Did anybody ever view children (before they had them) as inconvenient/unwanted?

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Thanks LJ and Jennifer, 🙂

I would have never guessed.

I’m going to have to study up on the Acronyms used in this forum. 🙂
 
Chovy said:
Hmm… I’ve been reading your posts here and have wanted to respond in charity so I’ve been holding off. It sounds like children in general are an abomination to you. Some of your word choices (“breeding” “pooping them out” “so called gifts from God” just imply a hatred for reproduction and the fruits of reproduction- children.

That being said, an opinion like that is not compatible with a Catholic marriage. It just isn’t. Catholics are called to be open to life, which does mean they can avoid getting pregnant through natural family planning when they have just cause but that they will welcome children at any time. When a man and woman engage in intercourse, they may or may not become pregnant, whether they are using birth control, NFP, or nothing at all.

You should talk to a priest about this. Of course if you should find yourself pregnant, as a Catholic, you are obligated to respect that life, and you can always contact me. I’d be happy to adopt your baby.

You might want to also keep in mind that there are a lot of people on these boards who have recently lost their children, through death as pre-teens or teens, miscarriage, or stillbirth. You may not see your words as hurtful, but to a lot of people like us they really are.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope to see you post here some more.
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:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Thank’s for saying what I was thinking so very beautifully, Prayer Partner! 🙂

Carjack–I’ve responded to you several times before on the other threads and I know you’re trying really hard to find a way to be a good Catholic, but not have to alienate your husband. And I applaud you for that. 👍

This isn’t necessarily the focus of the thread, but did you ever get a chance to check out the tcoyf.com website yet? 🙂 The book–*Taking Charge of Your Fertility *is a must read and very affordable on Amazon.com. Perhaps learning more about the fundamentals of your body and ways to work with it will help you as you try to learn more about NFP and being open to children. I would be more than happy to answer your questions about charting! 🙂
 
kevinsgirl said:
:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: Thank’s for saying what I was thinking so very beautifully, Prayer Partner! 🙂

Carjack–I’ve responded to you several times before on the other threads and I know you’re trying really hard to find a way to be a good Catholic, but not have to alienate your husband. And I applaud you for that. 👍

This isn’t necessarily the focus of the thread, but did you ever get a chance to check out the tcoyf.com website yet? 🙂 The book–*Taking Charge of Your Fertility *is a must read and very affordable on Amazon.com. Perhaps learning more about the fundamentals of your body and ways to work with it will help you as you try to learn more about NFP and being open to children. I would be more than happy to answer your questions about charting! 🙂
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NO. I just bought Christopher West’s(The Good News about Sex and Marriage)
 
Carjack1 said:
NO. I just bought Christopher West’s(The Good News about Sex and Marriage)
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Well, let me know if you decide to start charting or learning about it and I’d be more than happy to help you! 👍

I do hope you get the book, though! It’s definitely good–I’m rereading it right now.

I have PCOS too…🙂
 
Carjack1 said:
😦
I wish I was as confident as you are.
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Just trust me.🙂 I know, trust someone on the internet you will never meet? lol

But, one thing in coinciding with some other replies here–having children is a selfless ‘act.’ My son was unplanned. My husband and I were married a very short time, and then…we learned I was pregnant. I had a mixture of emotions…ranging from life as I know is over, to great joy. Once my son was born–wow. I was angry and sad with myself for being selfish. He and my daughter are truly gifts. The thing is though, having children is a selfless act. Adopting is a selfless act. It is hard to just live life as you please, with children…they should come first. I think that right now, you have a simplistic view of having children…they are burdens, or perhaps you are in a more self-serving mode right now. I don’t see anything wrong with planning to have children, when one is emotionally ready, financially ready, etc…but, a lot of this life is not planned. I would possibly spend some time in prayer, as to why you feel the way you do, about having children. It might be God’s way of drawing you to Him on this subject, and allowing Him to enlighten you to what He has in store for you, and your marriage.

I tend to look at things like this. We are all selfish to a degree. Just because someone doesn’t have your views exactly on child bearing/rearing, doesn’t mean he/she isn’t selfish in another area. But, I highly encourage you to spend time in prayer to think about why you are riddled with angst when thinking of the possibility of having an unplanned pregnancy. I guarantee you will grow, and your view will be more open minded.

I also know a few people who are close friends who willingly chose to not have kids, and as much as I love them, they are very self centered. The only thing that matters is their careers, money, and the latest gadget they are buying. That’s not a life. That is an existance. You and I and everyone else is here, not to gather the most toys, but to be servants to each other, and to the world. I think that when you start viewing your life like that, you will be more in tuned to the thought of becoming a mom.

🙂

Don’t worry so much about the future either…If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it.
 
