Dealing with jealous/selfish niece

[kage_ar]

You are disabled. Are you receiving SSDI? Are you on Medicaid? If you are on Medicaid, they will send a van to pick you up and take you to/from doctors appts.

Google “Vocational Rehab” and your state/city/county. Google “resources for the visually impared”, call the Lion’s club, call your Knights of Columbus.

We people with disabilities can lead full lives, work and go to school and do anything we put our minds to.

 

[flyingfish]

In the town where I live, about 3 people (on average) each day come into the hospital threatening suicide because they want something, usually a meal and/or a bed for the night. As soon as it is determined that they are faking, they are released with no help and a big emergency room bill.

If a women’s shelter is the appropriate place, then call a women’s shelter yourself. Only if you are really suicidal would going to the emergency room be appropriate.

However, the young woman is clearly mentally ill. Has panic attacks, has injured herself, has a severe anxiety disorder and possibly depression.

For her, it’s not really a lie to say that she’s thinking of suicide, because given her mental illnesses suicidal thoughts are frequently symptoms.

The way to get medical treatment is to go to a hospital, not a shelter.

How does insurance work in the states? Is she on the family insurance? Can she be eligible for free insurance for poor people?

 

[Just_Lurking]

The way to get medical treatment is to go to a hospital, not a shelter.

The way to get emergency medical treatment is to call 911 or go to the emergency room. If you don’t have an emergency, you will get the bum’s rush out the door.

The way to get non-emergency medical treatment is to see a doctor (including a psychiatrist), who can get you admitted to the hospital if that is called for.

My wife does emergency mental health counseling at the ER. Trust me, it is not the place to get any kind of non-emergency treatment.

 

[Just_Lurking]

For her, it’s not really a lie to say that she’s thinking of suicide, because given her mental illnesses suicidal thoughts are frequently symptoms.

If she needs to be locked up for 72 hours until she gets over the urge to kill herself, then the emergency room is the place to go. If she needs anything else, such as ongoing counseling and therapy, then the emergency room isn’t going to provide it.

 

[flyingfish]

The way to get emergency medical treatment is to call 911 or go to the emergency room. If you don’t have an emergency, you will get the bum’s rush out the door.

The way to get non-emergency medical treatment is to see a doctor (including a psychiatrist), who can get you admitted to the hospital if that is called for.

My wife does emergency mental health counseling at the ER. Trust me, it is not the place to get any kind of non-emergency treatment.

But this young woman is trapped in her house, she has a disability and her family are unwilling to take her to a doctor. She also gets panic attacks when she leaves the house, is too anxious to talk to anyone.

It seems like the only course of action she would be capable of taking is calling 911, and anything else will be too much for her.

Her situation sounds like an emergency with no way out.

 

[mjs1987]

I would swear to you in court, I am who I say I am. I’m a mental case 20 year old who has enough book smarts to play Jeaopardy but no life skills to speak of.

You’re right; I’m not stupid. I know what a baby involves. But baby blood and slicing open a dog are two different things, don’t you think?

My grandpa took me to college classes when he felt like it. I missed a lot of school. As for high school, I took the school bus, or walked. Yes, typically driving is a part of highschool, but I was never allowed to take it.

I understand your situation to a point. I understand what it means to be incredibly book smart but a bit awkward socially. I have cousins that are really mentally ill right now and have been in and out of mental hospitals the past few years because of abusive parents. My grandfather has raised 3 of his grandkids from my aunt including 2 as a single parent at age 86. Their mother has abandoned them twice and their father is in a nursing home at age 55 and their stepdad hates them because they are not his bio kids. They have to watch their mother spoil their 2 younger siblings when they never got anything at all from her while their older brother is a wall street big shot that had a high priced lawyer bail him out of a manslaughter/DUI charge with no blemish on the record while taking their college money by appealing to my grandfather that just cant say no. He feels guilty about everything so he goes to great lengths to help everyone. My two cousins have seen their stepfather abuse their mother physically and abuse them sexually. They were both young, 12-13 when they both couldnt handle it anymore. But they found a way out. They fought hard. Now, things are not perfect for them but they are slowly getting better. If they can go through all that then I think you can find help. You are an adult now. You can rise above it all. There are people that have it worse than a few dogs. Dogs are easy to find a solution for. You can do anything you put your mind to. There is definitely somebody out there that can help you and there is always somebody that will help you. When somebody reaches out to you, you need to take it. You never know what you are missing out when you refuse friendships and stay away from people. Even in your own family, there is probably someone that you can reach out to. You have a best friend. She can probably set you up with someone that can help. You are a smart woman. You deserve better than this and if you truly desire you can have better. Just do not complain about your situation if you want be at least a little proactive at getting out of it. Complaining wont do anything. Take a chance! Risks are scary to take but they often times pay off. I have confidence you can do the right thing. If you need mental help there are ways to get help. If you need a friend, there are ways for that. If you have no social skills and cant even talk on the phone, how do you think you will ever meet your future husband? Take baby steps and gradually move forward. Do not rush yourself. For every problem there is a solution.

