Difficulty confessions my sins

[probleman]

Hi. I have some heinous sins (almost entirely sexual in nature) that are unspeakable, although not really criminal. (I’ve built up these evil habits, starting with the basics of pornography and masturbation, for decades before becoming a Christian.) And I have to confess them. I usually go to confession once a week, but this week they’re much worse than usual. I’m afraid to confess them to a priest this week. First, I’m worried about how disgusting and appalling and they are, and I don’t want the priest to be offended. Yes it’s true that it’s his job, but even St. Paul refused to name some sins which were “shameful even to mention.” Also I don’t want to be a temptation or snare to the priest and lead him into sin. Second, I’m worried about upsetting the priest. I’m sure that, once I say what my sins are, and when my last confession is, he will be upset as if I’m abusing this Sacrament and being presumptuous, not seeing how sincere I am in overcoming them. Third, I’m afraid because I’m worried that maybe I actually am abusing the Sacrament, even though I am honestly striving to change, but have decades worth of habit built up. I have been told to go to reclaimsexualhealth.com for a few years, but have not taken it seriously until this morning. Now I am going there and signing up. And I am encouraged that this website says that it’s very chemical-based like a real drug addiction, which makes me feel slightly less guilty knowing that it’s not purely my own evilness that’s caused this. So I’m really afraid to go to confession this week, I feel very much like even though the angels in heaven and even God want me to go, the priest will feel very differently and make me feel ashamed instead of renewed and joyful (I have a hard time feeling joyful after confession in the first place and I often carry guilt out of the confessional even though I know I shouldn’t). Any advice from devout & firm Catholics would be greatly appreciated. God bless.

 

[Paleocon]

Hi. I have some heinous sins (almost entirely sexual in nature) that are unspeakable, although not really criminal. (I’ve built up these evil habits, starting with the basics of pornography and masturbation, for decades before becoming a Christian.) And I have to confess them. I usually go to confession once a week, but this week they’re much worse than usual. I’m afraid to confess them to a priest this week. First, I’m worried about how disgusting and appalling and they are, and I don’t want the priest to be offended. Yes it’s true that it’s his job, but even St. Paul refused to name some sins which were “shameful even to mention.” Also I don’t want to be a temptation or snare to the priest and lead him into sin. Second, I’m worried about upsetting the priest. I’m sure that, once I say what my sins are, and when my last confession is, he will be upset as if I’m abusing this Sacrament and being presumptuous, not seeing how sincere I am in overcoming them. Third, I’m afraid because I’m worried that maybe I actually am abusing the Sacrament, even though I am honestly striving to change, but have decades worth of habit built up. I have been told to go to reclaimsexualhealth.com for a few years, but have not taken it seriously until this morning. Now I am going there and signing up. And I am encouraged that this website says that it’s very chemical-based like a real drug addiction, which makes me feel slightly less guilty knowing that it’s not purely my own evilness that’s caused this. So I’m really afraid to go to confession this week, I feel very much like even though the angels in heaven and even God want me to go, the priest will feel very differently and make me feel ashamed instead of renewed and joyful (I have a hard time feeling joyful after confession in the first place and I often carry guilt out of the confessional even though I know I shouldn’t). Any advice from devout & firm Catholics would be greatly appreciated. God bless.

Whatever it is, I’m sure he’s heard it before.

In any case you only need to mention the species of sin and the number of times committed, you don’t need to give details.

 

[Cecilia73]

Just do it. Confession is really not so bad. If you’re not comfortable with the priest at your parish, go to another church for confession. Priests are all different. If you’re not comfortable with one, by all means, go to another priest, but don’t put confession aside. Let the priest know at the get-go that you have a lot of sexual sin to confess and that you feel ashamed rather than jumping into “I did this, this, and that.” It will prepare you both and give the priest a chance to say something helpful and encouraging. Confess all of your sins, but you don’t have to give a play by play with full details, if you know what I mean. As long as you’re not hiding anything, just name the sins (masturbation, promiscuity, pornography, etc.).

Be honest with yourself. Do be aware that, chemical issues or not, you’re not a slave to this, and the Evil One WILL use your weakness, your “excuses”, and even your shame to tempt you to fall. Carrying guilt with you after confession will only give the Evil One an upper hand. Turn that guilt into repentance, reparation, and a firm resolve to never sin again. Much more useful focus of emotions.

Don’t let shame keep you from confession. Guilt and repentance brings us closer to God. Shame makes us hide from God. Go to confession, you will be forgiven, then “go and sin no more.”

 

[KD8TZC]

Also I don’t want to be a temptation or snare to the priest and lead him into sin

Don’t worry about him… God will take care of the priest. Don’t use that as a crutch.

Also, don’t go face to face if you are concerned… go to a different church if you must.

God loves you and He wants to forgive you… you need to make the first step though.

God bless,

John

 

[probleman]

Whatever it is, I’m sure he’s heard it before.

I honestly don’t think any other Catholic in this small diocese has been allured by the ingestion of his own procreative results.

In any case you only need to mention the species of sin and the number of times committed, you don’t need to give details.

