Did anybody ever view children (before they had them) as inconvenient/unwanted?

[Carjack1]

I have been told I view children in a evil way because I feel that a unplanned pregnancy as inconvenient and unwanted . So is the CC supposed to tell me how I feel about children too? Am I supposed to go whippeeee a gift from God. It is a child and if it causes me health and financial strain who cares, because it is a life(even though it would be sucking the one I have out of me) and that is soooooo great. Or does anybody who was a newly wed(I have been married almost 4 months) get annoyed with “when are you gonna have a baby?”. I feel like saying none of your business. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE. Because I take ABC for medical reasons, I was told I am letting my baby die.

 

[nana3]

I have been told I view children in a evil way because I feel that a unplanned pregnancy as inconvenient and unwanted . So is the CC supposed to tell me how I feel about children too? Am I supposed to go whippeeee a gift from God. It is a child and if it causes me health and financial strain who cares, because it is a life(even though it would be sucking the one I have out of me) and that is soooooo great. Or does anybody who was a newly wed(I have been married almost 4 months) get annoyed with “when are you gonna have a baby?”. I feel like saying none of your business. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE. Because I take ABC for medical reasons, I was told I am letting my baby die.

You sound very angry and frustrated at the same time. You say that you have been told you view children as unwanted and inconvenient, but is that how you really feel? I have a sister, who now has two children, but when she got married did not want children at all. She was not good with kids and wasn’t very loving towards them. She was on ABC too. As a Catholic and knowing she was on ABC, I had to inform her she was in sin. She did not take it for medical reasons. She got off of it and didn’t get pregnant right away. I didn’t know about NFP and don’t know if it was around in the early 1990’s. She did get pregnant. She had anger that she was losing her figure. She was anger period at being pregnant, but when that baby was born and she held it, it all went away. She loves children now and in fact had a second one. I have an aunt who was so mean to us kids when we were little and she said she never wanted kids, have kids and change her views on them. Are there people who find children inconvenient? Yes, but they really are not.

You just sound like you are being forced to have kids. You can use NFP to wait, but if you really think about it sometimes it is never the right time to have kids. There is always some reason. I got pregnant right away after being married and I thank God I did. Now my back problems are so bad that she will be my only one. Do I desire more children yes, but I am happy with God has given me.

You also sound angry at people mentioning ABC. If you don’t mind me asking and if you want you can PM me, but what medical reason is it. Maybe, a natural family planning physician can help without the ABC. Please, don’t get angry at me. I am not judging you for I don’t know your medical problem. I hope you find peace with all this and I will pray for you.

I think you will get others with better advice than mine, but I will pray for you to know what the Lord wants you to do. Hang in there. We don’t judge you. If we or I ask question is it to help understand your situation and answer your questions and reason for your thread.

 

[Carjack1]

You sound very angry and frustrated at the same time. You say that you have been told you view children as unwanted and inconvenient, but is that how you really feel? They are scary. I would be scared if they cry too much, I wouldn’t know what to do. lol. I have a sister, who now has two children, but when she got married did not want children at all. She was not good with kids and wasn’t very loving towards them. She was on ABC too. As a Catholic and knowing she was on ABC, I had to inform her she was in sin. She did not take it for medical reasons. She got off of it and didn’t get pregnant right away. I didn’t know about NFP and don’t know if it was around in the early 1990’s. She did get pregnant. She had anger that she was losing her figure. I’m obese and don’t have one and I am frightened that a baby would exacerbate the situation She was anger period at being pregnant, but when that baby was born and she held it, it all went away. She loves children now and in fact had a second one. I have an aunt who was so mean to us kids when we were little and she said she never wanted kids, have kids and change her views on them. Are there people who find children inconvenient? Yes, but they really are not.

You just sound like you are being forced to have kids.I am not being forced, but it gets confusing at times. My husband(who is an athiest) is a real planner You can use NFP to wait, but if you really think about it sometimes it is never the right time to have kids.I have heard this There is always some reason. I got pregnant right away after being married and I thank God I did. Now my back problemsSorry to hear about that are so bad that she will be my only one. Do I desire more children yes, but I am happy with God has given me.

You also sound angry at people mentioning ABC. If you don’t mind me asking and if you want you can PM me, but what medical reason is it. Maybe, a natural family planning physician can help without the ABC. Please, don’t get angry at me.I am not angry at you. Sometimes I say things and they come out rude(not intentionally) I am not judging you for I don’t know your medical problem. I hope you find peace with all this and I will pray for you.

