Did anybody ever view children (before they had them) as inconvenient/unwanted?

[Tonks40]

I am just going to have to accept that motherhood is a part of my calling and live the way the CC wants me to live without resenting it. Once I am ready to start I will get off the pill. If I could find a alternative to treating my condition that works for me I will. I think in my frustration, I may have said some ugly things and for that I am sorry:hug3: If my husband doesn’t agree to touch me as a result, then I have to live with that for the rest of my marriage

Thank you to everyone who has been patient with me.

Take as much time as you need on this. Change in outlook doesn’t happen overnight - it may even take years. And only accept it when you have a more complete understanding of the Church’s teachings. You have to be content in accepting this - not accept it as a way of giving up.

As members of the Mystical Body of Christ, we as your spiritual family want you to have the best that God gives us. Never being forced to accept it - you need to accept it willingly and lovingly. Keep your mind open and work through the difficulties you may be facing when trying to understand.

May God bring forth his Peace upon you.

 

[tapiocapudding]

for many (I think this might be you), something takes hold of your heart (Holy Spirit?) and transforms the way you think about life. About your own life. About how your body was ‘created’ for this purpose. Our lives have many purposes, and we can play many roles, but a woman’s body was designed no doubt with the potential for carrying life. …] I have never looked at my kids and thought…‘I want to send them back.’ lol It’s a love that really is very moving, and I think teaches us how to be more like Christ.

If the thought of becoming pregnant seems overwhelming to you, you can always adopt. But, if you ever have a child without planning, I have a strong feeling (mother’s intuition )that you and your husband will have a change of heart.

I totally agree with this. God gives you 9 months to get used to the idea of having a baby and almost everyone I know who has found themselves unexpectedly pregnant got used to the idea and came to love the child in that time. Before you getr pregnant, a child is just an idea and sometimes all you can see are the fears and inconveniences. But once that baby is growing in your womb and you realize you have no choice in the matter you begin to picture your life as a parent and love the baby as somone who exists in reality. At least, that’s how it was for me.

My DH’s Mom always told him he was an accident (we no longer speak with her for other reasons). If my baby ever asks me if he was planned I’ll tell him no, he was a surprise, but it was the best surprise I’ve ever had in my whole life and I’m so grateful that God chose for me to conceive him at that time! Pregnancy and having a baby is what led me to really consider conversion to the Catholic church. I believe it has brought me so much closer to God.

 

[Calliso]

I am not the only person who feels the way I do. Also you were extremely rude by implying that I am crazy and ignorant. Not to sound rude to you, but if you didn’t have so many kids, maybe you wouldn’t be financially strapped. Stop treating you body like a baby machine .

You know I can understand that you are upset about being told that you need help and ignorant and stuff like that. However you need to STOP with the insults yourself. One of the reasons people keep lashing out at you is you keep throwing nasty comments like the one above at them.

 

[Carjack1]

You know I can understand that you are upset about being told that you need help and ignorant and stuff like that. However you need to STOP with the insults yourself. One of the reasons people keep lashing out at you is you keep throwing nasty comments like the one above at them.

You are absolutely right

 

[RitaPR]

You know I can understand that you are upset about being told that you need help and ignorant and stuff like that. However you need to STOP with the insults yourself. One of the reasons people keep lashing out at you is you keep throwing nasty comments like the one above at them.

That was partially my fault. I don’t know her, to personally say: hey, get a psychiatrist and say your ignortant.

Carjack,

Stop reacting emotionally. I think that you react emotionally and not logically(just from your other post). This is dangerous because Satan uses emotion to tempt us and play with us. Watch it. As for the dignity of choosing not to procreate, it is not a dignified stance because you are witholding God’s miracles for your life

I have been reading your other posts and I see that you mention that your mother was a feminist and it sounds like some of it has been ingrained into your mind(that can cause a problem) combined with the abortion you had previously. It sounds that you may not be confident in your “womanhood” because of these issues. I think you fear that you will feel that your children are unwanted because you subconciously think that she felt that way about you. I am studying psychology and this is what I have gathered from your situation. What attracted you to the Catholic Church?

 

[Calliso]

That was partially my fault. I don’t know her, to personally say: hey, get a psychiatrist and say your ignortant.