Yes, but if someone disgraces the Image of God in his physical body (especially his face) by allowing certain results to fall upon it, doesn’t that introduce a new “sub-species” of that species, making it something I should confess explicitly?

And even if not, doesn’t confessing something explicitly give you more grace to overcome that specific sin?

 

[MaryT777]

I think it’s fabuolous you are taking the step to go to reclaim. Good for you and I hope it’s a tremendous help to you. The other posters have given good information; just bite the bullet and head to confession, to a different parish, priest, anonymously, whatever it takes, but go.

May God help you with strength to fight this addictioin and take away your desire for impure
things.You have my prayers as well.
Mary.

 

[po18guy]

Confession is eased by the virtue of humility. Work toward it, pray for it and confession will become easier, while graces received will help preserve you from future sin.

 

[Cricket2]

Keep it simple and honest. Confess having a problem with inappropriate sexual materials and if applicable to “self abuse” which is masturbation. There is no need to go into graphic detail. Make sure you let the priest know you are trying to move away from these bad habits and then be done with your confession.

I really think people make themselves so anxious over this that they increase their problems rather than resolve them. Once you start to realize that a lot of this kind of behavior is rooted in selfishness, (its own sin), you may have better luck in addressing it. Habits can be broken, by getting into better habits. Think about that too.

 

[InNomineDomini]

I would like to continue your quotation from St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, chapter 5:

11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is a shame even to speak of the things that they do in secret; 13 but when anything is exposed by the light it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. 14 Therefore it is said,“Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give you light.”

I would personally recommend – as one layman to another – that we should make attempts to focus less on ourselves, and whether or not we’ll be embarrassed during confession, and to focus more on the one whom we have offended by our sins, our Lord Jesus Christ. In other words, the evil consequences of our sins should be meditated up, not the fears about what consequences our confession may have.

Meditations on Christ’s passion, the Stations of the Cross, devotions to the Holy Face, or something like the following prayer would be wonderful ways to distract ourselves from temptations to focus on ourselves instead of Christ:

O most Holy Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—I adore thee profoundly. I offer thee the most Precious Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ—present in all the tabernacles of the world—in reparation for the outrages, sacrileges, and indifference by which He is offended. By the infinite merits of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg the conversion of poor sinners.

Here are some meditations on Christ’s passion from Archbishop Sheen: bishopsheentoday.com/school-of-bishop-sheen-2/meditations-on-the-passion-of-christ/

Lastly, some of the best advice I ever got in the confessional with regard to impurity, linked sexual sin to selfishness. In reflecting on this, I came to quite agree; and I think that finding ways to be generous to others – to get outside of ourselves and our wants **our **desires **our **demands – is an important aspect of repentance from these sins.

EDIT: I see the poster above me also mentioned selfishness, and so here you have a Providential confirmation of the idea.

 

[KD8TZC]

Keep it simple and honest. Confess having a problem with inappropriate sexual materials and if applicable to “self abuse” which is masturbation. There is no need to go into graphic detail. Make sure you let the priest know you are trying to move away from these bad habits and then be done with your confession.

I really think people make themselves so anxious over this that they increase their problems rather than resolve them. Once you start to realize that a lot of this kind of behavior is rooted in selfishness, (its own sin), you may have better luck in addressing it. Habits can be broken, by getting into better habits. Think about that too.

This! If masturbation is the issue, then say I have been unchaste with myself. If it is some sort of deviant sexual act, and if you are not married, I guess you could just say you have had sexual intercourse outside of marriage. I don’t know if you have to be specific with what you did (e.g. anal, oral, etc). I’m sure someone will correct me if I am wrong.

Just remember, God loves you! I know God loves me, defects and all.

John

 

[Mary_Ellen]

I’ve read your updated posts. Go to Confession and confess your sins, all of them, as best you can, as difficult as that may be. To not do so would invalidate your confession and weigh you down with guilt and sin. Do not worry about the priest, he is not only trained for this work, he is also protected by the graces of his ordination.

I have committed some “unspeakable” sins. They were so heinous that in writing them down for my general confession I could only initialize them and I shudder even remembering that much. I got through that confession and am thankful for God’s Mercy.

There’s a particular mortal sin I struggle with and I am unable to avoid what tempts me to that sin. Through the Grace of the Sacrament of Reconciliation He’s given me to the strength help me to avoid the actual sin for at least 6 weeks now and I am grateful. Knowing that I must confess that sin again if I fall to it again keeps me on the “straight and narrow” as I, too, go to Confession weekly.

Be at peace.

 

[robertmidwest]

I honestly don’t think any other Catholic in this small diocese has been allured by the ingestion of his own procreative results.

Yes, but if someone disgraces the Image of God in his physical body (especially his face) by allowing certain results to fall upon it, doesn’t that introduce a new “sub-species” of that species, making it something I should confess explicitly?

And even if not, doesn’t confessing something explicitly give you more grace to overcome that specific sin?

I agree with the other posters. You don’t have to go to your pastor.

Contact your diocese and ask them for advice. Tell them exactly what you stated here: I need to talk to a priest about some sexual sin. Tell them it is not criminal things but that they are rather exotic. Because of this you would feel more comfortable with a priest who specializes in sexual sin and/or a priest who is pretty street savy.