Difficulties Being Taken Seriously At Work

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Ukelala91

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I’m a 27-year-old Catholic high school theology teacher. It is my first year teaching in a high school, but I ran a CCD program, have tutored for 10 years, and have almost finished my Master’s degree in theology. I applied for this job knowing it was part-time teaching and asked the school if my background in journalism would be of some use to the school so that I could have full-time work. I was hired for web and content marketing. I also knew they were hiring another part-time theology teacher.

When I started, I met my colleague and found out not only did he have zero teaching experience, but he has no theology degree at all–just a lot of personal knowledge of the faith. He just graduated college, and has never worked full-time before. Oh and get this–he was hired for full-time teaching AND made campus minister. I was not even asked about that.

This really hurt me, as I know I am much more qualified, so why wasn’t I given the full-time teaching position and campus ministry job? I am grateful to be teaching, as I LOVE it, and grateful to be doing the web marketing, but teaching and campus ministry is where my passion is, not web marketing. I am constantly being told I’m good at it, and I know I shouldn’t complain, but it’s not what I really love.

As the year has gone on, my new colleague has demonstrated himself to be arrogant, self-centered, incredibly cold with students, and not super interested in learning new teaching methods. I have been patient, observant, asking for advice, volunteering to help wherever I can, and actively getting involved in school spirit. I’ve aimed to be truthful but sensitive in my teaching. I lesson plan like crazy.

They have given my colleague TONS of power–he was put in charge of department meetings, for example. There have been so many times when he has bossed me around–remember, he’s five years younger but very intimidating–or planned events that we were supposed to do together all by himself, making himself look like this big-shot and leaving me in the dust. He constantly tries to micromanage me. I am a timid person, and I never know what to say in those moments.

This is the worst part: he announced a couple months ago that he was leaving next year to join seminary. Rather than even consider me, the school hired an outsider to take my colleague’s campus ministry/full-time teaching job next year. It was implied this is because I’m getting married in June, as if that has anything to do with it. The outsider is a great guy and IS more qualified than me, but why was I never considered? I’m already here! I’ll do it! When I told my colleague that I will be asking for more responsibility in light of his leaving, he said I shouldn’t do that because I’ll probably get pregnant soon, and don’t I believe my primary vocation is being a mother? He has said many things to me hinting that he believes women should stay at home with their children.

I feel shaken and insulted. I want to address it with the school, and with the people who didn’t take me seriously, but without being fired! What should I do? Can you think of any reason why I was passed over so much and not taken seriously?
 
Ukelala91 said:
As the year has gone on, my new colleague has demonstrated himself to be arrogant, self-centered,
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In other words, he is good at selling himself to people who are in a position to help him advance his career.

Your bona fides, your experience, education, personality, etc. etc. etc. are more helpful to you when you can market them to the people who need to know about them.
 
I hate being show-offy! I was also let go last spring in a position where I tried to be an initiator. My boss was, to be fair, a famous Catholic media personality who is known to be really hot-headed and egotistic, but my attempts to, in that job, market my talents backfired, and they fired me. I’m a little scared of over-asserting myself. I also want to be authentic, not opportunistic.
 
There are lots of good books that can help. And also courses you can take. I highly recommend:
How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. I also highly recommend taking a Dale Carnegie class near you. I’ve taken two over the course of my career and found them both to be extremely helpful and useful.

Another good book, similar to How to Win Friends… is The Like Switch.
 
The first thing that comes to mind is nepotism and the “old boy network”. I’ve seen things like this happen before in my line of work (business, not education). In some circles, people hire the people they like, the ones they’re “tight” with, the ones who make them feel good about themselves, and so on. I was passed over twice for a promotion for precisely these reasons. Finally I retired and put all of that nonsense behind me. Also, if they think you’re more intelligent than they are, some people have a problem with that too. The world is a crazy place.

Perhaps it’s a theological thing. If your environment is more traditional and you are a theological liberal, something like this could happen. And vice versa.
 
So you’re saying it’s probably my fault, that I’m not assertive enough?
 
I was actually hired because I’m theologically conservative, so is my boss, and so is my new colleague. I just have a “gentler” approach than my colleague in the classroom. (E.g., instead of starting with homosexual acts being sinful, I’d start by saying, first and foremost, we are all made in the image and likeness of God and are called to chastity…and then go to the actions themselves, always emphasizing mercy). I get the sense that theologically, I am on the same page as my boss. That’s why this is so mind-boggling-- I feel like I’m doing everything right.
. Do you have any advice if this is a nepotistic, old-boys-club type thing?
 
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Do you think it’s worth respectfully asking why I wasn’t considered for taking over my colleague’s job next year, when he announced he was leaving?
 
I don’t mean to be mean with my upcoming comments…in fact I empathize on some levels…

Welcome to working for a living 🤔…It is usually not much fun.

Perhaps you could consider finding another job. People move around all the time. I used to get worked up over job related stuff like this, but I ran out of energy to be upset about it.
 
Welcome to the work world.
One of the things you will learn is that logic has very little to do with the workings of the work world.
Take nothing personally.
They hired you because of their needs and your credentials in the moment of hiring. HR really tends to live and run in the present moment. Sometimes HR remembers you. Mostly they don’t.

Don’t take it personally, do your best job and cash your paychecks
 
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I do really like teaching, and they offer free tuition K-12 for teacher’s kids…so that’s a perk when I’m struggling financially. Fiance and I have not ruled out moving to a less-expensive state though. The tricky thing is that I’m not a certified teacher, just have experience in Catholic school.
 
Yes, I’d have to get a second master’s degree. At least in NY anyway. #ReasonsToLeaveThisState lol
 
Ukelala91 said:
I want to address it with the school, and with the people who didn’t take me seriously, but without being fired! What should I do?
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Address it head on. They cannot fire you for asking why you were not considered for the full time position.

If you are qualified and they did not consider you, you should file an EECO complaint including the comments about you getting married and getting pregnant.

You are going to have to grow a backbone, quit being timid and nice. You need to be professional but firm, and if they do not offer you what you want, then leave.
 
Ukelala91 said:
o you think it’s worth respectfully asking why I wasn’t considered for taking over my colleague’s job next year, when he announced he was leaving?
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Yes. 100% you need to ask. You need to tell them you want a full time position. You need to state how confused you were to not be offered the full time position in the first place because you are more qualified, and that you should have been considered for the position this time as well.
 
Personally I wouldn’t. It sounds to me like they had their minds made up from the get-go. I’d try to leave on as good terms as possible, and move on.

There could be one other thing, and I doubt this applies in your situation. I’ve perceived, in my former line of work, that living simply, frugally, and staying out of debt seem to be seen as “not being bought into the system”, that you’re “not one of us”. I own my home free and clear (nothing fancy but good enough for anybody), drive a quirky, boring old car (which has the electrical system from hell 😡), and saved quite a bit of money while I was working, money I invested and which makes up part of my very modest retirement income. In some circles, it seems like they want to see you mortgaged to the hilt, conspicuous consumption, “living large”, in debt for it all, and thus you need your job more than you otherwise would — in other words, in the same circumstances they are in themselves.
 
Ukelala91 said:
I’ll look into the EECO thing.
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That should be done AFTER you’ve talked with them about why you were not offered the full time position, and why it wasn’t posted so you could apply.

Depending on their reason— especially in absence of a legitimate reason— then consider that it may be because you are female, and that is illegal.
 
I agree that here is nothing wrong with asking why you were not considered for the position. You should ask. You may not get the answer you hope for…then again…maybe you will…

Be careful about filing complaints…these are last resorts…
 
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