 

[BrokenRoad]

I’m not abused. No one’s ever taken a swing at me, or threatened to kill me or hurt me. I don’t think my dad really even gets that what he’s doing is hurtful. I mean, there are time when he can be a great dad, when he comes home smiling and happy and cracks jokes. And I mean, from what I’ve heard, his own dad was kinda emotionally nonexistant, so…yeah.

I’m sorry again, everyone. I didn’t mean for this to get so far out there. I wouldn’t have posted it if I did.

 

[Just_Lurking]

I would recommend calling Social Services or the Community Service Board or whatever the appropriate department is called in BrokenRoad’s state. She needs long term support of some kind.

 

[Emily2009]

Believe it or not, all abuse isn’t physical.

I cannot tell you whether or not you were abused; to many posters it seems as though you were NEGLECTED, which is a form of abuse.

Neglection can include not taking you to the doctor when needed, not allowing you normal childhood activities, not caring for your NEEDS [not not caring for your desires].

Emotional abuse may have occured in your case, too. This must be a reason for you feeling completely inadaquate. Maybe you were told so. Maybe you just are treated that way, but that, too can be a sign of abuse.

I was in an abusive household though I had never had a hand layed on me. I have a counselor now who tells me that emotional/mental abuse can be just as bad, if not worse as phsycial, especially if it spans over years.

I hope that if you need help you take the steps to get it. Because, you, too, deserve a better life than it seems you have. You are good enough. You are capable. YOU CAN DO BETTER!

Maybe your grandma does need you right now; if that’s the case, maybe you can look into something part-time while you still help her. I understand if she must be your first priority, but you need to live for you, too.

 

[mjs1987]

You know what when I think about it. I dont think she is being at all honest with us in anything she has said (in my opinion). She made up a story the first time then became very dramatic when Shondrea called her out and now is trying to back out when the dramatics backfired on her. All she was looking for was some sympathy and pity from us. It didnt work out how she planed and she didnt get it on the forum on now she wants to back out. I highly doubt she is too afraid to leave the house or that she cant talk on the phone because of her anxiety. She had the courage to come onto this site and post a bunch of things. Her posts sound like they are made up or over dramatic. Now that she has crashed and burned in this thread I think it is time to close this thread before we go through another round of her stories that get people riled up. I think we have all been nice to her in trying to help her but she doesnt want our help. She wants our pity and it didnt work out so this thread is going nowhere.

 

[Jane11]

Dear Broken,
My heart aches for you. You are smart, that much you’ve proven. It will take work to get out of your situation but do you realize that you are in the unique position of being the perfect caregiver to elderly people? Maybe this is what you will be best at. No matter what the circumstances you ARE taking care of your grandmother when no one else in that huge family will. You are being unselfish even if it does not feel like it. What is: really is. All this posting will help you when you are ready to be able to make your way out into the world whenever you decide that you want to. Yes, life does SUCK at times. You bet. It hurts. Every person on this site has been hurt to one degree or another. Even though it does suck, God really does work things out for our spiritual benefit. I hate what has happened to you. It’s not right. I don’t like your dad threatening you with the life of your dogs. He sounds like he’s scared, too. Who would take care of grandma? He’s not ready to let you go either, I’ll bet, because no one else in that huge family gives a flying leap about helping either you or your dad with grandma. Honey, you will know when it’s time for you to leave and go on with your life. I wish you had approached us with the truth from the beginning but maybe all of us on the site that had “triggers” from things in our past would not have responded so quickly. What I want you to do is to tell us the truth from now on so we can be supportive to the best of our ability until you are comfortable about changing your situation, and most especially after. Can we get you to do at least this much for yourself? No one can be supportive and love you through your situation until we are comfortable that you are who you say you are and that you intend to tell us the truth. It sounds like you may be ready to do that much. Will you start over with us with a whole new post. There are already lots of people on the site that care about you - look how many posts you got! Lots of people rose to your defense. There will probably be lots of “aunts” here that would be willing to love you as best as we’re able from the site. There’s lots of love here but you need to be willing to receive it. Are you? Start over with a new post but keep your site name. The last thing anyone on the site would wish would be for you to feel more alone.
Love, Jane11

