Did something really wrong

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monicatholic said:
only if OP doesn’t belive, really believe in the restoration of the sacrament of confession.

if she believes in the power of God to make all things new, she will cast her burden of guilt on HIM. not on her poor husband.
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I cannot understand this at all. The sacrament of reconciliation is amazing. I firmly believe in the power of the restoration that God offers us through the sacrament. That does not mean that I have not damaged my relationship with others if I have sinned against them. I DO get the idea of not telling him (though I disagree with it), but I do not understand this idea that her marital relationship will only be hurt if she doesn’t really believe that confession works.
 
lauraella said:
. Like my title says, I got really really drunk and i cheated on my husband.( i am not using the drunk card) I dont know what to do. I need to go to confession. I feel awful, sick to my stomach, guilty and now i feel worthless…i am ashamed … i think god will give up on me. I have decided to not drink any more…at all…because i cannot handle it. I am so lost, I do not know why i did it. I messed up really really bad. I do not know what to do. I cant stop crying . and thinking about what happend…
Please pray for me. I need prayers. How can i make it up to my husband and god…i commited adultry. I feel like a horrible person. I did not tell my husband yet. I think i need to confess first to god and then i can have the strenght to tell him.:(:(:(:(:(:(😦
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you have every right to feel the way you do. Adultrey is WRONG no matter how sorry you are. I feel so sorry for your innocent husband. Don’t think you should get off that easy. Feel the guilt. My husband is a cheater, adulterer and he doesnt even have the parts to feel sorry. How can you be sorry for something like this. You got drunk so what do you expect everyone here to feel sorry for you. You need to wisen up and take the consequences. Very few people felt sorry for me being on the receiving end and God did not save my marriage. Its going to Hell.
 
I don’t know that telling the husband is healing for him.
Once his trust has been broken, however repentant one is, he is unlikely to be able to trust again. Telling him can be self-indulgent, trying to make oneself feel better.
But once trust is known to be broken, the spouse sees the other in a different light and may never really trust again. I know I couldn’t, however repentant my husband was or whatever promises he made, I could never really trust him again.

Getting drunk is a sin as it does cause one to hand over responsibility, so hopefully you can resolve never to drink like that again, but don’t make your husband pay for your sin. He may forgive, but he will never really trust again. How could he. If a person cheats once, the fragile trust is broken. One knows the person can cheat again if they once have. If you tell him you won’t feel better, you will only make your husband feel miserable. It’s time to be unselfish, and make peace with God in Confession.

Then continue to try to be a good wife to your husband, with trust in God’s forgiveness and grace

Our God, You sent Your Son “into the world, not to condemn the world, but so that through Him the world might be saved. No one who believes in Him will be condemned.” [John 3:17-18]
You assure us through Isaiah, our God,
“I have dispelled your faults like a cloud
your sins like a mist
Come back to me, for I have redeemed you.” [Isaiah 44:22]
Furthermore, You proclaim:
“Happy those whose crimes are forgiven, whose sins are blotted out; happy the man whom the Lord considers sinless.” [Psalm 31:1-2] For through Your Son, You have “cancelled every record of the debt that we had to pay; He has done away with it by nailing it to the cross.” [Colossians 2:14-15]

Therefore, our God it is not presumptuous to ask that we may be healed of our faults and freed from our sin. Indeed, You have said:
“No need to recall the past,
no need to think about what was before.
See I am doing a new deed,
even now, it comes to light; can you not see it?
Yes, I am making a road in the wilderness,
paths in the wild.” [Isaiah 43:18-19]
 
A big part of the sacrament of reconciliation is penance. If I’ve done something horribly wrong to someone and then go to confession it doesn’t remove the obligation to make amends. The Church has the power to forgive sins but it can’t remove the punishment demanded by God’s justice. For her own good she can’t ignore the obligation to make things right with her husband.
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she should do whatever penance her confessor tells her. unless there was some other factor unknown to us, he would not tell her to further injure her husband by telling him.

the Church has the power to remove temporal punishment demanded by God’s justice-- that power is called penances and indulgences. (the conditions for indulgences are strict.)

if there are no further consequences than her guilt (no pregnancy, no gossip, no disease etc) making right with her husband includes all the things i included-- confession, contrition, amendment of life.
 
