Did the Priest cross a boundary?

[cjking001]

Hi,

Recently, I went to confession and as I was waiting outside, the Priest came out and said he had to use the bathroom. He saw all of us waiting in line, but made eye contact with me. Now, I’m the type of person that likes to be completely anonymous and I always confess behind the screen. But he saw me! So I go inside, and realize that it just doesn’t make sense to sit behind the screen since the Priest saw me. For the first time I sat, facing the Priest. I had to confess a sexual sin, and it was very embarrassing to do so in front of him. But it seemed okay.

Eventually, he started to ask me a bunch of questions though. I’m a new Catholic and I don’t go to the same Parish because I’m still a student and travel quite a bit…but this Priest seemed overly interested in who I was. He asked me about my life, my school, and became very excited about my conversion to Catholicism (that’s fine). Well, he eventually invited me to an ordination service and he gave me his phone number and then proceeded to ask for my own phone number. He wanted to send young Catholics my way to “inspire” them.

70% of me says this is all perfectly okay. But the fact that we exchanged phone numbers in the Confessional kind of weirds me out. What do you think? Is this normal? Is this unique? But given the circumstances…okay?

 

[clem456]

Hi,

Recently, I went to confession and as I was waiting outside, the Priest came out and said he had to use the bathroom. He saw all of us waiting in line, but made eye contact with me. Now, I’m the type of person that likes to be completely anonymous and I always confess behind the screen. But he saw me! So I go inside, and realize that it just doesn’t make sense to sit behind the screen since the Priest saw me. For the first time I sat, facing the Priest. I had to confess a sexual sin, and it was very embarrassing to do so in front of him. But it seemed okay.

Eventually, he started to ask me a bunch of questions though. I’m a new Catholic and I don’t go to the same Parish because I’m still a student and travel quite a bit…but this Priest seemed overly interested in who I was. He asked me about my life, my school, and became very excited about my conversion to Catholicism (that’s fine). Well, he eventually invited me to an ordination service and he gave me his phone number and then proceeded to ask for my own phone number. He wanted to send young Catholics my way to “inspire” them.

70% of me says this is all perfectly okay. But the fact that we exchanged phone numbers in the Confessional kind of weirds me out. What do you think? Is this normal? Is this unique? But given the circumstances…okay?

Hard to say. I think I would speak to another priest about it. If you are uncomfortable with the man personally, then just go about your business. If you think something inappropriate was done, talk to someone in the parish or another parish.

I don’t know your personal situation, but one of the ways to overcome sexual sins is involvement with other people. That -may- be where the priest was heading.

 

[opus101]

I think it’s completely weird. It probably doesn’t mean anything bad, but the priest really crossed boundaries in my opinion. He’s probably blissfully unaware of that.

 

[zab]

Hi,

Recently, I went to confession and as I was waiting outside, the Priest came out and said he had to use the bathroom. He saw all of us waiting in line, but made eye contact with me. Now, I’m the type of person that likes to be completely anonymous and I always confess behind the screen. But he saw me! So I go inside, and realize that it just doesn’t make sense to sit behind the screen since the Priest saw me. For the first time I sat, facing the Priest. I had to confess a sexual sin, and it was very embarrassing to do so in front of him. But it seemed okay.

Eventually, he started to ask me a bunch of questions though. I’m a new Catholic and I don’t go to the same Parish because I’m still a student and travel quite a bit…but this Priest seemed overly interested in who I was. He asked me about my life, my school, and became very excited about my conversion to Catholicism (that’s fine). Well, he eventually invited me to an ordination service and he gave me his phone number and then proceeded to ask for my own phone number. He wanted to send young Catholics my way to “inspire” them.

70% of me says this is all perfectly okay. But the fact that we exchanged phone numbers in the Confessional kind of weirds me out. What do you think? Is this normal? Is this unique? But given the circumstances…okay?

If you are having doubts about his conduct I would be watchful. Perhaps he could have done a few things differently but from what you have written I don’t see any evidence that he crossed any line. It could be that the intent of his conversation was just to make you feel a little more comfortable after confession an embarrassing sin. You did say it seemed to be OK. When people go face to face it presents more of an opportunity to engage in conversation and some people seem to want this. I am more concerned about all of the people waiting in line.

