Difference in music taste leads to loneliness

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It doesn’t sound like the issues is entirely based on genre. The OP said that he has tried playing genres that his wife normally likes, but she still scoffs at him. It’s a little bit different when someone is actually playing a piece of music for you than simply not liking a certain style of musical recording. When your loved one is performing, you watch them to support THEM. If your boyfriend wrote you a poem, you wouldn’t toss it and say, “I don’t DO reading.” If your daughter invited you to her dance recital, you wouldn’t say. “Thanks, but tap isn’t really my thing.” If your mom invited you to see her paintings in an art gallery, you wouldn’t respond with, “I’m really more of an impressionist myself.” If your brother invited you to watch him play King Lear, you wouldn’t respond with, “Theater is lame, I only like sports.” I mean. I guess you might. But you’d be a jerk if you did.
 
I presume that when your husband has made a special meal for you, you taste it and don’t tell him that his style is lame and old-fashioned. I don’t get the impression that the OP is asking his wife to spend hours a day watching him “chop”. It sounds like he just wants to play a new song for her and have her listen to it. In some cases, it’s a song he especially learned to play for her. So, yeah, while you don’t have to try the strawberry birthday cake that hubby made just for you because you normally like strawberries, I would question how invested you were in that relationship and also whether you were even a decent human being at all.
 
OP, you have to stop thinking that because your wife doesn’t love your music that she is rejecting you.

Unless this isn’t really about music at all. I am not asking you to share how your marriage is otherwise, just something for you to think about.
 
I’m not sure why you said you don’t live in the US. That’s kind of irrelevant.

Setting that aside…from the posts you keep making, it sounds like many other people have complimented you on your music. So why are you needing more affirmation about it from your wife?

And presumably, like I said above, you knew your wife didn’t share your taste in music when you married her. Plus you’ve been married to her long enough to have kids old enough to play music. So this isn’t any big surprise you just became aware of.

Married people know that a couple is not going to be able to share everything, and that each spouse is going to have some interests that the other spouse is not going to share. For most of us, it’s not a big deal.

If it is a big deal to you at this point in your marriage, it makes me wonder if something else is going on.
 
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Allegra said:
Parties too. Lots of people miss the lost art of sitting around the piano listening to and singing along with the old standards. You are a precious commodity.
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Some friends of ours have started doing this and it’s a ton of fun. I can’t play, but I can sing! We do this every once in a while with my husband playing guitar, too. It is fun and could be a different party activity.
 
Op, I can see both sides here. I like music, but I also remember the time my MIL hounded me at a concert to show enthusiasm for the singer. She was up out of her seat dancing, and apparently since I wasn’t doing that it meant I hated it and was unappreciative that she bought me a ticket. I actually really enjoyed it, but dancing and waving my arms around and hollering is not my thing. I was tempted to say something rude back, but I managed to avoid that. It was only two hours. But if I felt hounded by my spouse, which sounds like it could be how your wife sees it, fair or no, I probably would lose my temper eventually, at least once, and make a cutting remark.

It could be a love language thing. It could be that there’s something else she thinks you’re neglecting. Or she could just be rude. But the only one you can change is you.
 
Yes.

I can imagine having musical talent, but your spouse being indifferent to it must feel rejecting.
 
OP,
I must ask…as, you have at least three children, so you’ve been married for a while…why are you complaining, now? You don’t need validation, as you’ve been told people enjoy your music. You’ve even been offered a paying job!

Did you have a recent dispute with your wife? Something more is up! You don’t have to answer here, but you should think about it. It sounds as if your wife has always held this attitude…what makes you think she should change, now?

To the other, sympathetic and musical responders…the OP, it seems, has had enough validation. His wife wasn’t as enthusiastic as he’d like her to be. But, he was handling it…don’t help him feel justified in cheating on her.

Sorry if I’m wrong.
 
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Just throwing this out there. I happen to have a lot of musician friends. I have unfortunately seen the situation where Musician married a Spouse who was not as “into” the music as Musician. All went along okay for a few years, but over time things change.

