Deeply depressed and struggling with suicidal thoughts ... please help me.

  • Thread starter Thread starter xAlisonx
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
X

xAlisonx

Guest
i feel so selfish for posting this in this forum when i have a similar post in the ‘spirituality’ forum : ‘a deepening spiritual depression …’ but i need help and prayers so desperately that i don’t know what else i can do. please forgive me for needing attention so much, but i don’t know where else to go or who else i can trust to talk with. because of my history of depression, my parents wouldn’t respond in a very positive way, and i do plan to talk to my pastor today and see if he can offer any encouragement. i do plan to pray, and i trust that God will turn this pain into beauty and make good from it - but right now, i am suffering so desperately that i can barely put it into coherent words.

my other post is much more in-depth, but to summarize, i’ve been struggling with spiritual warfare these past few days, and dark thoughts have been plaguing me. i have OCD, and it’s a mixture of this warfare and my disorder that is causing me to choke to death on so many lies i can’t help but believe - i know that they’re not true, but they feel so real to me. i feel worthless, helpless, useless, like a disappointment and a failure to God. i want so desperately to be good enough for Heaven, for Him, to avoid Purgatory, but right now i feel condemned to suffering and worthlessness. i am terrified at the thought of dying, and yet i have become so depressed that my mind is filled with suicidal thoughts. i am far from actively suicidal, and too afraid of Purgatory and hell to attempt anything, so please don’t worry that i will try to harm myself. i just don’t want to be here anymore in this world of pain and suffering, of heartache and bleeding. i feel very alone in this, and my head is spinning with the chaos that’s ripping my insides to shreads. i don’t know what to do or what to say except :

i would truly appreicate your prayers, as well as any advice you may have on how i can endure this and find inner peace again.

it’s not that i don’t appreciate with all my heart the replies that i have received on my other post - i truly do. i’ve just become so desperate that i needed to reach out again, and i thought that this would be a place where i could receive prayers and encouragement to keep me strong even through this pain.

thank you so much to all of you. i love you all. stay strong, and stay safe, and take care of yourselves. God bless you all. ❤️

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison xx
 
aimee said:
I’ll pray for you
Click to expand...
thank you so much, aimee. ❤️ i truly appreciate it. please know that i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well. stay strong, stay safe and take care of yourself. God bless you. 🙂

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison xx
 
You are never selfish for asking for prayers. It shows you are humble and believe in the power of God. I would suggest contacting a priest and see if he knows of any priests who specialize in scrupulosity or mental illnesses. It’s helped others I know. Usually the younger ones are being trained to deal with mental illnesses and the older ones have been trained in dealing with scrupulosity. Praying for you. Please don’t loose hope, God loves you. You are showing great love by struggling through this for Him.
 
my prayers are with you on the other post. i don’t really know why i stated it that way. all i know is that it was the spirit’s leading. and i do agree with those who are asking you to talk to your pastor. the posts here are all filled with love and prayers but they could only do so much. if you want to really share and interact, you must talk to somebody concretely. our god is a god of healing. call upon him.
 
Do not despair–hold on tight to Jesus and Mary. We will pray for you. :crossrc:
 
It sounds like you could use someone to talk to as well. There is a free hotline for people in your shoes. You can find more information about them at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. They can talk to you about how you’re feeling, recommend someone to help you in a way you feel comfortable and they can give you all kinds of information on depression. I hope that will help.
 
Storming heaven with prayers for you. I have relatives with OCD and they have handled it with medication prescribed by their doctors.

Please keep fighting this. God loves you and you have many supporters here at CAF.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me ~ Philippians 4:13
 
I prayed for you alison.

PLEASE contact the suicide prevention hotline if you are feeling terribly desperate. I promise they will help you.

The number: 1-800-273-8255
 
Prayers for you. Please do call that number above or talk to your doctor. You have no idea how much help they can be.
 
I ask Jesus to help you obtain any helpful and successful medical help.
I ask Jesus to lead you to peace and great trust in His merciful love…
 
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us, and increase Your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments we might not despair, nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is love and mercy itself, Amen.
 
Praying for you Alison. I know through your posts that you have been though a lot. Other posters have given you good advice (and prayers). I will also keep you in mine…
 
Don’t feel selfish for posting this prayer request Alison. It is not selfish. 🙂 I will say a prayer to St. Dymphna, patron of mental troubles, for you. :signofcross: :gopray2:
 
thank you so much beyond words to all of you who have taken the time to read and respond, and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. i appreciate it so much more than words could express, and i just wanted to let you all know that i am doing much better, and the darkness has finally lifted. i do still feel some anxiety and stress, but i am taking my pastor’s advice and learning how to take life one moment at a time so that it doesn’t overwhelm me, trusting in the mercy and love of God to lead and guide me to be all that He wants, needs and calls me to be. i still feel slightly helpless, but i am finally far from hopeless. today has gotten off to a rocky start, but i have promised myself and God that tonight will be a new beginning in Him - and i can’t wait to become more consistent in prayer and devotion and love for Him. thank you so much, again - i love and appreciate you all with all that i am. God bless all of you. ❤️

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison xx
 
Praying daily for you Alison. Wishing you a great and peaceful 2009!
 
that’s great that you feel better Allison. When you feel down and hopeless just remember you are a valuable person especially to Jesus and I’m sure that you have touched people’s lives here on earth in ways you don’t even know about. YOU ARE ALWAYS valuable and never be ashamed to ask for prayers there’s no need to feel selfish it’s not that’s why we are all one body in Christ so if someone is down we can lift them back up again. I would echo what everyone else has said if you’re feeling desperate please get some professional assistance. And always remember when those feelings arise fear does not come from God and Satan would do anything to tempt you away from God. Hold fast to Jesus and your faith and he will give you the strength to rebuke Satan and all of his temptations. I am praying for you.
 
Dear Alison, what tremendous heroism you demonstrate when you get through a spiritual battle, or any anxiety or stress you still may have. When one member of the Body rejoices like this, the whole Body rejoices! You lift us up when you carry your crosses. Your story, as strange as it may sound, has an inspiring dimension. Since the Body of Christ is one, all of us who are in it are prone to greater grace when another part does something edifying like enduring suffering. You bring the whole Body closer to Christ when you carry the Cross with Him. Thank you for hanging in there, for trying, for asking for prayers. God appreciates our efforts, a priest told me. And so do we! Keep trying and praying. Get a sacramental or two to keep around. And hang in there!

Mary, pray with us that this child endure the race to the finish! Amen. :harp:
 
Dear Alison,
Beloved child of God, I ask Him to bless you, and hold you close to His Precious Heart during your trial. This is what I think of as ‘the dark night of the soul’. So many Saints experienced this, you may well find comfort in reading of their struggles.
You are not alone; so much of what you wrote could easily describe me. I too see myself as such a disappointment to God, daily. Now I will offer up my struggles for you, OK?

May Jesus surround you with His Precious Blood,
and Mary, His Mother and ours too, gather you in Her Arms,

Talk to Them in your own words, from your heart. They understand everything. gopray2:
Cibi
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top