Carjack,

Stop reacting emotionally. I think that you react emotionally and not logically(just from your other post). This is dangerous because Satan uses emotion to tempt us and play with us. Watch it. As for the dignity of choosing not to procreate, it is not a dignified stance because you are witholding God’s miracles for your life

I have been reading your other posts and I see that you mention that your mother was a feminist and it sounds like some of it has been ingrained into your mind(that can cause a problem) combined with the abortion you had previously. It sounds that you may not be confident in your “womanhood” because of these issues. I think you fear that you will feel that your children are unwanted because you subconciously think that she felt that way about you. I am studying psychology and this is what I have gathered from your situation. What attracted you to the Catholic Church?

Well I agree more or less with most of what you are saying…however I would just like to say I disagree that those who chose to not have kids are always withholding Gods miracles from their lives. I donlt think married or not God meant for every woman to have kids. I think not have kids is just a dignified choice as having kids.

 

[RitaPR]

Well I agree more or less with most of what you are saying…however I would just like to say I disagree that those who chose to not have kids are always withholding Gods miracles from their lives. I donlt think married or not God meant for every woman to have kids. I think not have kids is just a dignified choice as having kids.

The CC’s stand on this is that married individuals should be open to life. Be fruitful and multiply wasn’t a suggestion. It was a command. With the exception of our nuns(bless them) and unmarried women, he did. I might be wrong, but this is the CC’s stand. Anyone please correct me if I am wrong.

 

[Calliso]

The CC’s stand on this is that married individuals should be open to life. Be fruitful and multiply wasn’t a suggestion. It was a command. With the exception of our nuns(bless them) and unmarried women, he did. I might be wrong, but this is the CC’s stand. Anyone please correct me if I am wrong.

I think it is the CC’;s stance on it. I donlt think the be fruitful and multiply was a command though inthe since that everyone must do it except for unmarried women and nuns. But I could be wrong…either way in my own heart it seems that God is telling that I better not have kids. Well once in a while I want them…but I think that is just hormones speaking cause unlike most women who want kids I donlt have those urges all or even most of the time.

 

[RitaPR]

I think it is the CC’;s stance on it. I donlt think the be fruitful and multiply was a command though inthe since that everyone must do it except for unmarried women and nuns. But I could be wrong…either way in my own heart it seems that God is telling that I better not have kids. Well once in a while I want them…but I think that is just hormones speaking cause unlike most women who want kids I donlt have those urges all or even most of the time.

I’m going to pray for you and God Bless.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I think it is the CC’;s stance on it. I donlt think the be fruitful and multiply was a command though inthe since that everyone must do it except for unmarried women and nuns. But I could be wrong…either way in my own heart it seems that God is telling that I better not have kids. Well once in a while I want them…but I think that is just hormones speaking cause unlike most women who want kids I donlt have those urges all or even most of the time.

**
It is the “command” for all married people.

But I just wanted to comment on your “lack of desire” for children. I NEVER had any urges or desires for children, AT ALL until the 6th year of marriage!!! Long story short, we now have one who is almost two. I could now totally see myself with 5 or 6, or 9 or 10:shrug:**

 

[Calliso]

**
It is the “command” for all married people.

But I just wanted to comment on your “lack of desire” for children. I NEVER had any urges or desires for children, AT ALL until the 6th year of marriage!!! Long story short, we now have one who is almost two. I could now totally see myself with 5 or 6, or 9 or 10:shrug:**

Eh true I could develop it later. I mean for most of my life it;s not like I had a totally aversion to having kids. I wasn;t one of those I knew I didn;t want kids since I was 5 years old people either. Course one of the reasons I donlt want kids is I donlt think I should have kids. And I personally hope that even if I decide I want kids that unless he feels I am ready to be a parent or would be a good parent that my husband says no. Course he says he thinks I would be a good parent…but guess we feel differently lol!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Eh true I could develop it later. I mean for most of my life it;s not like I had a totally aversion to having kids. I wasn;t one of those I knew I didn;t want kids since I was 5 years old people either.

I was one of those people. Even as a kid I didn’t babysit because I just didn’t have that urge to take care of babies or entertain kids like a lot of my friends.

