Dealing with jealous/selfish niece

[Sirach_43]

You can’t change your father, all you can really do is work on creating a good life for yourself. Your best bet is to do really well in school so you can attend college and work towards a fulfilling career. Focus on making friends. One day you may have a family of your own.

I agree 100%. Look at how all the responses went on this thread. We all agreed that no one should be treated like that, let alone a young girl. I think the important thing to remember is not to take the failings of others personally and become bitter. You best “revenge” is to go on to live a great life. Are you in college or a trade school? Do you have some plans for the future yet?

 

[PaulinVA]

well, it seemed like a good angle at the time. Lord knows they do spend ample tie griping about things they do nothing to help solve.

You have no control over what happens to you; you can’t control how people treat you.

You can control your* reaction* to those things, though. Everyone is broken in one way or another. Everyone wants to be loved. So, treat people with the love and respect you wish others treated you with.

Easier said than done, obviously. I have lived half a century and am still very inadequate at it.

 

[jmcrae]

Dad doesn’t do “talk.” he’s not really home much anyway. Works out of town. When he is in town, he’s rarely home. When he’s home, he’s working or watching TV. He doesn’t really have much of anything to do with me. He never really had anything to do in raising me. When i try to tell him I’d like to go with him when he takes his girlfriend and her kids to dinner and movies and out to the lake, he just says, Oh sure, sure, I’ll take you next time. And he never does. I don’t even know he went anywhere until he comes back talking about what a great time they had. And if I get upset, he always makes up an excuse, saying I wouldn’t have liked it, or it was a boring movie, or there wasn’t room in the car.

I went through a phase when my parents were treating me like that, too (what’s up with that, anyway? ), and what I did was I joined a Youth Club and spent my weekends going camping with the Youth club, and going to cultural and social events (dances, plays, Church, etc.) with them, instead of worrying about the fact that my parents didn’t seem to want me around, for whatever reason.

I had a great time, and we still keep in touch with each other - if the family takes off for the holidays and leaves us on our own, we hang out with one of my old Youth Club friends at Christmas and New Year - they really are a kind of “second family.”

Of course, now that it’s dawning on my parents that, as the only girl in the family, I’m the one who will be picking out their nursing home when that day comes, suddenly they are all over me with all kinds of love and attention.

 

[flyingfish]

You should really realize that it’s not your fault that your father is selfish and thoughtless. I don’t know if you blame yourself, but if you do, you shouldn’t. Some people are just bad people. Focus on meeting and developing relationships with good ones.

It may well be one day that your dad is going to need you, such as in his old age. And if you really want revenge, that would be the time to remind him how he treated you and walk away.

 

[BrokenRoad]

I went through a phase when my parents were treating me like that, too (what’s up with that, anyway? ), and what I did was I joined a Youth Club and spent my weekends going camping with the Youth club, and going to cultural and social events (dances, plays, Church, etc.) with them, instead of worrying about the fact that my parents didn’t seem to want me around, for whatever reason.

I had a great time, and we still keep in touch with each other - if the family takes off for the holidays and leaves us on our own, we hang out with one of my old Youth Club friends at Christmas and New Year - they really are a kind of “second family.”

Of course, now that it’s dawning on my parents that, as the only girl in the family, I’m the one who will be picking out their nursing home when that day comes, suddenly they are all over me with all kinds of love and attention.

I can’t really do things like that, though I’d love to. Due to a disability, I can’t drive. I can’t even go to school anymore, because it’s too much trouble to drive me anywhere. Church and confession isn’t even a guarentee. So…I’m pretty uch stuck at home 24/7 with my grandmother. I hope someday I can move somewhere with, like, buses or something? Subways or trains? So that I can go to school and get a job and go places and stuff.

 

[BrokenFortress]

Are you under 18? In the US? I was under the impression that if this is the case your father would be responsible for allowing you to go to school.

However if you’re an adult, I guess that changes his requirements unfortunately.

Do you not have any services in your area that come and pick up the disabled? I know in my town we have vans that go out and help people get out of their home.

 

[flyingfish]

I can’t really do things like that, though I’d love to. Due to a disability, I can’t drive. I can’t even go to school anymore, because it’s too much trouble to drive me anywhere. Church and confession isn’t even a guarentee. So…I’m pretty uch stuck at home 24/7 with my grandmother. I hope someday I can move somewhere with, like, buses or something? Subways or trains? So that I can go to school and get a job and go places and stuff.

Don’t say you can’t do it and give up. People with very severe disabilities like blindness have gone to college, and have gone on to be successful.

Are you a minor talking about attending highschool? You may be required by law to attend school. If you’re talking about college, schools really want to make campuses accessible to people with disabilities.

There may be a way for you to complete highschool online, or to homeschool and do well on the SAT’s etc. Keep working hard.

