Defining your sexuality

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jump4Joy
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
It is my belief you should be yourself. God wants you to be who he created you to be. You don’t have to celibate to earn his love. There is nothing spiritual about disowning part of who you are. People may tell you that you are not really Catholic or Christian. Focus on loving God, neighbor and yourself you will be fine. Peace
 
I also noticed that CJS joined on April Fool’s. Very fitting.
 
Last edited:
The problem with “coming out” or defining yourself by sexuality alone, is that it is too narrow a way to define a human person.

We are more than just our sexual desires, putting ourselves into a box like “gay” or “lesbian” is making others view us just through that lens.

It reduces the person.
 
As to why we would identify ourselves that way, this is where the much-maligned topic of intersectionality comes in handy. I am Catholic, female, bisexual, and disabled all at the same time and one doesn’t negate the others and they do in fact play off each other. I am for instance very wary of telling people in the real world about my sexuality because my disability makes me vulnerable if they get violent. By the same token, I’m very much on the side of the cake bakers while wanting to make certain distinctions that neither side typically like because I believe both in defending the sacrament while also knowing quite well people who have been discriminated against, thrown out of the house, or beaten because of their orientation.
 
Prodigal_Son said:
…
I don’t know what you mean by that. A bisexual person could have neither an exclusive nor a predominant attraction to the same sex.
Click to expand...
I mean the homosexual criterion of attraction of “exclusive or predominant” covers bisexual attraction where opposite sex is not predominant.
 
I think Confession is just for absolution and that you might need to get a good spiritual director to help you outside of Confession. I think that generally you should say what the object of lust was in Confession since that can change the gravity of the sin.
 
Last edited:
CJS said:
It is my belief you should be yourself. God wants you to be who he created you to be. You don’t have to celibate to earn his love. There is nothing spiritual about disowning part of who you are. People may tell you that you are not really Catholic or Christian. Focus on loving God, neighbor and yourself you will be fine. Peace
Click to expand...
Excellent post.
 
AdamP88 said:
The problem with “coming out” or defining yourself by sexuality alone, is that it is too narrow a way to define a human person.

We are more than just our sexual desires, putting ourselves into a box like “gay” or “lesbian” is making others view us just through that lens.

It reduces the person.
Click to expand...
But what if they say:
I live in Topeka, KS, I have a dog, I am LGBTQ, I have 2 sisters, I am a rocket scientist, and I like to hike in my free time.

I think the problem is that people who are LGBTQ live with a whole host of problems straight people don’t even consider on a day-to-day basis. Unfortunately, it is a big part of who they are because of everything they have to deal with related to it.

Maybe the issue is that others hear someone is LGBTQ and then they develop tunnel vision and reduce the person to that one component of their being. That is really what I believe is at the heart of the matter. We need to let people define themselves the way they find is most accurate. As we learn about others, we need not to view them as any one-single component of their being.
 
crookbackt said:
Maybe the problem is our need to define ourselves though. Seems egotistical and narcissistic to care so much about ourselves that we have to seek labels that set us apart from others. Are we not, ultimately, just worthless sinners?
Click to expand...
Well, when I meet someone I like to learn about them. If their sexuality is a big part of who they are because of the challenges it presents to them, I don’t mind knowing they are LGBTQ. I think sometimes we are too quick to say what is “allowed” when it comes to an individual identifying themselves.

I love people and want to know what they are about. Many times, I will meet someone and just assume they are straight. We all do this, as we think about fixing friends up with eachother (as in dating) or other things that are gender specific. How foolish I feel when I make that assumption and learn it was wrong.

I guess what I am saying is that I like people to be genuine. If being LGBTQ is part of their identity and they want to tell me that, I am OK with it. I put the onus on myself to not see them through only the lense of one of their facets as a human being. If I do that, then I am the one who fails.
 
