Delay in obtaining declaration of nullity

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Is it typical that a person would delay seeking a declaration of nullity until they find someone (else) they want to marry? Or is that just the nature of this forum?
 
One is not free to date and become romantically entangled unless they are free to marry. If someone has had a civil divorce that does not make them free to marry. They must behave as a married person, only if their attempt at marriage is found to be null may they date.
 
I myself would not delay. I can think of two reasons off the top of my head. First, I would not feel free to look for someone else until I had the decree in hand. Second, I think you would have more success if your witnesses haven’t died over the passage of time.
 
While I would agree that it is quite unwise to delay, most folks do indeed wait until they are at least contemplating the possibility of marriage, if they are not actually already engaged. This makes for emergency surgery, and I would not recommend it as a course of action to anyone, though I have actually heard a few priests recommend it. (That was years ago, admittedly.)
 
If you did happen to find someone, you could be just friends, but there is always a risk of occasion of sin if emotions and expectations take hold.
It would also be wise to keep in mind the heartache if the annulment isn’t granted.
 
I did not wait after my divorce, but many do. It seemed a surprise to my diocese that I had done so so quickly after my divorce. Much of this I think has to do with misconceptions surrounding decrees of nullity or just not wanting to bring up the old pain. Not everyone is as well catechized as some of those who sit in judgement on this forum.
 
Dear joanofarc it’s sad if you have felt judged. Your mention of it seems to contain some remaining hurt.

You raise a good question.
When the annullment process is instigated, there would seem to be a responsibility on the part of those facilitating the process, to give some guidelines to the applicants.
It is a disturbing and painful time, often preceded and followed by much emotional turmoil, and it is true that many people are not familiar with all that the Catechism and Canon Law contain concerning such matters.
 
Spirithound said:
Is it typical that a person would delay seeking a declaration of nullity until they find someone (else) they want to marry? Or is that just the nature of this forum?
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Typically, people do delay, whether or not that is the correct approach.

However, if one is asking for a declaration of nullity, that is because one expects the marriage to have always been untrue, it doesn’t become unreal at some later point in time (like when one partner cheats). This means one expects the sacrament was always never a real marriage from the first moment.

The declaration of nullity does not annul a marriage, it declares it to have always been null and void from the beginning.

I think it might be a good idea to ask for a determination right away after a divorce, or even before a contemplated divorce or separation if that was possible. One should probably know straight away whether they are committed to a life of celibate continence before they start dating. No point in inviting frustration later.
 
Thankfulness said:
Dear joanofarc it’s sad if you have felt judged. Your mention of it seems to contain some remaining hurt.

You raise a good question.
When the annullment process is instigated, there would seem to be a responsibility on the part of those facilitating the process, to give some guidelines to the applicants.
It is a disturbing and painful time, often preceded and followed by much emotional turmoil, and it is true that many people are not familiar with all that the Catechism and Canon Law contain concerning such matters.
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Thankfulness I appreciate your comments. I think part of the problems on these forums is that some do not know the difference of when to be theological and when to be pastoral. The question that was asked here is what happens in practical application. This can lead to a good discussion of why it happens and stories of why people of did what they did. However, comments such as the ones I listed below will only serve to put people on the defensive or keep them from participating at all. BTW - I have taken flat out abuse over my ticker on these forums. I do stand in defense of marriage but I will be the first person to tell someone what was told to me in Confession, “The greatest sin is not recognizing the value of your own life and defending it when it is in danger.” When I see some on domestic violence/spousal abuse threads start digging in on whether the party will get a decree or not it is a bit cart before the horse.
Thankfulness, your comments were put very well, they said what they needed to say in a very loving, pastoral manner. The comment below seems to say - I don’t care what anyone that has not lived exactly in accordance with the law has gone through or why they made the decisions they made. I am not interested in hearing what problems with they system may exist so that I can help to be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem.
One is not free to date and become romantically entangled unless they are free to marry. If someone has had a civil divorce that does not make them free to marry. They must behave as a married person, only if their attempt at marriage is found to be null may they date.
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Spirithound said:
Is it typical that a person would delay seeking a declaration of nullity until they find someone (else) they want to marry? Or is that just the nature of this forum?
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This just my opinion but I think this should not be the circumstance where one seeks a declaration of nullity. One should seek a declaration of nullity because you think that your marriage is invalid not because you wish to marry someone else. (I use the pronoun you in its plural form and general sense - not personally directed at you.)
 
