Dilemma about my Dad's remains

[halogirl]

He was yes. Thank you for asking xx

 

[on_the_hill]

Thank you I’ve put in a mass intention today. On the way out of mass, Father was shaking hands and when it got to me, he took my hand pulled me to one side slightly. I didn’t look particularly sad, and he didn’t know what has happened. He knows I am a recent convert but he doesn’t always pull me to one side. Has only done it a couple times in last year and a bit I was then able to ask for prayers for Dad. When he gets back from retreat he said he will do an intention for Dad. Isn’t that weird though that outta nowhere he did that

@halogirl I can only say this: these things happen and we don’t really know why. My (late) father would always point to a Higher Power.

 

[on_the_hill]

As an aside, for a bit of levity, my wife says that she wants to be cremated and her ashes pressed into diamonds. Then the diamonds mounted to necklaces, so that my daughters (and my son’s wife–which is a long ways off because he’s 13) will have to wear her around their necks f o r e v e r.

 

[halogirl]

Haha awww that would be funny

 

[The_Old_Maid]

OP, I’m very sorry for your loss.

Do you have the option to Gather Them Home?

You mentioned that your mother’s ashes already had been scattered. Perhaps a handful of soil from that location to add to your father’s cremains? That is, the best attempt you can to keep them together.

Your brother probably feels that he is honoring his parents as best he can. Who knows, perhaps in time he may wish to visit a more traditional place to pay his respects, as his feelings about how best to remember them change with age and time.

 

[halogirl]

He will be scattered in the same area as my mother just allowed to settle into the ground basically. I have said I don’t want to scatter

 

[The_Old_Maid]

I’m sorry. I meant, is there an option to accept what ashes you can, and a gather-them-home church that would accept them? I’m sure the archdiocese from the article (on the news) would accept an out-of-towner. (If that’s an option that you would be comfortable with. Maybe you’re least uncomfortable with all ashes being handled as your mother’s were, as they’d be in the same general location, I hope.)

With a cremated relative of mine whose ashes were scattered, the cemetery with the old family plot did allow a grave marker to be placed where he would have been buried. (It helped a little.)

 

[Convert3]

HaloGirl,
My deepest sympathies for your loss. I lost my parents a long time ago. My father was buried, but my mother arranged to have herself cremated and the ashes spread out at sea before I could even say goodbye. I pray for your father and for you to have peace. I’ve only been Catholic for two years, but have never liked cremation. I think it’s because I never feel like I was able to say goodbye. It took me a while to make peace with her cremation, but I have. May God Bless you and your family.

 

[halogirl]

I’m in the uk so no option. At least they ashes will settle into the ground as it’s a crematorium garden

 

[halogirl]

We met today and dads ashes were spread in the memorial garden in the shape of a cross. I chose not to help spread them and just said a few Hail Marys. They will be dug into the ground in a week. My brother took away a small tube to be scattered on holiday with them. Husband also didn’t ‘spread’.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Big hugs, may the perpetual light shine upon him.

 

[Nigel7]

Prayers for your dad, halogirl, and for you and your family as well.
God bless

 

[Anicette]

Unfortunately these sorts of ugly things happened with cremation…

I recall my priest tell us that one day a woman come with a shopping bag. She said that she do not not know to do with her husband, as she doesn’t want to keep it at home, them she took the “remains” outside of her bag and give them to him, so the priests were obligated to kept them in the rectory a few days…

 

[TheLittleLady]

We are greatly blessed to have a Catholic cemetery where when these that sort of thing happens (and they do happen every now and then) an interment can be arranged in no more than a day.

 

[halogirl]

When I was there yesterday I saw another set of ashes under a bush ( they dig them under after a week) so I prayed for that person

 

[Allegra]

My husband’s sister and her husband were given a trip to Ireland in one of his relative’s will, because she wanted him (My husband’s BIL) to spread her ashes at this touristy site that she’d seen in specials on PBS. It was a bizarre request. Some of their ancestors had come over from Ireland, but many generations back. She had never met any or her Irish-born ancestors and she herself had never been to Ireland. She also didn’t do her research because there were several legal issues with her request. I’m not sure how they handled the situation, but they did go on a trip to Ireland.

 

[halogirl]

I have Irish ancestry too am going at Christmas It’s weird there was this little tube of dads ashes that was kept back for my brother. and it was hard as I understood the love from my brother ‘we are taking him home and then taking him where he wanted to go’ and I’ll be honest I was p———d for a bit. I can’t scatter my dad or take him away to another favourite destination, as my secular self wants to, because I’m a catholic. I had to stand back and not do anything active. I prayed though. I know what you all will say prayer is very active but I just wanted to take part and I couldn’t

 

[Mintaka]

It’s a cliche for a reason – offer it up. Give your sadness and anger, and your sacrifice, to God. Keep praying for your dad and mom.

Jesus is with you, and He knows your dad, just like He knows all your.loved ones. Trust Jesus.