Shinobu:
I must also thank God that I was not ever sexually abused.
While I wouldn’t say my parents abused me, my therapist once said that to me and I felt shocked at it.
The way I was raised is that if I did something bad, I was smacked and it didn’t matter where, the rear, the head, back ect. My “mom” (I will hereto put her title in quotes because she had had a couple affairs and I don’t see her as a mother anymore, I know this is wrong.) would use phrases like “A child should be seen and not heard” and “You are the child I am the parent”.
My Dad was more physically violent, he even called me the “b” word once when I told him I was getting changed and I couldn’t talk to him at that moment. If I spilled something on the floor (by accident) he would hit me and curse and yell. Money was the most important thing to him and when my parents were getting a divorce he once responded to my Grandparents query about him asking for his kids custody, “I don’t care about the kids”. He said this right in front of me.
Just yesterday my Dad had a fight with my Grandmother and he said, “I’m going to burst one of these days, I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m getting close”. Well thanks Dad, I love you too, it’s nice to know I could be living with a future murderer.
At any rate, I’ve been trying my whole life to make enough money to leave. It’s been hard because in 2001-2002 i was diagnosed with panic disorder and was laid off from my job. Since then I’ve tried to find work and now thanks to a user on this board I am thinking about becoming a Medical Transcriptionist. I just need to get a small job so I can get enough money to save for training and new clothing for Church.
Anyways, thanks for making this topic. It allowed for me to vent. Phew
I just posted a thread about my considering putting up my 4th child for adoption (I’m 5 months pregnant) because I’ve had to deal with the fallout from an abusive parental relationship with my husband.
His dad was an alcoholic and drug abuser. He was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to his family. My mother-in-law is a very high strung, controlling person too so the 2 together always made for World War III.
Because of shame he kept details of the abuse from me until he began therapy 3 years ago. He was tormented and shamed into conforming to his parents expectations. When they rebelled they were guilted into doing their parents will. All the while they faithfully attended their evangelical denomination and played happy family in front of church people.
His mom to this day LOATHES the fact that her son converted to the RCC last year. She’ll throw horrible little digs at us and even our kids (especially my 11 year old). I’ve gotten into many an argument with her about what she says to us.
My husband suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, depression, panic attacks and obsessive thought patterns (he’s notorious for a trivial thing snowballing into the worst thing imaginable).
All weekend he’s had panic attacks. This stemmed from a dream he had last week about his father. He woke up with a severe panic attack after this dream. His dad’s been dead for 11 years and he still has a hold on his family.
I understand what you’re going through. My husband hasn’t been able to hold a good job because stress causes him to shut down. He’s been blessed with a very cushy desk job but it pays peanuts for a family our size and he’s not mentally able to get a second job. I’m unable to work because of the physical problems with my pregnancy. Financially we can’t afford another child, that’s why I seriously considered adoption but my husband won’t hear of it.
Despite what his dad put him through, he still loved and respected him. He’s got a very strained relationship with his mom and can’t deal with her but for a few minutes then he shuts down. He won’t call her or talk on the phone. When she does call, he gives me the phone.
My parents weren’t the most patient, but they did the best they could with us. To this day I have a close relationship with my parents. My husband told me recently that he wishes he grew up like I did, that he didn’t grow up in a cult like setting, he hates his family for being the way they are and wishes he wasn’t burdened with his last name because of the shame it’s brought to him over the years.
I will pray for you.
God bless.
He has dealt with alot of anger from her since our marriage, and takes alot out on me, which he SHOULD have said to his mom, but couldn’t, because she’s so domineering. Had to have some counseling for it, the whole “control” thing. She’s a control freak.