 

[Daniel_Lysinger]

It’s unusual, that’s for sure. I am pretty sure you were not under the normal obligation to answer some of those questions. But it’s nice that you did, perhaps you can help the priest out a little

 

[maryjk]

Hi,

Recently, I went to confession and as I was waiting outside, the Priest came out and said he had to use the bathroom. He saw all of us waiting in line, but made eye contact with me. Now, I’m the type of person that likes to be completely anonymous and I always confess behind the screen. But he saw me! So I go inside, and realize that it just doesn’t make sense to sit behind the screen since the Priest saw me. For the first time I sat, facing the Priest. I had to confess a sexual sin, and it was very embarrassing to do so in front of him. But it seemed okay.

Others saw you there as well. Yes, you can go behind a screen, but that doesn’t ensure no one will ever know that you went to Confession.

Eventually, he started to ask me a bunch of questions though. I’m a new Catholic and I don’t go to the same Parish because I’m still a student and travel quite a bit…but this Priest seemed overly interested in who I was. He asked me about my life, my school, and became very excited about my conversion to Catholicism (that’s fine). Well, he eventually invited me to an ordination service and he gave me his phone number and then proceeded to ask for my own phone number. He wanted to send young Catholics my way to “inspire” them.

Giving information about your state of life is something many here do. That way, the priest would know more about what kind of sin you committed. I am a married woman, you are a young (man?). Our sexual sins are going to be different.

You are young, a new Catholic and it seems he saw in you what he wants to see in other young Catholics. If you didn’t want to attend the Ordination Mass, give your phone number or take his, you simply had to say, “no thank you.”

70% of me says this is all perfectly okay. But the fact that we exchanged phone numbers in the Confessional kind of weirds me out. What do you think? Is this normal? Is this unique? But given the circumstances…okay?

I don’t see anything wrong with what he did.

 

[JimG]

I think it was probably okay. The priest was interested in your conversion. The problem is that the personal interaction was a distraction to the sacrament. That, in my opinion is one of the problems with face to face confession.

 

[cjking001]

I’m actually a young woman, sorry for not being specific!

He is a very young priest, and has only been a Priest for about 4 years (he ended up telling me a lot about himself too). So, I think he was just blissfully unaware of his actions and how they might affect me.

Thanks everyone!

 

[cjking001]

Others saw you there as well. Yes, you can go behind a screen, but that doesn’t ensure no one will ever know that you went to Confession. Giving information about your state of life is something many here do. That way, the priest would know more about what kind of sin you committed. I am a married woman, you are a young (man?). Our sexual sins are going to be different.

You are young, a new Catholic and it seems he saw in you what he wants to see in other young Catholics. If you didn’t want to attend the Ordination Mass, give your phone number or take his, you simply had to say, “no thank you.”
I don’t see anything wrong with what he did.

One thing I wanted to briefly comment on was that it’s a difficult for me to sit there and say “no” to the Priest. I’m a brand new Catholic, so I’m not sure what is normal and what isn’t normal. Also, being a young woman I feel that the Priest has some kind of authority over me. I could definitely say “no” if I really felt uncomfortable, but most of the time it’s very difficult to be so direct and blunt with a Priest. My fault though, I know.

 

[opus101]

He should never have asked you for your phone number. Since you don’t go to that parish, he has no business knowing your phone number. That is ultra creepy.

 

[john78]

could this particular priest of crossed a boundary, perhaps, but I would add from what i have read, the priest had not indicated anything to suggest he wanted to pursue anything in a manner that would suggest suspicion merely to help other Catholics interact with someone who recently converted. It never hurts to proceed in life with a good bit of caution, and sometimes ones own compass that the Good Lord has given isn’t a bad thing to trust.

Do some priests lack common sense, sure, an so do most catholics as well. But why not give the priest the benefit of the doubt that he has no ill intentions before slamming him to the wall and declaring him or reducing him to something he is not.

 

[paula20]

I think he was trying to be friendly and didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t worry about it. I don’t think he crossed a line.