 

[shondrea]

You know what when I think about it. I dont think she is being at all honest with us in anything she has said (in my opinion). She made up a story the first time then became very dramatic when Shondrea called her out and now is trying to back out when the dramatics backfired on her. All she was looking for was some sympathy and pity from us. It didnt work out how she planed and she didnt get it on the forum on now she wants to back out. I highly doubt she is too afraid to leave the house or that she cant talk on the phone because of her anxiety. She had the courage to come onto this site and post a bunch of things. Her posts sound like they are made up or over dramatic. Now that she has crashed and burned in this thread I think it is time to close this thread before we go through another round of her stories that get people riled up. I think we have all been nice to her in trying to help her but she doesnt want our help. She wants our pity and it didnt work out so this thread is going nowhere.

Ironically though, the fact that she felt compelled to go through all this for attention in the first place kinda says something about her emotional state

I’m not really gonna be so fast to judge. When I was growing up, I had social anxiety problems too. I craved attention, I wanted to be noticed, but when I finally got attention, I freaked, and didn’t want it anymore.

 

[mjs1987]

Ironically though, the fact that she felt compelled to go through all this for attention in the first place kinda says something about her emotional state

I’m not really gonna be so fast to judge. When I was growing up, I had social anxiety problems too. I craved attention, I wanted to be noticed, but when I finally got attention, I freaked, and didn’t want it anymore.

Maybe I passed judgement too fast but the point I was trying to make was that she has gotten herself into something she never expected and I think we should just let her be. There is nothing we can do for her. We have done everything we can possibly do for her.

 

[shondrea]

I agree. OP may have very serious, disturbing problems, but there is nothing a bunch of strangers on the internet can do.

OP, if what you have told us is true, or part of it, take the advice to heart. We can’t help you. Maybe you’re just really dang lost and confused and scared, but we can’t alliviate your fears.

 

[flyingfish]

I’m not abused. No one’s ever taken a swing at me, or threatened to kill me or hurt me. I don’t think my dad really even gets that what he’s doing is hurtful. I mean, there are time when he can be a great dad, when he comes home smiling and happy and cracks jokes. And I mean, from what I’ve heard, his own dad was kinda emotionally nonexistant, so…yeah.

I’m sorry again, everyone. I didn’t mean for this to get so far out there. I wouldn’t have posted it if I did.

You don’t need to be sorry Most of us enjoy these kinds of threads anyway because we’re on the forum to discuss and debate to begin with.

If this conversation helped you at all, then it’s good you posted it.

I only hope you weren’t hurt by the harsh things some people typed. Don’t take them to heart,and focus on the positive (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[purplesunshine]

You know what when I think about it. I dont think she is being at all honest with us in anything she has said (in my opinion). She made up a story the first time then became very dramatic when Shondrea called her out and now is trying to back out when the dramatics backfired on her. All she was looking for was some sympathy and pity from us. It didnt work out how she planed and she didnt get it on the forum on now she wants to back out. I highly doubt she is too afraid to leave the house or that she cant talk on the phone because of her anxiety. She had the courage to come onto this site and post a bunch of things. Her posts sound like they are made up or over dramatic. Now that she has crashed and burned in this thread I think it is time to close this thread before we go through another round of her stories that get people riled up. I think we have all been nice to her in trying to help her but she doesnt want our help. She wants our pity and it didnt work out so this thread is going nowhere.

I see it as either you’re right

OR

there is much more going on and she won’t admit it. I believe it’s the latter because often victims redouble thier statements and put on a sunny attitutde.

you’re right about how the OP is posting making no sense. People can have debilitating disorders…but they’re not over making crass jokes. And a physical threat against a pet is a psycological threat against a person. Threats to shooting a pet in the head is MORE than just a crass joke from someone who dosn’t like animals.