“Have mercy on me, O God in Your goodness,
in Your great tenderness, wipe away my faults;
wash me clean of my guilt,
purify me from my sin.

For I am well aware of my faults,
I have my sin constantly in mind,
having sinned against none other than You,
having done what You regard as wrong.

You are just when You pass sentence on me,
blameless when You give judgement.
You know I was born guilty,
a sinner from the moment of conception.

Yet since You love sincerity of heart,
teach me the secrets of wisdom.
Purify me with hyssop until I am clean;
wash me until I am whiter than snow.

Instil some joy and gladness into me,
let the bones You have rushed rejoice again.
Hide Your face from me sins,
wipe out all my guilt.

Be my saviour again, renew my joy,
keep my spirit steady and willing;
and I shall teach transgressors the way to You,
and sinners will return.

Save me from death, God my saviour,
and my tongue will acclaim Your righteousness;
Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will speak out Your praise.

Sacrifice gives You no pleasure,
were I to offer holocaust, You would not have it.
My sacrifice is this broken spirit,
You will not scorn this crushed and broken heart.” (Psalm 51)
 
Trishie said:
“Have mercy on me, O God in Your goodness,
in Your great tenderness, wipe away my faults;
wash me clean of my guilt,
purify me from my sin.

For I am well aware of my faults,
I have my sin constantly in mind,
having sinned against none other than You,
having done what You regard as wrong.

You are just when You pass sentence on me,
blameless when You give judgement.
You know I was born guilty,
a sinner from the moment of conception.

Yet since You love sincerity of heart,
teach me the secrets of wisdom.
Purify me with hyssop until I am clean;
wash me until I am whiter than snow.

Instil some joy and gladness into me,
let the bones You have rushed rejoice again.
Hide Your face from me sins,
wipe out all my guilt.

Be my saviour again, renew my joy,
keep my spirit steady and willing;
and I shall teach transgressors the way to You,
and sinners will return.

Save me from death, God my saviour,
and my tongue will acclaim Your righteousness;
Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will speak out Your praise.

Sacrifice gives You no pleasure,
were I to offer holocaust, You would not have it.
My sacrifice is this broken spirit,
You will not scorn this crushed and broken heart.” (Psalm 51)
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:amen:
 
Granted that the OP receives forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I would think that at the very least she would have to withhold marital relations with her husband until she is sure she is clear from STDs. Even then, STD tests are not 100% accurate and some STDs can take a long time to manifest themselves. So there is some risk that is posed to her husband. If he is in the dark and doesn’t know what happened, then it poses a moral dilemma - is the low risk of a missed STD detection in the test acceptable to keep her husband’s trust by keeping him in the dark? Should he have the right to decide whether the risk is acceptable by telling him?

Also, everyone feels differently about whether they would want to know about cheating (as evidenced in this thread). What would the husband want? This is a very difficult decision and I hope the OP can find peace and forgiveness in Christ, and forgiveness from her husband.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
yes, that is all I am saying. An affair is always, always going to surface sometime in someway. It is easier to forgive someone who is up front and honest to begin with rather than someone who has put a lot of effort in to living a lie.
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Agreed, especially to the bolded. Confession is powerful, but there is still a stain left on you in the case of an affair. I find it hard to believe those who would claim that you would not be living a lie by concealing it from your husband.
 
Agreed, especially to the bolded. Confession is powerful, but there is still a stain left on you in the case of an affair. I find it hard to believe those who would claim that you would not be living a lie by concealing it from your husband.
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I don’t think this is necessarily true. There are things about my past (before I was married) that I have confessed that my husband does not know of. There are things I’ve done since I’ve been married which I have also been absolved of, again, that my husband does not know of. I don’t think that just because you are married, that your spouse needs to act as your personal confessor. I’m not saying that the OP should never tell her husband. I think she should act on the guidance of her priest in this situation. But, I don’t think that she should feel that she is living a lie because she doesn’t confess her transgressions to her husband. That’s what the confessional is for.
 
