Did I commit the sin of despair?

[YehoiakhinEx232]

This morning I had several close calls, and I wasn’t if anyone of them was mortal or not. (Right now, I think all of them were venial except one maybe two moments, as well as another close call later today.) This day was really tough, and I was really irritated and worried and eventually I at one point thought something along the lines of:

“Well everything is going wrong, I might as well be in a state of mortal sin!”

I had several other thoughts like that, were they sins of despair, or rejection of God’s mercy. I’m having I really rough day, I’m struggling with sins of lust and anger, and a lot of other bad stuff. I really need to pull out of this.

 

[po18guy]

God is not hiding behind the burning bush so as to catch you and send you straight to hell. He knows the stuff of which we are made and is loving and merciful. It seems like you judge yourself much more closely and harshly than the Lord does. No need to answer, but do you suffer from scrupulosity? OCD?

EDIT: The reason I ask is because those conditions are treatable and can restore the peace which surpasses all understanding. God is not a passive-aggressive tyrant. He is love. Mercy itself. To commit a mortal sin is not all that easy. It is never done accidentally. Neither is despair easily fallen into. For an example, you would likely not be asking here if you were actually despairing. More likely you would be withdrawn and depressed.

 

[Quaestor]

The difference between hell and heaven is that hell is a legalistic bureaucracy, heaven is not. Gd is not a bureaucrat, that is the infernal minions. Gd is about his family where those who belong to it are sons and daughters. Gd is the perfect father not a lawyer working for the IRS.

Mortal sin requires mens rea, and requires the full participation of the will. Having any of these faculties impaired are mitigating factors. A person with schizophrenia jumps off a building may not end up committing any sin at all due to no actual culpability depending on the mental state when the event occurs.

You probably should take to a priest.

 

[Jared2914]

According to the Catechism (CCC 2091), the sin of despair has three forms:

1. Disbelief in God’s ability to help you attain salvation.
2. Belief that though God has the power to help you attain salvation, he will not help you.
3. Belief that God will not forgive your sins.

You had a few moments of hopelessness but later regained hope. I can see possibly #1 applying to that situation if you for a few moments believed God will not be able to ever get you into shape to go to heaven. However, like Quaester wrote, you need deliberate consent to commit a sin, so you are culpable for no more than venial sin if you have any culpability at all.

I can’t see a quick thought here and there in desperation ever being mortal sin, let alone “unforgiveable”. Despair is only unforgiveable when the person makes one final decision to not believe in the possibility of their salvation and after that sticks to that decision the rest of their life. Anyone that turns away from despair later and regains belief in God’s power to forgive and sanctify them is no longer in that unforgiveable state. They are now receptive to God’s mercy again through confession.

I’m not sure exactly what you are dealing with, but I assure you God will make you a good enough person to overcome these sins. Just keep doing your best and going to confession. Some day you will get there. That doesn’t mean you will never commit mortal sin after that point, but it will be much more rare and less worrying. You should definitely go to confession for the mortal sins you think you committed and also ask about this despair. Your priest will be able to give a better answer.

 

[Greenfields]

Including you in my rosary tonight

 

[Zaccheus]

@YehoiakhinEx232
That sounds to me like temptation, not sin.
As others have already said, God is not looking for an excuse to condemn you.
I will pray for you, and may God’s mercy cover and comfort you.