Sometimes people delay for legal reasons.

My friend was involved in child custody battles with her ex for years after the legal divorce and was afraid he would use evidence from the annulment proceedings against her in those battles.

Sometimes the ex is dangerous/mentally ill, etc. and further contact may cause harm.
 
Matthew_Holford said:
This just my opinion but I think this should not be the circumstance where one seeks a declaration of nullity. One should seek a declaration of nullity because you think that your marriage is invalid not because you wish to marry someone else. (I use the pronoun you in its plural form and general sense - not personally directed at you.)
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I think sometimes it is tough to know what is validity and what is not. There is an old thread - and I wish I had it under this profile but is under my old username which I lost the password to where I included the lists of questions the Tribunal in my diocese asks under each Canon or subsection of each Canon in order to prompt memory in writing one’s statement. A “yes” to any question does not necessarily make the invalidity a yes but it does create a bigger picture. Sometimes it takes an unemotional third party such as a Tribunal to look at all of that information objectively as to whether or not someone could have valid consent in the way it is meant or if someone meant to be open to life or is someone meant to be faithful, etc. I would agree I think one should be looking at whether their marriage is valid not just what they want. However, one must remember for it to go from Church level to Tribunal the priest/pastor/pastoral associate has already signed the form that says there may be a case. Then for the case to be heard the Tribunal there has been a first screening of the evidence before any witnesses are contacted. So I think sometimes there can be this misconception that decrees of nullity get to the Tribunal “willy-nilly” but honestly they are pre-screened twice at least before making it to the stage of taking testimony.
 
Spirithound said:
Is it typical that a person would delay seeking a declaration of nullity until they find someone (else) they want to marry? Or is that just the nature of this forum?
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there is no rule. In general the tribunal will not consider a case until a certain period of time, at least a year, has transpired since the marriage has irreconciably broken down, usually signified by civil divorce. But some people apply 20 years later.

In general when people contribute on this forums on annulment threads we are NOT being judgmental, we are stating facts, and attempting to answer the questions as they were posed. If applying those facts to one’s personal situation sounds judgmental, that is a factor of one’s own discernment, not a judgment imposed by the responder.

Please do not look for judgmentalism or ill feeling or personal criticism where none is intended and above all never, never ask for specific advice applicable to your personal situation if you are not prepared to hear an answer.

If a responder broke forum rules on charity in his post, report him to the mods.
 
puzzleannie said:
there is no rule. In general the tribunal will not consider a case until a certain period of time, at least a year, has transpired since the marriage has irreconciably broken down, usually signified by civil divorce. But some people apply 20 years later.
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Actually in most diocese and will double check this with a Canon expert divorce is usually the signifying event - there is no longer waiting period after that to file. I filed mine two weeks after my divorce in the Diocese of NH where I lived. The Archdiocese of Miami gave them the go-ahead to keep the case after ascertaining that the respondent who lived in that Archdiocese did not wish to be involved as this was the Archdiocese the marriage took place in. That part of the process only took two weeks. Within two months of my divorce I was in giving testimony. By five months all witness testimony was collected. It was nice because five months after my divorce I no longer had to think about it or participate in the process. At this point comes the waiting game. In my Diocese the average time from testimony to completion is 18 months. My time on the ticker started when my xh walked out the door. I filed at about the 8 month mark. Testimony got taken about the 10 month mark. So that should tell you where I am at.** It is a long hard process but it is also God’s way of saying I need this time for myself.**
 
as I said, in general. I hope all who go through this find it to be the healing process it is meant to be.
joanofarc2008 said:
.** It is a long hard process but it is also God’s way of saying I need this time for myself.**
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this is one of the most important testimonies you will read on this thread.
No matter how long the process takes that is a time of grace, healing, prayer, discernment, and achievement of wisdom and understanding.
 
