Dealing with jealous/selfish niece

[sanctamaria17]

I agree that you’re not stupid.

Look, I did not know about credit or anything before I got my apartment and I’m 20 as well! I STILL don’t know how to do taxes, actually, I’m going to get a friend of mine (accounting major) to help me. I don’t have a credit card! I still pay rent, I buy groceries, etc.

Can you have a friend take your dogs? Or sell them? How callous of your father

Girl, you gotta get out! Find a way! Do you have a job in town? Do you have money in savings? Look, once you control your own money, you’re out.

I agree, apply for the bus anyway.

And if you are hurting yourself, please call 9-1-1. They can get you the help you need. And I’m sure they’ll get you a good counselor to help you find the direction you need.

Finally, learn to love yourself. God made humans and saw that they were good. God made you and saw that you were good. He gave you gifts and talents to share with the world. Once you realize that, you can make plans about how to achieve them.

 

[BrokenRoad]

Excuse me for being the buzzkill, but the OP was bright enough to make up a fake aunt for her to be, then calmly admit when found out. She admits to at least having graduated HS and even gone to college.

How did she get to the college classes?

Typically driving is a part of HS. I think most of my friends took some sort of driver’s ed.

If all this stuff is true it’s time to get your act together OP. No matter what you do it will be WORK. Children have ALOT of blood, poo and puke and so do older folks. You may end up with diabetic children who need shots or asmatic children or children who have alergies and need epi pins. And there’s lots of things in the dog world right now that don’t require math…such as dog trainers.

Keeping a budget or a checkbook is not hard. It’s simple addition and subtraction. Most of which is done for you online or by computer if you wish. And obvously you can work a computer.

If you need prescription med help, than get it. If you want to be a nanny than look into schools that teach you the proper ways to work with children, because right now I wouldn’t trust you with a kid. You’ve had atleast 2 years since graduating HS.

A stupid person couldn’t come onto a forum trick adults from all over the nation, then prattle on about how they’re just so incapable of anything. I really think we’ve heard far from the whole story…and I’m still not convinced you’re who you say you are in this situation.

I would swear to you in court, I am who I say I am. I’m a mental case 20 year old who has enough book smarts to play Jeaopardy but no life skills to speak of.

You’re right; I’m not stupid. I know what a baby involves. But baby blood and slicing open a dog are two different things, don’t you think?

My grandpa took me to college classes when he felt like it. I missed a lot of school. As for high school, I took the school bus, or walked. Yes, typically driving is a part of highschool, but I was never allowed to take it.

 

[purplesunshine]

I would swear to you in court, I am who I say I am. I’m a mental case 20 year old who has enough book smarts to play Jeaopardy but no life skills to speak of.

You’re right; I’m not stupid. I know what a baby involves. But baby blood and slicing open a dog are two different things, don’t you think?

My grandpa took me to college classes when he felt like it. I missed a lot of school. As for high school, I took the school bus, or walked. Yes, typically driving is a part of highschool, but I was never allowed to take it.

Even though you’re not a guy. Grow some. Seriously.

You’re 20 years old. No one gets to dictate anything to you anymore. You are not “not allowed” to do things.

You HAVE to find a job, like it or not. You can’t just take care of your grandma forever. And you have to decide what’s more important, your life or the life of two animals. If you can’t deal with anatonomy then find a job pushing paper. If you are mentally ill than go to a shelter and get help. You cannot be there for everyone…you can’t even take care of yourself.

Book smarts…so become a researcher or something that’s highly intellectual but involves low social needs. You have the ENTIRETY of the internet at your fingertips. If you’re smart find a way to hack it. There’s an autistic lady who writes a blog. And while loads of her opinions annoy me, she still proves that one can live on one’s own while being severly mentally and physically incapacitated. She cannot drive a car or even walk around the block unassisted. If you see videos of her she looks more near to Terry Schivo than a functinal adult.

And so many people come from so many bad scenerios and hack it. If you’re walking distance from a HS then walk there, get to a bus station and get to a shelter. Start over. It is too bad about the dogs, but you have to decide. Sorry. It’s tough but make a decision.

Or else you’ll be 30 before you know it and saying the exact same thing.

 

[shondrea]

Even though you’re not a guy. Grow some. Seriously.

You’re 20 years old. No one gets to dictate anything to you anymore. You are not “not allowed” to do things.

You HAVE to find a job, like it or not. You can’t just take care of your grandma forever. And you have to decide what’s more important, your life or the life of two animals. If you can’t deal with anatonomy then find a job pushing paper. If you are mentally ill than go to a shelter and get help. You cannot be there for everyone…you can’t even take care of yourself.

