise.

Oh, and invest in some cheap foam earplugs. Really.
 
Please pray for me. This situation may not seem as rough as it is really is. She slams the door against my bedroom wall as well. I videochatted my sister was wondering what the noise in my background was. It was the door-slamming. Like Tupac said - “I aint a killer, but don’t push me. revenge is the sweetest joy…”
 
Cratus, could you possibly go home to your family for the 3 weeks?
 
CRATUS said:
Please pray for me. This situation may not seem as rough as it is really is. She slams the door against my bedroom wall as well. I videochatted my sister was wondering what the noise in my background was. It was the door-slamming. Like Tupac said - “I aint a killer, but don’t push me. revenge is the sweetest joy…”
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Besides the trouble to you, she’s going to get a reputation of being a bad tenant if she keeps slamming doors. It damages the hinges, doorframe or even the wall. Time for her to grow up.
 
I have a hard and fast rule when dealing with P.A. behavior. I call it out each time and openly label it as P.A. I tell the person that we have to talk if there is an issue, that this type of behavior is something I just can’t accept.

This one type of behavior is just something I cannot tolerate. I would also pray for this person every chance I got.
 
I was shocked my sister could hear the bang from the door slamming through the video chat. Well three more weeks I can make it through
 
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