puzzleannie said:
as I said, in general. I hope all who go through this find it to be the healing process it is meant to be.
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Oh and please don’t get me wrong - I am sure it will be healing when it is done. It was semi-healing giving testimony. I think it would be more healing if the Tribunals were managing to get into line with what Pope Benedict XVI had asked for when he asked for a more swift verdict in these cases. Granted I am not asking for a quick turn-around in terms of weeks but a year and a half is pushing it.
 
joanofarc2008 said:
I think sometimes it is tough to know what is validity and what is not. There is an old thread - and I wish I had it under this profile but is under my old username which I lost the password to where I included the lists of questions the Tribunal in my diocese asks under each Canon or subsection of each Canon in order to prompt memory in writing one’s statement. A “yes” to any question does not necessarily make the invalidity a yes but it does create a bigger picture. Sometimes it takes an unemotional third party such as a Tribunal to look at all of that information objectively as to whether or not someone could have valid consent in the way it is meant or if someone meant to be open to life or is someone meant to be faithful, etc. I would agree I think one should be looking at whether their marriage is valid not just what they want. However, one must remember for it to go from Church level to Tribunal the priest/pastor/pastoral associate has already signed the form that says there may be a case. Then for the case to be heard the Tribunal there has been a first screening of the evidence before any witnesses are contacted. So I think sometimes there can be this misconception that decrees of nullity get to the Tribunal “willy-nilly” but honestly they are pre-screened twice at least before making it to the stage of taking testimony.
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I wasn’t saying that you shouldn’t apply for a declaration of nullity until you have a moral certainty that your marriage is invalid. That is for the tribunal to decide. What I was saying is that you should apply for a declaration because you have good reason to impugn your marriage. While people may wait for many years until they want to re-marry it should not be because they want to marry someone else that they should think: “oh, I’ll apply for an annulment”.
 
Hey, smswife, for what it’s worth, when I went for the first publication of the acts (to read testimony) I had to sign that I would not use what I learned for any other purpose beyond the Tribunal’s investigation. Can’t take copies or notes, anything I talked about with anyone else would be hearsay.

So officially, anything collected can’t be used in child custody battles, because it can’t be subpoenaed or any of that. Unfortunately, though, I could see a person hesitating because they don’t want to make the ex angry and provoke unnecessary trouble in custody hearings 😦

Oh, and while I had heard that the usual was a 6mo wait after final divorce papers, it turns out my diocese has no waiting period at all. I had obtained a copy of the questionnaire even before the divorce was final, and written a lot just for my own therapeutic purposes. I said something to my pastor later about having x amount of time left to wait, and he told me that was not correct and I could just clean up what I had and give it to him right away, so I did.
 
Matthew_Holford said:
I wasn’t saying that you shouldn’t apply for a declaration of nullity until you have a moral certainty that your marriage is invalid. That is for the tribunal to decide. What I was saying is that you should apply for a declaration because you have good reason to impugn your marriage. While people may wait for many years until they want to re-marry it should not be because they want to marry someone else that they should think: “oh, I’ll apply for an annulment”.
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I see your point. Although I wonder - is it that they maybe felt that there was a reason for a decision of invalidity but maybe didn’t have the courage to go through it alone. I am not saying this is the right way to do it. I am just saying it is difficult to discern people’s intentions by their actions all the times especially in a process like this and maybe offering other perspectives. Another perspective might be someone that thinks their marriage is invalid but sees no reason to go through it because they have no interest in dating and then one day God puts someone in their life. Oops. Yeah. I have heard that story. This is also not accounting for reverts to the Church that made decisions while they were outside.
 
Matthew_Holford said:
One should seek a declaration of nullity because you think that your marriage is invalid not because you wish to marry someone else.
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I disagree. What a person believes is invalid and what the Church believes is invalid are not necessarily, and often not, the same.

In my own case, I believed my former marriage was perfectly valid, and still do. It is my belief that to believe otherwise is to denigrate marriage. OTOH, the Church has their own rules and knew they would declare it invalid in a heartbeat, which they did. The Church refers to such marriages as putative marriages.
 
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