Difference between 'gossip' and simply talking about others?

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Tridentinum

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When does talking about others turn into gossip?

Thanks and God Bless.
 
In my opinion, it’s when it is something you’d not say to their face, could damage their reputation, cause someone to think differently of them, is a lie, may scandalize them or the person you are talking to, or may lead to a rash judgment.
 
A good rule of thumb is: Imagine the person is right there next to you before you open your mouth. You will know right away if you are indulging in gossip or not.😃
 
I think the most important part is looking into your intentions in sharing the information. And I don’t mean, think about your words, I mean THINK about what you say if you are concerned. Even though your intentions may seem good, conversations can drag an well-meaned intention down pretty quickly.

If you’re saying it to hurt someone, or it’s not something that someone else needs to know or should know, it’s probably gossip. Harmful and/or private information, shared in a harmful or disrespectful way is gossip.
 
I disagree somewhat with the previous posts. For example, if I’m soliciting confidential advice from a co-worker (or my wife) it doesn’t make sense to pretend that the person is standing next to us.
I think it goes to intent. If you’re intending to be malicious (or intending to slander the person’s reputation) then obviously it’s a sin.
 
I have spoken to my priest about this very issue, you may want to consider doing that. I understood the dividing line was how you approach the subject. If my wife and I are discussing a loved one in concern and approaching it in a helpful way (i.e. praying for them or helping the person) then it is not gossip. It can easily turn into gossip if we are not careful with our intentions (i.e. then they said this and you know how they are). Our intentions may be good, but we must always guard our lips, so as not to fall into the trap.

If you are not starting the conversation to help the person or pray for the person, and the one you a sharing info with is not involved then it is definitely gossip and should be avoided.
 
Tridentinum said:
When does talking about others turn into gossip?

Thanks and God Bless.
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According to Jewish law, talking about others, even if what you say is true, something positive, not a secret or seemingly harmful to others, and something the person you are talking about would themselves say, is sinful. This is because one can never know what unintentional consequences your gossip may have since the person who hears you may misinterpret what you say. In fact, the person who is a willing recipient of your gossip is also committing a sin. And gossip can rarely, if ever, be reversed, unlike theft of property or money which can be replaced. Once the cat is let out of the bag, the genie out of the bottle, it cannot be put back in. Gossip has been compared to an arrow that may miss its mark and, as a result, be misdirected and do irreversible harm to others not even related to the source of the gossip. There are also no time restraints concerning gossiping about others, and malicious gossip is a graver sin.
 
meltzerboy said:
According to Jewish law, talking about others, even if what you say is true, something positive, not a secret or seemingly harmful to others, and something the person you are talking about would themselves say, is sinful. This is because one can never know what unintentional consequences your gossip may have since the person who hears you may misinterpret what you say. In fact, the person who is a willing recipient of your gossip is also committing a sin. And gossip can rarely, if ever, be reversed, unlike theft of property or money which can be replaced. Once the cat is let out of the bag, the genie out of the bottle, it cannot be put back in. Gossip has been compared to an arrow that may miss its mark and, as a result, be misdirected and do irreversible harm to others not even related to the source of the gossip. There are also no time restraints concerning gossiping about others, and malicious gossip is a graver sin.
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Erm…but this would prevent some necessary conversations, surely? Or am I being dense? Gossip is a nasty thing, ditto detraction, but not all talk about another person is sinful.

Insofar as the main point, previous advice about imagining the person to be there is sound in most instances. If you do need advice on handling a situation, then it is wise to go to a discreet (key word: DISCREET) person to ask that advice. A spouse or a best friend would be ideal for that role.
 
Fr. Ripperger, FSSP has a great talk on gossiping on his site, Sensus Traditionis. There are certain conditions which must be met in order for talking about someone to not be sinful. It’s worse the listen. Note the penanceware requirement.
 
What about if you want to discuss a situation that happened with a friend to another friend or co-worker, because they upset you and/or just to get someone else’s opinion, feedback, even if the other person who I am talking about might not like me mentioning anything their name at all? Does that mean it’s gossip? , I guess gossip can be at different levels, so would it mean that all gossip is bad and sinful? I think as long as you are not lying or intending to hurt that person or make up rumors, that it would be OK, but correct me if I am wrong. Thanks 🙂
 
UbiCaritas said:
Erm…but this would prevent some necessary conversations, surely? Or am I being dense? Gossip is a nasty thing, ditto detraction, but not all talk about another person is sinful.

Insofar as the main point, previous advice about imagining the person to be there is sound in most instances. If you do need advice on handling a situation, then it is wise to go to a discreet (key word: DISCREET) person to ask that advice. A spouse or a best friend would be ideal for that role.
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No, you are not being dense. If the purpose of the conversation about someone else is explicitly for their welfare and benefit, as in the case of an emergency, it most likely would not only be permissible but necessary. Keeping silent might be considered a sin of omission. When I say “talking about others is sinful,” I mean for no real or specific purpose but rather in casual conversation. Admittedly, this is not a grave sin; nonetheless, it may have unintentional consequences and would therefore be regarded as sinful according to Jewish teaching. In Judaism, ignorance or lack of knowledge with regard to effect, while not a major offense on par with intentionally malicious gossip, may still be within the domain of sin. In dubious instances, there are commentaries one can refer to in the Oral Law.
 
meltzerboy said:
No, you are not being dense. If the purpose of the conversation about someone else is explicitly for their welfare and benefit, as in the case of an emergency, it most likely would not only be permissible but necessary. Keeping silent might be considered a sin of omission. When I say “talking about others is sinful,” I mean for no real or specific purpose but rather in casual conversation. Admittedly, this is not a grave sin; however, it may still have unintentional consequences and would therefore be regarded as sinful according to Jewish teaching. In Judaism, ignorance or lack of knowledge with regard to effect, while not a major offense on par with intentionally malicious gossip, may still be within the domain of sin. In dubious instances, there are commentaries one can refer to in the Oral Law.
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Good points.

One danger that we as God-fearing people sometimes fall into is convincing ourself we are bringing up a topic so that we can “pray for the person”. Sometimes we don’t even realize it is plain old gossip, so it’s something to be aware of.
 
Basically unless there is a compelling reason the person should know, it it gossip to say anything about someone that willer lower the listener’s opinion of that someone.

As an example, it is not gossip to tell your friend that you saw his wife making out with another man at his motel door.

It IS gossip to tell OTHER friends about this woman’s transgression.
 
Well look at that, I didn’t expect to get so many responses! 😛 Thank you!
 
Hey guys I know this thread was active some time ago, but I have some questions.

What if we’re talking about some family problems? My dad is probably sick of dealing with them and telling us where the problem lies. I think he wants to solve the problem. If I tell him what my relative said (she really said that, I didn’t make it up but she’s crucial to the problem) about some family conflict that happened today, does that count as bad? I don’t think it is, right?

What about listening to my friend renting about someone? I do try to defend the one she’s criticizing, giving them the benefit of doubt, because I am not clear on the real situation.
 
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