I think you will get others with better advice than mine, but I will pray for you to know what the Lord wants you to do. Hang in there. We don’t judge you. If we or I ask question is it to help understand your situation and answer your questions and reason for your thread.

Thanks a lot

 

[Peeb]

If you have a few minutes, here is a podcast you might want to check out: modern manger scene. Deacon Tim touches on many of the issues you mention.

 

[Carjack1]

If you have a few minutes, here is a podcast you might want to check out: modern manger scene. Deacon Tim touches on many of the issues you mention.

Peeb,

thank you for the referral, but I do not have a ipod and wouldn’t know how to work one.

 

[Jennifer_J]

Peeb,

thank you for the referral, but I do not have a ipod and wouldn’t know how to work one.

You don’t need an iPod, your computer should play it if you click on it…

 

[1ke]

I have been told I view children in a evil way because I feel that a unplanned pregnancy as inconvenient and unwanted .

Children should never be viewed as either of those things.

1652 “By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.” Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves.

So is the CC supposed to tell me how I feel about children too? Am I supposed to go whippeeee a gift from God.

Yes and yes. If you do not view children with love and affection, as gifts from God, then there is something disordered in your thinking.

It is a child and if it causes me health and financial strain who cares, because it is a life(even though it would be sucking the one I have out of me) and that is soooooo great.

You have some serious issues. I suggest you seek professional help to overcome these ideas of yours.

Or does anybody who was a newly wed(I have been married almost 4 months) get annoyed with “when are you gonna have a baby?”. I feel like saying none of your business. PRESSURE PRESSURE PRESSURE.

People may ask this, and they are often well intentioned. You can tell them it’s none of their business.

However, your issues run very deep and people asking you when you are going to have children are the least of your worries.

Because I take ABC for medical reasons, I was told I am letting my baby die.

You revel in the fact that you are taking the Pill and that you are likely miscarrying children through the abortifacient properties of the Pill. You embrace it, as you have demonstrated in your other postings.

That is completely disordered.

 

[redtech]

I was probably a little like you. I didn’t want to be around kids when I was younger. I thought they were annoying. I knew one day I wanted to have kids but I was smart enough to enjoy my time without them.

After we were married for a couple years, we had our first, then our second. I’d like to have a 3rd but DH says no.

I love my own kids for sure. I do enjoy playing with them. I’ve gotten a lot more patient with other peoples kids but I would NEVER be able to work in a daycare.

You don’t need to be scared though. Babies will cry, and sometimes its hard to find out what the problem is. Usually they are either hungry or wet or just want to be held. Plus your mom or Pediatrician is only a phone call away!

You do have valid concerns. They can cost a lot of money but they don’t have to. You can use cloth diapers which you only have to buy once, not a new pack every week. Breastmilk is free as well. In the parenting board you can find TONS of great ways to save money. Those women are SO good!!!

PS - children are a gift from God.

 

[BeeSweet]

There are no unplanned pregnancies in marriage. Pregnancy is a natural result of marriage. If you don’t plan to be pregnant, don’t get married.

 

[gardenswithkids]

God’s still working on all of us. Life is a continual conversion and re-conversion process. I think some posters on this forum have been hard on you. One of my favorite lines from St. Paul is to “speak the truth with love.”

Yes, we should view children as gifts from God–that’s very Biblical. Yes, we should fully trust God as the Lord and Giver of Life. Yet if we always started out at the place we should end, then we wouldn’t have much hope for making spiritual progress, would we.

People’s views about children often change once we have a child of our own. It can go forward or backwards. I had a very idealistic view of children, and I very much wanted children, but the amount of work that my first child required took me a bit by surprise. Some people who see children as blessings *still *have difficulties with the idea that God may want to bless them with more children if they struggle to take care of the child/chidlren that God has already given them.

Secular culture doesn’t view children in the same way that God views children. If you see children as burdens and not blessings, then this is an area of your life that may need some spiritual healing. We all must strive to see children–and each other–as God sees us. I think God sees that you strive to grow closer to Him and that you are making progress. I think He also realizes that He isn’t finished with you yet.

 

[Carjack1]

There are no unplanned pregnancies in marriage. Pregnancy is a natural result of marriage. If you don’t plan to be pregnant, don’t get married.

I’m already married and yes there are unplanned pregnancies in marriage.