Carjack: No one here can tell you how to “feel” about having children/becoming a parent. All of us have “feelings” about the responsibilities we take on–whether it’s having to go to work on a beautiful day when we’d rather be in the sun, spending $ wisely vs. going into debt or remaining faithful in a marriage or honest in business when faced with temptations to short-cut those commitments. What is probably obvious to everyone who has followed this thread, including you, is that you are in no way ready to be a parent. You have no business having children anytime soon.

Yet you have come to a Catholic forum seeking advice. Were I you, I might try and spend some time coming to an understanding of what the Catholic position is on openness to children in marriage, the proper role of NFP and spacing/planning children (not forbidden, but quite allowable within the practice of the faith), the arguments proffered against the use of ABC and related theology/morality issues. Then you, as an independent adult, with a free will have one thing to do: make a choice. Decide how you want to live your life.

If you find the reasoning and expectations of the Catholic Church do not reflect or represent your values and you cannot reconcile yourself or your husband to them, then perhaps Catholic marrige and family life is not your calling. No one will ever force it upon you. You, and only you, can embrace it and live it out.

So reflect, talk, study and by all means, do what you can to avoid being put in the role of parent. You don’t belong there, yet.
 
Island_Oak said:
Carjack: No one here can tell you how to “feel” about having children/becoming a parent. What is probably obvious to everyone who has followed this thread, including you, is that you are in no way ready to be a parent. You have no business having children anytime soon.

Yet you have come to a Catholic forum seeking advice. Were I you, I might try and spend some time trying to come to an understanding of what the Catholic position is on openness to children in marriage, the proper role of NFP and spacing/planning children (not forbidden, but quite allowable within the practice of the faith), the arguments proffered against the use of ABC and related thrology/morality issues. Then you, as an independent adult, with a free will have one thing to do: make a choice. Decide how you want to live your life.

If you find the reasoning and expectations of the Catholic Church do not reflect or represent your values and you cannot reconcile yourself or your husband to them, then perhaps Catholic marrige and family life is not your calling. No one will ever force it upon you. You, and only you, can embrace it and live it out.

So reflect, talk, study and by all means, do what you can to avoid being put in the role of parent. You don’t belong there, yet.
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:clapping: That was fabulous post.
 
From way back a few pages ago,

The reason there is no such thing as an unplanned pregnancy in any marriage is because there are three in it - the husband, the wife, and God.
 
Carjack1 said:
28
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Thank you. I’m not about to make any comments about your age, that was not the purpose of asking. I just think it helps to put things in perspective if you know a bit more about a person.

~Liza
 
Carjack1 said:
I have been told I view children in a evil way because I feel that a unplanned pregnancy as inconvenient and unwanted:D . So is the CC supposed to tell me how I feel about children too? Am I supposed to go whippeeee a gift from God. It is a child and if it causes me health and financial strain who cares, because it is a life(even though it would be sucking the one I have out of me) and that is soooooo great. :rolleyes: Or does anybody who was a newly wed(I have been married almost 4 months) get annoyed with “when are you gonna have a baby?”. I feel like saying none of your business. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE. Because I take ABC for medical reasons, I was told I am letting my baby die.:rolleyes:
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Ok, Carjack. What I seem to think is that you may have some fears about being/getting pregnant and some influence of your athiest husband. I promise you that if your husband was Catholic or Christian you would surely have a different outlook. That being said, I am the mommy of one that is facing infertility and my dh and I (and dd!) want more babies. I will give you the quick version of how my dd came to be…dh and I married (at the time not in the church:( …we have since taken care of that!😃 ) and we used no bc for 4 years, all the while wanting a child (which God’s planning was perfect as dh was still growing up lol) then I landed a good job, and was later laid off due to budget cuts and then you guessed it…I was pregnant!! Even though dh and I did not have a penny to our name and lived in a little funky appartment, we were still happy that she was coming! Long story short, we sstruggled financially, but God never let us do without! Step by step, over the years we accomplished much and now own our own house and I am a happy stay at home mommy (and we homeschool…I also watch other people’s children) and we make it on dh check. We truely believe that this is our calling, our vocation and have given up a 2 income household and the perks of that to focus on our marriage and our child. As a Catholic that is about to recieve the rest of the sacraments, I would strongly encourage you to prayerfully think about your stance on children. Your opinion of them sounds really really harsh, coming from a secular person not to mention that you profess that you are Catholic! I cannot think of one Catholic,Christian or Jewish would ever, ever announce that they were of a particular religion and describe in such coldness your opinion of God’s blessings. You have some praying to do dear…for yourself, your husband and your outlook on children.
 