Point being that something has to be done. As long as the OP is truly a 20 yo and she has a quick mind able to make up an entire story about a neglectful aunt and dramatically play it out for days manipulating and lying to the public then backpeddling, admitting her identity (only when caught) and saying that no one cares about her…when she first posted that “aunts” were trying to get her to participate in family things…is just bizarre and requires a nimble and driven mind.

Which is what the OP needs to get out of the situation, Either way the OP is not living in a mentally healthy way. With such a mind she can find a course of study (weither she enjoys it or not) and get a good job. She may need some medicine to overcome social anxiety…but sche could have a good life if she chose it. And that’s been my point all along…she needs to make a decision. She needs to realize that most adults work and don’t really enjoy what they do, she needs to realize that if what she was saying is true (before the backpeddling) that she is being abused and she needs to realize that she has that ability.

She has the mental capacity to do so.

I’ve worked with young adults 18-22 who don’t have the mental ability to do so due to mental retardation or other severe disabilities. Most are children of loving parents. Some have bounced into the foster system they lived in horrible situations some physically and some verbally abusive. Someone needed to step up and rescue them (as an adult) becuase they were not able to do it themself. OP has the intellegence (and as one poster pointed out, the guts) to do make her own decisions.

I hope i haven’t hurt the OP, rather shocked her into action.

And if I did hurt the OP, I hope that she realizes that what she has done on this message board is not fun and games, and that she has led people to want help and saftey for her and getting out of an abusive situation is not all about some rescurer coming in.

 

[ahollars]

OP, eyesight aside, if the rest of you is physically intact, the military will pay for your lasic surgery. You said you did your first year of college. The recruiters will be able to help you with the rest. They will come to the house to work with you if you cannot get out. I joined the Army the day I turned 18, and it was the best decision I ever made. Now, I am a contractor living near DC, married with 5 kids, and loving life. Once you have made the courage to say goodbye to home, you will arrive at basic training surrounded by other young people in the same boat as you, and you will pull each other through. Look up the recruiter’s number and give them a call. No one else can stop you. There is always a way.

Good luck.

 

[thequeen]

I hnope that when she walks away and never comes back that you realize how bad that you have treated her I was an only child but that didnt keep my mom and dad from doing special things with me and for me you are treating her like she was an obstacle in your way since you have done nothing special for her I will pray a rosary just for her please I beg you please do something special for her 21st birthday if you do not do something special for her she will leave and not come back and dont stop at her 21st birthday either try to do some other things with and for her

 

[thequeen]

I can understand things being busy around graduation and holidays, but you made an effort for the older/younger kids to ensure that their birthdays were celebrated; but you couldn’t do it at the graduations for her? How hard would it be to have a birthday cake to celebrate her birthday while celebrating the graduations?

Also you could afford to take nieces and nephews with you on vacation, but you couldn’t afford to take her on one? Why not offer her to go with you and the other nieces and nephews? If she declined because she was/is older or younger, then that would have been her choice.

I think you’re not even attempting to see it from her point of view. I’m glad that she has a grandmother who loves her and cares for her and it sounds like her father is doing the best he can BUT you’re the one that pointed out all the things that were done for the other cousins and NOT for her.

Ican identify with this my mothers birthday was on christmas day and she did nit get a seperate birth day gift form christmas when she was growing up she said the first person to ever get her a seperate gift for her birth day was my dad and it was on the christmas that he asked her to marry him shye said that he gave her and engagement ring a bracelet for christmas and a necklace for christmas and he continued to give her seperate gifts for both occasions so please have a birthday celebration that is just for her and do not mention anything about any of the other cousins celebrations make the party for her and focus on her and then after that please do some other things for her and with her it will take alot to make up for the neglect and being left out all those years

 

[catharina]

Ican identify with this my mothers birthday was on christmas day and she did nit get a seperate birth day gift form christmas when she was growing up she said the first person to ever get her a seperate gift for her birth day was my dad and it was on the christmas that he asked her to marry him shye said that he gave her and engagement ring a bracelet for christmas and a necklace for christmas and he continued to give her seperate gifts for both occasions so please have a birthday celebration that is just for her and do not mention anything about any of the other cousins celebrations make the party for her and focus on her and then after that please do some other things for her and with her it will take alot to make up for the neglect and being left out all those years

Before you become too invested in the story of this “aunt” let me say that the ‘girl’ has confessed to manufacturing the post. Yes, she has many issues and many posters have presented numerous suggestions to her as to how she might improve her life.