DINK couple- do they both have to work full time?

[Lovemyfaith]

I’m curious WHY the husband is livid. He’s mad 'cause their income which they probably live on will take a hit? He’s mad because she can make the same on fewer hours? What was the agreement? We each contribute this much $$? We each work at what we want regardless of income? Who runs the household? Who does all the cleaning, laundry, bills? Is this split equally?

First thing I told her was to ask why he was upset about her downsizing. It was 100% the money. She said they have plenty, he wants more. What I see is they live in a huge house that is always a mess. They are both chronically exhausted and I can not remember a day when either one of them did not have a headache.

Having the chance to downsize hours, is often the chance without knowing to not get downsized 100%.

True

I went through a period where DH was unemployed and I was the money maker. I was fine with that, except for some crazy reason he seemed to think this was grounds for sitting and watching tv, and doing fun stuff all day. Expecting me to come home to a dirty home, dishes in the sink etc. NOT OK!.

Her husband was out of work for over a year. At first he wouldn’t look because his severance was over six months, cut off if he found a new job. After that I have no idea what was wrong and I didn’t ask why he wasn’t looking. My friend said her family was really mad at him, because he was not looking. She was mad he wasn’t doing more around the house, but I guess she felt bad for him that he was out of work.

Maybe rather than give her suggestions, let her talk it out with you to vent, and get rid of anger. She can then go back to her husband level headed with her own thoughts.

This is what I do. I did ask how she would feel if he said he wanted to be part time to take care of things around the house. She said based on what he didn’t do when he was out of work full time, she wouldn’t trust him.
I have plenty of friends who are married and both work full time and seem happy. I would never question anyone on their life choices. My friend and her husband seem to have different ideas on what is important (money vs quality of life) and I can’t see how to reconcile that.

 

[Lovemyfaith]

Please READ my writing. Kids are different than just being a woman who stays at home without kids. Without a huge reason it’s just unnecary for the childess or emptynesters to stay at home full-time.

Why?

 

[Lovemyfaith]

I had always heard it called TINK.

Two Incomes No Kids.

I say DINK because they both make the same. They both make a little under $125,000 a year plus bonuses.

 

[Veronica97]

And I’m sorry. In this modern world without kids there is no reason to be a full-time homemaker without some kind of major voulenteer/social involvement…and even then with the economy the way it is, it’s hard to justify staying out of the workforce if you can get a good number of hours doing a job.

I have one child who is 18 but still lives at home. I am a full-time homemaker, although I did work part-time for 15 years (5-15 hours a week). I really enjoyed my job and was disappointed when it ended (due to budget constraints). I have been wondering what to do with my life b/c I feel guilty being at home, even though I have plenty to do (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, paying bills, running errands, looking in on my elderly in-laws, etc.). My husband has a good job and will retire in a few years with a good pension, so we don’t really need the money. But in the last 6-7 months, I have had a spiritual re-awakening, and I spend a lot of time praying, reading Scripture, and learning about the Faith that I had become lukewarm towards. And I’ve recently realized that what I’m doing IS worthwhile! I am the only one in my family (my husband’s family is Catholic) who is Catholic (some aren’t practicing ANY religion) and the only one who believes in Purgatory. Therefore, I’m the only one to pray for all my deceased family! I’m also the only one who has recourse to the whole Truth, to the Sacraments, and to prayer aids such as the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Therefore, I feel an AWESOME responsibility to pray for all these people!! So it occurred to me that THIS is what I am to do–for now anyway. BUT my husband is okay with me staying home. So if your friend’s husband ISN’T, then there isn’t much she can do about it except pray. It’s possible that her husband has placed too high of a value on material things or perhaps he is worried they won’t be able to meet their financial needs. But as most people have said, all you can do is sympathize with your friend and pray for her b/c it is something she has to work out with her husband.

 

[faithfully]

I say DINK because they both make the same. They both make a little under $125,000 a year plus bonuses.

Well, and this may be a HUGE issue. If her hours are cut in half is that salary cut to 64,500? That’s a big difference. Are they “typical” American’s living above their income?

They could lose the 2nd home, the boat, the vacations around the world???

Maybe he expects she wil behave as he did. Sitting around doing nothing productive for him???

 

[TheRealJuliane]

First thing I told her was to ask why he was upset about her downsizing. It was 100% the money. She said they have plenty, he wants more. What I see is they live in a huge house that is always a mess. They are both chronically exhausted and I can not remember a day when either one of them did not have a headache.

True

Her husband was out of work for over a year. At first he wouldn’t look because his severance was over six months, cut off if he found a new job. After that I have no idea what was wrong and I didn’t ask why he wasn’t looking. My friend said her family was really mad at him, because he was not looking. She was mad he wasn’t doing more around the house, but I guess she felt bad for him that he was out of work.

This is what I do. I did ask how she would feel if he said he wanted to be part time to take care of things around the house. She said based on what he didn’t do when he was out of work full time, she wouldn’t trust him.
I have plenty of friends who are married and both work full time and seem happy. I would never question anyone on their life choices. My friend and her husband seem to have different ideas on what is important (money vs quality of life) and I can’t see how to reconcile that.

Sounds like they need marriage counseling. More issues than just the working. The work and money is a reflection of inner VALUES, and they need to work on that. Are they Catholic, or not?