wifenmommy said:
Ok, Carjack. What I seem to think is that you may have some fears about being/getting pregnant and some influence of your athiest husband. I promise you that if your husband was Catholic or Christian you would surely have a different outlook. Probably, and if my mother wasn’t a feminist;) That being said, I am the mommy of one that is facing infertility and my dh and I (and dd!) want more babies. Sorry to hear that I will give you the quick version of how my dd came to be…dh and I married (at the time not in the church:( …we have since taken care of that!😃 ) and we used no bc for 4 years, all the while wanting a child (which God’s planning was perfect as dh was still growing up lol) then I landed a good job, and was later laid off due to budget cuts and then you guessed it…I was pregnant!! Even though dh and I did not have a penny to our name and lived in a little funky appartment, we were still happy that she was coming! Long story short, we sstruggled financially, but God never let us do without! Step by step, over the years we accomplished much and now own our own house and I am a happy stay at home mommy (and we homeschool…I also watch other people’s children) and we make it on dh check. We truely believe that this is our calling, our vocation and have given up a 2 income household and the perks of that to focus on our marriage and our child. As a Catholic that is about to recieve the rest of the sacraments, I would strongly encourage you to prayerfully think about your stance on children. Your opinion of them sounds really really harsh, coming from a secular person not to mention that you profess that you are Catholic! Sorry, I am not trying to be I cannot think of one Catholic,Christian or Jewish would ever, ever announce that they were of a particular religion and describe in such coldness your opinion of God’s blessings. You have some praying to do dear…for yourself, your husband and your outlook on children.You are probably right
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Carjack—

Another thing that you might want to think about is that a child is a perfect person that is a part of you and your spouse.

I know I’m doing a bad job explaining it—but if you look at how much you love your husband then you just know, deep down, that you would love a child that is a part of that wonderful man.

It’s like you just have so much love for each other, you know you have enough love to share with a whole new person.

And coming from someone who has lost two children—when I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy I started to glow. I couldn’t keep all the happiness and love for that child to myself. And even when I miscarried, I just knew that my heart had grown and I was a much better woman for those short experiences with motherhood.

Yes, there are sacrifices with children.

There are sacrifices with marriage too. But I would never forgo those sacrifices because the joy and the happiness of being married to such an incredible man make every sacrifice so worth it.

Children are the same way. There are sacrifices, but the joys children bring and show you are far, far greater.

I know that the more people I love and care far, the happier I am. It’s almost as if every time I try to be generous with others my heart grows.

So maybe look at motherhood with that approach. Not as just an inconvenience. But as another way to love God.

kevinsgirl
 
Carjack1 said:
Are there any other words or phrasing that I should use to communicate? I don’t want to keep making people mad…

So my list is don’t call children…
so called gifts-what do i call them then? I don’t think their gifts but other people are claiming this?:confused:
unwanted-this is how i feel
unplanned-that is what it would be
intrusions-exactly what they are

if people who do not want children want them and i don’t, i can’t help that.

People who have a lot of children and will not stop…because it is God’s plan, They are called breeders… What other euphemism should I use?

I am really thinking that maybe this Catholic religion is all wrong for me, if I have to keep myself open to “oopsies”(my children would be oopsies) not anyone elses.
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Yeah I can really feel your frustration here probably cause I feel much like you do. I do not hate children not at all. But I have zero desire to have any children of my own and they would be unwanted intrusions to me personally. Fortunately I am married to man that does not want children as well. 🙂 However that being said I can understand why people would be upset at use of the term breeder…cause it is usually used in a nasty way even if you didn;t mean it that way. I would just refer to them as people who have lots of kids or something like that.
 
Calliso said:
Yeah I can really feel your frustration here probably cause I feel much like you do. I do not hate children not at all. But I have zero desire to have any children of my own and they would be unwanted intrusions to me personally. Fortunately I am married to man that does not want children as well. 🙂 However that being said I can understand why people would be upset at use of the term breeder…cause it is usually used in a nasty way even if you didn;t mean it that way. I would just refer to them as people who have lots of kids or something like that.
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Thank you for the suggestion. I kind of am backing away from the term breeders. I don’t need the headache of anyone jumping on my case. Parents is a better term.
 
whatevergirl said:
I think that once you have a baby, you will feel very differently. Right now, you see a child (unplanned) as a burden. And not knowing, because you have no reference point right now, your thoughts I can’t say, are unwarranted. I think that once you have a baby of your own…you will have a COMPLETELY different outlook on this. It’s hard to hold innocent life, and be angry with it…it’s hard to view a life that through God’s grace, you were the conduit in creating it, and look at it as a burden. You’ll see. If you are taking ABC for medical reasons, that is not considered sinful. I think that once a person crosses over to using ABC as birth control, then it becomes sinful. I think you will find that some day…you will be glowing with joy–even if a pregnancy is unplanned. Raising kids is not easy, but they are truly gifts from God. You will see. Trust me.😉 🙂
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See though not all people feel great about their children once they have them. otherwise there wouldn;t be so many unwanted children in the world in the first place. Some people change their mind but the just have a baby you will love it once you are pregnant/it is born things will be great doesn;t apply to everyone.
 
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