I am very active in the pro-life movement; I’m running my university’s pro-life student group, I regularly pray outside abortion clinics, I post pro-life articles on facebook and engage in discussion with friends about life issues, etc. However, I have a great repugnance toward this work. The last thing I want to do each week is to head over to the clinic and pray, and when I’m there, it’s all I can do to stop thinking about how much I want to leave. Every week, I’m tempted to make excuses for why I don’t have to go. I don’t like running this group at all. I often feel disgust toward pro-life work and even pro-lifers. I sometimes get bitter about all the work I do, and there have been times when I’ve just vented to God, telling Him how much I hate this and don’t want to do it anymore. I do it because I feel like I have to. After all, it is work that absolutely needs to be done, and not enough people are stepping up to the plate.
Now, I know pro-lifers don’t get up in the morning and say, “Hey, lets head on over to the abortuary and have a grand old time praying and counseling! It’ll be loads of fun!!” Of course not–it’s not “fun” to do. But many are very, very passionate about pro-life work, and find so much joy in what they do, even in the midst of the ugliness and sorrow of what they’re up against. I’m not like this.
Have any of you had this kind of experience with anything (not necessarily pro-life work)? If so, what did you do to overcome your repugnance? Do you have any advice for me? I don’t want to use this as an excuse for inaction and apathy; I want to overcome my disgust so I can be active without hating it.