lauraella said:
Please pray for me. I need prayers. How can i make it up to my husband and god…i commited adultry. I feel like a horrible person. I did not tell my husband yet. I think i need to confess first to god and then i can have the strenght to tell him.:(:(:(:(:(:(😦
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St_Francis said:
Call right away and make an appointment to see a priest for confession as soon as you can, and do NOT tell your husband unless it becomes necessary (like you both need to be treated for an STD), unless the priest tells you to. There is no reason to tell your husband, because it generally serves only the teller and not the spouse who has been betrayed.
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Bad advice.
Lauraella, it would be absolutely horrible when the husband goes to be treated for an STD and will so much more hurt by the fact that you chose to keep it a secret until something bad happened to him. Also, this is a small world and there is probably more than a good chance that eventually he will find out through the grapevine. It would be much more devastating to him to find out from someone else. Then he would be ever suspicious about what things you are hiding from him. Come clean with him and he will know that you are willing to confide even your darkest moments with him. It will serve to build up trust between you. Not telling him breaks down that trust and you will always be worried about him finding out. Pray for forgiveness. Ask him for forgiveness. Pray that he will be understanding and compassionate. Know also that all sin has its consequences and be prepared for it. There WILL be tension, and rightly so, since he has been betrayed. But time and prayer together has a way of healing all wounds. Be patient. You cannot begin the healing process if you intend to keep things hidden. Eventually it will blow up and be much more difficult to mend.
You are in my prayers.
 
monicatholic said:
only if OP doesn’t belive, really believe in the restoration of the sacrament of confession.

if she believes in the power of God to make all things new, she will cast her burden of guilt on HIM. not on her poor husband.
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Yes the Sacrament of Confession removes the sin.
The Sacrament of Confession does not remove the consequences of sin however.
Important distinction.
 
I have been reading everyones advice. I am going to my priest in the morning. I KNOW what i did was wrong, i was in no way asking people to feel sorry for me. I just needed some advice from people with the same beliefs as me. As for telling my husband. I will follow what my priest tells me to do. For he will be acting on behalf of god.
I have also read John chapter 10…vs 1-8 The adultress, …knowing that i was weak and made a huge selfish mistake…and that god can still love me. I KNOW it will take a long while untill this feeling of deciet and guilt will subside , but i will bear it because it makes me realize my selfish and godless act.
I thank you all for your prayers and advice. The are much needed.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen.
 
Yes the Sacrament of Confession removes the sin.
The Sacrament of Confession does not remove the consequences of sin however.
Important distinction.
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yes. it’s an important distinction i already adressed in my posts.
 
lada said:
I don’t think this is necessarily true. There are things about my past (before I was married) that I have confessed that my husband does not know of. There are things I’ve done since I’ve been married which I have also been absolved of, again, that my husband does not know of. I don’t think that just because you are married, that your spouse needs to act as your personal confessor. I’m not saying that the OP should never tell her husband. I think she should act on the guidance of her priest in this situation. But, I don’t think that she should feel that she is living a lie because she doesn’t confess her transgressions to her husband. That’s what the confessional is for.
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Assuming you didn’t cheat on your husband, then the situation is a bit incomparable.

We don’t have to confess to our SOs about things we did in past relationships. But when I cheat on a spouse, I know I couldn’t withhold that information from them too long without basically living a lie no matter how great of a confession I had.
 
living a lie
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carrying on an adulterous afair is living a lie. having a double life of drunken one-nighters by weekend and faithful wife M-F is living a lie.

living in the grace and reparation and amendment of life (i.e., conversion) of the sacrament of confession is not living a lie.
 
rusty20 said:
Assuming you didn’t cheat on your husband, then the situation is a bit incomparable.

We don’t have to confess to our SOs about things we did in past relationships. But when I cheat on a spouse, I know I couldn’t withhold that information from them too long without basically living a lie no matter how great of a confession I had.
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How would it be “living a lie” to make one mistake, confess to it, be forgiven and never do it again? If she were having an extra-marital RELATIONSHIP, as in, seeing someone outside of her marriage repeatedly, then yes, that might be construed as -living- a lie. If the husband asks her point blank if she’s ever cheated and she lies, then that’s lying. She will have to decide how she would handle such a situation if it arises. Cheating is serious, as is putting oneself in a situation where it might be more possible to do so. But it should not affect the rest of her life, or her husband’s.
 
you came here and admitted to it being wrong and you know what you did is wrong

having a conscience about it, it tells you are a good person within

God never gives up on anybody. and you just shown you are a good person, despite the fact that you sinned. all of us are sinners, one way or another

you already know what to do. go to confession and ask God to guide you on how to handle this with your husband
 
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