Spouse gets less interested in going along with Musician’s musical interest, and more into domestic life with the kids or some other job/ calling of Spouse’s own.

Meanwhile, Musician starts to get some recognition or compliments for his or her music, and some of those compliments might very well come from attractive, nice people Musician meets while playing his or her music, who perhaps would be available for a relationship with Musician if Musician were single.

Musician starts to feel increasingly discontented with Spouse’s disinterest in music. Spouse starts to feel increasingly discontented with Musician’s increasing absorption in music (and perhaps in other musically inclined people).

I have seen marriages end over this more than once. Just sayin’.
 
I’m amazed at some of the conclusions being made here - many of them rather judgemental without even knowing anything really about me or my family. Some of the comments are just downright inconsiderate. And the conclusions being made based on so little information! Enough said.

A few do show individuals who are more thoughtful and considerate and I wish to thank them.

I’m moving on and this will be my final post on this thread.

God bless you all.
 
What I hear you saying in this “last post” is that a few people are telling you what you want to hear and they are right, and all the rest of us are judgmental and we’re wrong.

Is that what you’re saying?

Sir, we are all basing our comments on the information that YOU have given us. YOU are the one who came here to ask for (name removed by moderator)ut. We did not barge into your life and start judging you. If you want to give more information, it’s likely that many of us will give you some different comments, but all we have to go on is what you have told us.

Many of us have seen other situations that seem similar to yours, and we are just throwing out ideas. You are free to try them or discard them or laugh at them. But calling us “inconsiderate” or “judgmental” isn’t really fair when we don’t have the full information.

Do you think people shouldn’t comment at all because we don’t know your whole story and have all the information? Well, then don’t go online to seek advice. An online forum cannot take the place of a good friend who has known you for years, or a counselor who can dig deep into your life and situation. We can’t do that.

You said you’re “moving on” and this is your “final post on this thread.” Is that the way you deal with all your problems–if they can’t be solved according to your personal timeline, you just walk away with a bee in your bonnet and make everyone feel bad that we tried to help you?

Sir, I think you are perhaps a little over-sensitive. We’re not out to get you (and neither is your wife). You asked for advice and we tried our best to help you. If we didn’t give you the answer you wanted to hear, well…not much else we can do.
 
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I think he’s probably referring mostly to those who accused him of contemplating cheating on his wife, or actually having done so. He seemed to be fine with other points of view until those accusations came up.
 
The man that hath no music in himself,

Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,

Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils.

The motions of his spirit are dull as night,

And his affections dark as Erebus.

Let no such man be trusted. Mark the music.
 
Allegra said:
The man that hath no music in himself,

Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,

Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils.

The motions of his spirit are dull as night,

And his affections dark as Erebus.

Let no such man be trusted. Mark the music.
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I am not sure what that has to do with your speculation that one isn’t a “decent human being” for not constantly sharing their spouse’s hobby passion.

Also, OPs wife likes music just fine. She just doesn’t care for his music.
 
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Actually, what I said was one isn’t a decent human being if someone who loves them tries to create something especially for them, and they reject it, as opposed to your analogy of not watching your husband’s entire cooking procedure. You do eat the finished product, right? There’s no reason to believe the OP requires his wife to watch him practice for hours. He just wants her to listen to him play, particularly when he takes the time to learn a song that she likes.
 
I had some construction work done in my home a few months back.

The contractor was a fan. 🎸 🥁 🎶

🤕
 
Please don’t get mad, but it really sounds like you’re trying to play out a fantasy of your own idea of a perfect family.

Really, if your wife is faithful, your kids aren’t in crisis, and you’re paying the bills and nobody is sick…you have a wonderful life.

And life has a way of slamming you with real problems and crises that make these little differences as unimportant as they really are
 
People have different interests. Let’s look at this another way - if you were enthusiastic about football and spent hours watching games or going to games, would you expect your wife to be enthusiastic about sports too? Or if she was enthusiastic about scrapbooking or some other artsy craftsy thing, would you feel compelled to join here in this activity if you had no or little interest in it?
 
I bet if he PLAYED football, he’d expect her to attend a game occasionally. I suspect most other people would as well.
 
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