Course one of the reasons I donlt want kids is I donlt think I should have kids. And I personally hope that even if I decide I want kids that unless he feels I am ready to be a parent or would be a good parent that my husband says no. Course he says he thinks I would be a good parent…but guess we feel differently lol!
**
See, this is where the teachings of the Church come in. NO ONE can make you want kids. No one can make you feel like you are ready for them. But if we sincerely open our hearts to the Holy Spirit and really listen I believe that we will come around and do God’s will no matter how much we thought we wouldn’t.**

 

[Carjack1]

That was partially my fault. I don’t know her, to personally say: hey, get a psychiatrist and say your ignortant.

Carjack,

Stop reacting emotionally. I think that you react emotionally and not logically(just from your other post). This is dangerous because Satan uses emotion to tempt us and play with us. Watch it. As for the dignity of choosing not to procreate, it is not a dignified stance because you are witholding God’s miracles for your life It’s not a dignified stance to YOU. I think EVERYONE deserves dignity.

I have been reading your other posts and I see that you mention that your mother was a feminist and it sounds like some of it has been ingrained into your mind(that can cause a problem) combined with the abortion you had previouslyOk. Dr Rita :yup: . It sounds that you may not be confident in your “womanhood” because of these issuesI am confident in my womanhood. i am confident that I do not need children to make me a woman:thumbsup: . I think you fear that you will feel that your children are unwanted because you subconciously think that she felt that way about youMy mother said I was a surprise, she never said that she didn’t want. Just that motherhood isn’t all that rosy. Big difference. She said if we could have stood as babies that would’ve have been great. I am studying psychology and this is what I have gathered from your situationKeep studying . What attracted you to the Catholic Church?

I was attacted to it because my mom baptized me and I was curious. I also wanted some kind of positive experience tied to my culture

 

[Salonika]

I wish I was as confident as you are.

I usually read to the end of a thread before jumping in but am doing in response to endorse your comment in response to whatevergirl who said "I think that once you have a baby, you will feel very differently… I think that once you have a baby of your own…you will have a COMPLETELY different outlook on this.

This is something I have been told so many times by people (I decided at 10 or so that children weren’t for me) that all would be different if I had my own child. I do not dislike children but I recognise they would need things from me that I am not able to give,

Also for me children are too important to have a parent/parents who are ambivalent about them and so do not/can not give then the best start in life. Therefore, to take the risk that all will different after a child arrives, is to me, irresponsible.

Also, even if the change occured after the baby was born, what messages would it get in the womb about its wantedness.

I’d also like to thank you for so honestly sharing your feelings. Not easily even though done anonymously.

 

[RitaPR]

I usually read to the end of a thread before jumping in but am doing in response to endorse your comment in response to whatevergirl who said "I think that once you have a baby, you will feel very differently… I think that once you have a baby of your own…you will have a COMPLETELY different outlook on this.

This is something I have been told so many times by people (I decided at 10 or so that children weren’t for me) that all would be different if I had my own child. I do not dislike children but I recognise they would need things from me that I am not able to give,

Also for me children are too important to have a parent/parents who are ambivalent about them and so do not/can not give then the best start in life. Therefore, to take the risk that all will different after a child arrives, is to me, irresponsible.

Also, even if the change occured after the baby was born, what messages would it get in the womb about its wantedness

I’d also like to thank you for so honestly sharing your feelings. Not easily even though done anonymously.

You are the only one thanking me for sharing my feelings. I feel that if you would of read the rest of the thread, you would not have felt so gracious toward me. I was not being sensitive to certian phraseology and wording. I love my nephews and neice dearly

 

[Carjack1]

I usually read to the end of a thread before jumping in but am doing in response to endorse your comment in response to whatevergirl who said "I think that once you have a baby, you will feel very differently… I think that once you have a baby of your own…you will have a COMPLETELY different outlook on this.

