Did we do an unforgivable sin? PLEASE HELP!

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lostsheepindeed

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My husband and I are very distraught. Before we did it, we sort of knew it was against Church teaching. Now fast forward two years. We’ve been deepening our faith and learning all we can about our faith and the Church. Now we definitely know what we did was so wrong - perhaps to the point of it being unforgivable. And we’re faced with this moral dilemna and the only way we know how to - I don’t want to say ‘make it right’ - do the moral thing. And the moral thing would also be against Church teaching, but we see no way around this very grave matter at hand.

Two years ago, my husband and I wanted a baby so bad that we went to see a fertility doctor. Keep in mind that we have been trying to have a baby on our own for almost 17 years. After all the invasive tests on both of us, it turns out that we need the most high tech method out there to have a baby - in vitro (IVF) plus genetic testing on the embryos. At the time we did it, we sort of knew it was against Church teaching, but didn’t exactly know why. So we rationalized it in our minds that it was sort of ok but not 100%.

After genetic testing on the embryos, 10 of the embryos were - I hate to say this - but they were discarded because the genetic tests on the embryos showed that some of the embryos had a genetic defect that would prevent them from growing to full term.

Complications arose and the genetically normal embryos had to be frozen. We tried several other times to get some of those embryos implanted but those attempts failed.

Fast forward to today. We know we have 5 embryos left frozen. And after much reading (about our faith and the Church), we now realize 100% what we did (concerning IVF and the discarded embryos and the frozen embryos) was so wrong in every sense of the word.

We do not want to give up on these frozen embryos. The only way that we can see to “correct” (I don’t know if that is even the word I’m looking for) the wrong is to go ahead and try to get the remaining frozen embryos to implant.

We know what we did was so wrong - well, more than wrong. What we did probably is an unforgivable sin. Is there any hope for us?

So here I am. What should we do (regarding these embryos, confession, everything!)???

Please pray for us !!!
 
you do know the only unforgivable sin is to refuse to ask for forgiveness. If you have become convinced you have committed a sin, go to confession in the normal way and tell the priest your story and take his advice, and also ask about the frozen embryos. there is no reason to reject the peace and mercy of this wonderful sacrament, and no reason not to seek the priest’s guidance in your troubles.
 
While your actions were wrong, morally speaking, they are not unforgivable. Just to go confession, as puzzleannie has advised.

As to implanting the remaining embryos, I’m pretty certain that is allowed. They are living human beings, so bringing them to birth is not wrong. The initial method you used to bring them into existence was definitely wrong because it violated the conjugal embrace.

In any case, talk to your priest about it. After you’ve been to confession, he’ll explain what is best for you to do now and for the future.
 
I agree with the other posters: seek forgiveness and counsel in the confessional. :yup:

There is no sin that Jesus’ mercy cannot cleanse. Pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy (see my signature below for a link). I highly recommend you read St. Faustina’s Diary. 👍 I’ll remember you, your husband, and your little ones in my chaplet today. :hug1:
 
Thank you for your replies. I was prepared to be yelled at and told that we’re going to hell for what we’ve done. Actually, we discussed this situation at length for the past few days (after doing all the reading that we’ve been doing). And we talked about the possibility of going to hell for what we’ve done. Or maybe suffer in Purgatory more. Whatever the case, I think we’re coming to terms as far as our punishment for what we’ve done.

IVF in and of itself is morally wrong, but to add killing (leaving them to die on their own in the petri dish) the genetically abnormal embryos, that’s even more wrong. Did we do abortion even though they were in the petri dish? And if so, isn’t that murder? And if so, we broke one of the 10 Commandments.
:crying:

We’re planning on going to confession (separately) this Saturday during the normal Reconciliation time. Or do you think that we should make a special appointment?

Like I said before, we are very distraught and are very sorry for doing what we did. Do you think we’ll be ex-communicated?

We are so sorry for what we’ve done. There is not a word strong enough for how we feel. We’re more than sorry.

Oh my, what have we done!

