Dealing with ugliness?

[13pollitos]

I am sorry you feel down on yourself. I pray that one day you will see yourself through God’s eyes.

 

[Greenfields]

I don’t know what age you are…but for myself I often ask my kids 'do I really look like that ?" when looking at photos.Digital photos often seem to pick out things and exaggerate them ,little things you don’t notice with the eye.Well,that might be for some of us who are older or have more pointed features or something
Keeping really hydrated really helps keep the face fresh,enough sleep getting to bed well before 11 pm,face aerobics if your into it (helps blood flow and definition)
When I’m not looking my best and feeling so well ,I do notice people treat me differently ,often only half listening or can be impatient even.
On the days I feel happy and smile more it draws people in .Sometimes I can wake up in a low mood and not look so good…but if I make myself smile,the mood some how catches up with the physical action and it changes my day for the better…and people respond to that.

 

[adamhovey1988]

Where I live, ugly refers to how a person acts, not how they look.

 

[PeterT]

I’ve never seen you but I truly doubt you’re as ugly as you think you are. I say this because I’ve known relatives, friends, coworkers and other acquaintances who thought that they were extremely ugly even though they weren’t. In the scale from 1 to 10 (with ten being perfect), they thought themselves as 1s and 2s though all in my opinion were at least a 6 if not a 7 or 8. Their low opinions of their looks always stemmed on them focusing on their flaws (in their looks) and overlooking or pooh-pooing the attractive features that God gave them.

Accept your looks and stop thinking yourself as ugly. I’m sure God is perfectly fine about how you look, so you should be too.

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes

I actually know a 10 who thinks she’s a 2.

 

[therese1998]

Whenever she’d list my nice qualities to me in romantic settings she’d only name my personality traits.

Maybe she listed your personality traits, not because she was avoiding your physical traits, but because those personality traits were what she cared about the most and she was telling you that you met those things that were important to her?

I feel like I’d be failing my partner for not being attractive

This is a great way to ensure you’ll always be upset by your perceived ugliness and adding a layer of pathos to it as well. Every single one of us is born with a cross to bear about ourselves, whether that cross is obvious to others or not. You can focus on what you perceive as awful about yourself or you can train yourself to avoid that kind of “stinkin’ thinkin’” and concentrate on your positive attributes, being thankful for them and working to strengthen them.

it really really just sucks…

I’ve been in this position about attributes of myself I don’t like. All it did was feed my depression and generate self-destructive behaviors that left lasting and permanent scars on my psyche and the way I relate to myself. I got a lot of help from going to a good, Catholic counselor and to put this almost obsessive pre-occupation with myself into a broader perspective. It also helped a lot when she asked me to frequently and sincerely meditate of this question “What would Jesus say to you if you sat across from him and complained to him of your (perceived) ugliness?”

I never got a say in this.

Who gets a say in the cross they bear? Cause if we do, I have some changes I’d like to make in my own cross…

They are convinced that they are incurably ugly

I’ve always seen groups like this as using “ugliness” as a cover for wanting to hurt others. JMHO

 

[adamhovey1988]

Ditto. I know a few people like that too. I have one of my ex girlfriend’s has scars from cutting, she’s married now, and has a daughter, but she always thought she was ugly (In the sense of “unattractive”). Which, I never understood. I have another friend, who had the same problem, and I told her she was beautiful, and that she was probably tired of hearing it, and she told me “I will never get tired of hearing it”, even though she herself said she doesn’t feel it. I reiterate though, usually, where I live, ugly refers to how someone acts, not how they look.

 

[Sarcelle]

Rude obnoxious people are ugly to me.

Humility is always attractive.

Anyone who practices the virtues will be beautiful.

There is a world of difference between beauty and hotness.

They are not the same.

 

[adamhovey1988]

Ditto! But, then again, I’ve met people who said they were humble in a very prideful way, but that’s a topic for another post.

 

[Sarcelle]

I also met a lot of people who say they are ugly in order to fish for compliments.

I doubt if truly humble people declare their humility. They show rather than tell.

 

[woolycaterpillar]

That’s OK. Maybe you will meet someone who isn’t a raving beauty, either.

(By the way my father used to tell me I wasn’t a raving beauty. Well, when I get mad I rave!)

Parents sometimes try to play down their child’s looks, like mine did. They didn’t want me to get conceited. (I was already!)

 

[Irishmom2]

OP, by now, even just reading your thread, you have to know that looks are not everything. How many times have you seen couples together where they seem “mismatched” in appearance? I see it all the time. Something more important than physical looks brought them together. That is what matters: what is in your mind, and in your heart, not what your appearance resembles.

 

[TheOldColonel]

Well, I mean my have a huge head but no chin from the side and my teeth are really messed up and I have terrible dark spots under my eyes. I cannot control those. Also still have some acne even though I’m an extremely hygienic person. I take a shower everyday, wash my hair, brush my teeth, change my pillow sheets, etc. I am not overweight, I am average size. Perhaps being average/skinny is the only good thing about me. My face is absolutely horrid though.

Learning to accept yourself the way you are is a key solution to your crisis. Once you do that, you’ll exude a self-confidence that is, in itself, quite attractive. Indeed, look only to history and you’ll note that physical traits are irrelevant in most matters including being successful and finding happiness in life.

So, don’t let it get you down, soldier.

 

[Greenfields]

Where I live, ugly refers to how a person acts, not how they look.

Your so right ! And maybe it’s the areas that we live in ,where I am no one is anonymous .People are known by character, not by looks…character tends to shine through more importantly than looks.Cant say I know Any physically ugly people ,but I know Of some that are not good characters (and I mean criminal )That often comes though on a countenance.

 

[Sarcelle]

Yes

The Bible, Proverbs 31, I think, says beauty is fleeting, charm is deceitful but fearing the Lord is praiseworthy.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m assuming you are a guy. If so, your looks honestly don’t matter too much. Speaking as a lady, I’ve been attracted to all sorts of conventionally unattractive guys.

^^This. As a younger woman, I didn’t like most “conventionally handsome” guys. I dated a number of fat guys and several guys who were under 5 foot 5. I found them all attractive. Not to brag but I wasn’t bad looking back in those days and there were a couple of conventionally handsome guys I dated, or who showed interest in me, so it wasn’t a case of my being too homely myself to get a date. Personality, good grooming and maturity counted for a lot more in my book than looking like a “hunk”.

I married a fat guy with great hair and a nice smile, and was very happy.

 

[s.cono]

Perhaps where the phrase “ugly as sin” came from.

 

[13pollitos]

I have always had a belly that no matter how much I exercised or watched my diet it never got flat. I was so embarrassed that as a newly wed I would try to hide it from my husband. One day he asked me why I thought I was fat and didn’t like him to see my body. I told him it’s because of my belly. He looked very confused and said, “Why? That’s our baby’s house! Why would you want to get rid of that?” This was MANY years before we ever got pregnant. It didn’t matter to him. It was part of me and a future for us and that was all he cared about.

Someday you will meet the person you are meant to be with, and you will know because they will see your imperfections as perfectly created by God like my husband saw me. And one day you may be blessed with a child that shares your looks (like I have been), and you will realize how beautiful that child is. You may even begin to see the beauty of you. God makes us all different, but we are each as He intended.

 

[Irishmom2]

Oh my, that last paragraph made me tear up it was so beautiful and true.

 

[redbetta]

Say it with me OP:
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