Dilemma about my Dad's remains

  • Thread starter Thread starter halogirl
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
H

halogirl

Guest
Hi all sadly my dad passed away in the early hours of this morning after a long illness. Thank you for all your prayers throughout for us all. He has a pre paid, pre planned funeral arrangement where he will be cremated ( possibly not in a church but just at the chapel at the crematorium). My brother wants to scatter him the the grounds of the crem where we did with my mother’s remains, and also take a little bit of the remains on holiday to scatter in a place Dad loved. I have now read that this is something the Vatican has prohibited. I’m the only practicing Catholic in the family and Dad and mum were not Catholic altho mum was Methodist and has a Methodist funeral. There will be no option to bury the ashes in holy ground. Advice please as to what I should do ? Shall I just go along with it ?
 
Last edited:
First of all, prayers for the happy repose of his soul and for your comfort during a very sad time.

Did your dad make his wishes about this known? If so, follow his wishes.

Since he wasn’t a Catholic, he would not be bound by Catholic teaching.

***Note: I’m not a priest, canon lawyer, theologian, or anything close to the sort…just an ordinary guy in the pew. Take my advice for what it’s worth. If I’m mistaken in my reasoning, I trust someone more learned than I can offer you guidance.
 
Last edited:
He didn’t have any regarding this I don’t think. We will find out on Monday. Does it mean as a Catholic I can’t take some of his ashes to another favourite location ?
 
I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. Thinking of you and your family.

Personally I would say respect your dad’s wishes on the matter, but if you don’t think he has any, talk to your brother about it. Would it be worth talking to a Priest about what you can and can’t do regarding ashes? From what I understand, the CC says ashes should not be split. I will look for a citation and edit this post if I find one.
 
Last edited:
The problem is that the ashes are going to be split no matter what, as Dad I don’t think had wishes but brother wants to take some. And I want to so I mean, does it matter if I take some as they are gonna be split anyway
 
Last edited:
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve been there and will be praying for you.
 
halogirl said:
The problem is that the ashes are going to be split no matter one what, as Dad I don’t think had wishes but brother wants to take some. And I want to so I mean, does it matter if I take some as they are gonna be split anyway
Click to expand...
I’m sorry, I don’t know. I recommend asking your Priest.

I found some guidelines published in 2016 about what to do with ashes:
http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/c...c_20160815_ad-resurgendum-cum-christo_en.html
  1. When, for legitimate motives, cremation of the body has been chosen, the ashes of the faithful must be laid to rest in a sacred place, that is, in a cemetery or, in certain cases, in a church or an area, which has been set aside for this purpose, and so dedicated by the competent ecclesial authority.
From the earliest times, Christians have desired that the faithful departed become the objects of the Christian community’s prayers and remembrance. Their tombs have become places of prayer, remembrance and reflection. The faithful departed remain part of the Church who believes “in the communion of all the faithful of Christ, those who are pilgrims on earth, the dead who are being purified, and the blessed in heaven, all together forming one Church”.[15]

The reservation of the ashes of the departed in a sacred place ensures that they are not excluded from the prayers and remembrance of their family or the Christian community. It prevents the faithful departed from being forgotten, or their remains from being shown a lack of respect, which eventuality is possible, most especially once the immediately subsequent generation has too passed away. Also it prevents any unfitting or superstitious practices.
  1. For the reasons given above, the conservation of the ashes of the departed in a domestic residence is not permitted. Only in grave and exceptional cases dependent on cultural conditions of a localized nature, may the Ordinary, in agreement with the Episcopal Conference or the Synod of Bishops of the Oriental Churches, concede permission for the conservation of the ashes of the departed in a domestic residence. Nonetheless, the ashes may not be divided among various family members and due respect must be maintained regarding the circumstances of such a conservation.
  2. In order that every appearance of pantheism, naturalism or nihilism be avoided, it is not permitted to scatter the ashes of the faithful departed in the air, on land, at sea or in some other way, nor may they be preserved in mementos, pieces of jewelry or other objects. These courses of action cannot be legitimized by an appeal to the sanitary, social, or economic motives that may have occasioned the choice of cremation.
Click to expand...
 
That’s all I found too. I’ll ask my priest on Sunday but thank you for your help xx
 
I’m sorry about your dad.
Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.
May he rest in peace.
May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen.

I think asking your priest is the best way to proceed here.
 
I am very sorry to hear about your dad. My prayers are with you and your family. May his soul rest peacefully.

As above I would talk to your priest. Personally, I couldn’t accept a portion of the cremains without wanting to inter them in accordance with Catholic teaching.
 
So sorry for your loss, @HaloGirl. I will be keeping your dad and you and the rest of your family in my prayers today.

I am not sure what a priest would say about your situation, but asking is probably your best bet. A priest will give you guidance so you can make a decision you are comfortable with. Of course, it isn’t just up to you, since your brother is also involved. I know this can be a difficult situation, so I will say a prayer for you.
 
This won’t be possible though although that would be good for me, and also it’s not what my Dad would have wanted.
 
@halogirl
Just my two cents worth -
  1. Speak to your priest and explain the whole situation to him.
  2. Just a suggestion, as you are Catholic and as someone else said above quoting the relevant document you cannot spread your fathers ashes, so perhaps you could just attend the cremation and not take part in the spreading of the ashes? If you decided to do this, I think you should explain the reasons why to your brother/relatives.
I do know how difficult this is from personal experience.

Condolences to you and your family. May God grant your father eternal rest and let perpetual light shine upon him.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sending cyber hug and will pray for tjecrepose of his soul and comfort for you and your dear family
❤️:pray:t2:
 
I feel for you in the loss of your Dad.
God bless you and your family, and may He bless you all with unity and peace as you all farewell him.
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
I would have no way of doing this so it’s probably best I attend the cremation and let brother scatter but I don’t scatter
 
I am sorry for your loss. My advice is to slow the family who re comfortable with this to go ahead. And stand upwind (seriously)!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top