Last edited:
Jump4Joy said:
If you experience same sex attractions and have acted on them, does make you lgbtq? How does the church define homosexuality or bisexuality? Can you identify as LGBTQ yet still be Catholic?
Click to expand...
You can identify as such and still be Catholic. Likely a “bad” Catholic if you choose to act on it. That being said it’s one of the things I disagree with the church on.

In terms of people saying you shouldn’t let it define you; they seem to be under the assumption that LGBT+ people are only that. But as someone else said; it is but one part of what makes a person.
 
mVitus said:
And I’d imagine for some LGBT Catholics, it helps them to have a name for the feelings. In other words, being able to identify as LGBT, but not let it define oneself, could probably help some people accept the challenges they’ll fave and face them.
Click to expand...
Yes, but the concept of same sex attraction works as well for this. The “LGBT” are wordly concepts that define a wordly lifestyle that is contrary to the lifestyle of a disciple of Christ. One is pressured to define oneself through the lens of their sexual attraction/orientation. But I do agree with you, it is important to identify and accept the challenges. It is better to do this in a manner where the world does not squeeze you into it’s mold.

Rom. 12: 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.
 
guanophore said:
One is pressured to define oneself through the lens of their sexual attraction/orientation
Click to expand...
Most heterosexuals do this all the time. They just don’t call it out because they don’t have to. How many threads do we have on here about the role of a woman as mother, or the father as head of the family. How many discussions are there about how men and women are equal yet different?

How many times, on CAF, does someone post asking for advice. Then they receive advice under the assumption they are straight. Then, they say “Well I am SSA” . That is because straight people tend to assume all people are straight. Can you imaging going through life like that as a gay person? Having to constantly let people know the discussion is going down an irrelevant path because they are gay? It makes life harder for them. Put yourself in their shoes.

We don’t go around introducing ourselves as “Hi. I’m QwertyGirl and I am straight”, but that is because we don’t have to. Straight people are assumed and accepted. LGBTQ…not so much.
 
Last edited:
CJS said:
It is my belief you should be yourself. God wants you to be who he created you to be. You don’t have to celibate to earn his love.
Click to expand...
We are created in the image and likeness of God, and to be ourselves is to be the persons He has created us to be. He did not create us for sin, or to act in disordered ways.

But I agree with you, one can do nothing to “earn” God’s love. He loves every person He has created. In order to be in right relationship with Him, we need to live according to the boundaries He has created for us.
CJS said:
There is nothing spiritual about disowning part of who you are.
Click to expand...
No, and such a practice is not spiritually healthy. But one can avoid feeding the flesh while still acknowledging it is there.
CJS said:
People may tell you that you are not really Catholic or Christian. Focus on loving God, neighbor and yourself you will be fine.
Click to expand...
Suffering same sex attraction does not make a person less Catholic or Christian. Loving God means obeying His commandments, and loving your neighbor means wanting the highest for your neighbor, which is eternity with God. This does not happen by indulging oneself in carnal pleasures.

Loving oneself when one has such conditions is a very difficult task. But I agree with you, this needs to be the focus. Coming to understand ourselves in the way God thinks of us is the key, not conforming to the world’s mold.
 
AdamP88 said:
We are more than just our sexual desires, putting ourselves into a box like “gay” or “lesbian” is making others view us just through that lens.
Click to expand...
If I say that I like mafia movies, am I making others view me through just that lens?

The fact is that people stereotype people who call themselves “gay”. That’s the problem of the people doing the stereotyping, not the people who use the word. Is it wise, spiritually, to use the word? That’s an important question for the individual to answer. But whatever the answer to the question, merely calling oneself “gay” does not put anyone in a box – unless it is the LISTENER who does so.
 
Vico said:
I mean the homosexual criterion of attraction of “exclusive or predominant” covers bisexual attraction where opposite sex is not predominant.
Click to expand...
I would have thought that a person who calls a bisexual person “homosexual” just doesn’t understand the meaning of the words. 😶
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top