+1Apparently these are not parent approved tops.
If an adult, male, non family member “in a position of authority” gave my teen daughter (my hypothetical one since I don’t have one) some sort of clothing that I deemed inappropriate then I or her father would be returning it, telling this person it was inappropriate and telling this person’s boss it was inappropriate.
If there is some sort of a relationship here that you have not adequately communicated in your post where a gift, or gift of clothing, is not creepy sex offender behavior, then the perfectly innocent but parent-deemed inappropriate garment goes in a drawer, a thank you is given, and the teen does not wear the clothing, if the gift giver asks why, the teen should say, “you’ll have to ask my mom about that.” Clothes are later given to goodwill.
There are certain items (like souvenir t-shirts or sweatshirts–anything picked up on vacation) that are a pretty innocent gifts.The tops, in themselves, are not inappropriate. It’s the giving of clothing that doesn’t sit right.
Without going into exact detail, the “relationship” is strictly of a person in high authority, whom we have the utmost respect for, with a person who is beneath that authority.
Not wanting to assume dark intentions, I feel obligated to return the gift, even though the intention may be pure. Afraid that a line may have or may be crossed in the future, but at the same time apprehension in possibly offending the giver by declining.
Looking to return it with a note saying thought was appreciated but that teenager cannot accept the gift (which is of a luxury brand we would never have purchased).
Peace.
+JMJ+
If you think that the giver is an innocent person who has done something inappropriate simply by mistake, I would suggest a parent, if possible of the same sex as the giver, *thank the giver heartily, and then explain that in this day and age, *it would be inappropriate for your daughter to accept the gift, and that, unfortunately, the actions of others have rendered it dangerous for the giver to give a gift such as this.The tops, in themselves, are not inappropriate. It’s the giving of clothing that doesn’t sit right.
Without going into exact detail, the “relationship” is strictly of a person in high authority, whom we have the utmost respect for, with a person who is beneath that authority.
Not wanting to assume dark intentions, I feel obligated to return the gift, even though the intention may be pure. Afraid that a line may have or may be crossed in the future, but at the same time apprehension in possibly offending the giver by declining.
Looking to return it with a note saying thought was appreciated but that teenager cannot accept the gift (which is of a luxury brand we would never have purchased).
Peace.
+JMJ+
How should situation be handled when a teenager receives a thank you gift of clothing (tops) from an adult (non family member of the opposite gender) who is in a position of authority?
Peace.
+JMJ+
Is it possible this thank you gift was picked out by a female relative —wife, mother, sister—of the male giver? If that were the case, I don’t see it as really a big deal.If you think that the giver is an innocent person who has done something inappropriate simply by mistake,…
ETA emphasis, and also, try to leave the giver more thanked than rebuked.
Right–but then a sensible person would put that front and center.Is it possible this thank you gift was picked out by a female relative —wife, mother, sister—of the male giver? If that were the case, I don’t see it as really a big deal.
When you respect someone, you are honest with them. Simply say ‘this was very kind but we don’t feel comfortable allowing our child to accept this gift’Without going into exact detail, the “relationship” is strictly of a person in high authority, whom we have the utmost respect for, with a person who is beneath that authority.
Yeah. The simpler you keep it, the less chance of giving major offense or accidentally saying something rude.When you respect someone, you are honest with them. Simply say ‘this was very kind but we don’t feel comfortable allowing our child to accept this gift’
Keep it simple
True, but there are some people who are so innocent and ingenuous in their good intentions that they don’t consider how an act may appear questionable from the outside.Right–but then a sensible person would put that front and center.
“When my WIFE and I were on vacation in Hawaii, my WIFE remembered that you love Hawaii and she picked out this shell necklace for you.”
With the little bit you’ve said (I might change my mind if I knew the entire story), I’m with your husband on this. Since it was a man who gave the clothing, the father of the child should be refusing it. If the giver is indeed very naive, someone should educate him or he’ll continue to send the wrong message.The other difficult part of this situation is that I have yet to reveal this to my DH who I believe wholeheartedly will aggressively confront the giver. DH will not see this in any positive light. Yet, continuous and regular contact with giver will still be inevitable, thus making this situation very sticky.
Somehow I have the feeling this is not about the gift but a marital issue. It sounds like you are scared your husband will make an uncomfortable issue about this and you are trying at all costs to prevent it.The other difficult part of this situation is that I have yet to reveal this to my DH who I believe wholeheartedly will aggressively confront the giver. DH will not see this in any positive light. Yet, continuous and regular contact with giver will still be inevitable, thus making this situation very sticky.
My husband was former military police and he has a no tolerance policy to any man who may act inappropriately or questionably, especially towards his daughters (not that anyone has). We have been very careful about the kids spending any time with adult males. But there’s nothing in particular about the giver that would make my husband act out other than this odd choice of gift.I think you mentioned there were no tags on the clothes. Could they be his wife’s or daughter’s and since they were a high end brand maybe he was just sharing with your daughter instead of giving to a thrift store? If that’s the case, I wouldn’t find that creepy at all. If he is single and definitely straight then I would be a little weirded out.
You mentioned your husband would aggressively confront the giver, that tells me that there is something about this man that he does not like. You need to think about why your husband would confront him like that. Does he know something about him that you don’t?