This is something I have been told so many times by people (I decided at 10 or so that children weren’t for me) that all would be different if I had my own child. I do not dislike children but I recognise they would need things from me that I am not able to give,

Also for me children are too important to have a parent/parents who are ambivalent about them and so do not/can not give then the best start in life. If I ever were to get pregnant, I would give my baby the best start in life. I just think that I am scared. Especially because growing up, I had seen so many unwed teenage mothers giving birth and messing up their lives. The despair and hopelessness I saw in their eyes, frightened me. Therefore, to take the risk that all will different after a child arrives, is to me, irresponsible.

Also, even if the change occured after the baby was born, what messages would it get in the womb about its wantedness.

I’d also like to thank you for so honestly sharing your feelings. Not easily even though done anonymously.

You are the only one to thank me for sharing my feelings. I have been told my thinking is disordered and all kinds off stuff. I think this was because I wasn’t sensitive about my phrasing.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I am confident in my womanhood. i am confident that I do not need children to make me a woman:thumbsup:

This is actually a healthy perspective. Some women swing to the opposite extreme. Instead of not wanting a child, they want a child so badly that they will do anything. The Catholic Church isn’t okay with artificial insemination, IVF or any other reproductive technology that artificially separates making babies from love making.

I am grateful that God did not give me the cross of infertility; it would be a heavy cross to bear. From what I understand of your medical condition, it places you at risk for infertility. Maybe God didn’t give you the strong desire for a child at the moment because He has other plans for you. There are many ways in which women can serve God. We should be open to God’s will for us–that is what I think the term “openess to life” means.

 

[Salonika]

You are the only one to thank me for sharing my feelings. I have been told my thinking is disordered and all kinds off stuff. I think this was because I wasn’t sensitive about my phrasing.

Hi Carjack1

I’ve now read through the whole thread and it must have felt you were on a roller-coaster during - I hope it has slowed down a bit for you.

Remember, sensitivity goes two ways. Yes, there were probably were times when your phrasing could have been more sensitive but the same could be said for some of the posters with different views from yours.

Also, the whole subject of having children is emotive - and there is bound to be conflict between those who believe that all married women should want and have children, if this is possible and those who are ambivalent or definitely do not want children.

It’s how this conflict is handled that is important so no-one feels battered, unheard or rejected.

Sometimes drafting a reply and saving it instead of posting it and having another look later before we send it is a good idea. I’ve certainly done this and been pleased I didn’t send it straight away!

And once again thank you for sharing “If I ever were to get pregnant, I would give my baby the best start in life. I just think that I am scared. Especially because growing up, I had seen so many unwed teenage mothers giving birth and messing up their lives. The despair and hopelessness I saw in their eyes, frightened me”. I admire your courage in doing so.

 

[Carjack1]

This is actually a healthy perspective. Some women swing to the opposite extreme. Instead of not wanting a child, they want a child so badly that they will do anything. The Catholic Church isn’t okay with artificial insemination, IVF or any other reproductive technology that artificially separates making babies from love making.

I am grateful that God did not give me the cross of infertility; it would be a heavy cross to bear. From what I understand of your medical condition, it places you at risk for infertility. Maybe God didn’t give you the strong desire for a child at the moment because He has other plans for you. There are many ways in which women can serve God. We should be open to God’s will for us–that is what I think the term “openess to life” means.

Thank you. I never looked at it that way. Another things is, I don’t want to desire something that I can’t possible have.

 

[Carjack1]

Hi Carjack1

I’ve now read through the whole thread and it must have felt you were on a roller-coaster during - I hope it has slowed down a bit for you.

Remember, sensitivity goes two ways. Yes, there were probably were times when your phrasing could have been more sensitive but the same could be said for some of the posters with different views from yours.

Also, the whole subject of having children is emotive - and there is bound to be conflict between those who believe that all married women should want and have children, if this is possible and those who are ambivalent or definitely do not want children.

It’s how this conflict is handled that is important so no-one feels battered, unheard or rejected.

Sometimes drafting a reply and saving it instead of posting it and having another look later before we send it is a good idea. I’ve certainly done this and been pleased I didn’t send it straight away!
That is a great idea!
And once again thank you for sharing “If I ever were to get pregnant, I would give my baby the best start in life. I just think that I am scared. Especially because growing up, I had seen so many unwed teenage mothers giving birth and messing up their lives. The despair and hopelessness I saw in their eyes, frightened me”. I admire your courage in doing so.