 

[cjking001]

Yes, I agree with you John. After hearing the feedback on this from others, I don’t necessarily think he did anything wrong. It was confusing, but not creepy. I guess I’m just never sure what the “boundaries” are between Priests and lay people sometimes. A part of me feels that it’s weird to have an actual conversation with him beyond the confessional. He also seemed really interested in the fact that I study theology, and that I had once considered entering into the religious life. So, now that I think about it, he was probably just reaching out to me!

The last thing I wish to do is judge his actions in an unfair way.

 

[Zekariya]

I’ll add that the priest is a person. Each has his own personality and reactions based his experiences and training and friends. His personality didn’t match you. Even though the priest saw you, you can still sit behind the screen. Priests tend to be less hands on when you are behind the screen. My priest sometimes talks to me for 15 minutes if I confess face to face. It is completely different if I confess to him behind the screen. Face to face can give the impression that you desire more hands on advice.

 

[preisinger]

It is very possible that he was truly wanting to reach out and help in a pastoral way to both you and others. I agree that it is not the place or the time to ask for a phone number to create a resource. This sounds like it was most likely a mistake and this is quite possibly a need for a teaching and pastoral correction. If he is a new priest then I assume that he is an associate pastor. I would meet with the pastor to express your concerns so that he could look into it and address any problems.

 

[marimagi]

At my parish, there isn’t even an option for private confession anymore. We have a “reconciliation room.” Don’t like it at all!

In the sacrement of confession, the priest is supposed to represent Christ. I don’t think Christ exchanges phone numbers, but what do I know? Confession definately isn’t what it used to be!

 

[MaryT777]

I’m actually a young woman, sorry for not being specific!

He is a very young priest, and has only been a Priest for about 4 years (he ended up telling me a lot about himself too). So, I think he was just blissfully unaware of his actions and how they might affect me.

Thanks everyone!

I’m happy to hear you say that for I would hate to think such a conversation would make you wary of the Sacrament. That would NOT be a good thing and then should be discussed with another priest.

I agree he was probably very interested in your conversion.

 

[houston1]

could this particular priest of crossed a boundary, perhaps, but I would add from what i have read, the priest had not indicated anything to suggest he wanted to pursue anything in a manner that would suggest suspicion merely to help other Catholics interact with someone who recently converted. It never hurts to proceed in life with a good bit of caution, and sometimes ones own compass that the Good Lord has given isn’t a bad thing to trust.

Do some priests lack common sense, sure, an so do most catholics as well. But why not give the priest the benefit of the doubt that he has no ill intentions before slamming him to the wall and declaring him or reducing him to something he is not.

I agree with this. In addition, I think it is great that the priest showed interest in your concerns and was looking for a way that you could help others. If it were me, I would have found this very encouraging despite the fact that I had just confessed a sexual sin (I confess sexual sins face-to-face to my confessors and I am also a woman). The priest’s enthusiasm is great! So, don’t be too hard on him.

 

[Zekariya]

At my parish, there isn’t even an option for private confession anymore. We have a “reconciliation room.” Don’t like it at all!

In the sacrement of confession, the priest is supposed to represent Christ. I don’t think Christ exchanges phone numbers, but what do I know? Confession definately isn’t what it used to be!

Exchanging phone numbers is extreme and definitely should be done in confession. It is within the traditions of the Church (East and West) to have face to face confession and also for the priest to question the penitent on his/her life in order to give advice. Since the West also has a long standing tradition of anonymous confession, this also should be accommodated.

 

[cjpayn2]

Well that is very interesting, I must say. Without having more context other than what you provided, I can only speculate. Maybe in that Parrish, there are not a lot of young Catholics, especially converted or reverted Catholics. Maybe in his Parrish, he was surprised to see someone at your age go to reconciliation.

It is not unusual for some priests to ask certain questions about your life. Maybe he is just trying to figure out the best way to help combat sins that you confessed. It is odd to ask for a personal number but again, maybe he wants you to get involved, due to your age, more to help others and this was his only opportunity to get more contact information from you. He could have approached it in a different way, I don’t know.

Again, this is all speculation. Either way, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I would politely tell him ‘no thanks’ and maybe go to another priest for your reconciliation. It is up to you.