 

[shondrea]

Well I’ll be…

 

[BrokenRoad]

Ah, no, I’m afriad I wasn’t lying about my age. HS graduate, first in my family. Attended a year of JuCo, but it’s a long drive, and no one around to make it.

The next town over has a bus for, erm…special children, and I could apply to ride it, but my family doesn’t want me to. Don’t want the trouble of the doctor’s appt. I keep suggesting it, but they keep telling me reasons why I don’t want to.

“Oh you don’t want to ride it”

“They’ll only come out here twice a day; you’ll be away from home all day long.”

“You can’t get a job in town. What if it snows, and the bus can’t get out here for you?”

 

[flyingfish]

Ah, no, I’m afriad I wasn’t lying about my age. HS graduate, first in my family. Attended a year of JuCo, but it’s a long drive, and no one around to make it.

The next town over has a bus for, erm…special children, and I could apply to ride it, but my family doesn’t want me to. Don’t want the trouble of the doctor’s appt. I keep suggesting it, but they keep telling me reasons why I don’t want to.

“Oh you don’t want to ride it”

“They’ll only come out here twice a day; you’ll be away from home all day long.”

“You can’t get a job in town. What if it snows, and the bus can’t get out here for you?”

So what if they don’t want you to? Apply for the bus. It’s your future at stake, not your family’s.

How severe is your disability if you don’t mind my asking?

You might consider applying to a 4 year school, applying for loans, for aid for those who are disabled and moving away from home.

 

[BrokenRoad]

Visual, just bad enough that I can’t drive and have the most pitiful depth perception you ever saw

I just can’t see myself moving away from home any time soon. I have no idea how to do anything. I don’t know how to manage credit, how to keep a check book, how to pay bills, how to do taxes, anything. I also have responsibilities here at home I can’t just up and leave. Who would take care of my dogs, my babies? Who would look after gramma when she’s alone all day long? I just absolutely can not fathom the possibility of living anywhere else. I have no life skills, no social skills. Everything I have, every last person I’ve ever known, is right here.

 

[flyingfish]

Visual, just bad enough that I can’t drive and have the most pitiful depth perception you ever saw

I just can’t see myself moving away from home any time soon. I have no idea how to do anything. I don’t know how to manage credit, how to keep a check book, how to pay bills, how to do taxes, anything. I also have responsibilities here at home I can’t just up and leave. Who would take care of my dogs, my babies? Who would look after gramma when she’s alone all day long? I just absolutely can not fathom the possibility of living anywhere else. I have no life skills, no social skills. Everything I have, every last person I’ve ever known, is right here.

If you stay at home you’ll never gain those skills, and you’ll grow old and die in the same situation you are in right now. If you’re okay with that, that’s fine. But if you want something different, work for it.

Managing credit, keeping a check book, paying bills, doing taxes, all these things are trivial and easily learned, requiring only the most basic intelligence that you clearly have given your writing.

Are your dogs important enough to give up the possibility of a future different from the life you have now?

Were you honest about the number of people in your family? It seems like there are 20+ people? Your grandma will be well cared for.

Yes it’s scary and hard. But you know what, you can do it. Plenty of people have gone through far more difficult situations and emerged successful. You have to decide what kind of a future you want, and don’t decide from fear.

My own family immigrated from Eastern Europe when I was a child. We came here with no money, no things, no ability to speak English. We initially lived in a bad neighborhood in a cheap apartment with no furniture but mattresses to sleep on, but because of hard work moved up into upper middle class.

My point is that don’t make excuses for yourself like inability to pay bills. You live in a country full of opportunities. You can apply to a college, do nothing but study for 4 years, and have a good life afterward away from the family that is keeping you down and making you feel bad.

What exactly is the point of being around “every person you’ve ever known” if you stay at home all day, and your family can’t be bothered to take you a doctor’s appointment.

 

[BrokenRoad]

yes, my family really is that big, and getting bigger. But no one else wants to drive all the way out here to make sure grandma is ok, that she’s not fallen. She’s old, not in good health. She can’t be alone, and if no one else wants to do it, then what?

That question may make a lot of sense to someone with normal attachments and bonds, but that isn’t me. My dad told me himself; you ever leave, and don’t take the mutt’s, I put a bullet in their heads as son as you leave the driveway. Those two mean more to me than 95% of the people I’ve ever met, family included.

I have no interests. I don’t want to be a teacher or a doctor or a social worker or a dentist or run a daycare or a library. I have no profitable interests, no social skills. I can’t talk on the phone or look people in the eye. I have panic attacks in public. Do you really think I would be perfectly fine and safe, getting a loan I have no way of paying, moving to God knows where, to go to lord knows what school, to study who knows what? When i enrolled in Juco, I went into art. I didn’t want to go into art. Then i tried education. I have no desire to teach. All the degrees they offered, all the jobs they trained for, the classes they have, I have no interest in them, or can’t do them. Do you know what would happen? I do. I’d get by maybe a month before I’d be bawling to come back home.