:crying: :crying: :crying:
 
I think that you’re being too hard on yourself. God’s offer of redemption is plenary, and conditioned only on your genuine remorse for having offended Him. While it is certainly a grave matter, your subjective thoughts at the time of the inception of this problematic scenario are relevant. Please contact your confessor, seek forgiveness and ask the Priest for his advice. Praying to Our Lady of Pepetual Help might also guide you to the right decisions to be made in your quandry.

God bless you for taking the first big step to square things.
 
First off, if you have contrition for any sin however large or small and go to confession, your eternal punishment (i.e. hell in the case of mortal sins) is taken away. You aren’t going to hell–ya’ll made some bad decisions, you’ve realized how wrong they were, you’re sorry, and you’re trying to do better. We serve a merciful God, so don’t worry that He can’t forgive you or that you’re going to hell because of it.

Secondly, go to confession separately, but make an appointment to talk to a priest together. You need to be absolved in the beautiful sacrament of confession and then you need to sit down with a priest to determine what to do with your situation concerning your other children.

Thirdly, your children who have died are in heaven…every single one of them. Pray to them for the strength to do the right thing with your other babies…

I can only imagine how hard this is on both of you right now. :hug1: You are in my prayers.

kevinsgirl
 
(((((((lostsheep)))))) :hug1: :hug1:

We all sin, we all break the Commandments (more than you might think…there are some threads on CAF that I’ve seen dealing with this, and how “thou shalt not kill” doesn’t only refer to physically killing (mortal sin) but also seriously hurting someone with cruelness, killing their spirit (venial sin). Anyway, that’s another thread. The point is that we all need forgiveness, and if you go to Jesus in the confessional and are truly repentent (which it sounds like you are), He will forgive you! :yup:

The weight of your decisions may stay with you for a long time, but when you receive absolution you need to try to let it go. If Jesus can forgive you, you have to forgive you too.

As far as making a special appointment for confession, I don’t think it would hurt. Perhaps you can go one after the other and then meet together with the priest for some spiritual counseling, which I think would help immensely. 👍

You will not be ex-communicated. You are honestly seeking God’s forgiveness through the sacrament He has established for us.

I think you should change your name to foundsheep. 👍 😉

The following is an excerpt from the Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul (from the Diary of St. Faustina):
Please, read it and consider reading the Diary – I know it will help you greatly.❤️
Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to Me. Because you are weak, I take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father.
Soul: (as if awakening, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there is yet mercy for me?
Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life.
Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness.
Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does - that after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness…
…Tell Me all, My child, hide nothing from Me because My loving Heart, the Heart of Your Best Friend is listening to you."
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I’ll remember you in my chaplet today. :hug1:
 
:console: Go to confession. The priest can help you know what to do from there.
 
If you have one of those parishes where people actually show up and there is a line for Confession, then I would make an appt. Also, if it is too close to Mass time I’d make an apt–say the confessions are from 4:30 to 5:00 and the Mass is at 5:00.

If you are in one of those parishes which are blessed with perfect saints and there are never any lines for Confession, you might be okay to go during normal time.
 
I have nothing new to add, but I would like to let you know that I’m praying for you.:gopray2: :hug1:
 
Dear “Lostsheepindeed” -

I think we all sense your fear and contrition. But we’re not God.
And, while my catechism class memory is fading fast, I think the only sin we were told is unforgivable is despair (???). So, don’t despair in God’s mercy and love, don’t do that again, which is apparent you don’t want - and do talk to your priest. Good idea to make it a private appointment, as both he and you might have questions / issues to discuss that will put your mind at ease.

God bless you and your potential youngsters !
 
🙂 hi lostsheepindeed. if we were in your postion we would make an appiontment to see the priest. he may need some time to help sort this one out… the very fact yous recognize the error as for what it is, shows the work of the Holy Spirit in you.ingoring the promptings of the Holy Spirit to reconcill oneself with God is the unforgivable sin,if maintained unto death.
 
You need not fear to go to Confession. Nothing bad will happen to you there. All the bad stuff has already happened. You have done some things which you now know are seriously wrong, and by doing so, you have already separated yourself from God and the Church. You are on the way back with your sincere sorrow for your sins and your plans to go to Confession. And that’s a very, very good thing. Even better things will happen in Confession - your sins will be forgiven, the threat of hell will be removed, and you will be restored to union with the Church (any excommunication will be lifted).