Book smarts…so become a researcher or something that’s highly intellectual but involves low social needs. You have the ENTIRETY of the internet at your fingertips. If you’re smart find a way to hack it. There’s an autistic lady who writes a blog. And while loads of her opinions annoy me, she still proves that one can live on one’s own while being severly mentally and physically incapacitated. She cannot drive a car or even walk around the block unassisted. If you see videos of her she looks more near to Terry Schivo than a functinal adult.

And so many people come from so many bad scenerios and hack it. If you’re walking distance from a HS then walk there, get to a bus station and get to a shelter. Start over. It is too bad about the dogs, but you have to decide. Sorry. It’s tough but make a decision.

Or else you’ll be 30 before you know it and saying the exact same thing.

I think you’re ignoring the fact that OP seems to be severely mentally disturbed, Purple. What makes sense and is logical to you and me may not to someone who seems to be suffering from depression or other mental illnesses. From what she’s said, I sure as heck wouldn’t trust her on her own. Her family’s browbeat her into submission, practically brainwahsed her it looks like; it’s like Dependant Personality Disorder in the making. Take it from someone who had their own fight with depression; telling them to suck it up and do it is akin to telling them they’re a loser and can’t handle it.

OP, have you ever thought about, like, occupational therapy or something? Life skills classes?

 

[purplesunshine]

I think you’re ignoring the fact that OP seems to be severely mentally disturbed, Purple. What makes sense and is logical to you and me may not to someone who seems to be suffering from depression or other mental illnesses. From what she’s said, I sure as heck wouldn’t trust her on her own. Her family’s browbeat her into submission, practically brainwahsed her it looks like; it’s like Dependant Personality Disorder in the making. Take it from someone who had their own fight with depression; telling them to suck it up and do it is akin to telling them they’re a loser and can’t handle it.

OP, have you ever thought about, like, occupational therapy or something? Life skills classes?

Let’s just say I know what I’m talking about m-kay?

Browbeat or not she has to make a decision. It’s not a decision she can come to unless people help her realize that it HAS to be made. She has to realize for her own sanity she needs to go to a shelter and forget her dogs. But mental illness or not she needs to come to that decision herself.

And she HAS to work. Only a small few do a job they like, most can tolerate their job and the rest work to get by. Everyone has to start somewhere. And most people don’t even know what they’re good at until they recieve proper education or experiance. And from the sounds of it OP has had very little of that.

 

[shondrea]

I’m just saying that she doesn’t seem capable of caring for herself. Like seriously. I’d be concerned if I met a girl like her living on her own. Tell her to get HELP, to get therapy or on meds or SOMETHING before you tell an already unstable woman to just leave her home a hitch hike to a shelter. Stress and shock like that isn’t going to help mental illness. It would only make it worse.

 

[purplesunshine]

I’m just saying that she doesn’t seem capable of caring for herself. Like seriously. I’d be concerned if I met a girl like her living on her own. Tell her to get HELP, to get therapy or on meds or SOMETHING before you tell an already unstable woman to just leave her home a hitch hike to a shelter. Stress and shock like that isn’t going to help mental illness. It would only make it worse.

I never said hitch hike, I said go to the local HS (becuase it was apparently walking distance) and get a ride. (which would be, perferably, from an administrator) or take a bus.

Where the HECK do you think that she is going to get therepy and medicine if she dosn’t seek it of her own accord?

Her father is going to poof accept that she’s messed up, drive her to therepy multiple times a week, get her the meds she needs, feed her, clothe her and take care of her pets while she heals? Do you think for ONE MINUTE her so-called family will co-operate in any of this? Her father dosn’t care if she is trying to hurt herself-maybe even to the point of suicide- and wants to shoot her dogs to manipulate her. If you believe that they can help her you’re more dillusinal than any one on this thread.

Her only chance is to rely on systems set in place for this kind of scenerio. That would be a hospital ER, a shelter, or a mental health facility. She will have to learn to stand on her own two feet.

She needs to get her birth certificate, ssi card, ID, all the cash she can find, pack a few changes of clothes, say bye to her dogs and leave. This is a dire situation, and only she can decide to save her life. Period.

 

[shondrea]

You realize a harsh description like that is only going to push her further away from choosing that, don’t you? If she’s too mentally incapable and so scared of leaving home that she’s rather choose it over having a life like the rest of the world, telling her to throw herself out in it and suck it up seems almost counter productive. It’s the safe and familiar versus the dangerous and unknown. Except in her case, it’s just as dangerous either place. I’m not saying sugar coat it, but I am saying that you aren’t making the world look any more appealing to her.