I’m a mental case and I know it. Sucking it up and diving in doesn’t work for someone who can’t even face the world.

 

[mjs1987]

Managing credit, keeping a check book, paying bills, doing taxes, all these things are trivial and easily learned, requiring only the most basic intelligence that you clearly have given your writing.

Yeah, this is really basic math for the most part. If you graduated high school and passed all the math classes to graduate then these things are easily learned in short order. It is so easy today though that you dont even have to do all those things. When you have a job, it doesnt cost that much these days to get an online accountant to do taxes and many bills can be auto deducted from your account if you so choose. All banks have a 24 hour phone line to call to get your balance so you know how much you have to spend. It is very easy to teach this and find someone to teach you. If you dont know, your grandmother definitely knows. Even people I know that are terrible with money know how to do these things. They just normally have no self-control in their spending.

 

[mjs1987]

yes, my family really is that big, and getting bigger. But no one else wants to drive all the way out here to make sure grandma is ok, that she’s not fallen. She’s old, not in good health. She can’t be alone, and if no one else wants to do it, then what?

That question may make a lot of sense to someone with normal attachments and bonds, but that isn’t me. My dad told me himself; you ever leave, and don’t take the mutt’s, I put a bullet in their heads as son as you leave the driveway. Those two mean more to me than 95% of the people I’ve ever met, family included.

I have no interests. I don’t want to be a teacher or a doctor or a social worker or a dentist or run a daycare or a library. I have no profitable interests, no social skills. I can’t talk on the phone or look people in the eye. I have panic attacks in public. Do you really think I would be perfectly fine and safe, getting a loan I have no way of paying, moving to God knows where, to go to lord knows what school, to study who knows what? When i enrolled in Juco, I went into art. I didn’t want to go into art. Then i tried education. I have no desire to teach. All the degrees they offered, all the jobs they trained for, the classes they have, I have no interest in them, or can’t do them. Do you know what would happen? I do. I’d get by maybe a month before I’d be bawling to come back home.

I’m a mental case and I know it. Sucking it up and diving in doesn’t work for someone who can’t even face the world.

Despite having a lot of fears, you can type. A lot. You are not scared to face all these posters online. While I know public can be different, all you have to do is transfer that confidence. You are not a bad person. You are in a bad situation but there is something you can do about it. You were put on this earth for a purpose. God doesnt want you to waste away. You have many fears and are overwhelmed by life. These problems can be solved. Where there is a will, there is a way. If you simply do not want to leave and like it where you are then enjoy it and make the most of it. You dont want to live your whole life depressed. Look on the bright side of life. Stay positive and do not let the negative people in your life get to you.

 

[flyingfish]

yes, my family really is that big, and getting bigger. But no one else wants to drive all the way out here to make sure grandma is ok, that she’s not fallen. She’s old, not in good health. She can’t be alone, and if no one else wants to do it, then what?

That question may make a lot of sense to someone with normal attachments and bonds, but that isn’t me. My dad told me himself; you ever leave, and don’t take the mutt’s, I put a bullet in their heads as son as you leave the driveway. Those two mean more to me than 95% of the people I’ve ever met, family included.

I have no interests. I don’t want to be a teacher or a doctor or a social worker or a dentist or run a daycare or a library. I have no profitable interests, no social skills. I can’t talk on the phone or look people in the eye. I have panic attacks in public. Do you really think I would be perfectly fine and safe, getting a loan I have no way of paying, moving to God knows where, to go to lord knows what school, to study who knows what? When i enrolled in Juco, I went into art. I didn’t want to go into art. Then i tried education. I have no desire to teach. All the degrees they offered, all the jobs they trained for, the classes they have, I have no interest in them, or can’t do them. Do you know what would happen? I do. I’d get by maybe a month before I’d be bawling to come back home.

I’m a mental case and I know it. Sucking it up and diving in doesn’t work for someone who can’t even face the world.

If you have panic attacks in public and can’t talk on the phone or look people in the eye, you need professional help, you may need to take medication.

What are you planning on doing? Do you intend for your father to support you as long as you live? Your father will eventually die. You need to work towards becoming independent.

You sound like you’re depressed, having no interests is one of the symptoms of depression. You need to get one of those numerous relatives to take you to a doctor so you can get help. (This is another thing that wouldn’t be an issue if you attended a university, your medical needs would be taken care of, and counseling services would be available.)