Priests are in awe of people who confess things like this, because of the courage it takes to come forward and say it despite the fear. You are a “big fish.” You will make the priest’s day. He’ll go home and thank God for his vocation because he was able to bring you home to God.

Just be sure to ask your questions about the remaining embryos. Perhaps an appointment with your husband and the priest would be helpful to you. Ask about that, too.

God bless you. It’s going to be a great day!!

Betsy
 
As others have said, go to confession and ask the Preist about the remaing 5.

Since we are so fragil, it’s wonderful that Christ’s Mercy is infinte! If you truly seek forgivness, He will grant it.

You guys in are my prayers!
Joe
 
Your story is one of the very strong arguments against IVF, even for non-Catholics and non-believers.
The moral dilemmas that IVF has brought us have not yet been resolved in total, so I believe your case is something not every priest could handle. By that, I mean, not every priest has enough knowledge nor time nor empathy to go through the whole thing with you.
Which is why I will pray for you to find a good priest.

Your children are waiting, frozen - I believe the only right thing to do is put them inside your womb (not all five at once, of course).

It is wonderful how God’s mercy has shined upon you and your husband at this moment - I pray that you have strength and patience to live with the consequences. This is a big test of your faith and commitment to follow the Lord. many things can happen along the way of implantation of the remaining five embryos, pray, pray, pray and be creative - in finding ways to share your struggle with thousands of couples facing the to-be-or-not-to-be of IVF.

May Saint Gianna Molla be with you, pray to her frequently!
God bless you!
 
Yesterday evening, my husband and I attended the Penintential Service at our parish. Afterward, we went to confession (separately of course). I was so nervous. But when all is said and done, it wasn’t bad at all.

My husband and I have talked with each other about it afterward. I guess I’m having trouble forgiving myself. I know that I was forgiven, but I don’t feel that I deserve it. I feel like I need to be punished somehow. Am I committing another sin for feeling this way even though my priest said that I was forgiven? I’m not questioning his authority or my forgiveness. It’s just I feel that I don’t deserve to be forgiven and need to be punished.
 
lostsheepindeed said:
Yesterday evening, my husband and I attended the Penintential Service at our parish. Afterward, we went to confession (separately of course). I was so nervous. But when all is said and done, it wasn’t bad at all.
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Wonderful! I’m so happy for you! :extrahappy:
My husband and I have talked with each other about it afterward. I guess I’m having trouble forgiving myself. I know that I was forgiven, but I don’t feel that I deserve it. I feel like I need to be punished somehow. Am I committing another sin for feeling this way even though my priest said that I was forgiven? I’m not questioning his authority or my forgiveness. It’s just I feel that I don’t deserve to be forgiven and need to be punished.
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Feelings are not sins. Having said that, if we let our feelings drive our faith, our feelings can devolve into sin–the sin of despair (or conversely of presumption).

No one deserves to be forgiven of the least fault let alone mortal sin, so don’t entertain the thought that somehow you or any of us deserves forgiveness. 😉

The way we truly show God we appreciate his love and forgiveness is to accept them as free gifts–gratefully, joyfully, with blessed relief. Throw yourself into the merciful arms of Jesus and stay there.

Take God at his word by bringing your feelings into line with the truth, through prayer and persistence. As Jesus commanded the woman caught in sin: “Go and sin no more,” and be content. 🙂
 
I’ve been thinking about this ever since I went to confession after the Penintential Service. I did confess about the whole IVF thing and the priest did say that he absolves me of my sins. The question I’m having now is, did he REALLY just how sinful my sin was concerning IVF and the discarding of the genetically abnormal embryos? I guess I’m just trying to find excuses to not to be forgiven, if that makes any sense. I just feel that I need to be punished somehow (although living with the knowledge that I allowed my precious embryos to be discarded like a piece of trash is torture) - but I feel that I need to be punished more.
 
You need to realize the mercy of God, and punishing you more is not going to help you to understand that. If God was just and not merciful, what would He do with your babies who died? No… God is also merciful. He had mercy on your babies who died and he had mercy on you when you sought it. God is merciful and loves you and he is holding you close and rejoicing that you’ve returned to him.

Read Luke 15. God has a clear message for you to learn there.
 
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