 

[Carjack1]

Children should never be viewed as either of those things.
I can’t help how I feel

1652 “By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.” Children are the supreme gift of marriage and contribute greatly to the good of the parents themselves.

Yes and yes. If you do not view children with love and affection, as gifts from God, then there is something disordered in your thinking.
Then I have disordered thinking

You have some serious issues. I suggest you seek professional help to overcome these ideas of yours.
I don’t need professional help. I resent being told how I should feel about the so-called gifts of God

People may ask this, and they are often well intentioned. You can tell them it’s none of their business.

However, your issues run very deep and people asking you when you are going to have children are the least of your worries.It is just an annoyance

You revel in the fact that you are taking the Pill and that you are likely miscarrying children through the abortifacient properties of the Pill. You embrace it, as you have demonstrated in your other postings.The side affect is what it is. I can’t say that I don’t enjoy the part that I can plan. The miscarriages are unfortunate though

That is completely disordered.

 

[LJN21]

I’m already married and yes there are unplanned pregnancies in marriage.

No, there aren’t.

When you get married you plan to have children, it is the natural end result and the purpose of marriage. It is actually a requirement in Catholic marriage that you are open to children.

 

[Carjack1]

No, there aren’t.

When you get married you plan to have children, it is the natural end result and the purpose of marriage. It is actually a requirement in Catholic marriage that you are open to children.

People either TRY or DON’T try. When you are not trying and a oopsie comes along. That would be considred unplanned. Being open to children doesn’t mean to keep pooping out babies as much as one can. That is why Natural Family PLANNING is a type of plan so that one can limit or avoid pregnancy.

 

[tapiocapudding]

I will be honest - when I got pregnant I was umarried and very poor, and I cried for a week. But it was amazing- in that week I went from being miserable about my pregnancy to being totally in love with my baby and terrified something would happen to him. Now that he’s here he’s the light of my and my DH’s lives and we wouldn’t change it for the world!

 

[LJN21]

People either TRY or DON’T try. When you are not trying and a oopsie comes along. That would be considred unplanned.

Not true, it is possible not to do either.

If your not trying to avoid and you get pregnant its not an oopsie, its a gift from God and its still not unplanned. You don’t have to plan every once of your life. I’m avoid pregnancy, we realized a couple days ago I may very well be pregnant. Yes, its not exactly what we had in mind, but its obviously part of Gods plan, so yes it would be a planned pregnancy.

Being open to children doesn’t mean to keep pooping out babies as much as one can.

No it doesn’t, no one ever said it did.

That is why Natural Family PLANNING is a type of plan so that one can limit or avoid pregnancy.

NFP is not expressly for limiting or avoiding pregnancy, its is for fertility awareness and can be used just as effectively to have babies.

To use it avoid having children one has to have just reason. Just reason would be things like mental/physical health issues, spacing children, serious financial issues (that doesn’t mean to you put off having children to buy a boat), and so on. If a couple does not have any just reason to not have Children, they may not use NFP to avoid children.

In fact, there is no requirement a couple use NFP at all. There is nothing wrong with just letting God take control. I’ve known couples that have 5-6 kids never once use NFP and for whatever reason never have anymore.

 

[BeeSweet]

People either TRY or DON’T try. When you are not trying and a oopsie comes along. That would be considred unplanned. Being open to children doesn’t mean to keep pooping out babies as much as one can. That is why Natural Family PLANNING is a type of plan so that one can limit or avoid pregnancy.

As one who practices NFP, let me enlighten you to the fact that part of the plan involves having children. NFP is always open to having children, even if you plan your sexual relations during what is normally an infertile time. Natural family planning is not about limiting and avoiding pregnancy. Family includes children, therefore, natural family planning naturally includes having children. Natural family planning is far more often used by couples who are trying to increase their family rather than completely avoid having one in the first place.

My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant with either of the two pregnancies I’ve been gifted. And neither one of my children are “oopsies.” I wanted to get married because I wanted children, so neither one of my children, nor any of my future children will ever be unplanned, nor will they ever be considered mistakes. And yes, we practice NFP. But the fact that our intention of delaying pregnancy was thwarted by the gift of a child in absolutely no way indicates a failure. In fact, both my children are miracles.