 

[purplesunshine]

You realize a harsh description like that is only going to push her further away from choosing that, don’t you? If she’s too mentally incapable and so scared of leaving home that she’s rather choose it over having a life like the rest of the world, telling her to throw herself out in it and suck it up seems almost counter productive. It’s the safe and familiar versus the dangerous and unknown. Except in her case, it’s just as dangerous either place. I’m not saying sugar coat it, but I am saying that you aren’t making the world look any more appealing to her.

Relaity needs to be seen as reality. She needs to decided for herself…so many times people psych themselves out and think they can’t possibly do anything. What resources do you perscribe for her? How long are you going to sit on the computer typing to some stranger far, far away? You think that her home would even be safe to go back to if she made a trip to an ER? Hello, her father threatened to shoot the dogs in the head!!!

The world isn’t appealing. But neither is her situation. Something has to be done. If i’m harsh then so be it. But cooing at her will do her no good.

 

[Aislin]

When you lack social and life skills to get out in the world, it can be extremely overwhelming and scary. It doesn’t mean that someone can’t or that they have mental problems, they just haven’t been taught. What might be easy/natural for someone can be really difficult for someone else. It’s overwhelming to even know where to begin and suddenly being on your own when you have no idea what you’re doing or where you’re going isn’t realistic or productive. The world can seem like a scary place when you feel alone and don’t know how to get out there. Making it seem even more scary and harsh really isn’t helpful at all and won’t do anyone any good. If someone thinks the world is a lonely and scary place, especially if it’s constantly being reinforced to them, what motivation are they going to have to want to get out in it? It won’t matter to them how necessary it is so long as it seems like they would be putting themselves in an even worse situation.

Trust me, not having life skills doesn’t make you stupid. I’m in a very similar situation where I was simply not taught skills for being on my own and it is scary to think about getting out there and away from home. I’ve often felt like I don’t know how to do anything either. I completely understand how you feel and also have my own struggles with anxiety. I’d be happy to talk to you if need someone to vent to or just someone who can understand your situation. It’s hard, I know. Feel free to message me if you would like to talk.

 

[flyingfish]

She doesn’t need to walk anywhere or get a ride from anyone, she just needs to call 911 and tell them she’s about to kill herself. Then they’ll come and take her to the hospital, where she’ll get crisis treatment (probably put on medication she needs). After, there’ll be professionals there with connections to things like shelters who’ll be able to help her.

Getting treatment is the most important thing for her. She is someone who gets panic attacks when she leaves the house and can’t talk to people. All this can be helped by medication, and once she’s better she’ll have the strength to work on her future whether it means college or work.

These are people who can help her to apply for disability assistance, she may be eligible for financial help from the state to pay rent and buy food, they’ll be the people to help her get a job.

Staying where she is is a dead end.

Alternatively, she can research online the shelters in her area, call them in advance and ask if they’re able to provide assistance. She can talk to people in her church about her situation, and maybe they would be willing to help. She can ask in church if someone would be willing to adopt her dogs etc.

 

[purplesunshine]

I doubt that there is just emotional abuse in a scenerio like this. Emotional abuse entails alot of things, but going as far as saying one will shoot a pet in the head indicates more…becuase that’s not an empty threat to the OP.

I also I doubut is that going to a hospital will help her have a safe release. Most are not equipped to deal with sucide driven by abuse without some sort of chemical dependence or great emotinal problem like skitsophrenia or bi-polar. The OP’s father may also show up feining caring and the hospital would likely release her to him again.

Going back home will also prove dangerous because abusers redouble their effort when the abused makes a break. It would be extremely probably even life-treatening for OP to go to the hospital on a 72 hr hold (common for sucidal) and then return to her home. I highly doubt that he will respond positivly in any way.

Which is why the OP would be best off making a clean break. Most of the shelter workers will be equipped to deal with not only her emotions and manipulations of her family if they say she’s mental and lying.

 

[flyingfish]

I doubt that there is just emotional abuse in a scenerio like this. Emotional abuse entails alot of things, but going as far as saying one will shoot a pet in the head indicates more…becuase that’s not an empty threat to the OP.

I also I doubut is that going to a hospital will help her have a safe release. Most are not equipped to deal with sucide driven by abuse without some sort of chemical dependence or great emotinal problem like skitsophrenia or bi-polar. The OP’s father may also show up feining caring and the hospital would likely release her to him again.

