Dealing with a sibling and underage drinking

[deutsch1997bw]

Here is my dilemma:

I am a senior in college, and my sister will be starting her first year at the same university. My cousin also attends this university. My parents (and myself) have talked with my sister about the dangers and consequences associated with underage drinking. Additionally, both of my parents expressed to my sister that they would be very disappointed with her if she gets involved in alcohol. My cousin, however, plans on introducing my sister to alcohol this Wednesday at a party.

Any advice on how to handle this situation? Part of me wants to let me sister make her own decisions and suffer the consequences. This would be different if we both didn’t attend the same university. Because we do, though, this is really weighing on me.

Thanks

 

[1ke]

What does your sister have to say about this? Does she not have a mind of her own?

Why is your cousin “planning” this “introduction” to alcohol in the first place?

 

[deutsch1997bw]

Well, I spoke with my cousin about this tonight, and apparently my sister has given her the impression that she’d like to try things out. I kind of suspected that, but the messages from my sister were mixed.

My cousin is a nice person and a decent student. But, my sister is a really good student, and my concern is that my cousin getting her started on this so early will change that.

 

[Rhubarb]

Your sister is an adult now, and can make her own choices. Be they good or bad.

Your job as her big brother is to make sure that she knows what she’s getting into, how to drink responsibly and safely on a college campus (yes, it is possible), and be ready to go pick her up if things get too wild and she asks for help.

 

[venite_adoremus]

Second what that last poster said. Let your sister know that she can call you, any time, any hour of the day or night, collect if necessary, for a sobriety ride home (assuming, of course, that YOU can drive and have not been drinking). No questions asked at that time, maybe we’ll talk it over later. Check the Mothers Against Drunk Drivers web sites to see if they still have that great old parent-child agreement.

If she is underage, she risks arrest in addition to other problems, and depending on what state your college is in this could mean real trouble with the dean of students.

Beyond that, she’s growing up, she’s starting college, she needs to make her own way. Your school has a counseling office if it gets dicey. Give her the freedom.

My first legal (?) drink in college was given to me by my parish priest! --the night I made the commitment to become a Catholic (Irish whiskey, and good stuff at that). Later on I got drunk a few times in college, lived through it, graduated cum laude, finished graduate school, and have had a great life. She should too.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Your sister is at the point where she has to make her own decisions. If she has not developed good morals and common sense by now, it may be too late. You realistically cannot hope to shield her from alcohol once she is in college.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Here is my dilemma:

I am a senior in college, and my sister will be starting her first year at the same university. My cousin also attends this university. My parents (and myself) have talked with my sister about the dangers and consequences associated with underage drinking. Additionally, both of my parents expressed to my sister that they would be very disappointed with her if she gets involved in alcohol. My cousin, however, plans on introducing my sister to alcohol this Wednesday at a p

Any advice on how to handle this situation? Part of me wants to let me sister make her own decisions and suffer the consequences. This would be different if we both didn’t attend the same university. Because we do, though, this is really weighing on me.

Thanks

I actually found some things odd. It’s weird how much of family affair this is. You are correct she should not drink underage. But there Is little you can do besides telling her your expectations and telling the cousin to be a better influence

 

[Viki63]

Let her know that for women, one drink is the recommended limit. It’s two for men, since their bodies can process alcohol better.
It’s never okay to get drunk, and makes you look stupid as well. When my daughter cut down, she said she couldn’t believe how idiotic her friends looked when drinking.

.

 

[mommy_k]

Here is my dilemma:

This would be different if we both didn’t attend the same university. Because we do, though, this is really weighing on me.

Thanks

Why would you be less concerned if she went to a different university? She will meet people who drink at college anywhere she goes. So this is about you…not her drinking.

It’s the responsibility that you placed on yourself that’s the issue here.

 

[pensmama87]

People in most of Europe drink at all ages. My Italian grandmother started having red wine at breakfast probably before she was five. She is considerably healthy and has never had a drinking problem. There is actually some evidence to suggest that introducing alcohol to children at a young age (reasonable amounts) helps decrease the possibility of an addition.

Typical drinking at American colleges and universities is very different than this, though, where the point is to drink to excess. I can understand the sister’s concern, though unfortunately there’s not much she can do besides offering to be a safe person.

I will say, my first experience drinking in college was not one I was eager to repeat. It was only one drink, mixed, but it was so acidic that even with a low alcohol content it made my stomach upset. I went to bed early and didn’t drink again for a couple of years. Being around very drunk people while sober was also a good deterrent.