You need to become proactive about getting your life in order. At least talk to your priest about your situation. Do you think your faith can help you manage the anxiety? If you like animals, maybe think of becoming a vet? I am guessing you live in the country, maybe with all the farms there is a need for vets?

You sound like an intelligent young woman. You can succeed. People have gone through much hardship in their lives in terms of their family situation, poverty, my own parents grew up under Soviet Communism and lived in atrocious conditions. Don’t give up on yourself. Maybe think of it in terms of God blessing you with talents, and it being up to you to use them in his service. Whatever helps you to stay strong.

 

[BrokenRoad]

I know. When I was younger I tried to get my family to get me help. I told them I was depressed and they told me I was too young to be depressed. When i started hurting myself to get their attention, they didn’t care. I don’t know how to get help. I live in nowhere. I thought about just calling the first place in the yellow pages, but I can’t make anyone take me.

I don’t want to be a vet. You have to be good at math and science and handleing, you know, blood, and I’m not good at any of that. I also don’t like animals, just dogs. And, oddly enough, rats. All I know how to do is domestic chores. My top career choices are nanny, maid, housewife. Yeah, I know. Aiming for the stars I am. I use to really like art, but not anymore. Not since it became work that my family expected me to do for money. I hated it.

 

[mjs1987]

I know. When I was younger I tried to get my family to get me help. I told them I was depressed and they told me I was too young to be depressed. When i started hurting myself to get their attention, they didn’t care. I don’t know how to get help. I live in nowhere. I thought about just calling the first place in the yellow pages, but I can’t make anyone take me.

I don’t want to be a vet. You have to be good at math and science and handleing, you know, blood, and I’m not good at any of that. I also don’t like animals, just dogs. And, oddly enough, rats. All I know how to do is domestic chores. My top career choices are nanny, maid, housewife. Yeah, I know. Aiming for the stars I am. I use to really like art, but not anymore. Not since it became work that my family expected me to do for money. I hated it.

It is not aiming low to be a housewife. There are many girls that have very advanced college degrees that choose to be a housewife. Some would say that it is one of the highest callings.

I do know that if you really want help for depression there is a way to do it even though it seems very difficult and is very scary. It isnt easy to face your family and your own prejudices against having a mental illness. At some point you have to decide whether you want to ride it out or get medicine. Getting medicine can be a good thing or it can make things worse. Its no easy decision and I realize that it is very difficult to have a depression problem.

 

[flyingfish]

I know. When I was younger I tried to get my family to get me help. I told them I was depressed and they told me I was too young to be depressed. When i started hurting myself to get their attention, they didn’t care. I don’t know how to get help. I live in nowhere. I thought about just calling the first place in the yellow pages, but I can’t make anyone take me.

I don’t want to be a vet. You have to be good at math and science and handleing, you know, blood, and I’m not good at any of that. I also don’t like animals, just dogs. And, oddly enough, rats. All I know how to do is domestic chores. My top career choices are nanny, maid, housewife. Yeah, I know. Aiming for the stars I am. I use to really like art, but not anymore. Not since it became work that my family expected me to do for money. I hated it.

Call 911 and say you’re thinking about committing suicide, you’ll be given the help you need. If you are unable to talk to people on the phone, and if you get panic attacks in public places, and if you used to hurt yourself it seems like your situation is pretty severe.

Something in your life needs to change. In order for you to be a housewife, you will need to meet and marry a man. You can’t do that if you spend all your time at home with your grandmother.

You need to get help from people in your community. Start with your priest and people in church. At the very least, they’ll be able to recommend something. If you’re not willing to attend college, you need to start working.

You have to keep fighting for your life.

 

[purplesunshine]

Excuse me for being the buzzkill, but the OP was bright enough to make up a fake aunt for her to be, then calmly admit when found out. She admits to at least having graduated HS and even gone to college.

How did she get to the college classes?

Typically driving is a part of HS. I think most of my friends took some sort of driver’s ed.

If all this stuff is true it’s time to get your act together OP. No matter what you do it will be WORK. Children have ALOT of blood, poo and puke and so do older folks. You may end up with diabetic children who need shots or asmatic children or children who have alergies and need epi pins. And there’s lots of things in the dog world right now that don’t require math…such as dog trainers.

Keeping a budget or a checkbook is not hard. It’s simple addition and subtraction. Most of which is done for you online or by computer if you wish. And obvously you can work a computer.

If you need prescription med help, than get it. If you want to be a nanny than look into schools that teach you the proper ways to work with children, because right now I wouldn’t trust you with a kid. You’ve had atleast 2 years since graduating HS.

A stupid person couldn’t come onto a forum trick adults from all over the nation, then prattle on about how they’re just so incapable of anything. I really think we’ve heard far from the whole story…and I’m still not convinced you’re who you say you are in this situation.