Did I stick my nose where it doesn't belong?

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vern_humphrey

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I live back in the woods, about 3/4s of a mile from the County Road. The access road to my house needs work – it’s not in bad shape now, but I know what will happen when the rains come. My youngest daughter – always ready to spend Dad’s money – contacted a contractor while she was here last month and made arrangements for him to come out and do a professional job. He’s coming tomorrow.

The road (the “common” road) goes past my turn-off to another house. The guy who owned that house passed away a few years back. He and his wife were raising their grandsons, and she’s still living there with the boys. Anyhow, I called and asked her if she wanted her stretch of the road done. She said yes.

She just called and said she can’t afford it – I should give her the contactor’s number, and she’ll call him when she’s in better financial shape. That doesn’t make sense, though – it will be cheaper if he does all the work on one visit.

Anyhow, the upshot is I told her I would pay, and she can settle up later. She reluctantly agreed.

Am I a fool? Am I sticking my nose in where I shouldn’t? Will she feel uncomfortable later? Did I do the right thing?
 
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Are you willing to not get paid, if she never gets in better financial shape? If so, then I see no problem with it.
 
I know how that goes – I really don’t expect to be paid. But will that make her uncomfortable?
 
I think what you have offered is good. But if you are willing to not get recompense, then I would suggest you tell her that there is no obligation to pay back. The good relations with your neighbor will pay off greater dividends.
 
If you are open to paying for road resurfacing, can I give you the number of my local street department? My neighborhood streets need work. Badly. 😉
 
Just my opinion. She’s a widow raising her grandsons alone, and sounds like she may be struggling. The Bible speaks about widows and orphans and our need to care and protect them…
If you can, at all, I would let her know that she doesn’t owe you anything, that it’s your gift to her. I can’t even imagine how she would feel being continually reminded that she owed you money every time she looked at you or she went by your house. If you can afford it, take that burden off her, she already has a full plate. Peace and God bless.
 
AlmaRedemptorisMater said:
I think what you have offered is good. But if you are willing to not get recompense, then I would suggest you tell her that there is no obligation to pay back. The good relations with your neighbor will pay off greater dividends.
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Of course I can’t say definitely, but this may be a case of not wanting to either be in debt or take “a handout”. I don’t think you are a fool, in fact I think it is a laudable act, but she may be uncomfortable anyway. I wouldn’t try to change anything at this point, but I would be very careful to treat her exactly the same as before. Also, I wouldn’t bring up the money at all, but if she does just say you don’t really need it back at any particular time. If she does give you payments, even small ones, accept them graciously and keep track of how much she pays total and don’t let her pay more than is owed - if she tries to and calls it interest just say that wasn’t part of the deal as far as you are concerned. I remember a lot of people from my rural youth who had that kind of pride and I hope I remembered how to deal with it and not ruffle anyone’s feathers…
 
vern_humphrey said:
the work on one visit.

Anyhow, the upshot is I told her I would pay, and she can settle up later. She reluctantly agreed.

Am I a fool? Am I sticking my nose in where I shouldn’t? Will she feel uncomfortable later? Did I do the right thing?
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I think as long as you go into this knowing it may turn out she never pays you-- and you are OK with that and won’t bring it up if she doesn’t-- then it is a lovely act of kindness on your part.
 
vern_humphrey said:
Will she feel uncomfortable later?
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She probably feels uncomfortable already.

When you took charge and told her she could settle up later, you put her in debt.
vern_humphrey said:
She just called and said she can’t afford it – I should give her the contactor’s number, and she’ll call him when she’s in better financial shape. That doesn’t make sense, though – it will be cheaper if he does all the work on one visit.
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It doesn’t make sense to you, but it made sense to her. Perhaps “can’t afford it” was her way of saying no. Maybe she wanted to shop around, or do it another year, or leave it for the next homeowner.
tuscany said:
If you can, at all, I would let her know that she doesn’t owe you anything, that it’s your gift to her.
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My thoughts exactly.
 
Here’s an idea: Talk to the contractor, tell him there is a neighbor in need up the road, and see if he can donate that stretch of road out of the goodness of his heart, or go 50/50 with you on it.
 
That’s a good idea – but why should he pay? I’m the one who made the offer, not him.
 
I think it’s very kind of you. She may feel a little uncomfortable, and I can imagine her offering to do something nice for you, like baking something or making a casserole. If she does, accepting it gratefully will help ease some of that discomfort.

Really, this is what being a good neighbor is all about. Not to mention a follower of Christ.
 
vern_humphrey said:
why should he pay? I’m the one who made the offer, not him.
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Yes, it was your offer (or your gift), but you are giving him the opportunity to participate and share in the joy. He might appreciate the opportunity to help someone in need, and all the more if you are going in on it too.

There’s also some tax benefit to him (cost of material and labor = business expense deduction).

No pressure, though. It has to be voluntary on his part.
 
And He also went on to say to the one who had invited Him, "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. Luke 14:12
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Your Heavenly Father will bless you for this kindness, tell her it is a gift.

Deacon Christopher
 
Rather, have the road done without expectation of repayment. That is an act of charity before both her and the Lord.
 
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