 

[Xantippe]

Your sister is an adult now, and can make her own choices. Be they good or bad.

Your job as her big brother is to make sure that she knows what she’s getting into, how to drink responsibly and safely on a college campus (yes, it is possible), and be ready to go pick her up if things get too wild and she asks for help.

That’s very good.

 

[Xantippe]

Let her know that for women, one drink is the recommended limit. It’s two for men, since their bodies can process alcohol better.
It’s never okay to get drunk, and makes you look stupid as well. When my daughter cut down, she said she couldn’t believe how idiotic her friends looked when drinking.

.

Wow!

 

[heidi_storage]

I would at least let your sister know about your cousin’s stupid plan. You want to make it easier for her to say “no.” Personally, I think it’s silly to forbid drinking by legal adults, but college drinking is rife with all sorts of dangers.

 

[1ke]

People in most of Europe drink at all ages. My Italian grandmother started having red wine at breakfast probably before she was five. She is considerably healthy and has never had a drinking problem. There is actually some evidence to suggest that introducing alcohol to children at a young age (reasonable amounts) helps decrease the possibility of an addition.

They are not in Europe, however.

It is legal for 18 year olds to drink there. It is not legal for them to do so here. This is not wine with dinner or a family affair, this is drinking to get drunk.

 

[Xantippe]

**I would at least let your sister know about your cousin’s stupid plan. **You want to make it easier for her to say “no.” Personally, I think it’s silly to forbid drinking by legal adults, but college drinking is rife with all sorts of dangers.

Yeah, and maybe ask if she wants to be interrupted/given a ride home at some point.

Come to think of it, I wonder if cousin has a drinking problem? Normal people aren’t so eager to shove alcohol at other people.

 

[Xantippe]

They are not in Europe, however.

It is legal for 18 year olds to drink there. ** It is not legal for them to do so here. **This is not wine with dinner or a family affair, this is drinking to get drunk.

…usually unless it’s a family thing supervised by parents.

Also, it may involve getting drunk around strangers in an unfamiliar setting, which is for young women.

 

[Xantippe]

Cousin sounds like she has bad judgment, so I wouldn’t count on her looking out for your sister.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I agree with those who said college students drinking in USA is nothing like Europe. Many US college students binge drink with the intent of getting drunk. Many of them also either do not know or do not follow basic rules for alcohol use, such as 2 shots may be OK but 10 will put you in the hospital; eat a meal first; and don’t drink and drive. Also, drinking under age 21 is technically illegal, and while many laugh and look the other way, breaking the law in this regard can land you in jail if the campus or local police decide to crack down.

In short, bad things can happen, and a brother would be right to be concerned for his sister who had not drank before. However, since she is an adult, the most he can probably do is communicate a warning, advise her on the above stuff like eating first and not drinking too much, and then let her make her own choices and mistakes.

There’s a very sad case in Pennsylvania right now where two brothers attended the same college. Older brother chose to avoid drinking and partying. Younger brother decided to join a drink-and-party frat, got too drunk, fell downstairs, and died of his injuries as his new “friends” , afraid of getting in trouble, decided not to get him medical help. Several of them are now facing criminal charges and either have been or may be kicked out of school. Alcohol is also a factor in a huge number of college sexual assaults. In college, I chose to not drink till I was 21 and then I limited my consumption and only drank on 2 occasions before graduating. I don’t feel I missed out on any fun as I still went to many parties and concerts, I just didn’t drink at them.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

Why is your cousin “planning” this “introduction” to alcohol in the first place?

Come to think of it, I wonder if cousin has a drinking problem? Normal people aren’t so eager to shove alcohol at other people.

It’s possible that the cousin is thinking that the little sister is going to drink one way or another, given that she’s a college freshman, so might as well be there to make sure that the little sister doesn’t go overboard or get taken advantage of by some unscrupulous dude. Not terrible reasoning.

Honestly, OP, I wouldn’t try to convince your sister to completely abstain from alcohol. I think you’d be better off making the case for moderate, responsible drinking rather than complete abstinence.

 

[1ke]

…usually unless it’s a family thing supervised by parents.

State laws vary in this regard.

This isn’t applicable here anyway, so I think it’s a distraction, as that is not the scenario presented. The context in which this particular cousin and sister plan to consume alcohol is illegal.