Going back home will also prove dangerous because abusers redouble their effort when the abused makes a break. It would be extremely probably even life-treatening for OP to go to the hospital on a 72 hr hold (common for sucidal) and then return to her home. I highly doubt that he will respond positivly in any way.

Which is why the OP would be best off making a clean break. Most of the shelter workers will be equipped to deal with not only her emotions and manipulations of her family if they say she’s mental and lying.

But if she goes to the hospital and says how the father is threatening to shoot the pets in the head, won’t they help place her in a shelter?

Also, the OP never said there was any physical abuse or that the father threatened her life.

 

[jmcrae]

But if she goes to the hospital and says how the father is threatening to shoot the pets in the head, won’t they help place her in a shelter?

Hospital workers (unlike shelter workers) don’t typically have training in social work - they can listen sympathetically, but it’s not likely that it would occur to them to contact a women’s shelter for her.

Also, the OP never said there was any physical abuse or that the father threatened her life.

That’s not really the point. Emotional abuse is just as damaging. You can take someone’s life away from them in more different ways than just by killing them. Destroying their ability to think for themselves achieves exactly the same effect, with far less chance of getting caught.

 

[catharina]

Hospital workers (unlike shelter workers) don’t typically have training in social work - they can listen sympathetically, but it’s not likely that it would occur to them to contact a women’s shelter for her.

That’s not really the point. Emotional abuse is just as damaging. You can take someone’s life away from them in more different ways than just by killing them. Destroying their ability to think for themselves achieves exactly the same effect, with far less chance of getting caught.

Can’t speak for Canada, but in the USA,
most large hospitals do heve Depts of Social Services.

 

[purplesunshine]

Hospital workers (unlike shelter workers) don’t typically have training in social work - they can listen sympathetically, but it’s not likely that it would occur to them to contact a women’s shelter for her.

exactly. They are trained in restraint holds and laws. Those on the mental health floor are not really trained in how to deal with abuse victims needing emergency help. Some ER workers are, but they are still few and far between.

That’s not really the point. Emotional abuse is just as damaging. You can take someone’s life away from them in more different ways than just by killing them. Destroying their ability to think for themselves achieves exactly the same effect, with far less chance of getting caught.

Well, it was kind of my point. The OP never mentioned that there is anything more than emotinal abuse, but in my relm of knowing a physical threat has also a physical background. Threats are only as good as the abused believes them to be. If the OP’s father has hurt her or the dogs she has reason to believe he’d carry out the act on them. Also, when one is close to one’s pets the treat to kill them is an extention of a physical threat to kill the owner of the pets.

See, even in emotional abuse, physical threats don’t hold much weight unless they’ve been backed up somewhere with some action sometime. Emotinal abuse, including “crazy-making” and damaging to self esteem usally crosses into other types of abuse with physical threats. See, the object of emotinal abuse is emotinal control, but to berate and belitle the other so the other believes that they are worthless and must rely on the great and wonderful abuser for everything. Emotinal abuse often crosses into physical abuse when physical treats are made…becuase then the abuser is trying to exact fear of themselves and a greater power over those abused.

 

[purplesunshine]

Can’t speak for Canada, but in the USA,
most large hospitals do heve Depts of Social Services.

Large hospitals…in Boston, NYC, DC, SanFransico, yes, but a large number of the hospitals in the US don’t even have real mental health services moreover social services for adults. Those they do are geared, again, more towards chemical dependance problems, alcholism, husband-perpatrated domestic violence and child abuse. As the OP is a adult victim they may not refer her correctly.

And they may believe her abuser over her…which is quite usual, unfortunately.

 

[smile2_me]

Hi!

I sent you a PM.

 

[jmcrae]

Threats are only as good as the abused believes them to be. If the OP’s father has hurt her or the dogs she has reason to believe he’d carry out the act on them. Also, when one is close to one’s pets the treat to kill them is an extention of a physical threat to kill the owner of the pets.

If he is not a dog-lover, and they’re not even his dogs, why would he keep the dogs? And if threatening to do something like that gives him even more control over her, then as an abuser, he would capitalize on that.

 

[Just_Lurking]

In the town where I live, about 3 people (on average) each day come into the hospital threatening suicide because they want something, usually a meal and/or a bed for the night. As soon as it is determined that they are faking, they are released with no help and a big emergency room bill.

If a women’s shelter is the appropriate place, then call a women’s shelter yourself. Only if you are really suicidal would going to the emergency room be appropriate.