Please don’t feel judged, I’m merely explaining the facts. You’re questioning your motivations and feelings, that’s why you started this thread. I understand how you feel. I was unmarried living with my then future husband for many years, practicing just about every form of ABC under the sun for 11 years. I know where you’re coming from because I lived there for a looooong time. But if you want to understand the truth, this is it. Children are a gift. They are a gift of love. I know they’re scary. My toddler is in the toilet right now, goodness knows what he’s found to put in there this time. But for all the fear I suffered for those many years I sat in your position, I gained nothing. Now, I have more than I could have dreamed. More good, and more bad, but that’s life. Live it. Be not afraid.

 

[Carjack1]

Not true, it is possible not to do either.

If your not trying to avoid and you get pregnant its not an oopsie, its a gift from God and its still not unplanned. You don’t have to plan every once of your life. I’m avoid pregnancy, we realized a couple days ago I may very well be pregnant. Yes, its not exactly what we had in mind, but its obviously part of Gods plan, so yes it would be a planned pregnancy.
I see what your are trying to say in this instance. But if a couple doesn’t want the child, it would still be considered unwanted, which I guess adoption would be a good choice

No it doesn’t, no one ever said it did.

NFP is not expressly for limiting or avoiding pregnancy, its is for fertility awareness and can be used just as effectively to have babies.Point taken…

To use it avoid having children one has to have just reason. Just reason would be things like mental/physical health issues, spacing children, serious financial issues (that doesn’t mean to you put off having children to buy a boat), and so on. If a couple does not have any just reason to not have Children, they may not use NFP to avoid children.So what can they use to avoid children? Abstinence? I guess making the whole marriage sex free is a no-no to the CC

In fact, there is no requirement a couple use NFP at all. There is nothing wrong with just letting God take control. I’ve known couples that have 5-6 kids never once use NFP and for whatever reason never have anymore.

Wow. do they have any other interest besides breeding?

 

[Jennifer_J]

People either TRY or DON’T try. When you are not trying and a oopsie comes along. That would be considred unplanned. Being open to children doesn’t mean to keep pooping out babies as much as one can. That is why Natural Family PLANNING is a type of plan so that one can limit or avoid pregnancy.

But the NATURAL state of Sacramental Catholic marriage isn’t to use NFP. NFP should only be used for just/serious reasons (financial, medical, emotional/psycological). Marriage is ordered to both procreation and the good of spouses. Have you studied the Catechism at all? That would be a great place to start:
scborromeo.org/ccc.htm
#1601 and on is about Sacramental Marriage (scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c3a7.htm#1601)
pay particular attention to #1652-- openness to fertility

also #2201 (scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c3a7.htm#2201) The Family in God’s Plan

also #2231 (scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c3a7.htm#2231) esp #2360 The Love of Husband and Wife and #2363

There are several encyclicals as well, that deal with this teaching:
Humanae Vitae papalencyclicals.net/Paul06/p6humana.htm

Casti connubii papalencyclicals.net/Pius11/P11CASTI.HTM

and probably 1 or 2 I’m forgetting

I hope this is helpful and you are able to embrace the Catholic view of Sacramental Marriage fully.

 

[Carjack1]

As one who practices NFP, let me enlighten you to the fact that part of the plan involves having children. NFP is always open to having children, even if you plan your sexual relations during what is normally an infertile time. Natural family planning is not about limiting and avoiding pregnancy. Family includes children, therefore, natural family planning naturally includes having children. Natural family planning is far more often used by couples who are trying to increase their family rather than completely avoid having one in the first place.

My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant with either of the two pregnancies I’ve been gifted. And neither one of my children are “oopsies.” I wanted to get married because I wanted children, so neither one of my children, nor any of my future children will ever be unplanned, nor will they ever be considered mistakes. And yes, we practice NFP. But the fact that our intention of delaying pregnancy was thwarted by the gift of a child in absolutely no way indicates a failure. In fact, both my children are miracles.

Please don’t feel judged, I’m merely explaining the facts. You’re questioning your motivations and feelings, that’s why you started this thread. I understand how you feel. I was unmarried living with my then future husband for many years, practicing just about every form of ABC under the sun for 11 years. I know where you’re coming from because I lived there for a looooong time. But if you want to understand the truth, this is it. Children are a gift. They are a gift of love. I know they’re scary. My toddler is in the toilet right now, goodness knows what he’s found to put in there this time.lol But for all the fear I suffered for those many years I sat in your position, I gained nothing. Now, I have more than I could have dreamed. More good, and more bad, but that’s life. Live it. Be not afraid.

Thank you for your testimony. That will give me something to think about.